Good Karma (50 page)

What had he done wrong? Why had Carol left
him on their wedding day?

He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He
had failed. Somehow, in some way, he had failed her. And now the
life he had so carefully planned was over.

It was supposed to have been the happiest day
of his life, and instead the day became his own personal
apocalypse.

He had never seen the freight train coming,
and then there it was, cutting him down and slicing him into
pieces.

He turned toward Rob and held out his hand.
“Give me the rings.”

Rob pulled the box from his pocket and handed
it over. Mark opened the lid, set the diamond engagement ring
inside, and snapped the lid closed.

Then he glanced at the faces on her side of
the church. How many of them had known the truth? Her parents. Had
they known? Her mom didn’t look too surprised. How many knew that
she didn’t love him and wanted someone else? Why hadn’t they told
him? Couldn’t they have cared enough to save his feelings and all
this fucking, goddamn humiliation? He had become the butt of a
cruel joke. A laughingstock to be pointed at and ridiculed, just
like he had been in school. Only this hurt a hundred times worse,
because his greatest disgrace came at the hands of the woman he
loved.

He looked back at Rob. “Can I borrow your
keys?”

Without question, Rob pulled them from his
pocket and handed them over.

Dishonored and shamed, he cleared his throat
and addressed the crowd. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but
there isn’t going to be a wedding today.”

He regarded Rob and his parents then stepped
down from the raised platform at the front of the church, marched
up the aisle, and right out the door to Rob’s car. His was at the
hotel where he and Carol were to spend their wedding night before
tomorrow morning’s flight to Cancun.

He had to talk to her. Had to find out what
had gone wrong and why she had done this. What had happened? Where
had he failed? He had to know. Maybe if she told him, he could fix
this and win her back. He couldn’t imagine his life without Carol.
He loved her, and he had already planned their entire life
together. They would be married, buy a home, and in a couple of
years start a family. He already had names picked out for their
kids, as well as for the golden retriever that would be the family
pet. The next ten years were all planned. He couldn’t lose her now,
and especially not without a fight.

Arriving at the brownstone she had insisted
on keeping even when he suggested they move in together, he didn’t
bother knocking. He barged in. He had every right to. She was his
fiancée, and she was supposed to have been his wife. When he didn’t
find her downstairs, he climbed the stairs two at a time and threw
the door open to her bedroom…to find her in bed with Antonio, her
dance partner. The man her parents had partnered her with a
year-and-a-half earlier. She was
fucking
the guy when she
was supposed to be getting married, and her wedding dress lay
discarded on the floor. Talk about your slaps in the face.

“Mark!” She grabbed the blanket and pulled it
over herself. Antonio at least had the decency to look ashamed.
Small consolation given the circumstances.

Mark staggered backward and slammed into the
wall outside her room. He was going to be sick. He ran to the
bathroom and fell to his knees over the commode, hanging on while
his stomach emptied. He loved her. Loved her so damn much. How
could she do this? Why hadn’t he seen the truth? What had he done
wrong to push her into Antonio’s arms?

“Just give me a minute,” he heard her say to
Antonio. Then he heard the sound of her pretty feet beating on the
floor as she hurried down the hall toward the bathroom.

He was still heaving air when she entered and
shut the door.

“What are you doing here?” she said.

Not “What’s wrong?” Not “Are you okay?” Not
“I’m sorry.” But “What are you doing here?” As if he were to blame
for her duplicity. As if
he
had been the one to jilt
her
. “Didn’t you get my note?”

Was she serious?

“Yes, I got your note!” He was finally able
to swallow and looked up at her. The last tears he would ever cry
trailed down his cheeks. “Why the fuck else do you think I’m here,
Carol? For fuck’s sake, I thought…I wanted…what the FUCK! You left
me standing there like a fucking fool!”

She looked affronted but at least chagrined.
“I…I’m sorry, Mark. I truly am, but…” Tears formed in her eyes, and
she averted her gaze. “Mark, I don’t love you. I don’t, okay? I’m
sorry. I love Antonio. I want to be with him, not you.” She bowed
her head and crossed her arms tightly over her robe as if hugging
herself.

“Thanks for waiting until our WEDDING DAY to
TELL ME THAT!”

