Good Karma (27 page)

Awkward silence filled the open space,
murdering the intense chemistry that only moments ago had connected
them. Would she ever rid herself of the damage of her
childhood?

“Mark…” Karma sighed, hating the cool air
that replaced the warmth of his body. “You don’t understand.” She
closed her eyes, said a silent prayer for courage, and sighed as
she glanced at him again. “Look, I need to tell you something.
Something about my past. Something important.” She needed to be
honest with him. Didn’t he deserve that much? Didn’t
she
?
Perhaps it was time to face the past once and for all. “Maybe if I
explain, you’ll understand.” And maybe if she explained, she could
finally banish the shame. She rolled onto her side, facing him.

His eyes were closed, and his chest rose and
fell heavily.

After this, there wouldn’t be any secrets
left. Mark would know more about her than anyone else, except for
maybe Lisa and Daniel.

As Mark opened his eyes and rolled his head
to look at her, she felt an odd sense of relief. She hadn’t even
begun but already felt better. Just the thought of telling him the
painful truth was enough to alleviate the strain that had been on
her nerves since she’d met him.

Mark’s mind was still in all kinds of
improper places. He couldn’t believe he had almost made love to
her. Here. Right now. Tonight. Before she was even ready. But he
had careened out of control once Karma wrapped her legs around him
and kissed him in earnest. She had felt so good, and her mouth felt
so right on his.

He had never wanted to make love to a woman
as badly as he had wanted to make love to Karma. Even now, his body
throbbed to join with hers. God, what was wrong with him? He needed
to focus, calm down, listen to what Karma had to say. From the way
her eyes glistened with unshed tears and her fingers worried over
themselves, whatever was on her mind was important.

Taking a deep breath to rinse the lusty
cobwebs from his thoughts, he rolled onto his side to face her.
“I’m listening.” He still felt awful for pushing her the way he
had. He had promised to take care of her, and yet he had rushed her
like a bull. What had he been thinking?

Outside, distant lightning flashed, and a low
rumble of thunder announced the coming storm. Inside, Karma seemed
to have a storm of her own brewing, her eyes filling with
shadows.

“When I was a kid, I was a bit of a tomboy,”
she said. “I was kind of geeky and scrawny with long hair and
glasses.” She rolled her eyes. “A real looker, you know.” A forced
smile that showed she was trying to be funny dashed across her face
then disappeared. “My dad was still working his way up the
corporate ladder, and we weren’t the richest family in town. We did
well, but in Clover?” She blew out a derisive puff of air. “Unless
you’re a one-percenter here, you’re bait. And for a kid in school,
it’s even worse.” She grew quiet as evidence of hard memories
shadowed her face.

“What happened?” Memories of his own harsh
childhood bubbled into his mind. He had been teased ruthlessly for
dancing. Surely, Karma hadn’t been made fun of like that. The idea
that she had endured something so ugly hurt his heart. He reached
out to brush a strand of hair away from her face.

Her gaze flicked to his hand, and she smiled.
“I was a late bloomer,” she said. “Really late.”

“What do you mean?” Was she talking
physically or something else?

She hid her face behind her hand. “This is so
embarrassing…”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll
understand.”

“No,” she said immediately, drawing her hand
away from her face. “I want to tell you. I need to get this out
once and for all. It’s just hard.”

He brushed his fingers over her cheek as more
thunder, closer this time, rumbled outside. “Take your time. I’m
not going anywhere.”

She had the loveliest face. Smooth skin.
Cute, slightly upturned nose that sort of reminded him of a
rabbit’s. And her pretty lips were swollen and pouty after their
bruising make-out session.

After a moment, she breathed in and forced
herself to continue. “So, okay…I was a late bloomer. When most of
the other girls in school started to develop breasts in sixth or
seventh grade, I was still flat as a pancake. And the fact that I
wasn’t part of the affluent, popular crowd singled me out even
more. Add to that my younger brother loved torturing me, and you
might see where this is going.”

Yes, he was beginning to get some idea, and a
mix of despair, sympathy, and anger roiled in his veins.

