Goody Two Shoes (Invertary Book 2) (15 page)

The women looked at each other and burst out laughing.

By 7:28 p.m. the church hall was packed to capacity. Every seat was taken. People were crammed into the aisles, and the double doors were wide open so that those in the corridor could take part in the meeting. Caroline nodded to the domino boys, who were on door duty. She signalled to her watch. It was time to close the main doors and get ready for the meeting.

Josh bumped his shoulder into hers. “Don’t you think it was a bit over the top to confiscate everyone’s phones?”

He was sprawled out in one of the wooden chairs that had been set out in a row on the platform at the front of the room. His legs were straight out in front of him, ankles crossed, his arms folded. He looked about five seconds away from taking a nap. It made Caroline sit even straighter in her chair as she ground her teeth together.

“I don’t want any pictures or videos.”

He had on jeans and grey sneakers, but in deference to the occasion he was wearing a plain black T-shirt and black suit jacket. Yet again he made her look like she shopped at Goodwill, which she couldn’t complain about as it was pretty much true.

“You should let people take their pictures. It makes them happy.”

“Are you upset because you aren’t getting your photo taken, Josh? Is this about your poor wee ego?”

“I don’t have a poor wee ego.”

“You can say that again. There’s nothing wee about your ego.”

She looked at her watch. 7:30. Dougal, the unofficial town mayor, gave her a thumbs-up as Caroline took her position behind the lectern.

“Thank you all for coming.” Caroline shuffled her notes in front of her. “We have a bit of a situation that will affect everyone in town, and I need your help with it.” She took a quiet breath; she didn’t want anyone to know that she felt nervous. “First of all, Josh McInnes.” She pointed at Josh, just in case they weren’t sure whom she was talking about. He waved. “Josh and I are getting married.” There was a stunned silence. Caroline leaned closer to the microphone. “To each other,” she clarified.

Everyone started talking at once. Caroline waited patiently for calm to resume, watching the amazement pass through the room like a Mexican wave at a football match.

Dougal came up beside her and angled the mic towards himself. “Settle down! We’ve got a lot to get through. You can all gossip later.” He turned to Caroline. “Carry on, lass.”

“Thanks, Dougal.” Caroline was confident she could have managed the noise in the room by herself. “As I was saying, we’re getting married two weeks from now, here in Invertary.”

“We didn’t even know you were seeing each other,” a man at the back shouted.

“We weren’t.”

“So you just decided to get wed,” someone else called out.

“Yes.” The noise level grew. Caroline tapped the microphone. “I’m not finished. Sit down and listen.” As usual, everyone did as they were told. “Josh and I had planned on keeping this a secret until closer to the wedding day. Unfortunately, an unscrupulous individual has contacted the press here, and in Glasgow, to tip them off about the wedding.”

“Betty!” Several peopled shouted.

Betty McCloud climbed up onto the chair she’d been sitting on and glared around the room. The eighty-six-year-old was wearing one of her tartan tent dresses and, as usual, she’d forgotten her false teeth. “I did not tell the press about the wedding.” She rummaged around in her pocket. She gave a triumphant look when she came out with her teeth and popped them in her mouth.

“Yeah, right,” Archie called out. “If there’s trouble around here, you’re always behind it.”

Betty looked quite proud of that before she growled at the domino boy. “If I was going to call the press, I wouldn’t have rung the local rag. I’d have gone straight to the entertainment section at the BBC. What do you think I am? An amateur? If I wanted the press here, they’d be here already. Plus, I only just found out about the wedding, same as you. And I’ll be having a word with Kirsty and Lake about that oversight as soon as this meeting is done.”

“She’s got a point,” someone said. “Betty would have had the national press out before anyone noticed it’d happened. It can’t have been her.”

There were quite a lot of nodding heads.

“On the other hand.” Betty flashed a wicked smile. “I am responsible for the ad in last week’s paper that said Morag’s pies were on sale.”

