Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) (14 page)

“He’s very strong.”

“Are you that strong?”

“No. I’m one of the strongest bitten wolves I know, but Brain and Duke are both either the son or grandson of an Alpha.”

“Explain how the Pack works.”

“Wolves who are happy in a pack are probably the happiest, but when you oath to the Alpha he can take over your will if he wants. Randall, the local Alpha, is one of the better leaders, but I still made the decision to be a lone wolf when it came time to decide.”

“So, the MC is a small pack?”

“No. We aren’t allowed to form metaphysical bonds, so we’re all technically still lone wolves, but we can run together on the full moon, and just being in the clubhouse together feels good. We run the MC as a democracy — we vote on the big stuff, and depend on Duke and Brain to handle the everyday decisions.”

“Will the twins be able to join the pack if they want, since you aren’t in it?”

“Yes. It’s safer to be in one, and I’d trust Randall with them. They can join as a child, and then will have a chance to make the decision of whether to permanently oath once they’re adults. They’ll be able to run with the MC, though, so it’s likely they won’t want to take the child oath into the Pack.”

“How old will they be when they first…
change
?”

“It’ll come within a few months of Chloe’s first period, and when Declan’s hormones reach critical mass. Duke and Randall are twins. Duke isn’t a lone wolf because he didn’t want to be in a Pack, but because he didn’t want to be Alpha, and he didn’t want to have to kneel to his brother. They both
changed
together, and were the youngest I’ve heard of — they were eight.”

“Randall isn’t your Alpha, but he punished you?”

“If he hadn’t then the ruling body over us likely would’ve, and it probably would have been worse. By our laws, my death could have been ordered. If the twins had
changed
and hurt a human, I would certainly have been put to death for it.”

“Everyone in the MC is a wolf?”

We used to have to lie about this because you can’t tell secrets not yours to tell. However, now with Horse, Bobcat, and Viper in the MC, I could tell the truth. “No, and I can’t tell you who is and who isn’t. Also, you can’t ask someone what they are, because they might be a human who doesn’t know about us. Not everyone at our parties, or even in the clubhouse on a random night, will know about us.”

“The twins didn’t win every race because the other kids are wolves, too.”

Or dragons, but I couldn’t tell her that. “That would seem to be the logical explanation.”

“So Aaron Drake is a werewolf?”

“I can’t verify anything about someone else, Connie. I can answer questions about werewolves in general, and about me personally, but I can’t share secrets that aren’t mine to share.”

“Is the silver bullet thing real?”

This was tricky, because I didn’t trust her enough to tell her how to kill me, and yet I’d just told her I’d tell her anything about werewolves. “We’re sensitive to silver but it won’t necessarily kill us.”

“The twins don’t like to use the real silver when I have formal dinners. When they were little they said it felt funny, now they say it burns them.”

“They aren’t supposed to be exhibiting so many traits this early. Once I’m sure I’ve smoothed things over with Randall, I may need to set up a time for him to meet them and see what he can tell me.”

“Duke’s his twin, couldn’t he do it?”

“Randall has the power of every wolf in his pack, so he’s thousands of times stronger than Duke.”

“There are so many werewolves in Chattanooga?”

“No, he’s the Alpha over several states. I can’t tell you which ones.”

“Will I be able to come?”

“I’ll have to ask him. It’ll be his discretion.”

“Why was Abbott there, and not Randall? Because he can read minds?”

“And erase them. If I hadn’t paid him to witness and oversee it then your options would’ve been take the oath or be killed.”

“How much did you pay him?”

I glanced at her and back to the road. “Five thousand cash.”

She was quiet a long moment before finally saying, “Okay, so I’m angry at the situation now, and not at you. I’m still not happy about…”

“About my not finding Sandy to make sure she wasn’t pregnant.”

She nodded.

“Trust me, I’ve kicked myself a million times for it since I found out about the twins. I missed changing their diapers, holding them as infants, crawling around on the floor with them, watching their first steps, hearing their first words…”

The timing seemed right, and I needed to do it soon, so I told her, “I want my name on their birth certificates. I have an attorney friend who says it’s pretty cut and dried once you have a legal DNA test, just a matter of filling out paperwork and registering it with the courts.”

