Grinder (Seattle Sharks Book 1) (7 page)

I sighed. “Do you not…want me?”

His eyes snapped to mine and he advanced until I backed against the closed driver’s side door. He caged me with his arms. “Don’t think that. There is nothing I’d love more than to rip off those god forsaken tight pants you prance around the house in and worship you with my tongue until all you can do is ride my mouth.”

Yes, just yes.

My body responded to his words, begging me to do whatever necessary to make them the truth. I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed a finger over my lips. I lightly bit it, enjoying the way his eyes rolled back in his head.

“Then why—”

He jerked backward, putting a few feet between us. “You mean everything to me, Bailey. And to Lettie. What we have now would be ruined by what I would do to you. Because I’d fuck it up. That’s what I
do.
And the thought of hurting you like that,
and
crushing Lettie’s world at the same time?” He shook his head. “I won’t do it. Doesn’t matter how badly I want to hear my name on your lips, hear your breath in my ears, feel your body underneath me. The cost is too damn high.”

I licked my lips, his words all right and all wrong at the same time. “You won’t even try. We—” I nodded toward Lettie and then back to him—“we could be great. We fit, Gage. We always have.” I stepped toward him, pushing his wet hair off his forehead with my fingers. “If you’d just trust me…trust us—”

“I can’t.” He moved away from my touch. “Don’t you get it? You’re worth more to me than that.
She’s
worth more. And you both deserve better.”

Anger flushed my skin, a fight working up in me. I sharpened my gaze on him and shook my head. “That’s crap and you know it. You’re the best for her. She adores you, hell, I’m pretty sure she wants to
be
you. And me?” I sucked in a breath to steady my flaring nerves. “I think you’re worth every risk.”

He opened his mouth and closed it again before shrugging.

I rolled my eyes. Figured. A beast on the ice who feared no one, but dangle real love and passion before the man? Scared. I seethed all the way to the passenger side and slipped into my seat as quietly as my fuming body could handle.

Gage followed suit, sliding in behind the wheel and starting the car without a word. We drove in a charged silence and each second he didn’t speak I wanted to punch him, or kiss him, or maybe a wicked combination of both.

By the time I’d tucked Lettie into her bed, he was already in his bedroom, door firmly, and obviously closed.

Maybe it was Gage, or my own frustration, but for the first time since school ended, I searched for available internships at art galleries.

And in a quiet moment of desperation, where I wondered if he’d ever have the courage to open his heart to me...I applied.

T
he lamp lit
with seconds to go, and Warren threw his arms in the air in victory.

The final buzzer sounded, and within seconds, I was crushed by my teammates as they swarmed me on the ice.

Holy shit. We won.

“We shut those fuckers out!” Rory yelled.

“Hell yes!” Warren answered.

Every cell in my body hummed with energy, and I pulled out of the huddle to skate toward the ice. My girls were sitting right next to the glass, and Lettie met my hand with her own as I held it to the barrier. “My Daddy is a badass!” She yelled, her little blue eyes dancing with excitement.

Well, looked like I needed to talk to the guys about watching their fucking mouths around my baby girl.

“I love you, too, Lettie,” I said, unable to keep from grinning.

I looked up at Bailey and her thousand-watt smile blew me away. She was so beautiful with her cheeks flushed rosy from the chill in the rink, my little girl on her lap and my number on her back.

I tossed her a wink and skated back over to shake hands with the opposing team.

We’d started the season with a shut-out and I’d been on the starting line up.

Sorry, Rookie.
 

I patted the kid’s head as I passed him in the locker room a few minutes later. “You’re getting there, kid.”

“Yeah. Good game, McPherson,” he begrudgingly congratulated me.

“Damn skippy it was,” Warren said.

“And here we go,” Rory said, nodding toward the reporters that slipped into the locker room.

“McPherson!” the female reporter said, hopping over a pile of Rory’s gear with spiked heels.

Damn, couldn’t I even get out of my gear before they came in? Not like reporters in the locker room bothered other guys. Hell, Denison was over there with no pants on.

Then again, he didn’t have a kid at home, and the last thing I wanted Lettie to find on the net in ten years was a shot of her old man’s dick.

Pants on.

“Can I get a moment?” The blonde asked, waving her microphone with a smile.

“Sure,” I responded and stood.

She asked the normal questions. How was my shoulder? To what did I credit our victory? What did I have in mind for the rest of the season?

I gave the rote answers about teamwork, the strength of my shoulder, and my optimistic outlook.

Once she was done, I showered and dressed as quickly as possible.

“You’re coming tonight, right?” Rory asked as we took our bags from the locker room.

“What?”

