Grayson Brothers Series Boxed Set (4 books in 1) (46 page)

Kyle woke to silence in his own bed with Evelyn frowning down at him. He coughed then grimaced at the pain in his raw throat. It made his eyes water and his nose run and thoroughly pissed him off. “How bad is it?”

“You lost the warehouse and your inventory. Radford says your insurance will cover most of the loss. You’re lucky you’re alive. If Duke had come by any later...” She compressed her lips and her eyes misted. “How could you have sat beside that stove and let a fire start?”

“What was Duke doing here in the middle of the night?”

She shook her head. “He said he stopped by your house because he was worried about you, and that’s when he smelled smoke coming from the depot. He sent Amelia for help. I know it’s none of my business, but why were you at the mill? Duke said Marcus was supposed to be working that night.”

He couldn’t answer, so he asked, “Where is Amelia?”

“She’s sleeping in the guestroom. I sent your mother home for a while and told Amelia I would have Radford bodily put her to bed if she didn’t get some rest. Your mom and Amelia sat with you for almost twenty-four hours, and neither of them wanted to leave you. I promised I would wake Amelia as soon as you opened your eyes.”

“Don’t.” Kyle caught Evelyn’s wrist then gasped at the pain in his fingers.

“You have burns the size of a cigar tip speckled across your hands and back,” she said. “Before you ask, the doctor says it will be two weeks before you’ll be able to do any work.”

Kyle looked at his hands and felt the urge to steeple them in prayer and give thanks for his life, for Amelia, and for having another chance to tell her that he loved her.

He raised his gaze to Evelyn. “Why did you choose Radford over me?”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she seemed at a loss for words.

He barreled ahead, knowing he had nothing left to lose. “I want to understand why. Didn’t it bother Radford that you were promised to me while you were kissing him?”

Hurt flashed across Evelyn’s face.

Kyle cursed himself for offending her. He coughed and winced from his burning throat. “I’m sorry, Ev. I didn’t mean that the way it came out.” He gingerly patted the bed. “Sit a minute.”

He eased over and she sat beside him. “Is this still eating at you?” she asked, her expression full of sympathy.

“No. I know you and Radford belong together and I’m content with our friendship. I just want to know what I’m lacking that Radford has.”

“You weren’t lacking anything.”

“Well, obviously I was,” he said, looking pointedly at her wedding band.

“I married your brother because I love him. Not because I didn’t love you. I guess you and I were convenient for each other. Radford and I needed each other. That was the main difference,” she said. “You wanted a wife. Radford needed a woman who could help him heal. You loved the girl who’d been your friend, but Radford loved the woman you couldn’t see. I didn’t choose Radford. My heart made that decision.”

“I need to change, Ev,” Kyle said, not attempting to camouflage his desperation. If he hadn’t already lost Amelia, he was close to it, and it scared him enough to face the truth about himself, however painful it would be. “Amelia deserves better than I’m giving her.”

Evelyn’s eyebrows lifted. “You
have
changed, Kyle.” At his skeptical look, she smiled. “I could tell the day of the picnic. You’ve found your sense of humor again, and I’m sure your feelings for Amelia are the cause. You just have to stop expecting everything to be perfect.”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do. You wanted me to be perfect for you and the life you had planned for us, but I wasn’t. When you realized I had flaws, you tried to ignore them. Radford saw my faults and loved me
because
of them.”

“You aren’t flawed.”

“Yes I am!” she said with an exasperated laugh. “And so are you. We all have flaws. That’s my point. You only see what you want to see. It’s like looking at Lake Erie and only seeing the pretty rippling surface. There is an entire world down there of ugly predators, beautiful plants, life and death. If you’re only looking at the surface of life, Kyle, that’s all you’ll ever see.”

“Well, how do you notice all that other stuff if you’re too busy?” he asked with mounting frustration.

“You stop what you’re doing and stick your head in the water.”

“What?”

