Grizzly Flying High (Air Bear Shifters 1) (13 page)

Sawyer stood behind the podium and looked out over the large room in town hall where the entire clan was gathered. There had been a low hum in the room, as people whispered and made different predictions about what the alpha’s decision would be regarding whether or not to banish the bears who had dissented along with Simon. But the room fell silent as he took the stage, and all eyes in the room were now trained on him.

He saw Chance, sitting in the front row and tapping his foot impatiently. Chance had not stopped pestering Sawyer about banishing the dissenting shifters. All through the celebration last night, he had been dropping hints—some subtle and some not so subtle—that Sawyer needed to step up and show everyone that he wasn’t the kind of alpha you wanted to mess with.

But Sawyer didn’t believe that being alpha was only about showing people that you were stronger than them. It was about taking care of your clan members, and protecting them. Sometimes that meant protecting them from outside threats, like clan wars or humans bent on getting rid of shifters. But, sometimes, it meant protecting them from themselves. Sawyer knew that most of the dissenting shifters had been caught up in the emotion of the moment. He didn’t want them to spend the rest of their lives separated completely from the clan, so he had come up with a compromise. A compromise he knew Chance would think was foolish, but Sawyer was not going to back down on his decision. If it meant that relations between one of his best friends and him were strained for a while, then so be it. It wouldn’t be the first time the two had fought. Eventually, things would get back to normal. They always did.

Sawyer’s gaze shifted next to Anderson, who was sitting on Chance’s left side. Silver sat next to her father, looking somber. When the little girl furrowed her brow in the way she was doing right now, she reminded Sawyer so much of her late mother that it took his breath away. He could only imagine how bittersweet it must be for Anderson to watch his little girl grow. Anderson himself looked somber, with his hands folded neatly in his lap and his gaze fixed on something on the wall behind the podium.

Anderson had sensed the tension between Sawyer and Chance, but he hadn’t said anything. He didn’t care that much about clan politics, and he had no dog in this fight. For Anderson, the only thing in the world that mattered was that his little girl was safe and protected. As long as Sawyer didn’t do anything to jeopardize the clan’s safety as a whole, and therefore Silver’s safety, Anderson didn’t really give a shit whether the rest of the clan viewed Sawyer as “tough” enough or not. While Chance thought appearing tough was important to an alpha, Anderson thought actually being tough was the only important thing.

Before Sawyer began speaking, he let his gaze slide over to Amanda, who sat next to Silver. Amanda was looking back at him, and when his eyes locked with hers he instantly felt the heat of their connection. He knew she still felt uncertain about how life would be for her in Frost Peak, but last night seemed to have helped rid her of some of her fears. He had noticed her sulking in the corner at the party, but after Silver drew her out to dance, it was like Amanda had become a completely different person. Amanda had loosened up, made friends, and seemed to genuinely enjoy herself. Sawyer felt an incredible debt of gratitude toward Silver for her innocent request that Amanda dance with her. The little girl had no idea how much she had changed the course of Amanda’s night for the better. Sawyer made himself a mental note to buy Silver a new stuffed animal later that day, and then he turned his attention back to the matter at hand: one of the most difficult speeches he had been required to make during his years as alpha to the Frost Peak Grizzlies.

“Good morning, Frost Peak,” Sawyer began, scanning the crowd to try to gauge the mood by the expressions on the faces looking back at him. A chorus of a few subdued “Good mornings” came back to him, but, overall the mood in the room remained tense. Not that this surprised Sawyer. Nearly half of the shifters here faced an uncertain future of possible banishment from the clan. Sawyer would have felt a little nervous, too, if he had been sitting in their shoes. Sawyer caught the smug expressions of the clan’s elders, who were sitting on the front row and waiting for what they assumed would be a grand punishment of all the dissenters.

Sawyer sighed inwardly as he took in their faces. He loved the clan elders. They were full of wisdom and stories of days long before Sawyer had even been born—and no one knew the clan laws better than they did. Still, just like some of the clan laws, some of the elders’ attitudes could be quite archaic. Although the laws did allow Sawyer to pardon the dissenters, no one had ever done something so generous, as far as he knew. He was sure that the clan leaders, right along with Chance, would consider him foolish.

