Good Sex Illustrated (24 page)
IN CASES OF PREMATURE PUBERTY,
the changes arrive 2 or 3 years before the usual age, sometimes at 9 or 10. Intelligence doesn’t evolve in the same way.
The adolescent who has grown too quickly endures ridicule about his proportions, he curbs signs of sexuality, is ashamed of his erections, of his wet dreams, he remains passive and timid, he stoops to match the height of his friends.
He becomes quarrelsome, quick-tempered. His need for adventure sometimes leads him to dire acts, such as running away.
IN CASES OF DELAYED PUBERTY,
there are a lot of anxieties. During recreation, or in the dormitories at boarding school, children ages 15–16 whose puberty comes late compare their size, musculature and sex organs with those of their peers and feel humiliated. Their grades may suffer from it. We repeatedly tell these young people that nothing has been lost. Todays modalities of treatment are effective.
WHY ARE TEENAGERS DISSATISFIED WITH THEIR BODIES?
One’s transformation is accompanied by a distortion of the features, pimples, first appearance of peach fuzz; but this is just a rough sketch, very far away from the final design. Teenagers are impatient and unhappy, one thinks that his hairline is no good, another that his ears stick out too much, yet another that his thighs are too fat.
In the mirror, they make grimaces, brush their hair, imitate famous actors. Their habits betray a perpetual dissatisfaction. This is only aggravated by a persistent need to please the opposite sex.
The most convincing rite of initiation for establishing the teenager as a man is, doubtlessly, winning the heart of a young girl. Aside from satisfying his need to please, this prize puts him in the same ranking as his pals and fulfils his will to power.
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO TO BE LIKED. ADMIRED?
To maintain good relations with others, one must first be in tune with one’s own body. You can’t like others if you don’t like yourself.
DOES MASTURBATION HAVE ANY DETERMINENTAL CONSEQUENCES?
It is a normal stage in the sexuality of the adolescent. Between 12 and 16, nearly 90% of young people resort to it as an expression of their sex instinct.
During that period of life, this instinct, which peaks at the age of 15, is quite demanding.
Our society imposes strict taboos on the adolescent. He has no other choice but to make use of his own body. He masturbates to put an end to sexual tension that can result in testicular pain.
During pleasure for one, adolescents’ imagination is bursting with activity. They manufacture a dream world, starting with their daily encounters or strong impressions from their reading or from films.
With girls, masturbation is reduced to imaginative daydreaming that materializes before sleep. Although, more or less early on, a lot of them discover clitoral stimulation.
IS MASTURBATION DANGEROUS PSYCHOLOGICALLY?
No, as long as it’s only a stage of sexual development. In that case, it’s even useful, since boys and girls discover in it their attraction for the opposite sex. This imaginary attraction is an excellent prelude to subsequent relations.
DOES MASTURBATION STOP BY ITSELF?
It should disappear by itself around the age of 16 or 17.
However, some older adolescents, and even some adult males, continue to resort to it.
It is normal for an adolescent to turn to masturbation to soothe sexual tension. But such a practice can also help him survive a difficult time: if he isn’t loved enough by his family, if he’s in boarding school, an orphanage, or to offset the anxiety over a bad grade on an end-of term test or some other kind of setback.
The danger in this, since there is a danger, is his getting the habit of taking refuge in himself for every sorrow or obstacle. He’ll become bashful, will no longer dare to be around girls. He’ll flee reality, which is never good.
Therefore, when masturbation persists beyond the age of 17, it is an expression of difficulties. The opposite sex is frightening, boys dread confronting these strange beings of a different sex: everything seems to keep them apart. They prefer to turn inward.
They should ask for help from friends, parents, a doctor. They’ll have to get used to mixing with the opposite sex, which is the only sure way of not jeopardizing their sex life later.
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DOES MASTURBATION INCREASE OR REDUCE THE SIZE OF THE PENIS?
We can’t answer yes to either of these two questions. The most recent experiments by American scientists have proven that the size of the penis has no relationship to the size or physical strength of a boy.
