Gretel (30 page)

“My heritage? What does that mean? I don’t understand.”

“The energy of the universe is available to all of us, Gretel. It flows through everyone and makes us who we are. And, if we wish, often with much trial and persistence, we can manipulate this energy to make things happen for us. To direct things toward us. For some, like you—and me, I suppose—that ability comes much easier.”

“So is it some kind of magic?”

“I suppose that’s a way to look at it, except that magic implies something otherworldly and exclusive. This isn’t witchcraft. The energy of Life is the most common force in the universe. So common, in fact, that most of us ignore it. The way we ignore sunlight or oxygen.”

“So this book,
Orphism
, explains this power? How to use it?”

“In a way that’s what it does, yes. But the truth is the power of Life can’t fully be explained in a book. It must be felt, experienced, individually harnessed for whatever purpose a person wishes to use it. Most people, even if they could read the language in the book, wouldn’t have the discipline or insight to understand—on the deepest level—exactly what the book explicates. But the people who wrote the book, Gretel, they understood these things quite well. They were a group very strongly aware of the world and the offerings available to them.”

“But you said the book was bad. So people can use this power to do bad things?”

Odalinde gave a tired sigh and rubbed the heels of her palms against her temples. “I don’t believe the intention of the book was bad. Not originally. It was just the result of natural curiosity and exploration. And to answer your question: Oh yes, Gretel, people can use Life to provoke a great number of bad things. Unbounded really. You see, Life doesn’t distinguish between good and bad—those are human adjectives that we assign to things based on an accepted set of social values. If a man were to inherit a family, for example, and then kill the children so that he may bear and raise only his own, we would consider that man bad, and our system of justice would likely deem it so bad he would be killed as a result. But when a lion does the very same thing—kills the offspring of other lions so that only his genes move on—we distance ourselves from judgment, accepting that the world of the lion operates by different rules. Well, in a way, Life sees the world the way we see the lion: objectively, without prejudice. If a person is knowledgeable of this Life power, he can use it however he sees fit. Even in a way that we would describe as bad.”

Odalinde stood and walked back to the door, opening it just wide enough to check on Hansel again, before walking back and sitting at the table.

“I know this is a lot to hear right now, Gretel, and much of it you probably don’t believe. That’s okay. Where this power comes from and how it’s used is not important right now. All of that is something you’ll need to explore and come to believe on your own.”

Odalinde stretched her arms across the table, her palms facing up, beckoning for Gretel’s hands. Gretel offered them freely, and the touch of the woman’s hands again awakened some hibernating memory of her mother.

“But the power of this book is real. And I have the feeling it has to do with your mother’s disappearance.”

Gretel’s breathing shortened, and she could feel the muscles in her shoulders tighten. She squeezed Odalinde’s hands tightly. “You think she’s alive, don’t you?”

“Honestly, Gretel, I don’t know, she may
not
be. But I think if
you
believe she’s alive—truly believe it—that’s a very good sign. Do you believe she is?

Gretel could only nod.

“Okay then,” Odalinde said, “Okay.”

“But how? Where would she be?”

“The whole process of creating the formula is complicated; it takes time. The source needs to be healthy and strong to start, and then it needs to be fed correctly. And the extractions can often take months depending…” Odalinde’s eyes had grown wide, and the first two fingers of her right hand instinctively went to her lips as if giving an emphasized signal to a child to stay quiet.

Hansel now stood in the doorway, frozen, listening to this impossible conversation. His mouth hung wide and Gretel thought he looked a bit like a nutcracker.

“What are you talking about?” Gretel asked, nearly whispering. “Extractions? Fed?”

“I’m so sorry…” Odalinde began.

“What are you talking about!” Gretel violently recoiled her hand from Odalinde’s.

Odalinde closed her eyes and exhaled. “The book—O
rphism—
is about a lot of things, much of it to do with what we discussed earlier, controlling the powers of Life and all that.”

“But it’s also about living forever,” Gretel added, her impatience brimming.

