Greater Expectations (18 page)

He leaned over and kissed the dog and said,
“Oh, I will. Don’t you worry about that.”
It was then that he smiled for the first time.

“Hey fella, I was talking to the dog!”
It felt great to see his smile develop into a full laugh and I made my way back to the car with a song in my heart.

I was halfway home before I realised that I
hadn’t even asked their names.

23

The Marital Carousel

Thursday 5th March

The week had flown by and so there had been practically no time at all to check on my emails. Well, so I kept telling myself anyway. The avoidance had given rise to a false hope, the only hope that I had that Penny had made contact. A hope nonetheless. She certainly hadn’t called or sent any texts. It was only today that it struck me that, if she had actually sent an email, she would think that I was now ignoring her.

What the fuck had I been thinking?

Nervous anticipation gripped me as I took the laptop and signed in. My eyes raced over the emails in my inbox, searching for her name.
Nothing
. My heart sank. A second, more thorough, scan revealed that my initial finding was correct. However, it had been far more time consuming than normal given the amount of emails from Supasexxx.com. There were emails telling me that I had messages, flirts, and profile views.

Fucking hundreds of them.

This really isn’t for me. Just seeing the website name has me feeling like a depraved pervert. I had happily deluded myself into thinking this site was for “research” but it really wasn’t and now it had gone too far. The only option I have left to salvage some self-respect is to log on a final time to delete my profile. This would draw a line under this whole sorry episode and I could forget it ever happened. It is also a reassuring, if altogether childish, idea to think that I will have deleted my profile before Penny, no matter how wrong such a thought might be. As we are no longer talking, there is no need for me to believe any different.

Occupying the moral high ground would be a first for me.

As the “Home Page” appeared I instinctively scanned the room to ensure both the door and curtains were closed. It is a habit that serves only to satisfy my own paranoia. In this particular instance, too much of a habit. Thankfully, it is only the shame from my own judgment that I have to concern myself with. Unfortunately, that is the worst kind. The profile pictures that are prominently displayed in the centre of my screen naturally vie for my attention. My eyes dance over the images as I try to ensure that they each have my attention in equal measure. I am just a man after all. There are lots of women in various states of undress, from erect nipples under shirts to full frontal nudity.

It would seem that women have no need for their pubic hair anymore.

Yet the picture that intrigues me most is that of “Susie, 38” who claims to be from east London. She is in what I can only presume to be her own wedding dress next to what can only be further presumed to be her husband. Either that or they have been attending a fancy dress party although their costumes make absolutely no sense to me. Whatever it is, this woman seriously thinks that a picture of her in a wedding dress, on this site, is a good idea? Against my better judgment, I click on her page and read her “Profile Description”.

Hi. I am new to this to be honest and not sure this is right for me but thought I would try anyway. I suffer from BHS - Bored Housewife Syndrome. I am happily married but my h
ubby is away a lot on business.

I have my needs and they aren’t being met. Daytime meets are best as the kids are at school so looking for someone to fill my void l
ol. If you know what I mean lol.

Must be discreet, as husband must never know.

Also keen to try new things so open to all your perverted suggestions!

Her “Sexual Interests” were listed as:

Oral - Receiving, Oral - Giving, Rimming - Receiving, Rimming - Giving, Anal, Mutual Play, Public Games, Voyeurism, and Role Playing.

This profile was absolutely baffling to me and I just had to read it again. Her other pictures show her naked and, in one, she has a
large
vibrator deep inside her. I really cannot comprehend why anyone would put up this profile where her husband is so prominent in her main picture and then demands discretion as he
“must never know”
.

Does she not understand that by including his image within her pictures that she has just doubled her odds of getting caught?

It would seem that “Susie” is unable to comprehend that her actions have ensured that she is, in fact, fully prepared to sacrifice her family, ruin her “happy” marriage and so destroy her kids childhoods, and all for what? Just sex? Then there is the added consideration that she has posted her most intimate sexual fantasies on here too. Here they are for
all
to see. The sexual fantasies that she wants to experiment with but, for some reason, cannot with her husband? Obviously there has been no thought of this becoming public. No thought to the ridicule her husband and children would experience as a consequence of her actions.

Incredibly foolish and completely selfish actions.

Rather than being turned on, I find myself angry at this fucking woman. Angry that she has what I yearn for and yet is prepared to sacrifice it so willingly for the sake of cheap and meaningless sex. Worse still, she is prepared to do so in her marital home, in her marital bed. I understand women have sexual wants and desires but is marriage not about exploring these together?

In reality, my anger isn’t with her, it is actually with myself.

Having had experience as a husband, one of the most difficult issues for me in discovering Gemma’s affair had been the fact that she hadn’t told me we had troubles. She had never explained why she felt the need to fall into the arms of another. Fall into the bed of another. To explore her own sexual fantasies and experiment with someone other than me. This profile had properly sickened me and no mistake. It has made me look deep within myself and recognise my own failings. This is never a pleasant pastime.

Never would I have believed that it was so painful falling from the moral high ground.

I clicked the “back” button in the hope of reversing the last few minutes but instead it only returns me to the “Home page”. As I am here, there would be no harm in looking at just another few profiles.

If only to conclude my “research”.

A brief scan through another dozen or so profiles and it is abundantly clear that anal sex is now incredibly popular. It is something that I tried once before on a one night stand and it felt, for me at least, that I was fucking a Snickers bar. Well, when I say “tried”, it was more like finding the wrong entrance after slipping out mid-coitus. However, it was a very odd sensation and quite
gritty
. An experience that was all the more vivid given that, in our drunken stupidity, we hadn’t used a condom. So when I withdrew, I could see some of her shit on my cock. It evidently didn’t bother my companion, who merely wiped it away and then hungrily sucked me off.

