Gone Girl: A Novel (18 page)

I felt my soul deflate. Amy was using the treasure hunt to steer us back to each other. And it was too late. While she had been writing these clues, she’d had no idea of my state of mind.
Why, Amy, couldn’t you have done this sooner?

Our timing had never been good.

I opened the next clue, read it, tucked it in my pocket, then headed back home. I knew where to go, but I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t handle another compliment, another kind word from my wife, another olive branch. My feelings for her were veering too quickly from bitter to sweet.

I went back to Go’s, spent a few hours alone, drinking coffee and flipping around the TV, anxious and pissy, killing time till my eleven
P.M
. carpool to the mall.

My twin got home just after seven, looking wilted from her solo bar shift. Her glance at the TV told me I should turn it off.

“What’d you do today?” she asked, lighting a cigarette and flopping down at our mother’s old card table.

“Manned the volunteer center … then we go search the mall at eleven,” I said. I didn’t want to tell her about Amy’s clue. I felt guilty enough.

Go doled out some solitaire cards, the steady slap of them on the table a rebuke. I began pacing. She ignored me.

“I was just watching TV to distract myself.”

“I know, I do.”

She flipped over a Jack.

“There’s got to be something I can
do
,” I said, stalking around her living room.

“Well, you’re searching the mall in a few hours,” Go said, and gave no more encouragement. She flipped over three cards.

“You sound like you think it’s a waste of time.”

“Oh. No. Hey, everything is worth checking out. They got Son of Sam on a parking ticket, right?”

Go was the third person who’d mentioned this to me; it must be the mantra for cases going cold. I sat down across from her.

“I haven’t been upset enough about Amy,” I said. “I know that.”

“Maybe not.” She finally looked up at me. “You’re being weird.”

“I think that instead of panicking, I’ve just focused on being pissed at her. Because we were in such a bad place lately. It’s like it feels wrong for me to worry too much because I don’t have the right. I guess.”

“You’ve been weird, I can’t lie,” Go said. “But it’s a weird situation.” She stubbed out her cigarette. “I don’t care how you are with me. Just be careful with everyone else, okay? People judge. Fast.”

She went back to her solitaire, but I wanted her attention. I kept talking.

“I should probably check in on Dad at some point,” I said. “I don’t know if I’ll tell him about Amy.”

“No,” she said. “Don’t. He was even weirder about Amy than you are.”

“I always felt like she must remind him of an old girlfriend or something—the one who got away. After he—” I made the downward swoop of a hand that signified his Alzheimer’s—“he was kind of rude and awful, but …”

“Yeah, but he kind of wanted to impress her at the same time,” she said. “Your basic jerky twelve-year-old boy trapped in a sixty-eight-year-old asshole’s body.”

“Don’t women think that all men are jerky twelve-year-olds at heart?”

“Hey, if the heart fits.”

Eleven-oh-eight
P.M
., Rand was waiting for us just inside the automatic sliding doors to the hotel, his face squinting into the dark to make us out. The Hillsams were driving their pick-up; Stucks and I both rode in the bed. Rand came trotting up to us in khaki golf shorts and a crisp Middlebury T-shirt. He hopped in the back, planted himself on the wheel cover with surprising ease, and handled the introductions like he was the host of his own mobile talk show.

“I’m really sorry about Amy, Rand,” Stucks said loudly, as we hurtled out of the parking lot with unnecessary speed and hit the highway. “She’s such a sweet person. One time she saw me out painting a house, sweating my ba—my butt off, and she drove on to 7-Eleven, got me a giant pop, and brought it back to me, right up on the ladder.”

This was a lie. Amy cared so little for Stucks or his refreshment that she wouldn’t have bothered to piss in a cup for him.

“That sounds like her,” Rand said, and I was flush with unwelcome, ungentlemanly annoyance. Maybe it was the journalist in me, but facts were facts, and people didn’t get to turn Amy into everyone’s beloved best friend just because it was emotionally expedient.

“Middlebury, huh?” Stucks continued, pointing at Rand’s T-shirt. “Got a hell of a rugby team.”

“That’s
right
we do,” Rand said, the big smile again, and he and Stucks began an improbable discussion of liberal-arts rugby over the noise of the car, the air, the night, all the way to the mall.