“Do not pull that shit,” he threatened. “It’s the first game, the first victory, and we’re going out tonight.”

I grimaced in apology. “Man, I have Lettie.”
And Bailey.

“And a nanny. Come on, it’s tradition,” Warren countered.

“He doesn’t want to leave the nanny,” Rory stage-whispered.

“Shut the fuck up. What are you, twelve?”

Rory shrugged. “Truth, man.”

I looked up, saw my girls leaned against the wall with the other families, and my heart did a little flip at how...right that looked.

And then I saw my mother chatting Bailey’s ear off.
Lord have mercy.

She was a little over fifty, but I swear the woman only looked forty. She had that classic, raven-haired beauty most women paid top dollar for, with a class that you couldn’t put a pricetag on. She’d also been the one to take care of me and Lettie when Helen walked out while I was still in recovery.

“I’m not making any promises,” I said to the guys as we made our way to the girls.

“Tell him he has to go, Mrs. M,” Warren asked, giving my mother a charming smile.

She arched an eyebrow. “Has to go where?”

“Hi, Mama,” I said, kissing her soft cheek at the same moment Lettie attacked my leg.

“You played phenomenally,” Mom answered with a smile.

“What do you think, Lettie-Lou?” I asked as I lifted Lettie into my arms. She gave me a resounding smack of a kiss on my cheek but leaned back when I tried to do the same.

“You’ll mess my warpaint,” she said, pursing her tiny lips in a way that reminded me way too much of Bailey.

I noted the black streaks under her eyes that had my number drawn in. “We can’t have that,” I said and growled at her neck as she giggled.

I looked up and met Bailey’s shy smile with one of my own. Shit had been off with us this last week, more awkward than we’d ever been with each other, and I knew it was because of that kiss.

That hot, perfect, taste of her.

Damn, I wanted more.

“Where is he supposed to go?” Mom asked the guys, snapping me out of my stare-fest with Bailey.

“We always go out for drinks the night of the opener,” Warren explained.

“Tonight is Bailey’s night off,” I countered. I never left her with random sitters, and they knew it. No Bailey, no going out. Period.

“Well, then it’s a good thing there’s plenty of room at grandma’s,” Mom said, holding her arms out for Lettie. “What do you say, Scarlett? Want to come have a sleepover with Grammy?”

“Yes!” She shouted, lunging out of my arms. Mom caught her easily and kissed her forehead.

“Good!”

“Can we watch Music movie? Please?” Lettie turned those eyes on Mom and she melted.

“You’re still into the Sound of Music?” she asked.

Lettie nodded seriously. “The hills are alive, Grammy.”

I smiled as Bailey laughed, her hand lightly touching my arm. This was what family was supposed to be, sharing these moments, the happiness after a victory, the joy of watching Lettie grow.

It was wrong to picture Bailey in that role—especially when I knew she’d inevitably leave to start her own family, her own life—but I couldn’t help it. Everything was easy, happy, and that feeling was intoxicating—addictive.

“Then it’s settled,” Warren said, slapping me on the back. “We’ll see you later, my man.”

We said our goodbyes and headed to the parking lot. Bailey handed over her keys to Mom since she had Lettie’s car seat and she’d driven Mom here anyway, and I kissed Lettie goodbye.

“You be good for Grammy, okay?”

“Always,” she answered with an impy grin.

“I love you,” I said, as I hugged her tiny body tight and let her go.

“Love you!” She said before running over to Bailey. “Love you, too!”

Bailey dropped to her knees and hugged Lettie. “I love you, tons and bunches.”

“Let’s go, kiddo,” Mom said as she buckled Lettie into her seat. The door shut with a resounding thud, and though I knew it was Mom taking her, a stab of nervousness still hit me.

“You sure you don’t want me to bring you a bag for her or anything?” I asked.

“Of course not,” Mom said right before she kissed my cheek. “I love taking her shopping. Now go enjoy yourself, Gage. You need the downtime.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Her eyes darted over to where Bailey was occupied making faces at Lettie through the window. “She’s good for you.”

“Mom,” I warned quietly so Bailey wouldn’t hear.

“You deserve happiness, Gage. Don’t shun it out of fear. She’s not Helen.”

I stiffened at her name. “It’s complicated.”

She gave me the
mom
look.

“That’s only because you complicate it.” She kissed my cheek again and then patted it like I was ten. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

My heart clenched as they drove off, and Bailey laid her hand on my arm. “Ready to head home?”

I looked down into those gorgeous eyes as the word “home” resonated through me. “Yeah,” I answered, my voice low. My gaze dropped to her parted lips. It would be so easy to close the distance between us and kiss her. God knew that I loved the way she tasted, the way she fit against me.