“I’M SORRY!” Tears fell to her cheeks. Then
she cowered as if trying to rein in her emotions. “Okay, Mark? I’m
sorry,” she said more softly. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

They remained in silence a long time. Mark
crouched next to the toilet. Carol hugging herself by the door.

Empty suffering expanded inside his chest.
“How long, Carol?” His gut told him he wasn’t going to like her
answer, but he had to know. He lifted his gaze to hers. “How long
have you and Antonio been together?”

She blanched and pulled her robe more tightly
around her as if he had never seen her naked. “Mark, let’s talk
about this later, okay?” She glanced toward the door.

“No. I want to know right now, Carol. How
long has this been going on?”

She gulped.

He stood. “Tell me!”

She jumped and looked away, fighting back
tears.

He grabbed her arms and shook her. “How
fucking long have you been fucking your partner, Carol!”

Her gaze jerked around at his harsh tone.
“Since the beginning!” She shoved him away. “Since the beginning!
Okay? I’ve been seeing him since he became my dance partner!”

He stumbled back and nearly fell into the
tub. If there had been anything left to upchuck, he would have
tossed the rest of his cookies all over the floor. As it was, all
he could do was dry-heave.

“I’m sorry! Damn it, but I didn’t know how to
tell you.” Carol started crying in earnest. “I tried, but I just…I
couldn’t.”

“Why?” Mark struggled to breathe. That one
three-letter word began looping through his mind. Why? Over and
over. “Why, Carol?”

Never before had he felt such pain in his
chest. He had to be dying. Had to be losing his heart. He couldn’t
breathe. Everything felt numb and lost its luster. Carol had lied
for a year and a half. All this time, she hadn’t loved him.

Beautiful Carol. The first and only woman he
had ever truly loved. And she had never loved him back.

The only answer Carol gave him was silence,
and he was too fucked in the head to give a damn.

Without another word, he vowed never to fall
in love again, and he meant it. He was the type who, once he set
his mind on something, followed through, and right now, his mind
was set on never losing his heart again. He would never set himself
up to be burned so badly ever again. He left her home, quit his
parents’ studio for good, and turned his attention wholeheartedly
toward his young career as a consultant…after a brief bout with
depression, of course.

That had been six years ago, and until those
stupid kids had stolen the necklace he had planned on giving to
Carol on their honeymoon, as well as the wedding bands and the
engagement ring he had tucked away, he had been doing a decent job
forgetting the worst part of his past.

Sure, Karma had begun to awaken old ghosts
weeks ago. But never like this. Never in such a painful,
heart-splitting way. Those damn kids had stirred old emotions, old
fears. The fact they had broken in and tossed his home was
inconsequential in the face of deeper wounds.

Now, sitting on Rob’s couch, nursing a brew,
it was like not a day had passed. The pain was just as raw, and the
memories much too fresh.

A part of him died that day. Or rather, he
had tucked the details of that day away where they couldn’t hurt
him anymore. Now, a barrier existed around his heart. One that he
steadfastly guarded. He was as committed to his vow to keep hold of
his heart as much today as he had been in Carol’s bathroom. He
couldn’t risk letting go again. He couldn’t let himself fall in
love. The price was too great. Look what Carol had done to him, all
because he had trusted and loved her.

It had taken months to recover, but really,
he never had. Even now, he suffered what felt like post-traumatic
stress disorder any time he entered a church. He had to take a
Valium just to attend a wedding. Without it, his heart raced, he
broke out in a cold sweat, and panic gripped every cell in his
body.

That would never be him. Not again. The
thought of putting himself out there like that was too painful.
Some wounds never healed. They just scarred over. But the damage
was still there, under the scar tissue, wreaking havoc.

The doorbell rang and jarred Mark out of his
biting reverie.

Rob hopped up. “That’s dinner.” He hustled to
the door.

Mark reached inside his bag and pulled out
the velvet-lined box that housed the rings. He had held on to them
because, at the time, he couldn’t even look at them. Tucking them
at the bottom of the small chest on his dresser had been about as
much as he could stomach. After a while, he had forgotten about
them lying dormant like landmines waiting to be triggered.

