Goodbyes and Second Chances (The Bleu Series Book 1) (21 page)

When the
song ends, Will begs, “Play another one, please!” Dillon obliges and starts
playing one of his hit songs.

Will
starts singing along and Dillon stops playing in amazement. “How do you know
this song, little man?”

“My mommy
has a crush on the band. Her listens to them
all
the time,” he says. This makes Dillon chuckle. He musses Will’s hair
and starts playing again, but this time he is playing “My Jewel.
”
Will jumps up and down. “That’s her
favoritest!”

Dillon
looks towards me to let me know he’s aware I’m here. He points at me and Will
looks in my direction too. I walk over and sit with them.

“Mommy, he
can really play that guitar good,” Will says in awe. This makes Dillon and I
laugh.

“Will, run
over to the ice cream hut and get yourself a Popsicle.”

He hops up
and the scurries over to the little stand at the edge of the pier. This is
something new I just recently added. We watch as he climbs on one of the stools
and asks for cherry limeade.

“You
always knew how hard it was on me to not have my dad,” Dillon whispers as his
eyes stay trained on Will. “How could you do that to our son?” He has no
intentions of letting me off easy on this. I can’t blame him either.

“I’m
sorry. I never thought it would take so long for you to come back. It’s like
you said, life got busy and time slipped by.”

He shakes
his head in disbelief. “Will?” he asks. He glances over at me sideways before
focusing back on our son.

“I named
him that because he gave me the will to keep it together.”

Dillon
scoffs at this.

“You were
gone, and I lost Aunt Evie and became a mom all in one year. So yes, our son
gave me the will to go on.”

“Jewels,
you didn’t have to go through any of that alone. You made that choice.” He runs
his hands through his hair and smiles weakly. “A honeymoon baby. That’s a
special gift.”

I can
barely swallow from all of the emotions whirling around me. “I’ve always
thought so. I thought that maybe… Maybe if I couldn’t ever get you back, I at
least would always have a part of you.” I look over at the spitting image of
him. The little guy is swinging his legs as he enjoys his Popsicle.

“We need
to tell my mom. She has a right to know too.”

I snort at
this and he glares at me questionably. “She already knows, Dillon. Who do you
think talked me into letting you go?”

“How?
Why?” His eyebrows are pinched in confusion. Then acute anger takes over his
features.

I shake my
head, knowing it will only make things worse.

“Tell me.”
He nearly growls under his breath. He’s close to losing his cool again.

“Cora
showed up that morning after we got married and told me to give you a chance
with your career. Said I would only get in the way of that. And you know what
Dillon? She was absolutely right. She came back for Aunt Evie’s funeral and
knew right away. I tried hiding it under a frumpy dress.” I feel Dillon’s eyes
boring into me, but can’t bring myself to look at him. “She did what she knew
was right for her son. I understand that now. Please don’t be mad at her. Just
be mad at me.”

“You’re
stronger willed than that, Jillian. What did my mother do?” He eyes me and is
beckoning the truth out of me.

I clear my
throat. “She said the papers wouldn’t take too kindly to our romance.
Especially the part where it began with you a minor and me already a legal
adult.”

He rubs
his face roughly with his hands. “I can’t believe this. Sixteen and eighteen,”
He shakes his head at the absurdity of it. “We never did anything
inappropriate.”

“Cora said
the media wouldn’t see it that way,” I whisper. We sit silently for a while
before I speak again. “I promise I wanted nothing more than to be your wife and
to go with you. But everything, and I mean everything, was against it. First
Cora, then I found out I was pregnant, and then Aunt Evie died. No matter how
badly I wanted you, it seemed to not be in God’s favor.”

Dillon
lets out a long frustrated breath. “Mave is being moved to another facility.
Word is leaking out so I’ve got to go take care of some business out of town.”
He grabs hold of my arm. “Look at me, Jillian.” I look up. “Will is mine and
I’ve got a lot of time to make up for with my son. You need to decide if you’re
going to be on board with that. ‘Cause it’s happening with or without you.”
With the stern warning, he gets up and walks over to Will. He perches on a
stool and shares a Popsicle with our son. I watch until their treats are gone
and Dillon is swooping Will up and is carrying him over to me. This giant of a
man carrying our bundle of a treasure in his strong arms—it’s an image I never
want to forget. It’s a beautiful sight. He hugs the little guy tightly before
handing him over to me.