Evelyn smiled. “Let me try this another way. I didn’t fall in love with Radford because he was perfect. Radford’s character is a result of everything he’s experienced in growing up with three brothers, surviving a horrible war, and falling in love with his brother’s fiancée. It doesn’t mean he’s proud of his past, but he’s the man he is today because of each one of those experiences. So are you, Kyle. You control things now because you had to when your father died. Your heart talks to you, but your brain speaks the words because you want to control what comes out. Stop trying to control everything and just pay attention to what’s important.” Evelyn shrugged. “That’s all I can tell you. I’m a pregnant woman, not a wise woman.”

Kyle touched her hand. “I think I’m finally beginning to understand what happened with us,” he said, knowing he needed to talk this openly with Amelia, but fearing his ability to do so.

“Good. Then settle whatever is between you and Amelia and find a way to be happy. You both deserve it.” She bent down and kissed his cheek. “Now shut up and get some rest.”

Kyle leaned his head back on the pillow as Radford entered the bedroom with Rebecca perched on his shoulders, her dirty little hands strapped across his forehead. Wild curls shot in umpteen directions and spiraled halfway down her back. Her small feet were tucked in Radford’s hands to keep her from falling as she bounced on his neck.

“Giddy up, horse!” she demanded.

Radford whinnied and galloped to Kyle’s side.

A laugh burst from Kyle’s raw throat and he coughed until his eyes watered, but the pain was worth watching his brother act like an idiot. They had come such a long way from the anger that had nearly destroyed their family less than a year ago. He’d thought he would never be able to forgive Radford and Evelyn. Now he knew this was how it should be.

* * *

“You look awful,” Boyd said, entering Kyle’s bedroom without his usual long-legged swagger, his expression weary and filled with concern.

“So do you.” Kyle propped himself up in bed, wincing in pain as he visually inspected his brother to make sure he wasn’t injured in any way. Black rings of fatigue circled Boyd’s eyes and his clothes were gray with ash dust from the fire that was still smoldering almost thirty hours after igniting. “Did you kill it yet?” Kyle asked, referring to the fire.

Boyd shook his head. “There’re some ties and beams that are smoldering, but we’re still hauling water from the gorge to make sure it stays contained. We should snuff it out by this evening.”

“Then go home and sleep. You’re too exhausted to do any more.”

“Duke and Radford are at the depot now. They’ll take care of things for a few hours. When I get back, the three of us will figure out how to clean up the mess.”

“Ask them to come here so we can all discuss it.”

“Forget it.”

“I can’t manage the walk today.”

Boyd gawked at him. “I wasn’t suggesting you come to the depot, you idiot! Forget about the mill. It’ll be there when you get your arrogant ass out of bed.”

“Arrogant?”

“Yes!” Boyd yanked off his hat and threw it on the nightstand. “Who cares about the mill! You almost died last night, you ambitious idiot! Two more minutes in that building and you would have been...” Boyd’s nostrils flared and he thrust his hands in front of Kyle, his fingers and palms a mass of cuts and burns. “I was tearing that building apart with my bare hands, Kyle, and I couldn’t get to you. Every second all I could think about was you breathing smoke. Rafters were slamming into the floor and I kept wondering where you were. I died every time I heard a crash. Not hearing your voice was even worse,” he whispered. His eyes flooded and he turned his back.

Seeing Boyd break down was Kyle’s undoing. He tried to swallow his emotion, but it rose up hard, gripping his chest until he couldn’t breathe. His brothers could have died trying to rescue him.

“I never realized how much you wanted to be a lawyer, Kyle, because you gave it up so easily to take over the mill when Dad died.” Boyd lifted his shoulder, grabbed his filthy shirtsleeve and wiped his face. “Until last night, I’d never considered how much you’ve sacrificed for us.” Moisture and soot streaked Boyd’s face, but he seemed oblivious to the bare emotion he was showing. “I’m sorry I’ve never thanked you for that.”