Sawyer turned his face away from the clan leaders, and cleared his throat before continuing. “As you all know, we are here today because clan law requires the alpha to make the decision after an alpha challenge on whether or not those who did not support the alpha during the challenge should be banished.”

The silence in the room was deafening, as the shifters all collectively held their breath. Not even a baby could be heard crying in the large room.

“After careful thought and consideration, and after seeking the advice of those closest to me, I have decided to let the dissenters stay.”

Instantly, the quiet in the room turned into a deafening roar, as shifters both in favor of and against Sawyer’s proclamation reacted to his decision. Sawyer had anticipated that he would have to wait a few moments to continue his speech, so he paused and held his hands up, calling for silence so that he could keep talking.

“This decision comes with one caveat,” Sawyer said. “I want to make it very clear that this is a onetime occurrence. There will be no second chances. Anyone who decides to dissent again will be banished. I know many of you who did not dissent think that I am being too soft, and that I should not let anyone who rebelled stay.”

Sawyer glanced at Chance when he said this, and, as he expected, Chance’s lips were set in a thin, tight line. His friend was doing his best to remain calm, but Sawyer could see the anger bubbling beneath the surface.

“This is not a time for fighting,” Sawyer said. “It is a time for peace. We’ve had a few years of calm now here in Alaska, where we haven’t had any major clan wars or major attacks on shifters. Why should we devastate our own clan by banishing our brothers and sisters who made an ill-advised choice? We won’t be hurting anyone but ourselves in the long run. I urge you to let this be a season of forgiveness. Reach out to each other and build a bridge of understanding and compassion. Together, we are stronger. I hope that this time has been a learning experience for everyone. And I hope that the fight gave you the chance to see that I am strong enough to withstand anyone who would dare to challenge the fierceness of my love for you, my dear clan members.”

The room burst into an uproar again, with even the elders joining in on the commotion this time. Only Chance and Anderson still sat quietly, their arms folded across their chests as they listened to the crowd around them hurling both words of praise and condemnation about their alpha.

Sawyer looked over at Amanda, whose face had gone a little pale. She was looking down at her hands in her lap, clearly uncomfortable at all of the noise around her. Sawyer longed to rush over and pull her into his arms, reassuring her that scenes like this were unusual around here. This was the first time in Sawyer’s life that he could remember such tension among the clan members. He had confidence, though, that everything would calm down in a few weeks. The Frost Peak Grizzlies had always been a tight group. Sure, people were mad now, but it was the kind of angry you were when your best friend pissed you off. You couldn’t help spouting off irate words of condemnation, but you knew at the end of it all you’d let the past be the past.

“This is my final decision on the matter,” Sawyer said, turning to the crowd again and shouting to be heard over the roar. “So I suggest you all start getting along with each other again as soon as possible.”

Sawyer turned to step down from the podium, doing his best to ignore the roaring around him. He would plan ways in the next few weeks to help the bears overcome the rift between them. He would come up with projects that forced them to work together and forget their differences. But, for now, he would just give everyone time to let the news sink in. No one was going anywhere. They were all a clan. A family. And they would help each other through this rough patch.

As Sawyer made his way toward where Amanda was sitting to lead her away from the town hall, he heard a loud voice rising above all the other noise.

“What would we expect from you? Of course someone who has gone soft enough to bring a human into our midst as his mate would be soft enough to just forgive everyone for all the wrong they did. No wonder Simon thought he needed to challenge you.”

Sawyer watched Amanda’s face fall at the harsh words, and he spun around in anger to see who had said them. But the crowd went even crazier, and the owner of the voice was lost in the chaos. Sawyer turned back toward Amanda, only to see Chance standing next to her with an “I told you so” expression on his face.

“Oh come on, man,” Sawyer said. “I know you don’t agree with me, but this is the decision I’ve made. Try to act at least a little bit supportive.”

