Graham's Resolution Trilogy Bundle: Books 1-3 (34 page)

Clarisse held Addy’s hand as they walked back to camp. “How about you and I go to the mess hall and grab dinner before they eat all the barbecue TVP chicken?” Clarisse suggested in an attempt to break Addy’s glum silence. Most people in camp liked the chicken flavored textured vegetable protein, and it usually went fast. The girl hadn’t said much, and Clarisse sensed the wheels turning as Addy’s young mind sought a solution to the problem. She was that kind of child, and Clarisse sympathized, but too much reasoning and plotting could lead her into trouble. If Addy was working on a way to be with her father, Clarisse would need to head her off at the pass, to keep her safe in spite of herself. Addy was looking for a solution instead of thinking about chicken TVP.

“Clarisse, Dad stays away from me so I don’t get the virus. But can’t you figure out a way for me to get it, so I can go stay with him? I think he’s lonely.” In genuine concern, little lines etched on her forehead.

Clarisse knelt down by the child’s side on the snowy path. “Sweetheart, every spare moment I’m working on this.” She tucked a wayward strand of the girl’s locks behind her ear. “Nothing would make me happier than you and your dad being back together, but I can’t give you the virus. Do you understand that if you get it, you might die?”

“Daddy didn’t. He got better.”

“Most people don’t. If I let you die, your daddy would be very, very unhappy. I know he’s unhappy now, and you are too, but you’re both alive and can see each other, talk to each other. You just can’t touch, because it’s dangerous to you. I promise you I’m working hard to find a vaccine, but I don’t know if it’s even possible. Please understand, I’m trying everything I can, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up, dear.” She hugged the girl again, as much to hide her own anguish over the situation as to comfort Addy.

“Now, come on, let’s go get dinner, and you can show Dalton your new animal.”

~ ~ ~

The guard buzzed Clarisse and Addy into the main camp, and they made their way over to the mess tent where the preppers caught up with one another toward the day’s end. Dalton waited with open arms to greet the girl. Addy didn’t run into his embrace like she would her father’s, but leaned into him for a long hug, frowning.

Right off Dalton sensed melancholy in both Clarisse and Addy. He shot Clarisse a questioning look. She smiled sadly and shrugged in answer, as if to say,
What else can we expect from this situation but a sad little girl?

“Hey, Addy, what did your dad make you this time?” Dalton asked. Addy held up the baggie displaying the wolf carving. When her sad brown eyes met his, he said, “Wow, I like how the fluffy tail came out. He’s getting better and better at carving. Do you want to show the boys?”

She shook her head and pulled the baggie closer to her chest. Her reaction, and the reason for it, brought a hard lump to Dalton’s throat. He wrapped her up in his arms again, trying to dispel the feelings of unwantedness, unwelcome in his family, that he was pretty sure she held; he lifted her and sat her on his knees on one of the dining table benches.

Clarisse went to get Addy’s dinner. Dalton smiled as he watched her. Being a picky eater herself, Clarisse would select Addy’s meal with care. The child always wanted things simple on her plate, predictable, exactly as she did with other things in life—facts laid bare, not dressed up, no trying to make something of it that it wasn’t.

Just like Kim
, Dalton thought as he stood to set Addy down on a bench to await her food. He went to get his own dinner. The line was longer now, moving slowly, but he was in no hurry. As he stood waiting for his turn to be served, he thought about how his wife had reacted to the idea of caring for Addy.

~ ~ ~

Without ever really trying, Kim had quickly given up even the pretense of trying to communicate with the girl, and the whole situation had put a strain on their marriage. In public, Kim said the things she should have, but in private she remained stone cold to the task. She had her boys to prove her capable of motherly love. This devastated, quiet little girl with great but unspoken neediness was too foreign to her;
beneath her
, she said.

She excused herself to Dalton by telling him of all the time and effort she’d spent trying unsuccessfully to reach the girl, and revealed regretfully that they just “never clicked” despite her efforts. As Kim would say to anyone who asked about the situation, “I just don’t
get
her,” as if Addy were the one at fault.