Kyle looked away from the devastation in Boyd’s eyes. “I don’t even know if I would have liked being a lawyer. It doesn’t matter now. I’m happy running the depot.” He glanced at his brother. “I’m serious, Boyd. I’m content here.”

Boyd studied him for several seconds before giving a light nod of acknowledgment. “Duke’s going to come see you later, but I’ve asked the rest of the crew to give you a couple of days to heal before they start tromping through your bedroom.”

“I’ll be out of this room tomorrow,” Kyle said, already feeling caged and restless.

“I’m too exhausted to kick your stubborn ass,” Boyd said, sitting down on the nightstand with a sigh, “but don’t even think about coming back to work until Doc Finlay approves it.” Boyd’s expression brooked no argument. “I’ll take care of things until you’re back on your feet. You should be grateful to be alive, Kyle. Get some rest. Spend some time with Amelia. This was as hard on her as it was on us.”

Kyle sank back into the softness of the pillows, but even the slight movement made the burns on his skin sting. His leg still throbbed and his back and head ached. “You know, I’ve always thought I had to look after you and Duke,” Kyle said, his throat hoarse from emotion. “But I never realized that I depended on both of you, too.” He met Boyd’s eyes. “I didn’t run the depot alone, Boyd. You and Duke were always here to help me.”

Boyd braced his palms on his knees. “All I’ve ever done is irritate you.”

“I won’t disagree with that.”

Boyd grinned and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Sorry.”

“You’ve also made me laugh, Boyd. Without you to push me and prod me back into living, our responsibilities would have buried me.”

They sat in silence for a minute. Finally, Boyd tugged his filthy cap over his head and stood. “I’m tired, Kyle. If you don’t need anything, I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

“You’d better. I want to know what’s going on at the mills.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Boyd tried to grin, but his eyes were weary, his face stained and smudged from the emotional war he’d just endured. “If Amelia gives me a good report on your cooperation, I’ll give you a report on the mills.”

Kyle nodded, silently wishing his brother success in whatever he decided to do with his life. “When I’m healthy enough to come back to work, I’ll mortgage my house to get you the money for the tavern.”

Boyd’s brows lowered. “No, you won’t.”

“The lumberyard is doing better, and now that I know what was happening to Tom’s money, I’m confident I can rebuild his mill. I’m not going to stand in your way anymore.”

“You never were, Kyle. I had enough money in my own account to buy the tavern from Pat. He’s been running it for me for two months now.”

“What?” Kyle gaped at his brother. “Then why were you talking about getting a loan from Richard?”

“Because I thought we might need the money to keep the mills running. I would have mortgaged the tavern back to the bank to get the loan.”

Kyle stared in stunned disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d bought the tavern?”

“Because you needed me to be here.”

It was past midnight when Kyle felt four tiny paws on his stomach. He lifted his head off the pillow and stared down at Cinnamon. “How did you get up here?”

She ducked away from his accusing gaze and crawled up his chest, nuzzling his chin until he laughed and swept his sore palm over her soft fur.

“I see you’ve been taking wheedling lessons from Rebecca and Amelia.”

He scooped Cinnamon into the crook of his arm and sat up, glad for the company. For the fourth consecutive night he’d slept alone while Amelia stayed in the guest room in consideration of his discomfort.

Since the fire, his mother had been staying with them, and Kyle and Amelia hadn’t had a moment of privacy. She’d waved away any attempts to talk, telling him they would have plenty of time to do so after he healed.

Between Amelia and his mother, Kyle hadn’t been left alone during the day or evening unless he was in the bathroom. Tonight, he’d finally convinced his mother to go home by telling her that he was feeling strong and was barely suffering any pain. Of course, he’d been stretching his recovery a bit, but he really did feel better, and her concern was suffocating him. So she’d hugged Amelia goodbye and promised to come back and help her can preserves in the morning.

