Good Wood (36 page)

It seemed like a good ten minutes before I could take a full breath. I picked up my phone and called Graham. There was no way I would be worth a shit at work today.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Graham. Do you have anything for me today? Anything the other guys can’t handle?” He was quiet for a minute before answering.

“No. You okay, son? “

“Yeah Graham. I just have some stuff I need to take care of today.”

“Sure thing. If I need you for anything I will call you. Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“If you need me for anything, anything at all, you call too. Okay?”

I fought to answer him past the lump in my throat. He meant it, too.

“Yeah, man. Thanks.”

I started the truck and drove to my appointment in a daze. I was early so I sat in the truck staring at the empty passenger seat. When I walked into the office the receptionist waved me through. Dr. Greene looked up from some paperwork and motioned to the chair.

“Hey, Joe. Just a minute I need to finish this.” I sat for a few minutes while he shuffled through papers. He set them aside eventually and looked at me. “How are you doing?”

“It’s been a rough day, doc.”

“I can relate. I personally got very little sleep last night.” He was still irritated with me. I understood. I’m a pain in the ass.

“About that, doc, I’m sorry. I won’t call you at home again.”

He shrugged. “We’ll get back to that in a minute. Tell me what is going on.”

“I went through the totes last night.”

“Really? What did you end up doing with everything?”

“I divided the stuff. Most of it is going to my parents or her family. I kept a few things for myself.”

“Such as?” He raised his eyebrows and looked at me expectantly. He hadn’t even touched his pen or picked up his notebook. I told him and he nodded. “So where are you at today?”

“I was doing okay with the totes and the furniture but then Molly threw me another curveball.” He didn’t ask me anything, just raised his eyebrows questioningly. “We broke up…well…she broke up with me. You were right, I guess. I wasn’t ready or at least she doesn’t seem to think so. I should have listened to you. I think if you and I work together I can…”

“Let me stop you right there, Joe. Do you know what this is?” He waved the pile of papers he’d been working on when I came in. I was so surprised at him interrupting me I just shook my head. “This is your summary release from counselling. It is my official recommendation that you be released of required attendance. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“You don’t want me to come anymore?”

“No, Joe. I want you to keep coming. I want to help you. You’re no longer required to come. But I have to say sometimes it seems like you’re becoming a therapy wimp.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re becoming too dependent on this. You can’t live your life through therapy. Sure, I can help you work out issues that are holding you back. Yes, I can help you deal with emotional and psychological trauma. But you can’t live your life in this room. Once you ring a bell, you have to deal with the consequences.”

“What are you talking about? What bell?”

“Joe. You cannot possibly be this dense. Everything we have accomplished…all of the progress that we made came from you interacting with Molly. Now you come into my office and tell me that you two broke up, that you are ready to do whatever I say to deal with your issues. Guess what? You’ve dealt with your issues. Are they gone? No. Are you fixed? No. None of us are ever going to be fixed. Life is a messy, painful, unfair shit hole on a good day. On a bad day, it can be downright unlivable. But we have to deal with the situations in our life. To find a way to live everyday no matter what life throws at us. And you, Joe, are not dealing with what life is throwing at you.”

“Okay. Then tell me what I need to do!”

“You need to grow a pair, damn it!” I had never heard him so frustrated. He sounded a lot more like Mac than himself at that moment. “You suffered a horrible trauma. But you lived through it. Then you found someone new. This woman brought you out of your shell and helped you want to live your life again.”

Looking across the desk I felt the overwhelming urge to reach over and choke the living shit out of him. It felt incredibly unfair to have him throw Molly in my face at a time like this.

“I met her, you know.” He returned to his normal calm so quickly I wondered if I hallucinated the entire outburst. He picked up his pen and for all I know, he was doodling in his journal.

“What? Who?”

“Molly. I stopped by Wrapgasmic under your advisement. Great food. Great girl. She’s very charming. Are you telling me you are just going to let her walk out of your life?”

Jess’s voice drifted through my head. …
please don’t let this take you away from the people that love you. Find a way past this.
My rage ran itself out in the face of that voice. Instead, I found myself laughing. Dr. Greene looked a little alarmed.

“You’re right, doc. I hate to admit it, but you’re right. I can’t depend on you to live my life. But I’m glad as hell you helped me realize that I actually had one.” Dr. Greene rose and stepped around the desk. Sticking out his hand, he shook with me.

“If you ever need to talk, Joe you know where I am. I’d like to keep our weekly appointments, but that’s entirely up to you. But now you need to get back out there and start living.” I turned and walked out of his office feeling a lot lighter than I had when I went in. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I sat in my truck and dialed Molly’s number. It rang several times and then went to voicemail.