“What’s
your name?” Will asks him.

“Daddy.
Please call me Daddy,” he says proudly. “I’ll see you soon, buddy.” Dillon
barely glances at me before heading over to the small cabin to grab his bags,
I’m guessing. For the last time, I worry.

“When will
you be back?” I yell over at him. He keeps walking and just shrugs his
shoulders. And with that, Dillon Bleu walks back out of my life.

Chapter Eighteen

Okay… So in all of one
afternoon, I totally earned the worst wife as well as the worst mom in the
world award.

I’ve
defended my decisions adamantly over the years, sure that they were the right
ones. I couldn’t let me be the ruin of Dillon’s musical dreams. There’s no way
I could have lived with myself. But now I’m realizing how much those decisions
have cost each one of us.

I’ve set
out in the last two months to reconcile this. I’ve done my best to give Will a
detailed history of his daddy. I told him I had kept him a surprise from
Dillon, which is absolutely true. I try to help Will understand why Dillon
can’t be with us now. I try to explain to him that our dear friend Mave is sick
and really needs his daddy right now. I tell him I’m sorry he hasn’t got to
meet Dillon sooner than now. I’ve cost my son a lot. Four years to be exact.

We have
spent afternoons under the willow tree with me rambling on about growing up
with Dillon as my best friend and about some of the mischief we got into along
the way. He loved that his daddy actually blew a boat up—even though it was by
accident. I share about the treasure hunts and promise him one soon. We visit
Leona and her new baby girl, Phoebe, every afternoon. Leona shares stories
about Dillon with Will while I love on that sweet baby. She talks about how
Dillon serenaded the trailer park all those years and how Aunt Evie would beg
him to play her favorite hymns.

I enjoy
telling Will all about his daddy’s magical talent of music. I finally let him
watch the Bleu Streak YouTube concert videos. My child is hooked on the band
now just as much as I am. It’s hilarious to watch a four-year-old rocking out,
just let me tell you. It’s in his blood. What can I say?

I don’t
know if I’ve lost Dillon. When he calls, he asks immediately to speak to Will.
So I have no choice but to hand over the phone and be ignored. I try asking him
about Mave and I only get vague answers. He states evenly that Mave is making
progress and then shuts me out. I ask him about when he is returning, but he
always says he’s not sure. I deserve this, I know. It still doesn’t make it any
easier. Dillon has always treated me with love and compassion and this coldness
really stings. I know one thing for sure. He will be back for his son, if
nothing else.

A week
after he left abruptly, a massive delivery came for Will. It included a
child-sized set of drums, a children’s guitar that is the exact replica of
Dillon’s electric-blue one, and an upright black piano. Fingers crossed, Will
took after his daddy in the music department and not his momma. A laptop was
also included with the instructions on how to set up Skype. Dillon video chats
with Will every night and prays with him before saying good night. It shows me
that we could have made this work all along. Again, Dillon never asks to speak
with me.

That
delivery had a note with it that simply stated,
just because
. Now that didn’t make too much sense to me, until a
few weeks after that another delivery was made. Each package was labeled for
each birthday Dillon missed. Four birthdays I stole from him.

The first
birthday package was a Bible. The rich leather cover is embossed with Will Bleu
and the inside is dated for the first birthday. A card tucked inside was
scrawled in Dillon’s handwriting. It stated:
These are the words to live by, my son. The Bible is your road map.
Keep it close to your heart and you’ll never be lost. ~Proverbs 4:4.

The second
package was a humongous set of Legos. Those suckers are strung and strode all
over my living room at the moment. The card with this gift stated:
You can build any life you want as long as
you have the right foundation ~Matthew 7:24.

The third
birthday gift was a bicycle that resembled a mini Harley with the same paintjob
as Dillon’s. It is the coolest bike I have ever seen, even with training
wheels. All of the neighbor kids beg Will to let them take a spin. My sweet boy
shares, too. He knows this is not the land of good and plenty already. The note
attached to the bike stated:
This life is
a journey. Always keep your wheels on the right path and nothing will be out of
reach
. ~
Psalm 119:34.

The man is
such a poet with his words. I’ve taken the cards and tucked them into Will’s
baby book for safe keeping. I hope to share this book with Dillon someday, if
he ever speaks to me again.