Today, those fucking kids had triggered them,
and his heart was exploding all over again.

Rob set a couple of pizzas on the coffee
table and went to the kitchen to retrieve two more beers, plates,
and napkins. While he was gone, Mark pulled his ring free from the
velvet slot inside the case. The decoratively etched silver was
dull, as was the ribbon of gold that ran all the way around the
center, but when he slipped it on his ring finger, it still
fit.

“What the hell are you doing?” Rob stopped
dead in his tracks as he re-entered the living room.

Mark looked up and yanked off the ring.
“Nothing. I…” He frowned as he stuffed the ring back into the box
and tossed it inside his bag. “I just…”

“You know how long it took for you to get
over that bitch, Mark. Don’t go there. Okay? Just…you should get
rid of those damn rings.” He sat down and handed him a plate before
opening one of the pizza boxes. “Sell them to a jeweler or some
shit. Or toss them into the fires of Mordor. Whatever works.”

Mark scowled and grabbed two slices, dropped
them on his plate, and sat back. “I’m fine. I’m not fawning over
the past and wishing for a fucking do-over or anything.”

“I hope not, for your sake. That woman is
poisonous.” Rob tipped his beer bottle in Mark’s direction. “Take
my word, she’s like poison ivy and you’re severely allergic. Do
not
go there. Even in your mind. Or you’ll be scratching for
months”

“I’m not, Rob. Trust me.” But where Mark’s
thoughts were taking him was a place just as dangerous, because he
was imagining what would have happened if he and Carol had never
met and he and Karma still had. Would he have had his chance at
happiness then? With Karma? Because then he wouldn’t have been
damaged goods.

But he didn’t need to get soft and think he
and Karma had a future, no matter how much he liked her. That was
perilous territory for his mind and heart.

After dinner, Rob disappeared to his bedroom
and changed. A few minutes later, he came back to the living room
and stopped by the couch. “I’m meeting a friend for drinks. You
want to tag along?”

Mark was in no mood to go out. Not only was
he bent ten ways to Sunday, but he was also dead ass tired. “No.
I’m beat.”

“You know where everything is.” Rob grabbed
his jacket. “Don’t wait up.” Then he pointed to Mark’s duffel. “And
leave that shit alone.”

“Don’t worry. I’m fine. Just don’t bring
anyone home and we’ll be square. I don’t think I could take it
tonight.” Mark tried to smile, but he wasn’t feeling it.

He could have spent the night in his own
place, but the apartment was completely trashed, and he really
needed a break.

“Don’t worry. It’s not that kind of
meet-and-greet.” Rob left, and Mark clicked through the channels
until he came across a replay of one of last season’s games on the
NFL channel. For a while, he simply stared, unmoving, trying not to
think about the break-in, Carol, and the six-year-old rings sitting
in his duffel bag.

What he did want to think about was his
sweet, precious Karma, even though he knew doing so was seriously
risky business with the haphazard tumble of jagged memories ripping
his mind apart.

He took out his phone and dialed.

“Hello?” Karma’s voice immediately made him
smile, and he relaxed for the first time in hours.

“Hi,” he said.

“How’s your apartment?”

“A mess.”

“How are you?”

He smiled. “I’m a mess, too, to be
honest.”

“Why? What happened?”

He couldn’t admit he was thinking about Carol
and that his mind was in a state of waste. “It’s just this whole
ordeal.” He sighed and lay back on the couch. “My place was pretty
much trashed.” He rubbed his palm down his face. “I had to call all
my banks and credit card companies and cancel all my accounts. It’s
been a crazy afternoon and evening.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “Did they catch
whoever did it?”

“It was a couple of kids who live in my
building.”

“Oh wow. Did they take anything?”

“Just some jewelry.” No need to tell her that
wedding bands and a diamond necklace that had been meant for
another woman were part of the loot. “How are you doing?”

“Okay.” She sounded lonely.

“I’m sorry about this weekend,” he said. She
had taken tomorrow off so they could get an early start on their
time together since he had planned to spend next week in Chicago.
He had a couple of meetings to attend with his boss and needed to
give a progress update on Solar. And now he needed to add handling
the fallout of today’s break-in to his to-do list.