“Well,” Karma said, continuing, “things
didn’t get better as I got into high school. The other girls kept
developing, and I kept
not
developing.” She sighed. “It
wasn’t until late my freshman year that anything began to grow on
me at all…other than my stupid hair, of course. By then, the names
I was called had already become engrained with my classmates,
fueled, of course, by my brother and Jolene.” She slouched. “Yes,
Jo was part of the crowd who made fun of me, along with the girl my
brother ended up marrying, Estelle. But they weren’t the only ones.
I was teased everywhere. In the girls’ locker room. Between
classes. After school. On the bus. It was awful. This went on for
years.”

Mark shifted closer and rested his hand on
her waist. It wasn’t much, but it was a small gesture of how he
wished he could protect her. Everything he learned about Karma,
including this, made his picture of her that much clearer. He had
suspected something tragic had occurred in her past, but he hadn’t
imagined anything like this. No wonder she had reacted the way she
did when he shoved his hand up her blouse. And no wonder she had
fled his room the night of the benefit. Hadn’t she frozen up then
the same way she had tonight…right after he touched her breast? He
would have to be more careful from now on. Slow down and be more
patient.

“I was called Mosquito Bite and Pancake…and
other more offensive names.” Her voice grew quiet. “People told me
that I was so flat that even the walls got jealous. When I was in
eighth grade, someone taped a training bra to the outside of my
locker. I was mortified when I got to school and saw it. Everyone
laughed as I tried to take it down, but they had used a lot of
tape. The hall was full of kids laughing and pointing, and I was
desperately trying to rip off all the tape. Another time it was a
jock strap and a note that said, ‘Maybe you’re better equipped to
wear one of these instead of a bra.’ After that, kids teased me
that I was really a boy dressed like a girl.” Tears welled in her
eyes, and Mark could hear in her choked voice that she was forcing
herself not to cry. It took every ounce of restraint not to pull
her against him and hold her, but he sensed she needed to get this
out.

“The humiliation was endless.” She sniffled.
“Another time in eighth grade, I liked this boy named Dave. Dave
Warren. We shared a lunch period. And I always carried my journal
with me. I was always writing in it. Between classes, during class,
on the bus. I wrote about Dave a lot.”

Her thoughts seemed to be tumbling out in
random order.

“I was always too shy to talk to Dave, even
though his lunch table was next to mine and he sat behind me in
history class.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “So, there I was, in
the cafeteria. I set my books on my table, went up to get my lunch,
and when I came back, my journal was gone.”

Mark tensed. This story couldn’t have a happy
ending and he wished he could go back in time and right the wrong
that had been done to her that day.

“I freaked,” she said. “I looked everywhere.
Then I heard the laughter.” She cringed and briefly covered her
face. “I turned around, and there was my brother, Jo, and Estelle,
reading my journal.
My diary
. All my private thoughts, all
the poems I’d written…all of it about Dave.” She visibly sagged.
“Dave was right there. Right beside them. And Johnny began reading
out loud. ‘Dave is so cute. I wish he would ask me out. Does he
even know I exist?’ God, it was humiliating. Dave looked at me like
I was a hideous monster, and Johnny kept taunting me.
‘Karma’s
got a cru-ush, Karma’s got a cru-ush. Mosquito Bite’s in
loooooove.’
It was awful. I can still hear his stupid voice
teasing me.” She shook her head against her palms. “Everyone
laughed…the whole cafeteria. I just wanted to crawl into a cave. I
gathered my books, pried my journal from Johnny’s hands, and ran
out of the cafeteria as Johnny and his friends yelled after me,
calling me all those horrible names and laughing.”

She began to cry, and that did it. Unable to
hold back any longer, Mark wrapped her in his arms and pulled her
against him. “It’s okay. Ssshhh.” He rocked her.

She buried her face against his chest and let
out a tight, quiet sob.

For a couple of minutes, he simply held her
as rain began to fall outside and the lightning and thunder grew
closer. He knew firsthand what Karma had experienced, because he
had, too.

“The worst part,” she said, “is that Jolene
ended up getting with Dave after that. They were a couple for the
rest of the school year.” She sniffled. “Jo’s been adding insult to
injury all my life.”

