Going All the Way (12 page)

Finally the truth. “But you’re still leaving soon.”

“Yes. But what I’m going to do next is up in the air. I haven’t quite decided, and I’m feeling off-balance. Out of my element.”

She smirked.
“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

“Hey now,” he protested.

“And you think I can help you with that?”

“No, I have to figure out what it is I want on my own, but I can’t do that until I fix things with you.”

“Why’s that?”

He hesitated, his blue gaze meeting hers and connecting. “Because I can’t think about anything else but you.”

His words were a sucker punch to the gut. She wanted to believe him so badly. To trust what he was saying was true. But she was so afraid if she let him in, if she gave him all she had, if she started to believe they could have something together, he’d eventually turn his back on her and let her down. Again. She resumed running. Slowly, if for no other reason than to put some distance between them. He was getting to her: the sincerity in his eyes, the truth in his tone. She couldn’t say for sure whether he was being honest, but she could say that she knew how he was feeling, because she was feeling it too.

“I was looking forward to taking my buddy Riley here to the beach that day,” she said, dipping that first toe into proverbial waters.

“We would have had a great time.”

“So I might be open to giving it a try. As long as this isn’t about sex.” She looked at him. “That’s not what this is about, is it? Are you just hoping to get back into my pants?”

“I would never…” he said, his hand on his chest. And she couldn’t help laughing.

“Yes, you would.”

“Okay, I would,” he admitted. “But no, that’s not why I’m here. Though I really do like watching you run in those pants.”

“Funny!”

She’d missed him. She’d missed this, right here—their ease with each other. And the way he could make her laugh. God, she missed laughing.

“All right,” she agreed. “Tomorrow. Same time, same place. But you’re going to have to keep up. And if you can…”

“Yes?” he asked hopefully.

“Then maybe after we win the Costas account we can take Riley to the beach.” And with that she took off, leaving him in the dust.

Chapter Fifteen

That evening, with a file folder in hand and Riley by his side, Ryan knocked on Carrie’s door. She hadn’t come in to the office and he want
ed to run their latest sketches by her, if for no other reason than to prove to her they did have some good ideas and that he could be strictly professional. What mattered right now was winning the Costas account. But then she opened the door, dressed in shorts and a tight tee and holding a wine glass, and all his convictions and good intentions went right out the window.

“Got another?” he asked, giving her his most charming smile.

Surprisingly, she looked happy to see him. “Sure, come on in. What’s up?”

“The team and I came up with some ideas today, and I thought we could go over them.”

“Terrific.”

Okay, this was going much better than he’d hoped. He sat on the couch and spread their sketches on the coffee table while she poured him a glass of wine. “We thought about what you said about the message we wanted to portray, and decided to go back to the drawing table.”

“All right, so what’d you come up with?” She looked genuinely interested as she sat on the couch next to him.

“We thought about chips and how they make us feel, as you put it.”

She grinned.

“And we thought we’d push that a little. It’s not just that Costas Chips are addicting, inviting you to eat a whole bag in one sitting, or even enticing you to sit by yourself in the closet, a bag of chips in your hand. While all those are great visuals, we thought it would be better to send the message that these chips are so good you will want to share them, to tell your family, friends and neighbors about this great find.”

She nodded. “I like it.”

“That’s where we bring in the theme for a friendship campaign. With a campaign like that we can expand on it, tweaking at the heartstrings of the viewers. Maybe start with two boys, fishing poles, a bag of chips between them.”

She flipped through the pages.

“And yes, a group of guys sitting together watching football, their wives next to them. Sure, it’s overdone, but expected during football season. Family functions—parents, kids, grandparents. There’s so much that can be done with that.”

“True.” Her eyes met his and, for a second, he lost his train of thought. “Take it one step further,” she said. “Add in a level of humor, a dash of emotion, and it’ll be unforgettable.”

She was unforgettable. He took a deep breath.
Pull it together, Ryan
. Why he couldn’t keep her at arm’s length, he didn’t know. It wasn’t the wine, or her tight tee. It was the way she made him feel when she looked at him. “Do you think Costas will be happy with this?” he asked.