“I knew it!” Morag jumped to her feet. “My bakery lost a lot of money because of that stunt. Lake Benson, can’t you keep a leash on your monkey?”

Lake was leaning against the wall at the back of the room. “I keep telling you lot. Just because she came with the shop I bought, doesn’t mean I’m responsible for her.”

“And we keep telling you that you are!” Morag shot back.

“That’s enough.” Caroline smacked the microphone.

Betty climbed down from her seat, gave Morag a finger wave and howled with laughter.

“We’ll deal with your pie problem later,” Caroline told Morag.

Morag pointed at Betty. “She owes me the money I would have made if I hadn’t been forced to sell cut-price pies.”

“As I said”—Caroline eyed Morag—“we’ll deal with that later. Right now we have more pressing matters, like the problem of the press.”

“I don’t see how that’s our problem,” a man at the back of the room called out.

Caroline scowled at him. “It’s your problem because I’m making it yours. I’ve promised Malcolm at the
Invertary Standard
that he’ll have an exclusive on the wedding. It’s in everyone’s best interest to make sure that happens.”

“Why?” Morag shouted. “Won’t the press bring business? We could use the business. Especially with Betty sabotaging everybody.”

“Yes.” Caroline felt her patience beginning to slip. “The press would bring business, but not as much business as our wedding is going to generate. We’re making sure everything stays as local as possible. Plus the town will have celebrities and tourists. There will be plenty of interest.” She leaned closer to the microphone. “But if this story breaks before I want it to, if this town is overrun by paparazzi and journalists, Josh and I will be forced to have our wedding somewhere else. Then there will be no new business for anyone.” She gave Morag a pointed look.

There was silence.

“This is what I want,” Caroline told the stunned crowd. “We will keep the press out of town. No one is to deal with them. We want to keep everything about this wedding top secret.”

“How are we supposed to keep the kids off Facebook?” someone moaned.

“I’m sure you can think of a way. It’s in your best interest to control them. This wedding will bring a lot of business to the town and will promote tourism for the future. Invertary will be talked about around the world.”

“It will put us on the map,” Dougal shouted.

“The teenagers don’t care about the map,” someone shouted back.

“You’re off your head,” one of the men said. “You’re asking for the impossible.”

The crowd descended into unhappy grumbling. Caroline held up her hand to quieten everyone. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Josh shaking his head at her.

“Settle down, right now,” Caroline told the crowd.

It got slightly quieter. She folded her arms and waited. She would not tolerate being disobeyed.

Josh watched Caroline stare at the crowd like some misguided army drill sergeant. Any minute now she was going to order them all to get down and give her twenty for insubordination. He agreed with the grumpy guy with orange hair—she was out of her mind.

“I don’t see why we should do this,” a woman called out.

“I told you, it’s for the good of the town.” Caroline stuck her nose in the air. “And it’s the right thing to do.”

There was a collective groan. It was time to intervene. If there was one thing he knew, it was how to work a crowd. He sauntered to the mic, smiling at the people in the room. Slowly, quiet descended. It took Caroline a minute to notice she wasn’t the reason for the silence. When she turned to him, she frowned.

“What are you doing out of your seat?”

Josh grinned at her. “When we’re alone we’re going to deal with this teacher fantasy of yours.”

There were giggles. Caroline’s face turned a lovely shade of pink, and she was speechless for once. Josh put a hand on each of her hips and moved her away from the mic.

“Hi, folks. Good to see you all. What my lovely fiancée forgot to say was that if everyone helps us out, I’ll put on an extra show and donate the proceeds to the town.” Caroline gasped. He gave her a lazy smile. “I don’t know exactly how this town works. Maybe your mayor can help me out here.”

Dougal bustled over to the lectern. “Unofficial mayor,” he corrected.

Josh shook his head a little. Where the hell was the official mayor? Never mind.