Chance shrugged, and uncrossed his arms so that he looked a little less threatening. But he didn’t wipe the frustrated expression off his face. Anderson, meanwhile, came up to Sawyer and leaned to yell in his ear.

“Hey, buddy. I’m gonna get Silver out of this mess for now. Let me know if you need anything. I’m sure this will all die down in a day or two,” he said. Then he turned to face Amanda. “And don’t worry about whatever people say about your being human. They’re just jealous that Sawyer snatched up such a lovely catch.”

Sawyer saw Amanda smile gratefully at Anderson’s words, and he reached over to squeeze Anderson’s shoulder in thanks. He owed both Anderson and Silver a big debt for the way they had welcomed Amanda into the clan. At least Amanda had one family in Frost Peak supporting her. Sawyer decided to follow Anderson’s lead and get away from the crowd for the time being. He had already said his piece, and, until everyone’s emotions calmed down a bit, there wasn’t much else that he could do here. Ignoring Chance’s irritated look, and the noise of the crowd, Sawyer grabbed Amanda’s hand and led her toward the door, praying the whole time that no one would make any more comments about her being a bad match for him until they were out of earshot.

As soon as Sawyer shut the cabin door behind him and turned to face Amanda, he knew his worst fear had been realized. Amanda’s expression clearly told him that she wasn’t at all happy with what she had seen and heard this morning. He tried to get the first word in, which turned out to be a mistake.

“Amanda, please,” he said. But before he could get any other words out, she held up her hands for him to stop.

“Don’t. Just don’t say anything. You’re only going to make it worse. I’ve been such a fool, thinking that I could just drop in here in the middle of a clan of freaking bear shifters and fit in. I’ve had an amazing time with you, yes. But, obviously, there are a lot of shifters around here who are less than thrilled at the idea of having a human around. I know when I’m not welcome somewhere, Sawyer. And I don’t want to spend my entire life apologizing for who I am. Your clan members, of all people, should understand how unpleasant it is to be judged just for being you.”

“You do fit in. And you
are
welcome here. Didn’t you see how excited everyone was to meet you last night? Don’t read too much into what happened today. Emotions were running really high back in that room, but none of it really had to do with you.”

“If none of it had to do with me, then why did people start insulting you for dating a mere human?” Amanda challenged, her eyes accusing Sawyer of trying to hide the truth from her.

Sawyer let out an exasperated breath. “They’re just angry with my decision, so they’re taking jabs at me however they can. Try not to take it personally. It will all die down in a week or two, I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” Amanda said, “But I don’t understand why today was such a big deal. So, you decided to forgive some people for being buttheads to you. Cool. Why does everyone else care so much?”

Sawyer felt his stomach twisting in knots. He had a feeling that Amanda wasn’t going to be impressed with his response. “It’s hard to explain,” he said. “Having a strong alpha is very important to shifters. So anything that a shifter thinks make his or her alpha look weak is a big deal. Even though clan law allows me to let the dissenters stay, a lot of the clan members think that I should have made them leave because of how they treated me.”

Amanda threw up her hands in frustration. “There you go again, talking about clan laws as if that should just explain everything. It doesn’t explain things, Sawyer. It’s all really strange to me. And, honestly, it sounds like a bunch of rules, some written and some unwritten. That’s what life in the corporate world was like. A bunch of rules. A bunch of ideas you had to follow and go along with that stifled who you really were. This whole ‘shifter clan’ thing is starting to sound like more of the same to me. I didn’t escape from corporate hell just to trade one set of rules for another.”

Sawyer felt like he had been punched in the gut. Amanda hadn’t out and out said it, but she was strongly implying that she didn’t want to stay here. And the thought of losing her took his breath away.

“Every society has laws, Amanda. And, yes, we have laws here. They may seem strange to you, but they’re just a way to make sure things stay peaceful and in order. They aren’t there to force you to be someone you’re not.”

“Do you love me?” Amanda asked abruptly.

Sawyer worked to keep the surprise off of his face at the sudden question. “Yes, Amanda. I love you.”