Odalinde opened her eyes. “Yes. It’s about that too. The first part—the part about Life and spirit and the ways of the universe—is not only powerful, it’s also quite beautiful. The people who wrote it were unusually synchronized with the world. These were an ancient people, untraceable to any known descendants. Perhaps as old as those of Asia and Mesopotamia.”

She paused, signaling a transition.

“But there is the other part of the book. The part on solving death.” Odalinde gave a deep, nervous swallow. “This part was written by your people, Gretel. And yours, Hansel.”

Odalinde waved for Hansel to come back and sit, which he did, reluctantly.

“This part is not beautiful. In fact, it’s quite horrifying.”

“Hansel, maybe you should go,” Gretel snapped, her tone signaling she would have no tolerance for any more weak-stomach distractions.

“I’m fine,” he replied, unconvincingly.

Gretel glared at her brother with a “you’ll be sorry if you’re wrong” look, and then immediately shot her attention back to Odalinde.

“It’s a recipe, essentially, for a potion that stops the dying process. The brew is ingested, in small amounts at first, and then gradually, over decades, the doses need to increase for the formula to continue working. I don’t think anyone knows exactly how it works, and it isn’t like it’s ever been studied properly in a laboratory.”

Odalinde stopped for a moment to arrange her words, and Gretel tried to appreciate her aim to be delicate.

“Many of the ingredients—not all, but many—are derived from the human body.”

Hansel brought a fist to his mouth but quickly composed himself. “That’s disgusting,” he said.

“Yes, it is, Hansel. It’s despicable. But what is even more despicable, and what you would correctly assume, is that people don’t usually give of their body parts willingly.” Odalinde dropped her eyes ruefully. “There are victims.”

“So they’re killed?” Hansel asked, each word coming out with a beat in between.

“The final part is always fatal. Some die sooner than others. Those are…” Odalinde stopped and shook her head as if to strike the beginning of the sentence.

“Those are what? What is it?” It was Gretel this time.

“Those are the fortunate ones.” Odalinde frowned and bounced a sad stare between the two children. “The true horror is the torture. The mutilation. It’s abominable.”

Gretel narrowed her eyes and sneered. “But you’ve done this,” she challenged, unable to pitch down the shrillness in her voice. “You
are
one of the people who has tortured. You
are
someone who has eaten people. You must be, right?! You’ve lived for what? Centuries!”

“I have killed and tortured people, Gretel. Yes, I have done those things. More times than I could ever count or wish to remember. And the shame that I feel now—not just for those deaths, but also for the lack of feeling that I had for them at the time—I will feel that shame until I am buried.”

Odalinde stood again and walked away from the table, her back to the children.

“And that time will come. I haven’t blended for several years now. And I won’t do it again.”

“So you’ve decided to die then,” Gretel stated flatly, with satisfaction. “Why?”

Odalinde turned back toward Gretel.

“For all the reasons I’ve explained. This discovery is a mistake. It’s monstrous. I understand that. I’ve always understood it but…I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. If Hell exists I will burn there for what I’ve done. But it has been done. And I can’t undo it. All I can do is try to help you and Hansel. And your mother.”

The fury in Gretel was rising, and she clenched her teeth, struggling not to leap at the murderer standing in her kitchen.

“So if you made this decision, why did you wait so long? Why did you not help us right away! My mother could have been saved!”

“I didn’t know your mother’s disappearance had to do with any of this. At least…I wasn’t sure. I truly wasn’t. My reason for coming here wasn’t to protect you from your father, it was just to take care of you because of a promise I made to your grandmother. A promise that I would take care of your mother—or her unborn children—if they were ever in need.”

“But you’re not making sense. You said you were here to protect us from our father,” Gretel said, quick with her challenge.

“Protecting you from your father was not the reason I came here, it was the reason I stayed.”

Gretel closed her eyes and spread her hands across her face, and then quivered her head back and forth in a short, vibratory twitch, trying to shake the mountain of puzzle pieces in her head into something flat and orderly. “None of this makes sense,” she said, “what does my father have to do with this?”

“I didn’t think anything at first. But then…” Odalinde paused and looked away.

“What?”