The fourth
birthday gift totally blew my mind. It is a framed copy of the lyrics to a song
written by Dillon entitled “My Will.” The note tucked with it told us that all
money from this song goes directly into a college account for Will. The note
attached stated:
The will of our lives is
in God’s hands and I’m a blessed man that He saw fit for you to be my Will.
~Ephesians 1:5.

There was
a lot of thought put into these gifts, and it makes my heart squeeze. Each of
these verses is marked in Will’s Bible and has comments scribbled in the margin
from his daddy. Will is a blessed boy to have Dillon Bleu for his daddy. I’ve
never seen someone with such a loyal heart as that man.

I got the
funniest text from Dillon just this week.
My
son needs a haircut. Get him one.
I laughed and came close to texting back
that he was a fine one to talk, but I thought better of it. I think I have
already made things bad enough. Will has always worn his hair on the long,
shaggy side too. As I said earlier, he looks exactly like Dillon. It broke my
heart to have his hair cut, and he felt the same way.

“I want my
hair like Daddy’s,” he said. After I told him it was his daddy’s request, Will got
over it instantly. Good grief. I can already see who gets to be the good guy,
and it ain’t momma.

Another
delivery followed the hair text. It was an entire new wardrobe for Will. It was
all high-end designers, but tasteful. It was basically designer jeans and
T-shirts with every brand of shoes you could think of. The note he scribbled
stated:
Please dress my son better
. I
thought I was already doing a decent job of that. I didn’t let him wear the
secondhand clothes like I wore. I have always searched diligently on the
clearance racks at the outlet stores for his outfits. I guess Dillon only has
his childhood to go off of, and I’m guessing he is determined to make his son’s
better. Again, I keep my snide comments about the subject to myself. Dillon
also has no clue how our boy’s body is growing with a blink of an eye. I
seriously doubt Will can get the chance to try out each pair of shoes before he
outgrows them. I know plenty of kids who will get some wear from them though.

Speaking
of which, there was also several packages for Brina’s young’uns. Dillon
scribbled a note saying:
Brina’s kids
look to be in need of some clothes.
That man’s heart is bigger than
anyone’s I know. So me and my little boy snuck over to Brina’s late that very
night and left the clothes on her tiny porch.

Even
though Dillon won’t speak to me, I have texted an apology.
I can never apologize enough for my mistakes. I swear to you I have
loved you more than God expects a wife to love her husband. My love for you is
so far beyond that. Not a day has ever gone by that I have not physically ached
for you. I love you.
It has gone unanswered and it breaks my heart. I never
weighed the impact of those choices I made for Dillon and I—and Will for that
matter.

I received
a letter from Cora apologizing last week, to my surprise. I can only begin to
imagine how Dillon probably laid into her. She said she had no business
ordering me to stay away from Dillon and she was sorry for all of the time
lost. I’m not crazy about forgiving her. But if I want Dillon to forgive me,
then I need to forgive her, too. She wants to meet Will and this rubs me wrong
something awful. Cora knew he existed all of these years and now wants to show
interest. My baby has never had a grandparent and I think he has done just well
without one. I just don’t know about this one. I guess we will cross that
bridge when we get to it. From the sounds of things, Dillon won’t be pushing
that any time soon.

It did
make me feel better that Dillon isn’t talking to her at the moment either. Kyle
called last night and filled me in some.

“Dillon
told Cora it was in her best interest to leave him alone for a while. He also
told her she best get busy with apologizing to you,” Kyle had said.

“Great.
Now she’s going to bug me. Just great,”

“I just
can’t believe you two have been married all these years behind my back. Both of
you really suck for keeping it from me.”

“But you
knew I had his child.”

“Yeah. I
just thought you were following in the footsteps of half the residents of
Shimmer Lakes Trailer Park,” he said with a laugh.

“That
ain’t funny, Kyle, and you know it. Things happen and these poor people don’t
need you casting your humorous stones at them.”

“I was
just kidding around, Jillian. Don’t get so offensive.”

“Come
home,” I said, barely able to choke the words out. Boy, did I need him right
now.

“No way. I
done missed the crap hitting the fan. All the fun is over. You are boring
again!” He was laughing as I hung up on him. Creep.