One day Kim had discovered Addy hiding in the latrine during school hours. She yelled at the despondent little girl, who’d escaped there to cry in privacy; the other kids always made fun of her for crying.

Later that night Dalton found Addy up in the dark of night, packing her own backpack to leave camp. Something had to give, or the girl would end up hurting herself. He argued with his wife to accept her because he owed this debt to Sam. He couldn’t understand why Kim held such animosity toward the orphaned girl; it made no sense to him. How could she be so hard as to let a harmless child sense she wasn’t wanted? Besides, what other options were there?

That same day, he later learned, Kim had made a rare appearance at the quarantine building expressly to speak with Clarisse. Kim had concluded that, of all the females in the camp, Clarisse—another person she didn’t
get
—would have the best chance of becoming a guardian for Addy. As Kim explained it to Dalton that evening in bed after a quiet but intense session of lovemaking, Addy was just like the antisocial, brainy, outcast doctor, only in a younger form. Pawning the girl off on Clarisse was the best way. End of all the troubles; end of story.

That night Dalton stroked the soft, pale skin of her exposed hip. She lay on her side, curves highlighted by the glow of a flickering lantern. Kim knew her value and always used it to her advantage. She whispered sweetly, “Dalton, about Sam’s kid. She does not belong with us. She doesn’t fit in. She’ll have to go.”

He lifted his hand, stopped the caressing. Kim turned to face the wall, obviously uncaring what his opinion might be on the subject. She always left him to view the good parts instead of her flaws. The lantern light danced on the exposed crack of her bare ass, her lower back, the dipping curve of her waist, her slender shoulder. He loved her even though he feared her inner soul contained nothing more than frost.

“Go?” he echoed, turning her back to face him. Her expression was guileless. “Go
where
?”

“Clarisse will take her. I’ve already fixed it. You’ll see I’m right; it’s for the best.” Again, she turned her back, pulled the covers over her shoulder and burrowed into the covers.

Dalton lay staring at his wife’s form for a long time. Then, without a word, he rose from their double camp cot. He pulled his mottled green camo pants up over his naked hips. His dog tags jangled away from his chest as he bent over, slipped on his boots, and lifted the lantern. As he left their tented room, he peered in on his boys’ partition, watching their little chests rise and fall. He turned again to the next section and sought out Addy’s form, only to catch her up on her knees at the end of her cot gazing up through the small plastic window at the moon. She detected his presence as he stood silently looking at her. She half turned. “Do you think Clarisse will like me?”

It disturbed him that Addy had heard. He and Kim had learned to be quiet in lovemaking as well as in private discussions. Not wanting to address Addy’s question he said, “Why aren’t you sleeping, sweetheart? It’s late.” The moonlight cast a glow on her profile.

“Not sleepy.” Addy fingered the fabric of her nightgown, pleating the hem, squeezing it tightly then smoothing it out. She looked at him. “Can Daddy see the moon, too?”

Dalton swallowed hard. “Yes. Yes, he can.” He pulled a chair over to her so he could gaze upon the moonlight too, both of them in on this wondrous event; Addy turned back to face the bright orb with something of a smile on her crimson lips. The full, bright moon obviated the need for the lantern he held.

After turning the wick down, he said, “You’re never far from your daddy. He can see the same moon you do—the very same. Now try to sleep, sweet girl. I’ll stay right here with you.” He held the covers open so she could snuggle down beneath. After tucking Addy in, he patted her back. Closing her eyes, she held the contented smile. Placing a light kiss on her temple, Dalton sat back in the chair next to her bed and gazed at the moonlight.

              Kim’s attitude toward Addy wasn’t going to change. Dalton knew that, though he didn’t like it. But if it had to be done, it was best to get it done at once. As the sun rose, its light replacing the moon’s, he waited for the sleeping child to stir. She blinked up at him, bringing an automatic, if reluctant, curve to his lips. He didn’t feel particularly happy. He felt as if he was betraying Sam as well as Addy.