In its dormant state, appreciable enough differences can be noted from one individual to another. But when the penis is erect, they become less pronounced
—the size of the penis is therefore approximately the same in all individuals. {
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Thus, the apprehensions about the influence of masturbation on the size of the penis are not based on any precise scientific data.
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY?
The teenager asserts his personality by opposition and identification. Opposition: to show his independence, he routinely says the opposite of what his parents say. He refuses to be guided in the choice of his friends, his reading material, his entertainment or his political opinions. He turns down Sunday outings with his dad and mom, he demands the right to go out at night.
He wants to live his own life and do without the experience of others.
ARE PARENTS ALWAYS UNDERSTANDING?
Some parents don’t react well to such an atmosphere. They don’t understand these attitudes of defiance, this arrogance and impatience.
But they should know that this antagonism doesn’t put into doubt their older child’s love for them—it is a demand for freedom. Despite their fear and sadness, the parents should witness this marvelous transformation of their child with love and be careful not to interfere too much. They’ll encourage him to accept his responsibilities; they’ll let him invite his friends to the house; they’ll be careful not to come down on his enthusiasm, his taste for adventure.
But for his part, the teenager needs to make an effort to better understand his parents. Their sometimes insensitive lectures are only the proof of too much love. He’ll forgive them a lot, because their love for him is strong!
The teenager should take care not to disown or reject his parents in any way. He might feel bad about it later, have regrets that might delay his adult maturity—the goal of his ambition and his struggle.
TO BECOME A MAN, IS IT NECESSARY TO REBEL AGAINST YOUR HOME ENVIRONMENT?
No, you can also emulate some models you prefer. YOUR GANG, in which the teenagers … try to model themselves after the leader of the gang, who better embodies all their aspirations.
A BEST FRIEND, with whom you share everything, your thoughts, desires, emotions, doubts. You imitate his habits, his mannerisms. You envy his ease with the opposite sex, his scholastic successes, his sports achievements. And you acquire some of his virtues. Then there are other models for teenagers, so much more prestigious that they seem out of reach: singers and film stars, sports idols, soap opera heroines
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and, as is still the case with a lot of young people, heroes of the great novels.
Violence isn’t the only way for a teenager to recover from the unrest of his situation. Games, singing, dance remain the last bastions where freedom can spread its wings.
WHEN DO YOU BECOME AN ADULT?
When you achieve independence on a number of levels.
INTELLECTUAL INDEPENDENCE:
the adolescent who is becoming a man thinks for himself, develops his personal philosophy.
INDEPENDENCE FROM THE HOME ENVIRONMENT :
this is the most difficult and most painful stage. The risk is that such independence might lead to a misunderstanding and retrigger that much-talked-about conflict between the generations.
INDEPENDENCE IN THE CHOICE OF FRIENDS AND LONG-TERM COMPANION. INDEPENDENCE, lastly, IN TERMS OF OCCUPATION
or profession: when you become capable of earning your living, you can take on the responsibilities of your private life and your role in society.
WHAT DO PARENTS FEAR?
The path leading to independence and freedom has its snares: the parents find themselves confronted with a dilemma, when to use their authority to save their children from those dangers that they foresee, and when to let them experiment. For example, let’s take the problem of pornography…
SHOULD BOOKS WITH EROTIC ILLUSTRATIONS OR PORNOGRAPHY THAT GET PASSED AROUND ON THE SLY BE BANNED?
On principle, we are against all censorship, censorship of films, books or the press. But material that children are given often shows sexual perversions:
these distort the beauty and bliss of the sexual act. However, such a reason doesn’t seem enough to justify prohibiting it. Because the teenagers who look at these erotic nudes do so for three essential reasons; they’re trying either to satisfy their curiosity about sexual matters, to fathom the secrets of adults or to stimulate their imagination during masturbation. The parents should satisfy curiosity about the facts of sex. There are hardly any secrets in this area that they shouldn’t be willing to discuss.
WHY DON’T OUR PARENTS LET US CHOOSE OUR OWN PEOPLE TO ASSOCIATE WITH?
