Green Fields (Book 4): Extinction (27 page)

The woman inclined her head, already stepping out into the hallway again. “If you change your mind, you know where to find us.” Then she left us to our own devices, which in my case was to let the robe drop to the floor before I crouched down and let myself slide into the jacuzzi. I might have moaned a little as I felt the hot water envelope me, making me shiver with pleasure as my muscles relaxed. Nate watched me for a moment before he followed, staying to the side of the small pool while I stretched out on my back, my toes barely reaching the other wall.
 

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked the high ceiling overhead, too lazy to turn around and look at Nate.

He chuckled softly. “Because the idea of you cursing me out for hours straight gives me a hard-on?” That made me twist partly around so he could see me raise my brows at him. A smile played around the corners of his mouth as he reached out to me, wrapping his arms around my middle so he could pull me back against him.

“I’m not going to have sex with you in here,” I stated as I leaned into him, my head ending up against his shoulder. “I’m too lazy. We can do that everywhere. But this…” I trailed off, enjoying that languid feeling spreading through me too much to bother finishing the sentence.

“Whatever,” he whispered against the shell of my ear. I was a little surprised when he left it at that, but then he seemed just as relaxed as I felt.

We spent a good five minutes in silence, just soaking there, barely touching except for his arm across my abdomen. He didn’t even get handsy, making me guess that rather than indulge me, he was gearing up to tell me something that would make me mad all over again. I knew him well enough to always look the gift horse in the mouth.

“I had to make sure that the cars are looked after first. Get in contact with a few more people,” he said, proving me right.

“Is this where you finally tell me why you changed our watch shifts and behave like you’re expecting an attack any moment?”

His laugh didn’t annoy me, for once, knowing as it was.

“You noticed?”

“Of course I noticed,” I griped, not bothering to get offended. “I’m neither blind nor dumb. Don’t pretend to be surprised. You’re the first to rub my nose in it when I miss details like that.”

I felt him chuckle softly but he didn’t verbally acknowledge that I was right. “Let’s just say that the very idea that someone is hunting us down to experiment on us is putting my teeth on edge. We’re supposed to be invincible, remember?”

I scoffed, but I could see where he was coming from. “That’s it? Why not tell me? Why make me feel like useless weight unworthy of being in the know again?”

“Again?” he teased, earning himself an elbow in the ribs in turn. “I haven’t kept anything from you in weeks.”

“Except the watch changes. And that you were checking the cars for tracking devices. And not to forget about this here.” I underlined my accusation by splashing my hand through the water.

“That last one was supposed to be a surprise,” he complained. “And I saw you watch Campbell like a hawk, so why bother explain? You could have asked, too, you know?”

I left that uncommented on, mostly because it was true. For once, Nate didn’t rub my nose in that but just fell silent.

Exhaling slowly, I watched the dust motes dance in the rays of sunshine coming in through the window. “You know, sometimes I wonder if we’re doing the right thing.”

“You mean just because we risk our lives for people who couldn’t be any more ungrateful, that we could do better?” he teased, but I didn’t miss the hard note in his voice. So it bothered him more than he let on. Rather than make me feel vindicated, that realization left me kind of sad.

“We could always return to the bunker,” I pointed out. “I’m sure that Sadie, at least, is missing us.” Thinking about the blonde whirlwind of a girl made me smile but Nate’s silence turned that into a frown. I craned my neck enough that I could catch the look on his face. It was neutral, telling me a lot more than a grimace would have. “What?”

He gave an approximation of a shrug. “You probably could. Me, not so much.” He paused. “Do you really want to discuss this now? Because we both know that you’ll get annoyed, and we still have another twenty minutes or so.”

It was a valid concern, but I could already tell that not knowing wasn’t any better. I could take an educated guess as it was. “Emma?” Bert’s wife, Sadie’s mother—part of the group that had made it to the bunker ahead of us. Unlike me, she’d never made an attempt to fit in, but had seamlessly taken command of what her husband liked to describe as logistics and provisions. To me, she’d always seemed more the benevolent dictator than concerned quartermaster. We hadn’t exactly seen eye to eye on everything that she’d deemed necessary, but then I could admit that it probably hadn’t been her fault alone.

“Who else?” Nate admitted, laughing softly. “Because you need any more reasons to hate her.”

“Hate’s too strong a word,” I said.

“Dislike then,” he amended. “Can’t say I fault you much.”

“Much?” I echoed.

Another laugh answered me. “Come on. You have to admit, you do behave like a prickly pear whenever another strong, dominant woman might infringe on your territory.”

“I never have any issues with Pia.”

“Yeah, because you know that she’d drop you straight on your ass if you tried,” he said, not bothering to pause so I could deny the truth of that. But that wasn’t the only reason. Her no-nonsense approach to everything didn’t necessitate me putting on airs. Now, Emma was a different case. “You didn’t get along from the first day on.”

That topic had been a point of contention between Nate and me on more than one perimeter watch, but considering that it usually ended with him giving me a very good way to vent my frustration, it had never actually become a problem. The guys had kept me way too busy to have time to dwell on every barbed remark she’d dropped around me.

“What happened?”
 

Nate took his time to formulate his reply—never a good sign. “There’s a chance that you’re going to be mad at me all over again if I answer truthfully.”

“Spit it out. You’re starting to annoy me with all this hedging,” I said, settling more comfortably against him.

“As you wish,” he responded, grinning faintly at my groan. “Let’s just say that I might have had somewhat of a clue what was going to happen in Aurora.”