“I think these ideas are great,” she answered. “Much deeper than what you guys had before.”

“You want to give the presentation on Friday?” he asked.

She almost choked. “Me? I’d rather not.”

“But I thought you were a pro at this stuff.”

She laughed. “I’m great behind the scenes, coming up with the ideas, and putting them down on paper. Put me in front of a group, not so much.”

“I never would have guessed it,” he admitted. “You always seem so cool and confident.”

“I’m a pro at faking it,” she admitted. “But usually the longer I’m presenting, the harder it gets. The more aware I am of people watching me, judging me, the more I stumble. I forget where I am, lose focus.”

He smiled. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Good, then you won’t mind presenting?”

“Not at all. But if Stu calls you up there, try focusing on me. As if I’m the only one in the room. Like it is now, just you and me.” He met her gaze and held it, then leaned closer, close enough to feel her warmth. He was hoping she’d meet him halfway, hoping she’d want to get closer to him, too. But she didn’t. She didn’t pull away either, though. Maybe he should grab that and run with it.

They drank their wine in silence for a moment longer, thinking about the campaign, or so he hoped. But he wasn’t. Not any longer. He was thinking about her. And how much of herself she kept hidden, and how much he wanted to kiss her.

For the first time, he didn’t want this job to end. He didn’t want to pack up and move to a new city, a new apartment, and it was because of her. He wasn’t ready to leave her. Maybe he could rethink his position at Burton Consulting. Take on the leadership role, hire someone else to take on the consulting for the Seattle account.

Maybe he wanted something more than casual with her. Maybe it was time to take a chance on something serious. Something real. Even though the thought scared the shit out of him.

He moved closer to her. She didn’t move away, but she didn’t scoot nearer, either.

“I want you to talk to me,” she said suddenly, her expressive eyes filled with curiosity. He forced himself to switch gears.

“All right. What do you want to know?”

“I want to know about you—about Ryan.”

“That’s a boring story.”

She grinned.
“Somehow I doubt that. Where did you grow up? How many siblings do you have? For starters.”

He relaxed and sat back. “That’s easy. I grew up in Malibu, California.”

“I should have guessed that. You look like a guy who’s spent a lot of time on the beach. But tell me something I can’t read in your bio.”

“You’ve read my bio?” he asked.

She grinned.
“Come on.”

“All right. It doesn’t say that I spent as much time on my board in the ocean as I did on land. Every morning I’d get up at five a.m. to catch the waves before first period. In fact, I wanted to be a professional surfer. It was my plan, my dream.”

“So what happened?”

“Broke my leg in a snow skiing competition in Mammoth. It was bad. I’m lucky I didn’t break my neck too, but sometimes you got to do what it takes to win.”

She grinned.
“Push the boundaries?”

“Exactly. The recovery time and physical therapy kept me off my board for an entire season. Set me back significantly and during that time, I joined my sister at our family business.”

“And?”

“And surprisingly, I loved it. The challenge of the job made me feel good about myself. Suddenly, I wanted to conquer more than the Pacific. I took to the job like a fish to water and never looked back.”

“
Impressive.
”

“Thanks. Actually, it’s worked out well for my dad, too. Last year, he was diagnosed with a heart condition. His doctor insisted he spend more time on the golf course and less time in the office.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“It is when you’re a workaholic.”

“Oh.”

“Celeste and I jumped in, picked up the slack, and made it real easy for him to retire.”

She took a sip of her wine, and he felt the urge to kiss the moisture off her lips. The more he talked, telling her about his life, his childhood, the more he wanted stop talking and kiss her. To feel her softness under him. To feel her hands on his skin.

“And has he?” she asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Almost. Though he still comes in a few hours or so a day. He can’t seem to help himself.”

Carrie grinned, a sparkle lighting her eyes. “I’m thinking the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.”

“You think?” he asked, and he had to admit he had a little of the workaholic drive in himself, too.