“Then don’t you think being told that you can’t have a human is forcing you to be someone you’re not?”

“No,” Sawyer said, trying to keep his tone as even and patient as possible. “Because there’s no rule or law that I can’t have a human for a girlfriend. Some people might have the opinion that it’s a bad idea, sure. But people will always have opinions about things, no matter where you go. No one can force me to give you up. And no one
will
force me to give you up. I’m committed to you, Amanda.”

“Committed enough that you would leave here if I didn’t stay?”

Sawyer drew in his breath sharply. He felt like he had been sucker punched again. He couldn’t imagine leaving behind Frost Peak, and his clan, and his tour company. This was the life he loved, and the only life he had ever known. And, yet, he knew that there would never be a life for him again that didn’t have Amanda in it. So if she made him choose between the clan and her, he would hand over the reigns as alpha to the next bear in line. As much he loved his clan, and as much as it would break his heart, he knew there was no bond stronger than the lifemate bond. The love he had for Amanda was stronger than any other love, or any other bond. Which is why he let out a ragged breath and answered her the only way he could.

“Yes, Amanda. I’m that committed. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but, if it did, I would follow you to the ends of the earth.”

But instead of looking happy at his words, as he had expected, the frown on Amanda’s face deepened.

“I’m going for a walk,” she said, turning to the door in a rush.

“What? Why? Where are you going?” Sawyer asked.

“I just need some space,” Amanda said as she slipped quickly out the front door. She let it slam behind her, leaving a stunned Sawyer to stare after her in confusion.

“Goddamn women,” he muttered under his breath. “Doesn’t matter if they’re shifter or human. Sometimes they just don’t make any fucking sense.”

* * *

Amanda glanced over her shoulder a few times during the first few minutes of her walk, afraid that Sawyer was going to follow her. But he never appeared, and she slowly breathed a sigh of thankful relief. If nothing else, at least he had a good sense of when she truly did need space. When she reached the edge of town, she slowed her pace and relaxed a bit as she made her way into the forest. Hopefully, no one else would be out here on this overgrown forest path. She had quickly looked away from anyone she had crossed paths with on the way out of town. She didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes right now and risk seeing disdain in their expression, or, worse, pity.

She knew that Sawyer was probably frustrated with her right now. He had basically just offered to give up his entire life for her, and, in response, she had hightailed it out of his cabin with barely a goodbye. She should have stayed and said something, anything. But she had been afraid of the strong emotions that coursed through her at his words.

No one had ever offered to give up everything for her before. She’d dated off and on, and occasionally had even felt a bit of mutual attraction. But any relationship she’d been in had always been about mutual benefit. The men she had dated had wanted to team up with a successful corporate woman so that resources and connections could be shared. It had been a logical approach to dating, sure. But, unsurprisingly, her heart had never really been in it.

She had known Sawyer was different from the very beginning. He cared about her on a deeply personal level. He didn’t want her just because she had an impressive rolodex of contacts, or a perfect résumé. He wanted her for
her
. For her smile, for her love of the outdoors, for her body, which, somehow he thought was perfect. He seemed to truly enjoy spending time with her just for who she was, not for whatever bonus benefits he might have been able to get by dating her.

Still, she hadn’t realized just how different he was. She hadn’t realized that not only did he not want her for what he could get from her, but he also was willing to give up everything for her. Everything. That kind of commitment took Amanda’s breath away. She hadn’t thought men like him actually existed in real life. So, of course, idiot that she was, when she actually found a man like that she took off running.

Amanda breathed in deeply, savoring the earthy scent of pine and trying to steady her swirling thoughts. She knew why she had run. She had run because she worried that she wouldn’t be able to live up to that kind of commitment and trust. She was worried that she would disappoint Sawyer and he would regret choosing her over any of the other single women in his clan, whom he could have easily had. She had run because she wondered who she was to think she deserved that kind of love. She had run because, after all this time of searching for exactly the kind of love that Sawyer was offering, she was terrified to have found it.