“You knew about the lab?” I asked, momentarily confused. He gave me a blank stare, making my mind skip on to that other thing that had happened there. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah, that,” he said, his fingers momentarily contracting against my stomach. “Kevin picked up a transmission when he tried to find new frequencies. It was partly cut off but the essential details were obvious. He told me a week later when I was doing the circuit with Romanoff, figuring that it was better to wait until neither you nor Zilinsky would hear of it, if I decided not to share the news.”

“Why?” I just had to ask. It made no sense. I might have had my issues with Emma but I usually wasn’t irrational.

Nate shrugged. “You because I think he was struck with a weird sense of chivalry. Her because he figured that she’d never go anywhere near an established settlement if she knew what was in store for her then.” I couldn’t quite deny that he was right with that assessment, at least somewhat.

“But you discussed it with Emma?” I asked, guessing where this was headed.

“Her and Bert,” Nate said. “He took it with his usual stoicism, but she went off in my face when I explained.”

“You could have lied,” I pointed out.

“And what would that have changed?” Nate wanted to know. “Sooner rather than later, someone would have sent a convoy over to us. It was easier this way. It also left us with the chance not to get exiled for life by the people we consider friends, but instead some random assholes we can scoff at much more easily.”

I hadn’t even thought of that. My mind was still stuck on Emma’s reaction.

“Why did she go ballistic? You can’t tell me she didn’t know that something was different about a certain few of us. She was there when Martinez bandaged up Andrej after that last loot run to Cody cut it a little close.”

“Know, yes. But getting confirmation is a different thing than guessing. Maybe I should have told her before, but that would have made me feel like a hypocrite. I didn’t even tell you all the details, and I share a lot more with you than her.”

I laughed when he playfully bit into my shoulder.

“Yeah, thankfully. Jealousy is the last thing I need.”

His grin brightened. “Did you seriously think I’d ask you here to have sex with someone else? You should know me better than that.”

“You didn’t ask, you ordered me here,” I clarified. “And it’s not like you never dropped a joke about having a threesome just because I’m not averse to the ladies in general.”

He had the grace to appear a little chagrined, but the look he gave me wasn’t playful.

“Joke about it, maybe. But I’m not the kind of guy who’s into sharing.”

That made me smile—even more so when I realized that he wasn’t talking about me.

“Is this about my sniper rifle again? You can’t be serious.”

“My M24,” he pointed out. “That I loaned to you because it was the only one you marginally hit anything with.”

“Don’t you think that over half a year is enough to make it my M24?” I teased.

“Nothing you will ever do will make it your rifle,” he said, sounding final.

“Okay. But I’m not giving it back. And you don’t need two.”

His grumbling let me know that he disagreed, but he didn’t explicitly tell me that I couldn’t use it anymore, so I considered the point moot.

“When was that? The transmission, I mean.”

“I told her the day before we went to Douglas,” Nate explained. Went, and had never returned, I realized.

“You knew that we were going for good, and you didn’t tell me?”

“It’s not that final,” he offered. “They have to shelter us for five days, and Emma’s not stupid enough to force me to press the point. She knows that I would if she tempts me.”

“Yeah, you seem to have that effect on women,” I offered, laughing when he snorted. “I’m not mad at you. For not telling me before, I mean. Guess I see why you felt like keeping it to yourself. But why go to Aurora? Or why stay, rather? In hindsight it’s obvious that Amy was trying to give us a way out if we wanted.” Thinking back, the fact that Nate and Andrej had both debated when the paths over the mountains would clear up suddenly made a lot more sense—and it didn’t go by unnoticed that he didn’t say when exactly he’d first heard of our great new world order.

Shrugging, he replied, “There was no sense in postponing it any further, unless we wanted to stay on our own. I know you still think that Sioux Falls was a bust, but we got a lot of essentials there. Also proved that it’s not a complete suicide mission to stay out of the settlements.”

“So that was a dry run?” I asked, getting a little annoyed now. He could have told me that, at least. So much moping, and for what? Nothing.

“Kinda. And with no turning back, it made sense to bite the bullet before anything forced us to. You saw the gate control here. What if one of us broke a leg or hand? Or, for us, got a little too up close with the fuckers. You saw how they reacted to Jason’s guy. If that happened to one of us, they couldn’t have claimed any risk for infection, but would have been obliged to help. We had a couple close calls as it is. I didn’t want to risk it.”

“So it was a military decision,” I said. “Nothing you felt like sharing with me.”

He chuckled. “See, now you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad—“

“You are, and I guess this once I can’t fault you.”

“No?” I didn’t have to feign surprise. “Can I use that for something else instead?”

“Nope,” he said. “But it doesn’t change anything. If I’d asked your opinion, what would you have said? And remember, that conversation would have happened after the cannibals, where you barely even said ten words and chose to find comfort at the bottom of a bottle rather than cozying up to me.”

He was right, of course. I hadn’t been in the best of places back then.

“It probably would have been the same to me,” I admitted.

“See? No reason to ask whatsoever. And don’t tell me you weren’t suspicious from the start when Stone brought up the blood samples. Your objections were enough to make Zilinsky sucker-punch me twice once they’d squirreled us away.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the idea. Served him right. But I could see why he’d left her in the dark, too, even though I still didn’t know what exactly had happened to her to make her act like that.
 

“Besides, would you really want to hunker down in one place again?” Nate asked.

I considered that for a moment. “Sometimes having a home would be nice. A place to feel like it’s safe. Ours.”

I was surprised when he didn’t laugh at me for that notion, but seemed a little melancholic himself.

“Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and do things differently.”

That made me feel vaguely uncomfortable, so I tried to break the tension with a joke. “So sick of me yet that you want me dead? Because if you hadn’t held me hostage that day I would have died with all the others back in Lexington. And don’t tell me you actually think you could have single-handedly prevented the apocalypse from happening.”