Graceful Ashes (2 page)

Contrary to how I was as a child, conversation with people I didn’t know was not a strong suit of mine.

“Excuse me.” I huffed as a guy with shoulder length dreadlocks exhaled. His smoke hit me hard in the lungs. A cough ripped up my throat that burned like a mo fo.

I pushed through the group that was hovering outside her door as I coughed my way toward my apartment.

“Are you okay?”

The deep gravelly voice from behind me sounded like...smooth confidence.

Clearing my throat, I turned as I blinked away tears stinging my eyes. A man dressed in black jeans and a hunter green V-neck shirt stood not even a foot away from me. His hair was longer than that of normal preppy guys, almost shoulder length, curling haphazardly around his face. I was tall for a girl, pushing almost five foot nine, but he was taller than me—at least six foot two—and his tight shirt showed off his lean but muscular build.

As I brought my eyes back up his torso I noticed the uncertainty etched across his face. But the uncertainty quickly morphed to a smirk. I had totally been caught checking him out. “Umm…” My voice sounded like razors and I cleared my throat again. “I’m fine. Just got a little too much of that shit in my lungs.”

He leaned against the wall. “Not a smoker I take it?” He shoved a hand through his thick hair.

I shook my head slowly. “Never have been.”

His smirk grew into an actual smile. “It’s one of those
acquired
tastes.”

My face scrunched as another large cloud of the stuff hit me in the face. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Here, man, have a hit.” A severely intoxicated guy extended a joint in his direction.

He took the joint between his first finger and thumb and brought it up to his mouth.

I barely heard the sound of his deep inhale as I focused on his lips. Perfectly, kissable lips. My heart beat wildly within my chest as my gaze shifted back to his. His navy-grey eyes conveyed a message I was powerless to resist.

He stepped closer and covered my mouth with his.  My lips parted in surprise. He exhaled and instinctively, I inhaled.

I jerked away as the smoke raced down my throat. My lungs burned as the smoke hit them forcing a round of heavy coughs.

He patted me on the back. “You okay?”

His eyes were mere inches from mine.

I nodded and covered my mouth until I caught my breath enough to huff, “Why…did…you…do…that?”

“You didn’t tell me not to.” He smirked.

“You didn’t even ask!” I sucked a clean breath of air into my lungs and felt the effects of the marijuana coursing through me. I backed up a step. “I—I can’t believe you did that,” I whispered then turned and took off toward my apartment.

“I’m sorry!”

My nerves spiked as I heard the sounds of his footsteps following me. Not wanting him to know which apartment was mine, I stopped well before I reached my door and turned. “Why are you following me?” A giggle rolled up my throat. Maybe from the marijuana?

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” His thick dark eyebrows pulled deep in the center as he ran a hand through his hair. “I thought it would help you chill out a bit. You seemed on edge.”

“You don’t think a complete stranger kissing me wouldn’t upset me? I don’t even know your name for Christ’s sake!” My mouth was as dry as a desert and my yell croaked like a big fat bullfrog.

“Hendrix.” He smiled.

“What?” I breathed.

“Hendrix. That’s my name.”

“Like Jimi Hendrix?” I laughed without being able to stop myself.

“Yep.”

“Well, that’s pretty fitting.”

“Stereotype much?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“If the shoe fits…” Another round of laughter passed my lips.

Hendrix let out his own round of laughter. “Touché.”

His word choice had me smiling widely. I thought I was the only person my age to throw that word around. I drove Talon nuts with how often I used it.

Hendrix let out a long breath. “My parents were hippies I guess you could say. My name, and choice of plant to smoke, comes honestly.”

I didn’t know what to say to him about his parents because mine had died many years ago. Sadly, I didn’t remember a whole lot about them. Photographs kept their faces alive in my mind, but their voices had faded over the years, and I didn’t have that same connection with them most children had with their parents. The closest connection I had of that type was with my brother who had raised me.

“Want to go back to the party?”

Hendrix shoved his hands in his pockets and looked like I was going to turn him down as soon as the words left his mouth. Parties weren’t for me, mainly because I was the awkward chick that didn’t drink or smoke, but my loopy thoughts had me going with the flow.

“Sure, why not.” I shrugged. “Let me run into my apartment real quick and I’ll meet you there.”

Hendrix nodded then headed back down the hallway.

I watched him for a few seconds, then he turned and my cheeks reddened at being caught staring.

“Don’t stand me up…” He smiled widely.

“Zoey.” My entire face reddened when I realize I hadn’t given him my name.

“I like it.” He winked then headed down the hallway again. I watched him until he disappeared into the growing crowd before entering my apartment.

Chapter Two

I forced myself fully awake. My eyes burned right along with my throat, demanding I get my ass up and grab something to drink. Pushing my elbows deep into the mattress I lifted enough to take in my appearance. Not only was I lying on top of my bedding, but I was still wearing the same damn outfit as the night before, booties and all.