I’ve got
plenty to keep me busy at the moment. I let Jen have my small cabin as a
promotion. She is now manager of Shimmer Lakes. I need more time to figure out
the new life that will be taking place once Dillon finally figures out how
spend time with Will. I finally called Hudson. I think we have come up with a
plan on partnering. He promises to leave the trailer park section, if I agree
to take no new occupants. Once he has a good bit of vacant trailers, the plan
is to move them out and build more cabins. I like that idea. I put no one on
the street this way. The game room is also being revamped to an arcade and
small snack bar. I like this too, because it will create some jobs and be great
revenue. I agree with him that should have been done a long time ago. The RV
and campers leave to go over to the other side’s boardwalk for the arcade now.

The
contract is very clear on not kicking out any resident and that no condos or
hotels can ever be built. Hudson promises to keep things the way he knows that
Aunt Evie would have given her blessings. He’s so excited that I’ve finally
agreed to let him pave the roads too. That took a month to talk me into, but I
know it will be a good move. He’s footing the bill for the new renovations as
his pay for the partnering.

* * * *

“Blake, I
won’t tell you again about not being allowed to do the one-eighty maneuver with
the truck. Do it one more time and I’m going to have to fire you.” I eye him
sternly and watch him fidget.

“Yes,
ma’am. I’m sorry, Ms. Jillian,” Blake says. I want to punch him more for making
me feel old than for taking out a few of Mr. Wayne’s rose bushes with his
little stunt.

“Please
head over to the arcade and help the guys unload the new games,” I say and
dismiss the teenage boy from my office. Ugh. I hate having to act all grown.

“Yes,
ma’am,” he says remorsefully and heads out of my office.

I look
down at the damage estimates and shake my head in aggravation. Hudson demanded
I fire Blake immediately, but Hudson has some learning to do about this side of
the lake. This isn’t just some nonsense job for this teenager. He has to help
his grandma makes ends meet. I finally talked him into giving Blake one more
chance. Hudson also assumes the damages will be taken out of the guy’s
paycheck. I told him I agreed that should be done, but I never said I would. So
I’m writing Mr. Wayne a personal check and Blake has promised to help him clean
and replant the damaged portion of the yard.

My phone
starts coming to life as I sign my name. “Hello?”

“Hey. Ms.
Raveena said she just saw a strange man climb into the back window of Aunt
Evie’s trailer,” Jen says.

“Great.
Just what I need.”

“You want
me to call the cops?” Jen asks.

I’m
already heading out the door. “No. Let me go check it out first. Can you grab
Will from preschool and drop him off with Brina just in case this takes more
time than I have?” I ask as I climb on the golf cart and take off towards Aunt
Evie’s.

“Sure. No
problem. Be careful.”

“I’ll call
you back as soon as I figure out what’s going on,” I promise before hanging up.
It only takes two minutes at the most to zoom up to the trailer. I hop off the
cart to walk around the trailer and peep in my old room’s window. Lying on my
bed is a rail thin man with his back towards me. He clothes are good quality
but are rumpled, and his long brown hair is seriously tangled. His tatted up
arms are shielding his face from me.

For old
time’s sake, I ease the window open, crawl in beside him, and sit on the edge
of the bed. I rub his bony shoulder and he slowly rolls over in the small space
and stares at me blankly. I get a good look at him and it rips my heart out. He
looks like a ghost of himself, with pale skin that makes the dark circles under
his tired eyes much more prominent.

“You
okay?” I whisper. I’m worried I may scare him. He looks so frail.

He nods
his head slightly for an answer.

I pull his
hand in mine and hold it tightly. “Are you clean?” I ask in another whisper.

“Yeah.
Just needed to come home… Please don’t make me leave,” Mave whispers back. His
exhausted eyes convey a plea before sliding back shut.

“Of course
not,” I say as I release his hand and pull my phone out. I shoot Dillon a text.
Got Mave. He’s straight. Just leave him
here for now. Call u later.
He texts back immediately.
Thank God
. I put the phone back in my pocket and go back to holding
Mave’s hand. He drifts off to sleep for a while, but I don’t leave him. It
seems this is what he needs at the moment. I watch him and my heart aches for
what I see. Dillon didn’t let on that it was this bad. By the looks of Mave, he
had gotten himself into some pretty bad stuff. No wonder Dillon was so broke up
about it. Guilt slices through me once again, for not being there for both Mave
and the rest of the band. They are my family and I shut them out, too. I’m
right ashamed of myself. I sit here and tears slide down my cheeks as remorse
pricks at me. I might have been able to prevent this for Mave, if I was there
by their sides being the mother hen they obviously needed. But I guess that’s
neither here nor there now. What’s done is done and all I can do now is try to
make up for the lost time.