“On your bed, soon after I got here, I saw the book, the copy of
Orphism
your grandfather gave you. I didn’t know if your father could read it—I still don’t actually—but if he could, he was a danger to both of you. A sick man, in the last quarter of his life, that is the most dangerous man of all to know this secret. So I’ve kept him as he is, just sick enough to…make him weak.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about any of this? You knew I had this magic book the whole time and you never told me? Didn’t you think everything was connected? My mother’s disappearance? All of it?”

“No, I didn’t. Not necessarily. Your grandmother had a copy of the book, I knew that, so it wasn’t impossible to think your grandfather had simply handed down her copy to you or your mother as a keepsake.”

Gretel was quiet, considering the possibility there may be logic in this reasoning.

“And I don’t know if any of this
is
connected, Gretel, it may not be.”

“It is,” Gretel replied without hesitation, “I know it is.”

Odalinde frowned and nodded, offering no challenge to the teenager’s intuition.

“I handled all of this badly. I’m sorry to both of you. I didn’t know what I was doing. I haven’t raised a child or nursed a man in…I don’t know how long. A very long time.”

“You’re not good at it.” The words had left Gretel’s mouth before she had a chance to consider them.

Odalinde smiled. “I know I was hard on you, Gretel, and neglectful to both of you, but I didn’t want either of you to grow fond of me. When I left, I wanted you to be glad for my riddance. Plus it was how I was raised, and how I was taught to raise children, building them for survival. If your father were to…” She stopped suddenly, rethinking her words. “If he were not able to care for you, if he didn’t get better, you would have to grow up quickly, on your own.”

A lump grew in Hansel’s throat, and the first tear bubbled in the bottom of his eye. “So you’re not staying?” he asked. “You weren’t going to stay?”

“No Hansel, I can’t stay.”

“So you never planned to marry him?” Gretel asked, the sadness in her voice conveying sympathy for her father and not sorrow at the news that she was losing a stepmother.

“No, Gretel. I have another life, other commitments. People I care for. That is where I would go in the evenings on…”

“Thursdays,” Gretel finished for her.

Odalinde smiled again. “Yes, on Thursdays. But when your father asked me to marry him it was a very awkward situation. If I had said ‘no’ I would have had to leave immediately. It would have been too uncomfortable. And even though I never really knew if your father had to do with this, I believed something was wrong. And I was right, something
is
wrong.”

Gretel sat quietly for a moment, and then she rose slowly, locking eyes with Odalinde, her chest burning at the question she was about to ask. “And how do you know Officer Stenson? How do you
really
know him?”

The confusion on Odalinde’s face was instant, and Gretel trusted it.

“Who is..? You mean that System officer that came to check on you? I
don’t
know him, Gretel. As I said the other day, he came by to check on you and you weren’t here.”

Gretel stared coldly into the woman’s face, searching for the tell, the flicker or swallow or shift of the eyes. “Hansel saw his name in your book,” she said finally. “And I saw it too.”

Odalinde glanced toward Hansel and frowned and then looked back to Gretel.

“I told you, he gave me his name and number and told me to give it to you. I wrote it in my book where I keep all of my other numbers. I didn’t give it to you because I didn’t trust him. There was something insincere about him. I still believe that to be true.”

“You told me father wouldn’t allow it. You said that was why you didn’t tell me.”

“That was a lie. Your father never knew he was here.”

“So you never told Officer Stenson about your engagement to Father?”

“Of course not! Why would you think that?”

Gretel dismissed the question with a quick head shake.

“He was here only a few minutes, we barely spoke at all, let alone that I would disclose anything like that. Particularly that topic. I just wanted him gone.”

Odalinde’s answers were coming to Gretel quickly, logically, in a way that only the truth could. She sat back down and took a deep breath, and the buzz of nature filled the otherwise silent kitchen.

“So do you think he knows where my mother is?” she said finally, wearily. “If she is alive, do you think he knows where she is?”

Odalinde opened her mouth as if to answer, but instead took a deep breath and then pressed her lips into a thin, sad smile. “Honestly? Yes, I think he knows something about what’s happened. But if Officer Stenson is part of this, he’s only one part.”