In that moment I realized how great it was to love her as one of my best friends...and how easily I could fall in love with her as so much more.
Because you’re not already screwed enough as it is.

“Gage?” her eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly as if she didn’t realize it—as if she was drawn to me as magnetically as I was her.

Maybe Mom was right and I deserved happiness...maybe Bailey wouldn’t leave. Maybe she’d be the one who stayed. But I also knew the one thing she wanted out of her life—kids—was the one thing I wasn’t ever going to have any more of.

“Gage?” a feminine voice called from behind us.

“Yeah?” I asked as I turned to see the same blonde reporter racing toward us.

“Gosh,” she said, giving me a smile and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry, but my bosses were dying for a few more questions. Could I ask them?”

I smiled while inwardly grumbling. PR was part of my job, and as one of the faces of the Sharks, I couldn’t exactly be a dick and tell the lady that I was dying to get Bailey home so I could debate kissing her in a less crowded environment.

“We’re in the player lot, so I think we’ll be okay,” I answered.

“Thank you,” she said with a relieved smile. Then she batted her eyelashes at me and blatantly checked me out. A month ago I would have been tempted, but even all dressed up, she paled in comparison to Bailey in my jersey.

A sense of territorial pride swept through me and I winked at Bailey as she backed away so she wouldn’t be in the shot.

Bailey gave me a knowing smirk as the blonde pushed her boobs out and grinned for the camera. “So Gage, now that you’ve won your opener, and you’re feeling optimistic about the season, have you given any thoughts to your game with Ontario in three weeks?”

Every muscle in my body tensed, and Bailey’s smile slipped.

“We’re going to approach that game just like every other one. With preparation as a team.”

“Absolutely. And knowing you’re going to face Adkins for the first time since returning to the ice?”

I’d known the question was coming, but it didn’t hurt less.

“He’s an old teammate,” I answered slowly. “What happened between us was on the ice and ruled accidental. I bear him no ill will for what happened to my shoulder. This is hockey. People get hurt. I’m just lucky that I’ve made a full recovery and can continue in my starting position for the Sharks.”

Good boy.
 

Bailey nodded behind the blonde, a silent source of support.

“That makes total sense. And what about your personal vendetta? Will we get to see that play out on the ice?”

Holy shit, the woman was a dog with a bone.

“I think we can keep our personal feelings to ourselves. Like I said, he’s an old teammate.”

The blonde’s eyes narrowed. “Right, so you don’t think you’ll be off your game a little knowing that you’ll be playing against the man who destroyed your shoulder and left town with the mother of your child? Your daughter right?” She looked down at a notepad. “Scarlett?”

Unadulterated rage poured through every fiber of my being. “This interview is over.”

“I’m sorry?” The reporter sputtered. “I’m simply asking about your performance.”

“No,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “You’re asking about my daughter, and she’s off limits.”

I walked in front of the camera and led Bailey to my car with a hand on the small of her back, knowing the camera would follow—that I’d be a top story on ESPN for being a dick to a reporter.

I didn’t give a fuck.

No one messed with my daughter. No one threw her pain in my face and paraded it in front of the public like they had any right to it. And I’d be damned if someone ever alluded to Scarlett being abandoned by her mother, or pitied. I could love her enough for both parents.

I slid behind the wheel as Bailey clicked her seat belt in place, and then I tore out of the parking lot like the devil was after us. Or maybe I simply knew that mine was about to catch up with me.

* * *

W
hat was worse
than an insanely hot Bailey tempting me beyond all reason? A pissed-off Bailey. She didn’t blow hot like other women did—I could handle that. Have a little fight, air our shit out and move on. No, she wasn’t a volcano, there was no sudden eruption. She was like an earthquake...all around us I could feel the tension, and I knew she was brewing something up just beneath the surface.

The same way I knew that once she blew, I was in for a life altering shake-up.

She’d been like that since we were kids, and I knew she was always the most dangerous when she was quiet...and she’d been silent since we left the rink.

“Are you going to say anything?” Bailey asked as I threw my keys on the kitchen counter.

“What would you like me to say?” I snapped, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

“Gage, you get to be mad about her asking those questions. You can talk to me.”

“Of course I’m pissed,” I said, slamming the door shut. “But talking about it isn’t going to help.”

Bailey leaned back against the opposite counter and folded her arms over the Seattle Sharks logo on her chest. “What are you more nervous about? Seeing Adkins or Helen?”

My head snapped up. “I’m over it. Both of them.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Why the hell do you think that?”

“Because you won’t take a chance on us.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with any of this?” I fired back.