“I’m thinking,” Josh said into the mic, “that the proceeds from the concert can be held by the council and used for things the teenagers might appreciate. Things they want more than they want to post photos online.”

Dougal patted him on the back. “Ah, I like the way you think, young man. A bribe. Well, we do need a new computer suite at the community centre, or a new football pitch on the edge of town. Who knows, maybe we could even stretch to a small recording studio for budding artists. I’m pretty sure we could cover all the interests represented by our teenagers.”

Josh gave him an encouraging nod. Caroline folded her arms and glared at him. Josh swallowed a laugh.

“So there it is, folks—if you guys can help us out, we can do something for everyone in town. Your business will get a boost. Your kids will get a bribe. What do you say? Want to help us keep our wedding private?”

There was a roar of approval. Josh led Caroline back to their seats. She was stiff as a board. Mad at his interference.

“We’re setting up roadblocks on the main road out of town,” Dougal was saying as Josh finger walked up Caroline’s spine to the base of her neck. She tried to shake him off. “It’s our town. We can decide who comes and goes, and if we don’t want the press in here, then we don’t need to let them in. The domino boys have offered to man the barricades.”

“I’ll help,” shouted Betty. “Lake’s been teaching me interrogation techniques. They might come in handy.”

When everyone turned towards Lake, he shrugged. “You want her to be bored?”

“The man has a point,” Dougal said.

“I love this town,” Josh whispered to Caroline, who gave an unladylike snort.

Josh rubbed the tense spot in Caroline’s neck. She very slightly shrugged, trying to make him stop.

“Stop it,” she snapped at him. “We’re in public. And I’m annoyed with you. I had everything under control. You didn’t need to butt in and bribe everyone. People would have done the right thing, because it was the right thing to do.” She gave him a look that might have turned him to stone—if she’d possessed any sort of power over him. Instead, it made his mouth water.

She shuffled in her seat to get away from him. Josh wrapped his hand around her hip and tugged her back, snug against him.

“Behave,” he whispered. “You have no idea what I could say, or do, in front of this crowd. I’m an unknown entity and I have absolutely no shame. I’m not easily embarrassed. Ask Mitch.”

Caroline shot daggers at him from the corner of her eye. Josh chuckled.

“Baby, not everyone has your well-developed sense of right and wrong. People need a little incentive.” Josh trailed his fingers up her back and into her hair. She gave him a haughty glance over her shoulder. It was intended to remind him of his place. Which, he guessed, was somewhere around the level of a subject to Queen Caroline. “You have a very low opinion of people.”

“No. I’m a realist. A realist with resources. Resources that are yours to use. That’s what marriage is about. We help each other.”

“We’re not married yet.” Caroline gave him the evil eye, and the chuckle he’d been stifling erupted from him.

He leaned in closer to breathe her deeply. He slid his hand down her back until it curved comfortably on her hip.

“Two last things,” Dougal was saying. “Don’t hassle the happy couple—they have a right to their special day, just the same as you do. And second, there’s a sale on chips at the pub after the meeting.” He looked at Betty. “This one wasn’t organised by Betty.”

There was a whoop of laughter as people noisily cleared out of the hall. Caroline jumped to her feet and practically ran from Josh. He shook his head slowly.
You can run, but you can’t hide.

Josh watched Dougal talk to Caroline. His huge belly was wrapped in a pink shirt and green tartan waistcoat. He looked exactly the way a Christmas gift would look if a drunken Elton John was wrapping it. Caroline stepped out from behind Dougal, and her eyes caught Josh’s. Josh smiled before blowing her a kiss. She stumbled, and Dougal reached out to steady her.

“I’m Caroline’s best friend,” a voice beside Josh said.

He turned to find a stunning redhead, flanked by the guy who was responsible for Betty. Josh stood and offered his hand.

“I’m Kirsty, and this is my fiancé, Lake.” She gripped his hand tightly when he moved to let go, and leaned towards him. “If you hurt my friend, or upset her in anyway, I will eviscerate you.”