Joe Hillsam parked his truck outside the giant cornerstone Mervyns. We all hopped out, stretched our legs, shook ourselves awake. The night was muggy and moon-slivered. I noticed Stucks was wearing—maybe ironically, possibly not—a T-shirt that read
Save Gas, Fart in a Jar
.

“So, this place, what we’re doing, it’s freakin’ dangerous, I don’t want to lie,” Mikey Hillsam began. He had beefed up over the years, as had his brother; they weren’t just barrel-chested but barrel-everythinged. Standing side by side, they were about five hundred pounds of dude.

“We came here once, me and Mikey, just for—I don’t know, to see it, I guess, see what it had become, and we almost got our asses handed to us,” said Joe. “So tonight we take no chances.” He reached into the cab for a long canvas bag and unzipped it to reveal half a dozen baseball bats. He began handing them out solemnly. When he got to Rand, he hesitated. “Uh, you want one?”

“Hell yes, I do,” Rand said, and they all nodded and smiled approval, the energy in the circle a friendly backslap, a
good for you, old man
.

“Come on,” Mikey said, and led us along the exterior. “There’s a door with a lock smashed off down here near the Spencer’s.”

Just then we passed the dark windows of Shoe-Be-Doo-Be, where my mom had worked for more than half my life. I still remember the thrill of her going to apply for a job at that most wondrous of places—the mall!—leaving one Saturday morning for the job fair in her bright peach pantsuit, a forty-year-old woman looking for work for the first time, and her coming home with a flushed grin: We couldn’t imagine how busy the mall was, so many different kinds of stores! And who knew which one she might work in? She applied to
nine! Clothing stores and stereo stores and even a designer popcorn store. When she announced a week later that she was officially a shoe saleslady, her kids were underwhelmed.

“You’ll have to touch all sorts of stinky feet,” Go complained.

“I’ll get to meet all sorts of interesting people,” our mom corrected.

I peered into the gloomy window. The place was entirely vacant except for a shoe sizer lined pointlessly against the wall.

“My mom used to work here,” I told Rand, forcing him to linger with me.

“What kind of place was it?”

“It was a nice place, they were good to her.”

“I mean what did they do here?”

“Oh, shoes. They did shoes.”

“That’s right! Shoes. I like that. Something people actually need. And at the end of the day, you know what you’ve done: You’ve sold five people shoes. Not like writing, huh?”

“Dunne, come on!” Stucks was leaning against the open door ahead; the others had gone inside.

I’d expected the mall smell as we entered: that temperature-controlled hollowness. Instead, I smelled old grass and dirt, the scent of the outdoors inside, where it had no place being. The building was heavy-hot, almost fuzzy, like the inside of a mattress. Three of us had giant camping flashlights, the glow illuminating jarring images: It was suburbia, post-comet, post-zombie, post-humanity. A set of muddy shopping-cart tracks looped crazily along the white flooring. A raccoon chewed on a dog treat in the entry to a women’s bathroom, his eyes flashing like dimes.

The whole mall was quiet; Mikey’s voice echoed, our footsteps echoed, Stucks’s drunken giggle echoed. We would not be a surprise attack, if attack was what we had in mind.

When we reached the central promenade of the mall, the whole area ballooned: four stories high, escalators and elevators crisscrossing in the black. We all gathered near a dried-up fountain and waited for someone to take the lead.

“So, guys,” Rand said doubtfully, “what’s the plan here? You all know this place, and I don’t. We need to figure out how to systematically—”

We heard a loud metal rattle right behind us, a security gate going up.

“Hey, there’s one!” Stucks yelled. He trained his flashlight on a man in a billowing rain slicker, shooting out from the entry of a Claire’s, running full speed away from us.

“Stop him!” Joe yelled, and began running after him, thick tennis shoes slapping against the ceramic tile, Mikey right behind him, flashlight trained on the stranger, the two brothers calling gruffly—
hold up there, hey, guy, we just have a question
. The man didn’t even give a backward glance.
I said hold on, motherfucker!
The runner remained silent amid the yelling, but he picked up speed and shot down the mall corridor, in and out of the flashlight’s glow, his slicker flapping behind him like a cape. Then the guy turned acrobatic: leaping over a trash can, shimmying off the edge of a fountain, and finally slipping under a metal security gate to the Gap and disappearing.