“You’re going to want custody.”

“They’ll have to be living with me when we know they’re close to their first
change
. I’m never going to shut you out of their life, though. You’re too important to them, and they’re too important to you.”

“What if you just move into the apartment downstairs?”

“I have a house. You agreed I could take them to look for bedroom furniture this weekend.” She didn’t say anything, and I added, “How about this. My friend’s name is Sam, so why don’t we have her draw up an agreement saying we have joint custody and we’ll be working out a schedule and arranging all finances on our own, but if we run into problems we’ll go to mediation.”

She still didn’t say anything and I added, “At least until the end of the school year I intend for them to live with you and maybe spend the night with me on the weekends some. When they start school next year I’ll want to be able to pick them up from school, and of course I’ll be able to take them to doctor or dentist appointments so you don’t have to take off work. When they’re sick you’ll be able to call me so you can go to work. I hope you’ll see this as someone to take some of the load off of you.”

She sighed. “They’re never sick. No colds, no flu, no strep, so I don’t have to worry about taking off work. Now that I know, I assume this has to do with their being wolves. Also, I’m smart enough to know that eventually you’ll want them to live with you and occasionally spend the night with me on the weekends.”

“If you want to take them on vacation — with or without me — I’m sure they’d have a blast. I’m hoping we’ll be a family on all of the holidays. They’re used to Christmas at your house and if you’ll let me spend the night we can just camp out there for a few days.”

She sighed yet again. “I never adopted them because I didn’t want to confuse the issue of who was mom and who was aunt, but it’s looking like I should’ve protected myself more than just legal guardian.”

I pulled into a store lot just down the street from daycare and parked.

“I’m not trying to push you out. I don’t
want
you out of their life. You’ve been their mom and I’m
never
going to downplay that.”

“I have an attorney who helped me with all of the legal guardian stuff. I should get him engaged, I suppose.”

“If it’ll make you feel better then yes, you should — but I
really
hope we can keep this between the two of us and only use the attorneys to make everything legal in the eyes of the courts.”

“I believe you.”

I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed it. “You have to know you’ve become special to me. I told you once that if we go at this with both of us doing what’s best for the kids, we’ll be fine. I still mean that. I know there’ll have to be compromises on both sides, but I
know
we can navigate our way to something that works for both of us as well as the twins.”

She waved her hand toward their daycare. “Let’s go ahead and pick them up. While we’re there I’ll add you so you can pick them up. You’ll have to use your real name, and they’ll need a copy of your driver’s license.”

“Dwight Wells.”

She smiled, and for the first time today it was real. “Okay, so Gonzo fits you better. Did Dwight once fit you?”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel like me anymore. How about we take the twins to one of the Japanese cook-it-in-front-of-you places for dinner?”

“That’ll be nice. They’re afraid of the fire at the beginning, but then they enjoy the rest of it.”

We went to the office and she added my name to the paperwork as someone scanned my driver’s license. They told me once everyone got to know me I wouldn’t need to show it, but to always be prepared just in case they hired someone new.

The twins were
so
excited to see me, and they insisted upon introducing me to all of their friends and many of the staff. I knelt and hugged Declan, and then picked Chloe up and hugged her since she’d once told me she’d been jealous when one of her friends’ dads had done so.

I scooted my chair back and held them during the fire part at the restaurant, and we had a lot of fun cutting up with our chef. Words can’t describe the joy I felt in my heart as I spent time with my kids. What most people take for granted — picking their kids up from daycare and going out to eat — was a treasure to me. One of the greatest gifts I’d ever received.

Connie had given me this gift by telling me I’m a father. She wasn’t joining in our conversation unless someone drew her in, and I was hoping I’d be able to help put the kids to bed so she and I could talk once they were down.

C
onnie

G
onzo is
great with the kids.

That’s what I kept telling myself as I watched him with them and realized I’m going to have to give them to him. Sure, it would be joint custody for a while, but eventually he’d get full custody and I’d be all alone in my big house.