“Molly? It’s Joe. I’m not sure if you’ll listen to this or just delete it, but here goes. I love you.” It fell out of my mouth and I stopped mid thought.

Shit? Did I just say that? On a fucking voicemail? Classy, Joe.

I couldn’t speak for what seemed like minutes. Frustrated and embarrassed, I finally lumbered on with what I’d intended to say. “I’m not ready to leave things the way they are. We
need
to talk and this time you need to simmer down and listen to what I have to say.”

I stopped and took a calming breath. When I spoke again, I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice. “Please…when you’re ready, just call me, okay?”

I hung up and drove back to my house. I spent the rest of the day with my phone plugged into the wall so that I wouldn’t have a dead battery if she tried to call. The sun dropped low in the sky and still no word from her. I flipped on the TV to take my mind off the cell phone.

The weatherman came on and he said there was a frost warning overnight. It was already windy out when I’d driven home, but according to this guy it was going to be damn chilly out. I hated the cold, and was glad we weren’t working overnights at the site. The moment the thought crossed my mind, I stood up and grabbed my phone and keys.

Francis.

When I got to the job site I searched around and couldn’t find him anywhere. It looked like the landscapers had finally dismantled his campsite in the inner courtyard, and a sense of dread overcame me. I drove around the surrounding area and finally spotted him under a walking bridge. He was sitting on the concrete with his back to a wall.

I approached him and held my hand out to help him up. He flinched away before he recognized me. Then he stared up at me in shock before taking my hand. I pulled him swiftly to his feet.

“Hey there, Francis. You and I need to have a chat.”

I HAD TO leave the jobsite before the lunch service began. I chopped for twenty minute before I could no longer contain my tears, and having to stop, blow my nose, and wash my hands every five minutes became ridiculous.

“Get out of here, Molly. We got this.” Sanchez took me by complete surprise as he climbed on the truck. He was scheduled to work the night shift, and had no reason to be at truck #1. When I turned to Stacy, she looked nervous, so I knew she called him in.

I took off my apron, unable to speak. Dirty S, reached out and placed his giant hand on my shoulder.

“Do you want me to beat him down?” His stone cold expression actually made me shudder.

“No. It’s not his fault.” I sniffed with a curt headshake. “I’m gonna go. Thanks, Sanch. I owe you.”

“Just work tomorrow morning at truck two for me and we’re square.” He replied and I nodded.

I drove home wishing I could take back my actions in Joe’s shop. All I wanted to do was help him, not hurt him. I’d been selfish to think for a second I’d be good for him. My entire life I’d been tromping around like a bull in a china shop making a mess out of things.

Now I’d come back to Austin, wrecked things with my brothers for good, and driven a wedge between them and one of their oldest friends, all because I selfishly wanted to indulge my teenage fantasy. I needed to blow town. I was all about karma, and knew it was only a matter of time before it kicked my ass for this debacle.

I pulled up to my apartment just as Dan was hoisting his suitcase into his trunk. He seemed taken aback by my unexpected appearance.

“Came to see me off, huh?”

“Yeah…then I’m crawling back into bed. When you get to the island, ask your brother if he still needs a chef. I think I need a new scene.”

“Molly, as much as I would love to have you as a roomie, I think it’s time for a little tough love. Your M.O. is to fight, not cut and run. After someone like Draven, I get the impulse, I really do. But you can’t just run from this. Do you love Joe?”

I folded my arms and tried to focus through my blurred vision. “Yes.”

“Have you told him?”

“I don’t have to. He knows.” I deadpanned.

“Then put up your dukes and fight, Molly. You tried so hard with that asshole that wasn’t worth a toss. From everything you’ve told me, Joe’s
the one
. Isn’t he worth fighting for?”

“I’m just tired, Dan. It’s hard to get Draven out of my head when he won’t go away and Joe needs to recover without some clinging little idiot hovering around. I can’t help him. Dan slammed the trunk shut harder than necessary causing me to flinch.

“Because having a loving woman in your life is so ten minutes ago.”

“Do you not remember what this did to me? I had to do the STD walk of shame to the clinic. Not to mention feeling afraid all the time. It’s just a little hard to be Joe’s rebound girl when I still feel so worthless. It doesn’t exactly help that I’ve always been this pathetic fucking puppy dog trailing after him. He deserves better. He needs someone with their shit together. And I have to look out for me ‘cause no one else will.”