“Good morning, dove.” He brought a finger to his lips. “Let’s go for a walk,” he whispered. He’d already gathered her knapsack as she lay sleeping through the wee hours and he sat sleepless, thinking. Slinging the pack over his shoulder, he reached for Addy. She smiled, he knew she knew. She stood barefoot on her cot while he wrapped her up in the blanket, keeping her warmth to go out into the cold.

At the crack of dawn in the prepper camp, few wanted to meet the day so early. Clarisse was one of those, rarely spotted coming and going from the quarantine building, if she left it at all. That would have to change, Dalton knew.

Keeping Addy warm in his arms, he buzzed the gate and nodded to the sentry. Addy smiled a hello. The hush of the cold morning had her snuggling closer in, tucking her legs up close, leaning against Dalton’s chest.

“S’okay, Addy. I’m taking you to Clarisse. To stay with her from now on. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“She will take good care of you. I’ll visit every day, sweetheart.” He tightened his arm around her. He tried his best to keep the pain and resentment out of his voice.

“Clarisse is lonely too. I like her,” Addy whispered.

“I do too,” Dalton said as his boots crunched on the snow-covered gravel. Then Addy pointed up with a small finger. Swooshing wings beat the air in near silence. He stopped and they both looked upward at the gray morning sky to see geese flying in V formation—flocking toward the lake, Dalton guessed, near Graham’s camp.

Dalton smiled at Addy, and her at him, sharing another special event. They reached the quarantine building in a happier mood, having enjoyed the sight of creatures parting air, still prevalent and unchanged despite the catastrophe that had befallen the world.

Dalton, still carrying the girl, nodded to the security guard who buzzed him in.

“She’s in the lab.”

“Thanks.”

Clarisse looked up as he entered the room. She met his gaze before the child’s. “Hi,” she said, putting on a bright smile for Addy’s sake. “You two are out bright and early this morning. Come on in. Addy, I’m so glad you’re here,” she added, dispelling Dalton’s doubts in that instant. “I hear you’re going to be my new lab assistant.”

He put the girl down. The blanket fell about her bare feet. Her flannel nightgown hung down. Her brown hair stuck out, wild and unkempt as Addy embraced Clarisse’s waist.

Dalton watched for it, for the acceptance of this precious girl. On reflex, Clarisse hugged her back and pulled her hand over the girl’s tangled locks. She glanced quickly at Dalton, and he got the silent message she sent. She knew Dalton needed her to
love
the child, not just keep her. But she would have without question, without him needing her to. To Clarisse, Addy was a gift, never a question.

She knelt down to Addy’s level and smiled brightly. “Let’s get you cleaned up and fed.”

“Do we have to go back to camp to eat?” Addy asked.

“Nope. I have enough snacks here,” Clarisse replied.

Clarisse adored her already.

Clarisse reached for Addy’s backpack. Dalton forgot he’d borne the weight of it all the way from his tent, as he had the child. He’d also carried a much greater weight, the one in his heart. It lifted as he watched the scene play out.

“Thank you, Dalton, for bringing Addy to me,” Clarisse said.

He knew she meant it, knew for certain she saw the child as a gift, not a burden.

Dalton swallowed and bent down to bid Addy good-bye. He held her soft hands, and she leaned into him. “I’ll visit with you at dinner tonight, Miss Addy.”

She kissed him lightly on his roughened cheek, a sweet little brush. “Thank you for bringing me to Clarisse, Dalton.” He kissed her on the forehead and stood. Addy placed her hand inside Clarisse’s, and they waved good-bye to him.

As Dalton turned to head down the hall his heart ripped, but he knew Addy was where she needed to be. When he arrived back in the camp, he let Kim know he’d done it for the child’s sake, not for hers.

Some time before, Dalton had expressed his concern to Clarisse about her spending nights alone in the quarantine building instead of within the prepper camp compound. But this arrangement killed two birds with one stone: Clarisse and Addy would come back each evening so that they would be in the safe confines of Clarisse’s sleeping quarters and within the boundaries of the prepper camp. She was wanted, and both she and Clarisse were safe at night. Dalton felt like he’d failed the child, but he knew he’d still get to visit Addy every day.