That was the very reason why there was never a second date.

The next thing that is particularly noticeable is the amount of younger, and remarkably pretty girls, that are on this site. Many claim to only be 18 although a quick look through some of their profiles leads me to doubt the majority of them. Certainly they are all much more sexually aware than they were in my day, and open to trying anything and everything. Indeed, they are far more sexually aware than I am
now
. The vast majority unashamedly state that they are looking for older men to sexually educate them. Considering their age it would be difficult to find many younger for such a purpose.

I cannot decide if this is sad or wise. I mean, it is sad that they even know about this site, far less feel the need to use it. Yet obviously the vast majority of them on here recognise that there is no fool like an old fool. Phrases like “spoil me” and “lavish me with presents” consistently appear peppered throughout their profiles. Why settle for a young penniless lout when they can enjoy the finer things in life
with a more refined gentleman.

After all, it is undeniable that it is better to have sex in the Ritz rather than the back seat of any old car.

This thinking is very cold and contrived but undoubtedly shrewd. A site like this satisfies their wants if not their needs. The art of compromising emotional stability for physical and material gratification. It could also be argued that surely it is better that they use this site to safely vet a regular sex partner rather than just heading down to the local nightclub and pick up a different “random” each week, such as they did in my day.

Who am I to question o
r judge such wisdom?

However, what is more troubling, is that the vast majority within my straw poll openly state that they never “play safe”, in reference to the use of condoms. Given my own track record, I am hardly in any position to be disgusted but it is a worrying trend nonetheless.

“Sylvia’s” message was still where I had left it. Idle curiosity combined with my poor memory ensured an ill advised revisiting of her profile. Sir Cliff was still there. It struck me that she really was a woman of wonder rather than
Wonder Woman
. It reminded me of a time when I first started driving trucks and I absentmindedly asked an aging driver when you become too old for sex. His angry response left me in no doubt of his feelings on the subject.

“What the fuck are you asking me for?”
his simple but effective reply.

“Sylvia” was a granny of 7 who she still wanted regular servicing. It is all but impossible to not admire this zest for life, and her aggressive attempts in the pursuit of satisfying her own natural desires left me
wondering,
“what if my mother was ever in this position?”
Rather surprisingly, I found myself smiling approvingly at this crazy idea. Why not? There may be some embarrassment for us both–more so my mum–but if it made her happy then I really didn’t care. Actually, I would secretly be very proud of her, being so wild and reckless at that age.

Just as long as it was okay with Dad.

Not that I could ever see it happening. Then the whole situation started playing out in my head and the reality of it made me feel quite sick. Suddenly it was my mum’s face I was now seeing on every one of “Sylvia’s” pictures. I found myself screaming out loud
“no…no…NO!”
whilst violently shaking my head from side to side in a vain attempt to cast the images from my mind. Using one hand to shield my eyes from the computer screen, I quickly deleted “Sylvia’s” message. In an instant, it was gone but it may require long bouts of therapy to rid myself of those enduring images. To avoid any further age issues, I altered the parameters of my search to women between 25 and 35.

These results were truly astonishing.

Practically every profile had a tasteful picture that was sexy, altogether more subtly suggestive than crudely explicit. This age range seemed to be the most confident in their sexuality and embraced it rather than suppressing it. They were almost elegant. The selection really was quite impressive although the majority within this age range openly admitted to being a “bored housewife”.

Stereotypically so.

Some of these girls were model material and yet all they were seeking was to be wined and dined and, in return, they would guarantee sex. Not only that, the favourite phrase contained within these profiles was to say they were at their “sexual peak” and they felt that life was simply passing them by. I caught myself wondering what was wrong with their husbands? They must not be right in the head, leaving wives like these sexually unfulfilled.

Just like you were, dumbass!

Then I stumbled across the profile of “Debz”. To be honest, ordinarily, the spelling of her name would have been enough to ensure that such a profile was ignored. However, she was quite simply stunning. Her profile
demanded
my attention. Actually, I just wanted to satisfy my own perverse curiosity by looking at her other pictures. Naturally, this also ensured that I forced to read her profile. It would have been rude not to and I am always the gent.

I am a married lady living in Kent with no children. Got another 2 years to pay the wedding debt then we can divorce. The love has gone but got all the toys, house, cars, etc…

...little bored, BIG bit bored...need some spice back in my life…could that be you? :) ...without sounding shallow would prefer to see a face pic as attraction is the key lol

“Debz” profile was so intriguing that it caused me to leave the site and run a separate search to see what the statistics were regarding wedding debts.

The results were truly fascinating.

It seems that the average cost of a wedding in the UK is now in excess £20,000. However, the average salary is £26,500. So, not too far off parity. Yet the most interesting statistics were that it takes the average newlywed couple 5 years to pay off their wedding debts whereas the average marriage only lasts 2 years. This ensures that this average couple are paying off their wedding debts for 3 years
after
the marriage is
over
. Another article actually states that the predominant reason for such separation is the pressure from this very debt.

All to be the Prince and Princess for a day? That is fucking insane!

An overwhelming sense of sadness fell upon me. I now realise that the vast majority of these women within my age range are only on this site for a little thrill. The thrill that comes from doing something different, something illicit. The thrill that comes from being empowered. The thrill that comes from reclaiming some semblance of control in their own otherwise dull, routine, and monotonous lives. Lives that are now controlled by pressures stemming from debt, work, husbands, children, school runs, friends, family, holidays, etc…