Kyle left his bed and wandered through the dark house with Cinnamon tucked in the crook of his arm. The night silence mocked him. The monotonous sound of peepers mingled with his own tense breathing. He stumbled over the rocking chair leg as he’d done almost every night since Amelia had moved it. He clutched Cinnamon and kept himself from falling, but instead of cursing, Kyle felt like howling out his heartache.

From the moment he’d gone to her father’s lumberyard, he had begun systematically killing Amelia’s ability to laugh. He hadn’t meant to hurt her any more than he’d meant to cause Tom’s collapse, but his own self-serving actions were at the root of her heartache.

She said they had to learn to forgive each other, but Kyle wondered how she would ever manage to forgive him after all the heartache he’d brought to her life.

He wandered into the kitchen. The bathtub still sat beside the stove where she’d left it because she’d taken her bath late and was too tired to bother draining it. Her washcloth hung over the edge of the tub. Kyle ached to hear the sound of her laughter, of her pouring water over her head and shoulders while she bathed.

He stuck his fingertips in the cool water. Evelyn had told him to look beneath the surface of life, but all Kyle could see as he stood alone in his kitchen with a purring fur ball in his arm was Amelia’s smiling face glistening with water, her laughter filling the room as she smacked him with her wet towels. She’d been vibrant that day, filled with wild exuberance from the minute they put her little rowboat in the creek until he’d poured her into bed because she’d drunk too much wine at his mother’s birthday party. She loved adventure. She was passionate and exciting, and he wanted that spirited woman back in his life.

He turned toward the guest bedroom, vowing he would find a way to apologize and express the depth of his feelings.

* * *

Amelia opened her eyes to see Kyle standing beside her bed with Cinnamon in his arms. She’d always thought of Kyle as strong and invincible, but seeing him hurting and vulnerable broke her heart.

As long as she lived, she would never forget the horrendous roaring sound of the flames as they engulfed the warehouse, or the taste of fear in her mouth knowing Kyle was trapped inside. He’d been so panicked when they pulled him from the building, his eyes so wild, that Amelia knew a few minutes longer and he would have died alone, confused and frightened. The thought made her throat ache, but it was also a feeling of self-pity that caused her eyes to mist as she sat up in bed. She loved him so desperately that for one reckless moment, she considered throwing away her last shred of pride and begging Kyle to love her.

Instead, she tipped her chin and tried to see his eyes in the moonlight and night shadows. “Are you all right?” she asked, wondering if he was suffering discomfort from the burns, or if Cinnamon had disturbed him.

“No,” he said, his voice hoarse. His presence overwhelmed the tiny room as he gazed down at her. “I’m filled with remorse and regret and a chest full of feelings I don’t know how to express. I’m going to try, though. No matter how badly this comes out, Amée, I need to tell you what I feel.”

Pain filled his expression as he gazed down at her. “I don’t care how it comes out, Kyle. All I’m asking is that you be honest with me.”

“I promise,” he said, sitting on the bed beside her. He looked down as Ginger jumped onto the mattress to curl up beside Cinnamon who had been sleeping with Amelia. His eyes met hers. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Do you love Catherine?” she asked, needing to know, and sensing Kyle needed a hard shove to get him talking.

“She’s a friend in my past who gave me a place to go when I needed one. That’s all.”

“Are you saying you don’t love her?”

“It depends on what you call love, Amée. Catherine is a good woman who needed my friendship. I felt protective of her and I cared about her. If that’s love then yes, I love her.” He stroked the kittens, but looked at Amelia. “If friendship is another form of love then I love Evelyn, too. I care about my brothers and my mother, and I adore Rebecca, and even our demon twins. That’s love, isn’t it?”

“Of course, Kyle. That’s not what I’m asking.”

“I know.” He gave her a tender smile. “There are many shades of love, but only one that is filled with passion, that can make a heart soar or send it crashing onto the rocks. Until I married you, I didn’t know that kind of love existed. I didn’t know I’d be willing to lay down my pride and bare my soul to show you how much I care. But I will, Amée. When I look at you, I see a woman who loves me, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love every flaw that makes you unique and every expression that crosses your face.”