Before Sandy had come home pregnant, I’d assumed one day I’d either adopt or take in young foster kids. I’ll obviously never marry unless I happen to find an asexual man compatible with me, which isn’t likely. My one attempt to find such a man had been a horrible failure.

I’d lived alone before Sandy moved in with me. I did okay, but I had a variety of activities to keep me busy back then. I travelled all over the place to run marathons, I mentored young scientists, and I even participated in a few expeditions to South America to gather the plants I use for research into new drug possibilities.

Everything changed for me when I became a de facto parent, though. When Sandy went off the deep end and I had to be there for her kids because I couldn’t be sure she would, I’d altered my entire life so
someone
would always be there for them.

And then, the horrible day the police came to my door to tell me she was dead. A social worker arrived barely more than an hour later wanting to take the kids, and thank goodness the attorney my company keeps on retainer knew enough about how to get me temporary custody, because the bitch was bound and determined they were coming with her. Less than three minutes on the phone with him, though, and she produced different paperwork that said the kids could stay with me temporarily.

I had a regular family law attorney by the next morning, and within two weeks a judge had signed off on me being their permanent legal guardian. I’d made a vow to myself to raise them with love and guidance, and now I was going to have to break that vow because I’m apparently not equipped to raise little werewolves.

Unless… what if I let Gonzo seduce me? Would he want to live with me? Could we raise them together?

His touch wasn’t repugnant, as other men’s touches had been. In fact, I liked it when he hugged me, and I’d enjoyed the neck massage as well as the foot massage.

Could I pretend to enjoy sex with him?

I’d once walked in on Sandy watching porn and I was pretty sure I could make the noises the woman on the screen had been making. I’d feel terribly silly doing it, but it shouldn’t be too difficult.

I’d boxed up her belongings I thought the twins might one day appreciate having, and I’d taken most everything else to a local charity organization. However, she’d had so many sex toys I’d been embarrassed to even have them in my trash. I’d worn medical gloves to go through her drawers because she’d hidden them
everywhere
. I’d actually gone online to look through a sex toy company’s website to try to figure out what a few of the items were. The
butt plugs
were self-explanatory though I couldn’t imagine why someone would want to do such a thing. I guessed the wrist cuffs without having to look them up, but I’d had no clue what the vibrating butterfly thing might be for until the website had explained it’s worn over the clitoris. I hadn’t understood why the large phallus had been inside of a leather strapped concoction until I’d seen the page with the strap-on dildos. Had Sandy been a lesbian? Or, I suppose bi-sexual, since she’d obviously been with Gonzo.

Gonzo
. Could I have sex with a man I knew had been with Sandy?

Yes. If it meant I could live indefinitely in the same house with the twins, I’d do it.

He stayed in the twins’ bedroom as I bathed them one at a time, and I realized at some point he’d be doing this. I wanted to protect Chloe so a man never saw her naked, but I also knew fathers sometimes have to help bathe and dress their daughters. I was being unreasonable and I knew it, so I’d have to take steps to bring him into this process more. Just… not yet.

We sat on the top step to make sure they were asleep before we went to the den, and tonight he could be honest and tell me he could hear when their breathing and heart rate changed, so he knew they were asleep.

“So, when you and I are talking, you can hear my heartbeat? Isn’t that distracting?”

“You get used to sorting through what you want to listen to, as opposed to what you can hear. When I was first turned it was overwhelming, but I don’t even think about it anymore.”

I stopped halfway to the den and asked, “The twins have grown up being able to hear like that, so they won’t have that adjustment, right?”

He nodded and I took a breath and spoke before I lost my nerve. “Will you kiss me? I mean, a
real
kiss?”

“As opposed to a fake one?” His voice was light and teasing but his eyes were serious, and I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I felt naked under his scrutiny, and the reminder he could hear my heartbeat made me turn my back to him and cross my arms. If I was going to do this, though, I couldn’t shut him out, no matter how uncomfortable I was.

“On the lips. Not just a peck,” I told him, and hoped my voice didn’t sound too meek.

I jumped when his hand touched my shoulder, and I was more aware of my racing heart than ever, knowing he could hear what his touch had done to me.

“I’m hoping to kiss you one day, but you aren’t used to my touch yet, Connie.”

