Grace Alive: a Christian Romance (10 page)

“Hi, Mia,” I said in defeat.

“Hey, Zo, what’s up?”

“What isn’t?” I folded my arms across my
chest.

“I heard some girls talking about you and
Jacob. Is that true?” She looked kind of hurt that I hadn’t told
her.

“I don’t know, yeah, I guess. My dad told me
God told him I was Jacob’s wife. So, yes, I guess I’m courting
Jacob right now.” My face bunched into what probably looked like an
angry cat face.

“You don’t seem too happy about that.” Her
mouth upturned slightly. She looked defensive.

“Um, hello, no. He’s disgusting. I can’t
stand the guy. I know Tori and her little group are gossiping about
it already. I don’t even know how she knew. Probably Jacob and his
big mouth. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone he snagged the
pastor’s daughter.” I should be happy right? I mean I was courting
someone finally. But Jacob? I wanted to scream. I think Mia saw
that on my face and pulled me down into the chairs.

“It might not be that bad. Jacob is a godly
man. He goes to church, he’s a virgin, he tithes, and he’s got a
lot of money. Think about it, Zoe, he’s kind of right for you.” Mia
looked me right in the eye.

“Really, Mia? Really? You really think that
guy is right for me?” My eyes flashed with annoyance that my best
friend would encourage this relationship.

She looked over to where Jacob was combing
his slicked back hair.

“Hmm…” she said and turned back to me.
“Just…keep praying and asking God for love for him. If your dad
said God spoke to him it must be true. Pastor Daniel always hears
from the Lord.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I said and
rested my head against the back of the pew.

***

“Sometimes we don’t hear the voice of God
clearly, or we are ignoring the signs God is giving us through
others. We must follow the will of God for our lives, or else we
will stray in our relationship with the Father God. It’s easy to
get distracted by worldly things. But the word says in
James
4:4: Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship
with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a
friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
Do you want
to be an enemy of God?” My dad continued preaching, but I knew he
was aiming what he was saying at me.

Was I just being distracted by worldly
things? Like Branson’s good looks? Was I in rebellion against God’s
plan for my life? Was I going to cause God’s wrath to fall upon me?
I felt sick to my stomach. Mia looked over at me and squeezed my
hand.

“You okay? You look sick,” she whispered. I
nodded my head, even though I did want to vomit. It was more of a
mental vomit than a physical though. Church ended promptly at
twelve, and I helped Mia load her little munchkins in the car with
Tomas. After saying goodbye, I climbed back into my car and sat
there for a second. What was I doing? Branson was just a
distraction. I wasn’t listening to God’s voice that was coming
through my father. I battled my feelings of guilt.

Go see Branson…
God whispered very
softly to my heart. I felt a sense of peace wash over me. It was
all so confusing. God’s voice and the voice of my father were
exactly opposite. If my dad ever found out that I was going out
with a guy who had lived such a sinful life he’d flip out. I
started up my car and headed toward Eateries, some restaurant that
Branson said was excellent. I’d be super early, but I could just
sit and think for awhile.

I arrived at Eateries by 12:25 and parked my
car. I watched as couples, families, and random people walked into
the food joint. I needed to try to sort out all of this crap in my
head. Dad said I was in rebellion against God, and was indicating
that I was an enemy of God because I was having a friendship with
the world. Or at least that’s what it felt like this morning. But
then I kept hearing God’s voice encouraging me to go be with
Branson. That didn’t make any sense! One of us was wrong. Either my
dad never heard God, or I was hearing something crazy.

I remembered hearing that same voice before
when I went through some really hard stuff in college. I had almost
wanted to give it all up and throw in the towel when I’d heard God
whisper to my heart His love. It was what held my world together.
Now, that same voice was telling me to go out with Branson. Despite
my guilty heart, I was going to follow that voice. I closed my eyes
briefly and turned up my worship music in my car. I felt peace
settle on me so strong that it brought tears to my eyes.