“Fucker!” The Hillsams had turned heart-attack red in the face, the neck, the fingers. They took turns grunting at the gate, straining to lift it.

I reached down with them, but there was no budging it over half a foot. I lay down on the floor and tried threading myself under the gate: toes, calves, then stuck at my waist.

“Nope, no go.” I grunted. “Fuck!” I pulled up and shone my flashlight into the store. The showroom was empty except for a pile of clothing racks someone had dragged to the center, as if to start a bonfire. “All the stores connect in the back to passageways for trash, plumbing,” I said. “He’s probably at the other end of the mall by now.”

“Well, then let’s go to the other end of the mall,” Rand said.

“Come out, you fuckers!” Joe yelled, his head tilted back, eyes scrunched. His voice echoed through the building. We began walking ragtag, trailing our bats alongside us, except for the Hillsams, who used theirs to bang against security gates and doors, like they were on military patrol in a particularly nasty war zone.

“Better you come to us than we come to you!” Mikey called. “Oh,
hello
!” In the entryway to a pet shop, a man and woman huddled on a few army blankets, their hair wet with sweat. Mikey loomed over them, breathing heavily, wiping his brow. It was the scene in the war movie when the frustrated soldiers come across innocent villagers and bad things happen.

“The fuck you want?” the man on the floor asked. He was emaciated, his face so thin and drawn it looked like it was melting. His
hair was tangled to his shoulders, his eyes mournful and upturned: a despoiled Jesus. The woman was in better shape, with clean, plump arms and legs, her lank hair oily but brushed.

“You a Blue Book Boy?” Stucks asked.

“Ain’t no boy, anyhow,” the man muttered, folding his arms.

“Have some fucking respect,” the woman snapped. Then she looked like she might cry. She turned away from us, pretending to look at something in the distance. “I’m sick of
no one
having
no respect
.”

“We asked you a question, buddy,” Mikey said, moving closer to the guy, kicking the sole of his foot.

“I ain’t Blue Book,” the man said. “Just down on my luck.”

“Bullshit.”

“Lots of different people here, not just Blue Books. But if that’s who you’re looking for …”

“Go on, go on, then, and find them,” the woman said, her mouth turning down. “Go bother them.”

“They deal down in the Hole,” the man said. When we looked blank, he pointed. “The Mervyns, far end, past where the carousel used to be.”

“And fuck you very much,” the woman muttered.

A crop-circle stain marked where the carousel once was. Amy and I had taken a ride just before the mall shut down. Two grown-ups, side by side on levitating bunny rabbits, because my wife wanted to see the mall where I spent so much of my childhood. Wanted to hear my stories. It wasn’t all bad with us.

The barrier gate to the Mervyns had been busted through, so the store was open as wide and welcoming as the morning of a Presidents’ Day sale. Inside, the place was cleared out except for the islands that once held cash registers and now held about a dozen people in various states of drug highs, under signs that read
Jewelry
and
Beauty
and
Bedding
. They were illuminated by gas camping lamps that flickered like tiki torches. A few guys barely opened an eye as we passed, others were out cold. In a far corner, two kids not long out of their teens were manically reciting the Gettysburg Address.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war …
One man sprawled out on the rug in immaculate jean shorts and white tennis shoes, like he was on the way to his kid’s T-ball game. Rand stared at him as if he might know the guy.

Carthage had a bigger drug epidemic than I ever knew: The cops had been here just yesterday, and already the druggies had resettled, like determined flies. As we made our way through the piles of humans, an obese woman shushed up to us on an electric scooter. Her face was pimply and wet with sweat, her teeth catlike.

“You buying or leaving, because this ain’t a show-and-tell,” she said.

Stucks shone a flashlight on her face.

“Get that fucking thing off me.” He did.

“I’m looking for my wife,” I began. “Amy Dunne. She’s been missing since Thursday.”

“She’ll show up. She’ll wake up, drag herself home.”

“We’re not worried about drugs,” I said. “We’re more concerned about some of the men here. We’ve heard rumors.”

“It’s okay, Melanie,” a voice called. At the edge of the juniors section, a rangy man leaned against a naked mannequin torso, watching us, a sideways grin on his face.

Melanie shrugged, bored, annoyed, and motored away.