Darn
. Maybe I needed to watch some of the porn Sandy had watched so I could know how I was supposed to respond. I can do
anything
if I set my mind to it. Surely I could figure out how to do sex so Gonzo would like it.

But, for now he was going to need convincing, so I told him, “I didn’t hate it when you massaged me, and I kind of like it when you hug me. I’m curious about what a kiss will feel like from you.”

He turned me around and pulled me into his arms, but I couldn’t relax into them as I’d done before and it felt uncomfortable and unpleasant. He let me go, held my hand, and walked us the rest of the way to the den.

He sat on the sofa a little sideways, and I followed suit so we were facing each other. His eyes were sad and my heart dropped into my stomach.

“I worry about what might happen if we become more than platonic friends and then it doesn’t work out. We’re doing a good job now of navigating what I hope will become a co-parenting relationship and I don’t want to do anything to mess that up. I’d love nothing more than to…” He stopped before he finished his sentence, his eyes focused on nothing as he looked somewhere over my head.

When he finally looked back down to meet my gaze, he changed the subject. “I’ll be out of communication next Wednesday night while I run on the full moon. I’m patrolling Tuesday night and working the bar Thursday night. We all take turns going to the woods on one of the three nights around the full moon. Duke says because of what I went through with the Alpha, I need to run on the actual full moon night this month.” He took a breath. “I’m always going to be either running in the woods or working on those three nights, every month. We’re shorthanded while a third of us is gone, so we all have to pitch in to be sure everything runs as it should on the two nights we don’t
change
and run.”

“So you’re saying when you have full custody of them, I’ll be assured of them being with me at least three nights?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m just letting you know about an important scheduling issue that’ll come up every month. It’s been my preference to work nights at the bar for a number of reasons, but that schedule doesn’t work so well for a father who wants to spend time with his kids.”

“A number of reasons? I’m guessing one of them has to do with finding someone to fornicate with?”

He seemed to sigh a lot around me lately, and I winced when he did so now. I could almost
feel
his aggravation.

“There’s plenty of pussy and ass hanging around the clubhouse. I rarely fuck someone random who comes into the bar.” He looked away and made a fist, spread his fingers, made a fist again… after about fifteen seconds of this he looked back to me and asked, “Why are you so interested in my sex life?”

My instincts told me to be bluntly honest, so I told him, “Because I don’t understand it, but for some reason I can’t explain, I want to figure you out.”

He grinned and the tension around my heart relaxed a little. “I don’t understand your lack of a sex life, either. We’re at opposite ends of the spectrum and I worry what might happen if we…”

“You once told me you wanted to give me my first orgasm.” More blunt talk, but I fought my instincts and kept from looking away. If I was going to do this, I couldn’t be shy.

“Yeah, I would, but what I want even more is to raise my children in a healthy family atmosphere. We’ll be an unconventional family, but as long as you and I are working together to parent them as a team then we’ll be okay.”

“I never wanted to kiss anyone before. I kissed the men I had sex with because my friends insisted I’d like it once I got into it, but… I never
wanted
to kiss them.” I’m not sure what made me say it, but I meant every word and it’d just come out. If I’m honest, I think I felt rejected and I wanted him to understand. At any rate, the next thing I knew I was sitting in his lap, one of his arms was around my back, the warmth of his other hand was on my cheek, and his lips were on mine.

I expected Gonzo to be a brute, but his lips caressed mine before touching them softly, and he didn’t do it just once. It was like an exotic dance, and my lips opened to his without my even thinking about it. I startled when his tongue came into my mouth, but I once again felt the odd warmth in my body, and this time it settled in my crotch until I felt as if I needed to move my hips to relieve some unknown pressure. His tongue teased mine until I pulled it from the back of my mouth, and I discovered touching our tongues to each other made the warmth in me grow even more.

I didn’t realize he’d moved the hand at my cheek until I felt it at my waist, and I inhaled sharply though my nose as he slid it down to my hip. I didn’t mean to move my bottom on his lap, and I was mortified when I realized I had, but his hand slid down my leg and past my dress to just above my knee, and I forgot all about being ashamed at my reactions.