Someone rapped on my window, and I jumped
awake. Had I fallen asleep? I looked over to see a grinning
Branson. He was wearing a white t-shirt that had a cross going down
one side of it with tiny silver gems and dark jeans. I rolled down
the window.
God, please don’t let me have drool on my
face.

“Hi,” I said sheepishly and tucked a strand
of hair behind my ear.

“Hi,” he said. “You want to go in?” He
motioned toward the restaurant, and I nodded. I was happy he didn’t
mention my drool fest. I climbed out of the car grabbing up my
purse on the way. We walked in together. I felt my nerves rising.
What was I doing? What if someone from the church was here?
It’s
okay, Zoe, trust Me.
I quieted myself at the sound of God’s
voice. We got a table fairly quickly, and I picked up a menu to
scan it. I’d only eaten here like once, so I wasn’t sure what the
best thing to go for was.

“The fish is really good. Or if you like
bacon shoot for the Mad House burger. It’s really awesome,” Branson
said.

“I’ll go with that,” I said. I loved me some
bacon! The waiter came over with a smile and put two waters on the
table.

“Hi, I’m Jason. Can I start you off with some
drinks this afternoon?” He smiled at us; his navy blue shirt read
Eateries across the front of it.

“I’ll take a Coke and the Mad House burger
with the works on it.” I handed him my menu. He turned his
attention to Branson.

“I’ll get a raspberry lemonade and go with
the fish special.”

Jason left our table to go put in our orders.
Branson folded his hands on the table and turned his full attention
on my face. I felt myself growing nervous.

“How was church today?” he asked. Did I
really want to talk about this?

“Um, well, it was good,” I said with a fumble
of my tongue. Geesh. Learn how to talk, Zoe. “How about you?” I
asked just because that was probably the polite thing to do
here.

“It was amazing! God healed two people today,
three teenagers got saved, and Pastor Dom preached amazing!” His
joy was infectious. I couldn’t help but grin.

“That’s so awesome!” I said and felt a
strange pull in my heart. People got healed? Weird. I mean, yes, we
prayed for the sick and all of that, but I’d never seen anyone get
healed really. It was just more something that was expected of us.
My dad had prayer warriors that would beg God to heal people, but
as far as I knew not many got healed at all. In fact, some people
went up for prayer for the same things every time.

“This little girl who was believing God for a
miracle for her dad came up holding his hand. Her dad was mute, and
she asked if Pastor Dom could pray. So he brought up all the
children in the church, and they laid hands on him. And seriously,
he started talking!” Branson was practically bouncing out of his
chair. Wow. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did I really
believe that? God didn’t just do stuff like that did He? My mind
drifted to the stories of miracles Jesus did, the disciples did,
and the book of Acts.

“That’s so cool,” I said and took a sip of my
water. Jason came back with our drinks. I scooted my Coke closer to
me and took the little wrapper off the top of the straw. “My dad
talked about the will of God today. How if we are friends with the
world we are an enemy of God. I really…” I didn’t want to talk
about this at all. Branson’s face changed slightly.

“You think you’re an enemy of God, Zoe?” he
asked in a voice that shook with sadness. He felt sorry for me?

“Well…I don’t know. I just haven’t been
making the choices my dad thinks I should be making I guess. He’s
been trying to help me find out the will of God for my life. I’m
just afraid God is going to be mad at me.”

Branson looked at me and looked like he was
lost with his own thoughts.

“Zoe, God isn’t mad at you.”

“If I don’t do what pleases Him, He’s going
to be mad at me. My dad thinks I’m not pleasing God because he
wants me to do something I don’t want to do.” I felt tears prick my
eyes. Why was I talking about this to Branson? I wanted to talk
about movies or something else to distract me from my fear and
guilt that had been following me around forever.

“Pastor Dom talked to me when I first started
going to Grace Alive, he told me something that I’ll never forget.
Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who
are in Christ Jesus.
If you are saved and condemnation comes at
you it’s not of God,” Branson explained.

“You skipped part of the verse, Branson,” I
said and my voice came out harsher than I wanted. “It says: There
is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus
who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the
Spirit. So if I’m walking in the flesh…then I’m going to have
condemnation.” I let out a sigh. I was never going to walk in the
Spirit the way I was supposed to.