He stroked her hair as she continued to
cry.

A few minutes later, she pulled away and took
a deep breath. “Anyway, that’s why I reacted the way I did when
you…you know…touched me. I’ve just never quite gotten over the
stigma.” She sighed and shrugged almost apologetically.

“I think I figured that out.” He wiped his
thumb over her tear-moistened cheek.

With a sad smile, she pointed her finger at
him and put on a brave face. “That’s what I like about you, Mark.
You’re quick.” She was obviously trying to lighten the mood.

He kissed the tip of her nose. “If I was
really that quick, I would have known sooner not to do what I
did.”

She shook her head. “No, no. I was into it.
God, I mean, no one’s ever…” She trailed off and ducked her head.
When she spoke again, her voice was low, whispery. “No one’s ever
kissed me or touched me the way you do.”

Mark’s heart beat a little harder for her.
Karma was so damned innocent, and she’d had such a traumatic
childhood. He never would have imagined her past had been so bad.
“I like it,” he said quietly, brushing his fingers through her
hair. “I like kissing you.” What an understatement. He fucking
loved
kissing her. So much so that his normally patient
libido had risen like a cobra ready to strike.

“Me, too.” She tipped the crown of her head
against his chest, and her delicate fingers curled against his
stomach.

The bashful yet imploring gesture pulled at
Mark’s soul, and he smiled as he kissed the top of her head. “You
know,” he said, “those kids were wrong about you, Karma. If they
could see you now…see the beautiful woman you’ve become…you could
make them all eat their words.”

Her body burrowed into his. “I guess in some
ways I still see myself the way they saw me back then. You know,
ugly and gangly. Flat.”

Mark frowned at her confession. Was she
saying that she was ashamed of her body? That she thought her
breasts weren’t big enough? “Karma, you’re a beautiful woman.
All
of you.” When she didn’t immediately respond, he pulled
away. “Look at me.”

Trepidation and uncertainty shone from her
eyes as she raised her face to his. He had to show her how perfect
she was. How beautiful. Because clearly, remnants from the past
still haunted her self-image. She truly didn’t realize how perfect
she was.

“Come here.” He got up and bobbed his head
toward the full-length mirror hanging on the wall by the bathroom.
“I want you to see something.” He held out his hand.

* * *

Karma’s gaze darted to the mirror.
“Mark…”

He waved his fingers and nodded toward the
mirror. “Come on. You need to see this.”

Dreading what was about to happen, Karma
gingerly sat up, swung her legs around, and took his hand. She
followed him across the room as another flash of lightning lit the
shadows.

Stopping in front of the mirror, Mark turned
on the bathroom light then stepped behind her. “What do you see?”
He nodded toward her reflection in the mirror.

What she saw was a scared little girl
cowering inside a woman’s body. “Me,” she said noncommittally. She
knew what he was after, but she couldn’t say it.

“But what do you
see
?” He pulled back
her hair.

“I don’t know.” She dropped her gaze to the
floor. She didn’t want to look at herself right now.

“Do you want to know what I see?” He placed
his hands on the sides of her face and lifted so she was looking in
the mirror again. Her eyes met his in the reflection. “Look at
yourself,” he said. She forced herself to do as he asked. “Here’s
what I see when I look at you.” He wrapped one arm around her waist
and caressed his other hand over her cheek. “I see perfect, clear
skin. Smooth, youthful, and healthy. I know women who would kill to
have your skin.”

She’d never noticed that before, but looking
closely at her face, he was right. Her skin was pretty damn
flawless.

“And your eyes,” he said. “They’re big and
bright and the most extraordinary shade of green. I’ve never seen
eyes quite that color, and, to be honest, they’re mesmerizing.”

Once again, she had never paid attention to
her eyes before, but now she stared at them as if seeing them for
the first time.

Mark continued ticking down her features. Her
heart-shaped lips, her flat stomach, her supple hips, her delicate
hands, even her button nose and her “sexy” ears, which he nibbled
on as he whispered how attractive they were. Finally, he drew back
and pulled her blouse tight from behind so that the fabric
stretched over her breasts.