“What the hell...” I groaned, pressing my toes to one heel then the other to kick off my booties. I pointed and flexed my toes to relax the cramped muscles and I pulled the Aztec sweater off over my head.

I planted my feet on the carpeted floor beside my bed then stretched my arms high above my head in hopes of relaxing my sore muscles. The night before hit me piece by piece: coming home to a full blown party on my floor, meeting some guy in the hallway, the same guy blowing his smoke into my lungs as he kissed me, and… “Holy shit.”

I hadn’t gone back to the party!

Instead of freshening up before heading down the hall, I had gulped down what seemed like half a gallon of orange juice and apparently passed out on my bed. I felt bad for leaving Hendrix high and dry, but then again I was pretty sure no sooner had he disappeared into the crowd he most likely forgot about me.

Why in the hell I had let him blow marijuana smoke down my throat was beyond me. I didn’t do that stuff!  Throw pillows bounced as I flopped back onto the bed. “Shake it off and put it in the past.” Today was a new day which I wanted to face with a clear head because I had plans. I hadn’t been to the 9/11 Memorial yet, and since it topped my “To See” list, I was making the activity my number one priority.

The train ride was a short and easy one. The heat of the sun warmed my face as I rushed up the steps to the city above. Skyscrapers stretched to what seemed like the heavens, and I stared opened mouthed toward the top of those never ending buildings like every other tourist.

Silence hung in the air as chills rose on my arms from the solemn feel of the National September 11 Memorial and Museum. I secured the strap to my camera around my right hand as I took in the first black granite fountain which sat where the North Tower of the World Trade Center once stood, memorialized nearly three thousand men and women who had lost their lives on that heartbreaking day.

As I stepped closer the sun slipped behind the clouds allowing me to push my sunglasses up onto my head. The rush of the water cascading into the thirty-foot deep pool overloaded my emotions. The chills on my arms danced across the remainder of my skin, causing me to shiver. The name of each person who died that day was etched into the low granite walls surrounding the pool. As I read the names before me a feeling of loss and heartache hung thickly in the air.

My hand smoothed across the grooves of the names staring back at me on the granite. I closed my eyes and mouthed a silent prayer. My life might not have been affected personally by those horrific terrorist attacks, but I knew just how badly losing someone you loved felt.

It could shatter your very soul.

The sudden rush of tears made my eyes burn, but the sound of loud sobbing made me forget my own tears. To my left, a man with shortly cropped salt and pepper hair knelt before the wall. His hand covered a name while his forehead rested against his bicep. My heart ached at seeing him so broken and exposed. The sight reminded me of Talon breaking down when the firefighters couldn’t save the rest of our family in the house fire.

I pressed my palm against my chest as if I could push away the ache that was radiating from my heart. While the man continued to sob, people walked by without pause. Walking past someone this shattered wasn’t an option for me. I was raised to give a shoulder to cry on when needed. Without hesitation, I approached the man. “Sir?” I whispered.

The man startled, and I jumped back a step.

As his red-rimmed eyes took me in he said, “I’m—I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

“Oh, no!” I shook my head as my eyebrows pulled deep in the center. “You didn’t disturb me. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you loss.”

He cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

I relaxed.

He pulled a handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suite jacket, and wiped his tears before blowing his nose and standing to his full height. A cheerless smile passed over his mouth before a frown took its place.

I wondered if saying something to him had been the best idea when he broke my internal questioning with his own question.

“Did you lose someone
that
day?” His voice trembled as he finished the sentence.

I shook my head. “Not that day, but I have lost many people who I loved dearly unexpectedly.” My hands shook like they did almost every time I spoke about losing most of my family. I had spent most of my life pushing the guilt from that night to the back of my mind so I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my childish decisions.

The man nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

I shrugged and barely smiled. “It’s part of life I suppose.” I fiddled with the strap of my camera as silence settled between us. My attention focused on the toes of my shoes, but I could feel him looking at me.

“My wife, Marilyn, worked on the tenth floor of the North Tower.”

I lifted my head at his admission. I hadn’t expected him to share with a stranger.

He turned and watched the water fall into the depths below. “I remember that day as if it was yesterday.” A heavy sigh passed his lips. “I woke up with a stomach bug and called the office to inform them I wasn’t going to make it.  Marilyn offered to stay home to take care of me, but I insisted that I would be just fine and told her to go on into work, if I needed her I would call.”

He laughed a humorless laugh as bowed his head and smoothed a hand across what I assumed to be her name.

“After forcing myself to eat some toast I had settled into our bed and flipped on the television. The first thing that my eyes landed on was the first tower in flames just before the second plane hit. I watched, like millions of other people, as both towers fell while frantically trying to get a hold of my wife.” His voice wavered as he placed a shaky hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut.

“You don’t have to say anymore.” My chin quivered as I fought the onset of my own tears. “Marilyn was just one of the many people that will forever be held in our hearts from that tragic day. I know that doesn’t make it any easier…” My words failed me.