“Okay, what about your sister?”

“What’s there to say? Celeste is a pain in the ass. She’s a firestorm that takes up all the breathable air in the room, who makes every situation about her.”

Carrie grimaced.

“Don’
t get me wrong,
” he went on. “She’s an incredible person, with a big, generous heart, but her causes can be overwhelming. And when she puts her mind to something, nothing gets in her way. She’s an awesome worker who can get an amazing amount done when she wants to.”

“Okay. I’m not sure how to interpret all that.”

“That’s the problem. She’s too emotional.”

Carrie’s eyes narrowed.

He held up both hands. “I’m not saying that because she’s a woman.”

“
You better not be!
”

He laughed. “Never. I am not that dumb. All I’m saying is that she operates on a whim, and wherever the wind takes her, that’s where she goes. Look at poor Riley. She loves him with all her heart, but she gets the idea that she has to go spend time with her guy, and she dumps her job, her life, and her dog, and off she goes.”

“But you pick up the slack for her. You even took her dog, so why shouldn’t she go? Why shouldn’t she follow her heart?”

“Because it’s impractical and irresponsible. What if I wasn’t there to cover her butt?”

“Then she’d most likely find a different way. She sounds like a person who doesn’t let a mere obstacle stop her from getting what she wants.”

“That’s a fact.” He finished his wine. He loved how easy it was to talk to Carrie. “How do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“Whittle through the extraneous details to get down to the heart of a situation.”

She smiled. “It’s a gift. In any case, she sounds like an impressive woman.”

“I’ll thank you on her behalf.”

She was silent for a moment.

“What?”

“You mentioned everyone but your mom.”

He stiffened and sat back, pulling away from her. “There you go again, cutting to the heart of the matter.”

“Sounds like there’s a story there.” She studied him for a moment, her gaze perusing his face in an uncomfortable way. “Is she…?”

“No, she’s not dead.”

Carrie let out a relieved breath. “Good to hear.”

“But she might as well be.”

Her steady gaze met his and held. “I’m afraid to ask.”

“She left us when I was young. Couldn’t deal with my dad always being gone. Couldn’t deal with two kids all alone, as she put it. So she packed up and left.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Wow, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not. This life is hard on relationships. She left, and so did the one serious involvement I had.”

“Is that why you pushed me away?” she asked.

He hesitated.

“If I get involved with you—“

“If?” he interrupted.

“It will be with my eyes wide open. I have no delusions about who you are or about what I want.”

“No?” He paused. “And what is it you want?”

“You.”

Her admission shocked him. He’d hoped, but he hadn’t really believed. Her eyes captured his, and he moved closer. He wanted to kiss her. Waited to see if she wanted it too.

She didn’t move. “But I know it’s too much too soon.”

Her words were a dip in a cold shower.

“I know I’m not ready, even if I didn’t want to accept it. It’s why I left the wedding that night, it’s why I took the file from Stu. I need to figure out who I am, what I want, before I can let someone else into my life to muddy my perspective.”

“That…ah, that sounds very—
hell, I don
’t know what it sounds like. Are you sure?”

She smiled. “No.”

He stood. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Come over for a cup of coffee, and let’s ride into work together. I’m going to stay up late and work on some sketches of your ideas.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. He hesitated for a moment, but she didn’t move. “
Thanks, Carrie. I
’ll see you in the morning.”

Ryan left, crossing the lawn to his own house. He should be disappointed, but he wasn’t. She did what he knew he should have done. Wait. Take things slow. Make sure they were ready this time. Once they won the Costas account they could put Stu and Steinhem Company behind them, and then see what they really had and where they were going. He couldn’t wait to win this deal then he could go home to see his dad this weekend with his head held high.

Only he didn’t want to leave Carrie behind. He contemplated the idea of taking her with him. Would she come? He hoped so. He wanted her to see his childhood home, but more than that, he wanted her to meet his family. Because like it or not, he’d fallen for her. He only hoped she felt the same way.