Amanda breathed in again, closing her eyes and letting the fresh, Alaskan air fill her lungs. Then she opened her eyes, admiring the snowy mountain peaks in the distance, which looked brilliant with the sun shining brightly on them. Amanda loved how, even in the middle of summer, you could always see snow here. You just had to look up at the mountains and it was there—fresh, crisp, and white. As Amanda took in the beauty around her, she felt her heartbeat slowly settling to a normal pace, and her breathing returned to normal. Something about being out here in the forest was so peaceful and so centering. She could see why Sawyer loved it.

Amanda knew she could never actually ask Sawyer to leave Frost Peak behind. She hadn’t asked the question to test him. She had asked the question because she had honestly thought he would tell her that he would never leave the town and his clan. She had thought that would give her a good excuse to part ways with him without having to face the deeper issues of his love for her. But now, she had a choice to make. Should she stay and take a chance that she might not be the most popular person in town, or should she leave and let go of what was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to her, refusing to let him follow her.

As Amanda mulled over the options in her mind, she heard a screeching sound above her and looked up to see a bald eagle soaring overhead. She watched the magnificent bird as it rode the air currents, its giant wings carrying it high above the forest. The sight took Amanda’s breath away, and she marveled, not for the first time, at how much of life she had been missing because she was stuck in an office, trying to fit into a life that had never been what she wanted. As she saw the eagle soar out of view, she suddenly knew what she had to do.

She was afraid to stay here, because things were unfamiliar. Like Sawyer had said, there were rules and laws everywhere. But, deep down, she knew the rules here weren’t the kind of rules that would hold her back and keep her from being who she was. The reason she wanted to blame the rules for her desire to leave was that she was afraid to face the real reason.

Amanda was afraid that, after a decade of playing the games of the corporate world, that she wouldn’t truly fit in anywhere else. She was afraid that she would never feel successful and respected again. And the fact that some of the shifters in Sawyer’s clan had expressed displeasure at Sawyer’s choice of a human mate had triggered feelings of deep insecurity within her. She wanted to be liked and accepted. Who didn’t?

But she also wanted to be a rule breaker, tearing through the imaginary boundaries that so many people put on their own happiness. She had already broken the rules by leaving behind a very successful marketing career. Why would she stop now to care about whether a human dating a shifter alpha was “acceptable?” She was happy with him, and she deserved to be happy. She deserved this chance at a life of love, and she was going to take it. Everyone else would just have to accept that.

Amanda headed back toward town with a new spring in her step. She felt lighter, now that she had made her decision. She could hardly wait to get back to Sawyer and tell him that not only would she never dream of asking him to leave Frost Peak, but that she also had no intentions of leaving. She would stay, and build a new life here, because this beautiful wilderness was what she wanted. And a life with Sawyer was what she wanted. All the other details were just that—details.

Amanda made it back to the cabin and flung open the front door, which was unlocked.

“Sawyer?” she yelled, but there was no response. She checked every room in the cabin and soon realized that it was empty. Disappointed, she started chewing on her fingernail and trying to figure out where he might have gone. He didn’t have any more clan business today, as far as she knew. If she had to put money on it, she would bet that he had gone to the airport. That seemed to be where he spent most of his time when he wasn’t home. He loved Frost Peak’s hangar and small fleet of airplanes.

Amanda quickly walked to the airport, and, as she suspected, Sawyer was there. Only he wasn’t inside the hangar working in the tiny office. He was sitting, cross-legged on the runway, with his back to Amanda as he looked out at the wilderness beyond the small airstrip. One of the planes was parked in the grass next to him, and, even beside an airplane, Sawyer looked like a giant of a man. Amanda’s heart caught in her throat as she realized that he must be out here thinking, probably about her, and how she had been so quick to ask him if he would leave Frost Peak for her. Amanda knew she had caused him a lot of anguish by asking him that, and, although it had been unintentional on her part, it was time for her to set things right.

“Sawyer!” she yelled out. She didn’t even wait for him to turn around before she started running toward him. It was time to let him know that, no matter what rules or traditions stood in their way, she was committed to being his forever, and to setting up a life right here in Frost Peak with him.