“Zoe..” Branson drew out my name very
carefully. “Pastor Dom looked up that scripture and that last
part…isn’t in there. Look it up in the Greek, the last part was
added in by the translators. It doesn’t say who do not walk
according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. If you’re in
Christ there is no condemnation period.” He smiled at me. I
fidgeted uncomfortably. I didn’t know how to take that. And who was
Pastor Dom to know the Bible? My dad had been to school for ages
and ages. He never said that. My mouth worked into a frown.

“I don’t know if that’s true, Branson. I
think Pastor Dom might be making that up.” I sounded a little
crabby.

“Look it up for yourself, Zoe,” he said, and
his voice remained light.

“Okay,” I said and looked down at the table.
This was so weird. Was it possible to live a life without
condemnation? The Holy Spirit condemned me all the time through my
father when he spoke. How did Branson explain that? I felt a
strange feeling twist in my gut.

“The Holy Spirit condemns me of my sins all
the time, Branson,” I said very quickly and pressed my lips into a
line.

“That’s not the Holy Spirit then,” Branson
said. He reached across the table and touched my hand lightly. “The
Holy Spirit came to convince you of your righteousness, not to
throw condemnation at you.”

I wasn’t sure if what Branson was saying was
true. I was going to have to ask my dad about all of this. Did I
want to ask my dad though? Wouldn’t he just get angry at me for
believing some mumbo jumbo grace stuff? Our food arrived, and
Branson and I talked back and forth about God until I was growing
weary of the conversation.

“So, how’s your book coming?” he asked as he
bit into his fish.

“My book?” I said confused for a second. Oh
duh. “Oh, it’s good. I…tried writing some on it, but I’ve got no
inspiration right now.” Did I ever? I felt heaviness on my
shoulders.

“Why’s that? Tell me about the story again;
maybe it will help inspire you.” He leaned forward, and I smiled. I
started telling him all the details. He started throwing ideas out
at me. They were pretty good! We finished eating our meals, and I
sighed in satisfaction.

“Good?” Branson asked.

“That was some amazing bacon.”

“I told you this place is amazing. I used to
come here with my dad all the time.” He seemed to cover up some
emotion when he said that, but I tried not to notice.

“I gotta go pick up the twins in a few
minutes Julie was just watching them for a few hours. Do you want
to come? I’m sure they’d love to see you,” he asked after he’d paid
for our meals.

“Oh, sure,” I said though I wasn’t sure how I
felt about meeting his ex girlfriend or whatever.

“I’ve been trying really hard to witness to
Julie; I think meeting you will really help her. She’s been
struggling with me getting saved. She’s still mad at me about our
breakup.” He seemed uncomfortable. “I did a lot of stupid stuff,
Zoe.” He closed his eyes for a second and then reopened them. “I’m
so thankful for the love of God.” We headed toward our cars.

“I’ll follow you,” I said as I stood beside
my neon green Ford Fiesta.

“It’s on Forest lane just a few blocks from
here.” He motioned toward the main road.

I felt like an idiot. Why the heck was I
meeting his ex! I already felt really confused about going out with
him. He was a player. It was evident in his past. But, what about
this grace stuff he was talking about? Had God simply just forgiven
him, and that was that? Or was He still punishing him for his sins
in the past. I mean he’d had multiple girlfriends and kids by two
separate women. Was I going to be another one on his list? I was
hyperventilating again.
It’s going to be okay, Zoe, trust Me.
Trust Me.
There was God talking to me again about this. I was
going to have to just stop worrying about everything.

We arrived at the twins’ mom’s house, and I
climbed out of my car nervously. What if Julie threw a shoe at me
or something? Didn’t Branson say she was mad at him for their
breakup? This was going to be interesting.

Branson climbed out of the car and jogged up
to the door motioning for me to follow behind him. He was so cute.
I couldn’t help but notice the way his muscles moved under his
shirt. Branson knocked a couple times and then opened the door.