Her eyes welled up. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

“I know you do. And I love the girl who dresses in my old shirt and those britches that drive me to distraction. I love the sassy lady who kicked me in the shin, and the passionate woman who makes love to me all night.”

His beautiful confession of love left her speechless.

“You know what I see when I look in your eyes?” he asked, caressing her bare arms with his thumbs. “I see strength and tenderness. Resilience and intelligence. I see a child who likes to play and a little girl who misses her father. I see a woman who needs a baby of her own and a daughter who will always need her mother. I see my own longing for companionship, passion, and love reflected in your eyes.”

To her shock, Kyle knelt beside the bed on one knee and clasped her hand between his own. “My days are empty and meaningless without you. I never had the opportunity to ask you to marry me, Amée, but I can still ask you to be the love of my life.”

To see her proud, arrogant husband on his knees, spilling every emotion in his heart, made her eyes flood.

“I don’t care about the past—yours or mine,” he said. “What matters is our future.” Sincerity filled his eyes as he stood. “Your past is what made you become the woman you are today. I don’t care about your relationship with Richard, except that he hurt you.”

“You really don’t?”

“No. All I want is to make you happy.”

Amelia wiped the tears from her face. “I don’t believe you’re really saying these things.”

“I should have told you this long ago.” He gave her a brief, sweet kiss. “I want to start over. I want to do things right and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I want to make you laugh again.”

“We can’t start over, Kyle. We need to remember what we’ve learned and use it to make our future stronger. We need to keep going right from this moment forward.”

“However you want to do it, Amée. I’ll go forward, or start over, or take whatever path you wish to walk as long as we’re together.” He brushed the backs of his fingers across her wet cheek. “Is there room for two in this bed?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Pain filled his eyes as he lowered his hand. “You need time yet. I understand.”

“No you don’t.” Amelia slipped out of bed. With care for his burns, she gently took his hand. “I want us to move forward, together, in our own bed.” She lifted her face and kissed him. “Take me to our room.”

The tension in his body seemed to drain away. “Really?” he asked.

She answered with a nod and a smile.

They walked together through their parlor, down the hall, and into their bedroom. Inside, Kyle cupped her jaw and gazed down at her.

Amelia prepared for the touch of his lips, but he didn’t kiss her.

“I have one last confession to make,” he said.

She clapped her palm over his mouth. “Don’t you dare tell me anything that’s going to break my heart.”

He nodded and she uncovered his smiling lips. “I think we should get a couple more kittens.”

“What?”

“We could get the rest of Missy’s litter if you want.”

A breathless laugh escaped her and she shook her head, barely able to believe her ears. “Are you serious?”

“No,” he said, “I just wanted to hear you laugh.”

He hooked his arms around her waist then lowered his mouth to hers in a kiss so hot and deep, Amelia thought their bodies would melt together.

She kissed his cheek and neck. “Are your hands and back too sore to make love with me?” she whispered, brushing her lips over his earlobe.

Quiet laughter resonated in his chest. “Not if I stay off my back, and don’t use my hands.”

She gasped and laughed in the same breath. “Well, how do you propose to participate then?”

A mischievous grin spread across his gorgeous face. “You’ll see. Close the door so the girls don’t surprise us. I don’t want kitty paws swiping at me while I’m trying to make up to you.”

Amelia laughed and pushed the door shut. “They would more likely be swiping at me for stealing your attention.”

“I suppose the demons have grown on me.”

“Bosh. You’ve loved them from the minute you saw them.”

Kyle shrugged, his grin fading into an expression of intense longing and passion, reflecting the powerful emotions bursting in Amelia’s own heart.

“Take off your gown, Mrs. Grayson.”

“My pleasure,” she whispered, welcoming her husband’s arms, his tender kiss, his promise for a future filled with love and laughter and dreams come true.