They’re afraid that their children will be talked into doing bad things, or will learn bad habits from a friend who comes from a different background—or is less balanced when it comes to character or intelligence. Most of the time, these parents are wrong. However, there are cases in which they’re justified in fearing the influence of a group or a friend they see as pernicious—someone who could draw their child into some dire actions such as theft or drug use.
The same problems pop up when it comes to going out at night. Only a frank discussion between parents and children will resolve these touchy problems, taking into account school schedules and good health in general.
AT WHAT POINT IS A SIMPLE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN A BOY AND A GIRL NO LONGER POSSIBLE?
The desire to fool around coincides with the dawning of puberty. This is when the boys feel a strong attraction for girls; and, similarly to Narcissus, the girls like to gaze at themselves in the eyes of their male admirers.
This sexual awakening is happening earlier and earlier. It is encouraged by certain kinds of liberation in our society, and the fact of our being inundated by all sorts of erotic material: advertising, literature, the weeklies compete to be the most daring, more and more frequently showing risqué images of nudes.
Today, at 14, one girl in nine has a brief romance and dates; twenty-five years ago, the proportion was one in a thousand.
DO GIRLS AND BOYS WANT TO FOOL AROUND FOR THE SAME REASON?
No. Fooling around (kissing and sometimes giving each other a few caresses) doesn’t have the same meaning for girls: It’s important for teenagers to be well aware of this.
FOR BOYS:
the sex instinct reaches its peak between ages 16 and 20. Normal boys have demanding, pressing sexual desires, which obsess them as long as they remain unsatisfied. But two essential obstacles work against their having sexual relations with girls: on the one hand there is the continuation of schoolwork, which delays their entrance into the world—so that these young men aren’t in a position to provide for a family; and on the other hand, they lack maturity. Without a good understanding of their partner, failure is usually the result. Only gradually does the fear of the other sex recede. For these two reasons, the adolescent prefers resorting to masturbation.
CAN A BOY HAVE HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH A PROSTITUTE?
Certainly, in this case, relations involve another person. But the experience isn’t recommended. It’s a false relationship from the beginning because the satisfaction of sexual desire is exchanged for money.
In our society, to prove he is a man, an adolescent has no other possibility than winning the heart of a woman.
(Back to fooling around)
Fooling around is only a compromise for a boy, he has to settle for kisses and petting, whereas his need to dominate, his male aggressiveness demands total victory.
But fooling around teaches him to calm his apprehensions, to better control his senses, and to always combine a feeling of affection and honesty with his desire.
FOR GIRLS 14–16,
sensuality is neither as demanding nor as intense. It is romantic love that is important for her. Physical pleasure
comes after. Above all, she expects tender words, signs of attention that reassure her about her femininity and her capacity to please. They will carry her off into a dream world, and she will convey her feelings in confidences to a friend or in her diary.
She doesn’t feel a need to have sexual relations.
The first kiss is only a concession. Girls kiss in order to do what everybody else is doing.
Pleasure only comes next. The role of motherhood makes her very conscious of her responsibilities, and protects her from herself.
DOES FOOLING AROUND HAVE ITS DISADVANTAGES?
For the boy, it represents an improvement over masturbation. It has great value as a way of acting against homosexual tendencies.
But a young man must understand and accept the fact that a young girl doesn’t want to go beyond certain limits.
Young girls wont have to give in to curiosity, to a need to please. Fooling around reduced to the search for physical pleasure ought to be banned.
AT WHAT AGE SHOULD YOU GO TO BED WITH A GIRL? DON’T SEXUAL RELATIONS AT THIS STAGE HAVE ONLY DISADVANTAGES?
They can offer some advantages: at times they put an end to obsessions that could get in the way of your studies; they allow you to get experience, which will be indispensable at the time of marriage; finally, they allow you to move beyond homosexual tendencies, which are present in every adolescent.
But there are numerous problems.
(Who to sleep with:) PROSTITUTES?
They risk turning off teenagers permanently from love.
GIRLS THEIR AGE?
Their sexual needs aren’t as pressing. Besides, society is still fiercely against it.
OLDER WOMEN? An army of female initiators! There don’t seem to be any counterarguments against that.