He opened his eyes and faced me once again. “She called me.”

My eyes went wide and my jaw slack. I assumed she had died before he could get in touch with her, like what had happened to millions of loved ones.

“I can still hear her distraught voice telling me that she wasn’t going to make it out of the building. She was trapped beneath some rubble that had fallen when the plane hit and there was no one in sight. Her phone kept cutting in and out, but the last words she managed to say to me was how much she loved me and our family, to take care of our children and make sure they grew up having a good life.”

His tears were falling freely by this point and so were my own.

I swiped away a few tears. “I’m so sorry.” I choked out through the thick emotions clogging my throat.

“There’s no need for you to apologize.” He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to burden you with the story, I’m not sure what came over me.” He slipped his handkerchief into his pocket, kissed his first two fingers and placed them on his wife’s name.

“Sometimes it helps to get it out.” The words left my mouth before I realized what I was saying. Who was I to say that it helped to get it out when I was the poster child for locking away grief and heartache? The only person I was kidding was the nameless man before me because I sure as hell wasn’t kidding myself.

“Maybe so.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Thanks for listening…”

“Zoey.” I extended my hand.

“Nice to meet you, Zoey. I’m Elliot.” He gripped my hand.

“You as well, Elliot.”

Just as quickly as we made acquaintances he turned and walked away. I stared at Marilyn Gregory’s name etched into the dark granite with my heart barely beating a sad rhythm in my chest.

After talking with Elliot, I couldn’t shake the ghost haunting me and gave up on anymore sightseeing for the day. I boarded a train for Juilliard, and sat, barely aware of how uncomfortable the seat was. People squished in on either side of me, but with the cloudiness in my head I didn’t pay any attention to them. If Talon knew I was out by myself in the city and not being my normal hyper vigilant self, he would physically extract me from New York and haul my ass back to Chicago.

Which was beginning to sound like a grand idea. The loneliness of the city was catching up with me.

“Didn’t think I would see you again.”

A very familiar voice had a smile tipping up the corners of my mouth.

I took in the man sitting next to me, none other than Hendrix. “Yeah,” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and diverted my eyes from his to the black mark on the seat between us. “Sorry about that. I kind of crashed when I got to my apartment.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he teased.

I lifted my gaze to his and at the sight of his navy-grey eyes, a wave of calmness washed over me. I hadn’t realized the other night how unusual his eye color was. Under the lights of the train, I could see a thick ring of navy blue outlining numerous shades of grey and deep blue swirling together, creating an array of color all their own. They were remarkable.

“Zoey?”

His gravelly voice calling my name broke the trance his eyes had on me.

“Yeah?” I tucked the same strand of hair behind my ear once again and noticed his hair was pulled into a man bun that showed off his angular face.

A mega-watt smile spread widely across his lips. “Thought I lost ya for a second there.”

Warmth enveloped my body, as embarrassment settled across my chest and cheeks in what I assumed was a display of bright pinkish red. I didn’t do well with embarrassment so I locked my hands together in my lap and looked away.

A mother and daughter a few seats over caught my eye. The young girl was sleeping soundly in her mother’s arms as the mother rocked her back and forth, mumbling something sweet and gentle. I smiled at the sight and quickly flipped my camera on to capture the moment. I loved seeing love at its finest. The moments that were meant to be private but displayed just how much the heart can care for another. A mother’s love for her young daughter was the perfect example of that.

I pulled the photo back up on the camera to inspect it and warm breath blew across the shell of my ear.

“You have a good eye.”

Hendrix’s raspy voice made my heart pick up its pace, and I sucked in a sharp breath from the unexpectedness of him in my personal bubble. A nervous laugh rolled up my throat. “I try. It’s just a small hobby really.” I shut the camera off and held it tightly in my lap.

Hendrix draped an arm along the back of the seat we were sharing. “Why do you always seem so nervous?”

I turned toward him and took in his cool composure as he lounged beside me. He was the complete opposite of who I was; outgoing, calm, spoke his thoughts, and didn’t second-guess himself. I wanted to be more like he was.

“I don’t know…I rarely interact with people outside of class.” I stumbled on my words, my explanation coming out in a completely awkward manner.

Hendrix smoothed his hand along a strand of my long dark hair and smiled. “You’ve gotta let go of being so shy, pretty girl. The world is yours to conquer.”

His eyes bored into mine, deepening the message of his words.

Oddly enough, his statement didn’t freak me out. Instead, I felt like what he said was something I needed to hear. Just like with dancing. I had been in the background since I had stepped foot into Juilliard, and that needed to change. I needed to open up, not only to myself, but to the world. Who could accomplish their dreams if they were too afraid to jump into the limelight and show everyone what they could do?

I cocked my head and smiled genuinely “If only it was that easy, Hendrix.”

His eyes softened as the train came to a stop and he stood.