Authors: Charlie Williams
‘Of course, it’s preferable in a controlled, safe environment, but not essential. This is your destiny, Leon. Go to Graven.’
‘What?’
‘Go to him. Face him. Confront him. Accept him.’
‘Graven?’
‘Of course. Who else?’
‘What, you mean... You know Graven?’
The doc realised he was leaning in too close to me and sat back, trying to relax a bit. Any second now he’d cross his legs. All part of the show, trying to make it look like he was calm and in control.
He crossed his legs.
‘I have met Graven, yes,’ he said.
‘He’s a bastard! Did you tell him he’s a fucking bastard?’
‘That is not for me to say, Leon. If you feel that way, you should tell him yourself.’
‘Did... Did you bring him here? Did you tell him to prance around over there like he owns the fucking place?’
‘Graven is always here. This is where he lives. Remember?’
‘But...’
‘You need to make peace with him, Leon. Find a way to accept what he is and what he has done. Only then can you move on.’
I looked at Graven. Didn’t look like he’d seen me yet. He’d stopped strolling and was crouched down in front of a headstone, reading it. His back was turned to me.
I looked at the doc. He smiled and nodded. I think he might have spoken but I couldn’t hear it any more. My head was full of sound, howling voices and clattering metal. I was confused and excited, elated even. It was like I’d been set up on one of those TV prank shows, but the host had revealed himself beforehand and wanted me to go ahead and walk on, knowing full well it was a trap.
Alright, I said. I’ll do it.
Because I was one step ahead, wasn’t I?
I went to Graven.
As I walked I could see figures in the trees, darting around a lot faster than people normally do in cemeteries. I was sure some of them were watching me, but I didn’t care. I was up for it now. Graven was right there, only yards away. I’d found him. He was going to tell me where Kelly was. I was going to beat it out of him.
Only feet away now. I opened my mouth to shout his name but it didn’t seem right. He’d gone beyond that. I’d kick him. I’d run right up and aim a boot up his arse. I started positioning myself to do that when he got up and stepped to one side, facing me.
He’d been waiting.
I knew it from his eyes.
All of this, everything was planned.
He waved one hand at the headstone, compelling me to read it.
I tried not to. Why should I do what that bastard tells me? But I couldn’t fight it. He always got his own way. I looked at the headstone.
BELOVED DAUGHTER OF
CARLA JANE GRAVEN
“SAPPHIRES IN THE DESERT”
‘They left my name off,’ he said after a while. ‘I can’t accept that. She was my daughter too, not just hers.’
He looked at me.
‘Fix it, will you?’
I stared at him, trying to burn holes in his brown skin, praying for that mole on his left cheekbone to burst open, all of his lifeblood pouring out and quenching this sacred ground. But I couldn’t seem to make that happen.
I couldn’t do anything.
‘Put it on,’ he said again. ‘Write our name.’
I got out the bag of stuff from the corner shop. I rummaged in it for the marker pen and knelt in front of the headstone, ready to write. I couldn’t stop myself.
He was stronger than me.
‘Synthesis, Leon!’ the doc was shouting far behind me. I could barely hear him. At least two helicopters were hovering above me. ‘Synthesis!’
Still banging on about it, even now. He thought he knew the truth, that this brothel bouncer stuff was all a fantasy based on that film I’d seen on telly in the rec room, that I’d split myself into two: the knight and the dragon. Yeah, that was all true, but it was only half of it. The other half was that I knew it. I was fully aware of the game I was playing in my head. But there was no other way. This was the only way to slay my dragon. As long as I went through with it.
I dropped the pen and sprayed lighter fluid all over Graven.
The men were coming out of hiding now, running towards me. Some were holding walkie-talkies to their faces, others pointing guns at me. All of them were coppers.
The only thing left in the bag was a box of matches. I lit the whole lot and dropped it on Graven.
I crumpled alone onto Kelly’s grave, paying for what I’d done like that man in the stained glass. The last thing I saw before the flames took me was the name I’d just added to the headstone, before the epitaph: