Guarded Heart (Dubicki's) (11 page)

The way he softly caressed her drove Carissa mad with need.
She didn’t know what was coming over her, but she lacked the power or
willingness to stop it. If he didn’t pull her clothes off soon, she would. She
was already rocking her hips over him rhythmically and could feel how hard he
was beneath her. She found the thought of him penetrating her delicious.

“Do you like this?” Jesse asked, and Carissa nodded.

He took his time and trailed his index finger from her bottom
lip to her throat. He gently kissed her throat before he continued, gently
trailing his finger and gently kissing his way behind it as he did. He got to
her breastbone and looked in her eyes for permission to undress her. She loved
his respect for her but was conflicted by the impatience that was rising from
her core. She was starting to feel her desire soak through her panties in
anticipation of his touch.

He gently unbuttoned her blouse and groaned when he saw her
lace bra. It was sheer enough to see the outline of her areola and nipple under
the fabric, and it drove him wild with need. He would not be able to control
himself much longer but drew upon his inner strength to continue slowly
undressing her. He gently lowered his head to her breast, nuzzling her nipple
outside of her bra. She moaned as she ground her hips into him more. He slowly
took her straps down, and the flimsy bra fell down while it was still on her,
exposing her breasts. She had just enough size for him to comfortably suckle,
and he did just long enough for her to wonder if he wanted nourishment from her
breasts. She moaned as her desire intensified.

“Jesse, please,” she moaned in a sultry tone; it was what he
needed to hear to lift her off of his lap and lift her onto the countertop.

“Do you want to take off your jeans for me?” he said.

She nodded as she impatiently shimmed out of her skinny
jeans. She hooked her thumb into her panties.

“Wait,” he said. “I want to look at you first”

Jesse looked at Carissa’s mostly nude body in appreciation
of her beauty. He could see her desire soaking through her panties and wanted
nothing more than to taste the beauty at her center. He stood there watching
her writhe with her desire, and her hands wandered to her own breasts. He
didn’t know how much longer he could stand it if she continued to fondle
herself, but yet he couldn’t keep his eyes away as she continued to moan with
her legs spread wide open. She took her hands down to the crotch of her panties
moving them to the side offering him a peek of what was inside. He could take
no more and moved in to help her. He moved her fingers and replaced them with
his own. He held the crotch of her panties off her as he let his finger wander
into her wet folds. She moaned in appreciation as her hips continued to rock.

“Do you like this?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she urgently whispered.

“Do you want me to touch you more?”

“Yes… God, yes.”

He quickly shimmied her panties down her legs and lowered
his face into her sex. She was intoxicating to him. He gently touched the tip
of his tongue to the head of her swollen clit, and her body responded with
encouragement. She tasted so good. He eagerly let his tongue explore her
wetness and found a rhythm that Carissa nearly danced to as she cried out with
her need. As he was licking her, he settled his middle finger into her
entrance. She was so tight.
God, I don’t know if I am going to make it, this
is so excruciatingly hot.
Carissa grabbed the top of his hair and exploded
into his mouth. Her body glistened with the heat that he’d just caused within
her.

“Do you want me, Carissa?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

He took her hips and lowered her off the counter and took
her back to the bench. He lowered his shorts and she gasped as she saw the tip
of his member glistening with need for her. She bit her lip as she nodded at
him and parted her legs in anticipation of him. He sat down and lifted her onto
his lap, and she slowly lowered herself on to him. She groaned as she rocked
herself up and down. His desire mounting, he took her off of him and turned her
around to lean over the bench. She used her knees to raise her bottom in desire
for his entrance.

He thrust himself into her and placed his hands around her
hips. There was a mirror right in front of the bench, and he could see the desire
on her face as she felt him. It was so hot to watch her breasts rock back and
forth with his thrusts, and he found himself losing control.

“Carissa, I’m going to come,” he announced as he quickly
pulled out of her and came all over her bottom and lower back.

He gently toweled her off and collapsed beside her as he
wrapped his arms around her. He’d never felt such desire, such need, and felt
the need to hold on to her tightly.

A few moments later, they both got their clothes on. Carissa
seemed a little timid in doing so, and Jesse silently wondered why he’d let
himself lose such control. The girl was fragile, and she was becoming more
important to him with each moment.

As he finished dressing, he walked over to her and opened
his arms, inviting her into them.

“Carissa, are you okay?” he gently said as he looked down at
her.

She still looked flushed, and he couldn’t’ tell whether it
was from the sex, embarrassment, or regret. The sex had been mind-blowing, but
it wasn’t worth taking their budding relationship back a step. He had to find a
way to make it right.

Carissa looked up at him, wiping her hair out her eyes as
she said, “Jesse, that was amazing. I am a little taken aback at my own
behavior. I don’t know what the hell came over me, and I’m worried of what you
will think of me after that.”

“Carissa, it’s not like that with me. Okay?” he said as he
looked directly into her eyes to emphasize his sincerity. She looked down.
“Carissa, I mean it. I know you aren’t like other women. That’s why I wanted to
be with you in the first place. I need you to know that there is nothing you
did or could have done just now to jeopardize what is between us to me. It’s me
that’s worried that I did something I shouldn’t have because you’re not
comfortable with it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost control.”

“Jesse, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I’m just
surprised. I’ll process this later; let’s just try to enjoy the amazing
experience we just had, okay?”

“Okay.”

“What’s next?” Carissa said, barely missing a beat.

Jesse had a feeling they would discuss things later. For the
moment, he just found it all the more endearing the way she was dealing with
things. She was adorable. He could really fall for her.

“Well, next we go out into the crowd of reporters and fans
and make our way back to my truck. Are you ready for this?”

“I guess so,” she said.

He walked up to her and held his arms out to her. She let
herself have a moment of security in his arms before the chaos that lie ahead
of them, just outside those doors. As they parted, he reached his hand out to
her; she grabbed it, and they walked out the door, hand-in-hand into a storm of
screams.

“Jesse!”

“Jesse!”

“Carissa!”

“Jesse, how does it feel to have another victory under your
belt?”

Jesse stopped to answer a few questions while Carissa waited
patiently behind him. She wondered how the public knew her name already.

They made their way out to his truck a short while later. He
agreed to drop her at home before the party at Dubicki’s that was customary
after his fights. Carissa had an early shift the next day at the nursing home.
They both agreed that there would be many other fights she’d be at and
after-parties to go to with him. Jesse said he’d call her the following day
after work, and they kissed as they said goodbye.

Chapter 16

Jesse felt on top of the world. He had just had a
mind-blowing experience with his beautiful new girlfriend Carissa, and he’d won
another fight which elevated his status in the overall rankings. He felt better
than he had in a long time and felt like things were finally going his way.

The parties at Dubicki’s after his fights were always fun.
Whether it was just a few locals or a huge crowd that came out to celebrate his
success, he felt so blessed to have so many people that were pulling for him
and came out to show it. After having Carissa at the last party, he already
missed having her there; he kept looking to see her by his side, forgetting she
wasn’t there. His body still remembered feeling what it was like to make love
to her, and he wanted to see her again soon.

He was starting to wonder what he had ever done without her.
How is that possible?
He smiled in the realization that it was entirely
possible that she was meant for him, and he grinned from ear-to-ear at the
thought that might be true. He may be a badass MMA fighter, but he was starting
to feel a streak of romance in his heart that he never knew he had. He thought
of Carissa all the time. He knew she had an early shift the next day, but he
couldn’t wait to see her again.

“Little brother, you are so transparent right now,” Kelsey
teased him.

“Huh?” he said as if he were in another world and wasn’t
sure what she’d said.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you’re missing
Carissa. Or do you have another girlfriend?” she said as she mussed his hair.

“Hey!” he said as he took a step forward as if he might
chase her. She emitted a small scream from her throat. They both knew he
wouldn’t do it, though. Not only was the bar their business, she was six months
pregnant, which had put a temporary stop to their antics. It didn’t matter how
old they were, the roughhousing they did as kids always brought them back to a
time when life was easier, and when they started it, they forgot all manners
and where they were just like a couple of kids.

“I barely have time for one girlfriend, let alone two. You
know I’m not like that.”

“Hi, Jesse,” said a familiar voice as both Kelsey and Jesse
snapped out of their childhood reverie.

“Haley?” they both said in unison, filled with surprise at
the voice they both recognized from their childhoods.

Haley Fox and Jesse Dubicki had been high school
sweethearts. Their romance started when they were freshmen in high school.
Jesse was on the wrestling team at De LaSalle, a Catholic High School in northeast
Minneapolis; Haley had been a cheerleader for the wrestling team at Totino
Grace, a neighboring Catholic school. Jesse had a victory the night that they
met, which he still remembered was surprising since he could not keep his eyes
off Haley cheering. He was mesmerized by her at the time, and since that first
night they’d met, they’d been inseparable all their years of high school.
They’d lost their virginity to each other and thought they’d be together
forever. Then Haley’s family moved right after they’d graduated high school
because her father got a job in a different state. They’d both been
heartbroken, and Jesse thought he’d never see her again. It had taken him a
long time to get over her.

“Haley, it’s been a long time,” Jesse said as he worked at
straightening the clothing that had gotten mildly disheveled when he’d been
joking around with Kelsey.

“Yes, it has,” Haley said with a twinkle in her eye.

Jesse was still feeling a little shell-shocked. Seeing her
again brought back the instant memory of the first night they’d met, as well as
the heartbreak he’d felt when she left. The memory was bittersweet. Seeing her
again was unexpected, and he had a bad feeling in his stomach. There was no
other way to explain it. He had finally moved on, and he found it suspect that
suddenly she appeared. All that time he had missed her and didn’t understand
why she had left. He had allowed himself to move on, and suddenly she was back.
It didn’t feel right to him.

“What do you want, Haley?”

“Well, for starters, I guess I was expecting a warmer
reception, Jesse.”

“Haley, you broke my heart when you left town. That was
three long years ago. I would imagine you felt like you had to go, but you were
old enough that you could have stayed if you wanted to. You never even gave me
the chance to have a say in things. Never even told me you were going. I had to
hear you left from other people, Haley. How is that okay?”

Jesse stopped himself and took a breath. He could feel the
anger in him for leaving the bubble up, but he had to let it go. He had a
girlfriend now, and this was in the past. “It took me so long to get over you,
and now I have finally moved on with my life. So yes, I want to know what you
want and why you’re here.”

“We have a daughter,” she suddenly blurted out.

Jesse felt like he’d been punched; that might actually have
been a relief compared to the confusion he was feeling.

“What do you mean, Haley?” he said, clearly a pained look on
his face.

“Jesse, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have to tell you like this,
but I found out I was pregnant right after we left town. We were already in
Illinois, and when my parents found out, they wanted me to get an abortion. I
wanted to come back to you, but they threatened me with everything short of
disowning me if I came back here. They said you’d be better off if you didn’t
know about the baby because we were both young and they were not moving back
here.”

She stepped forward and pulled up a picture of their child
to show him on her phone.

Jesse stared back into eyes that were just like his; she
looked just like Kelsey had when she was a baby, only this child bore the dark
features of her mother Haley. He’d thought to question whether or not it was
his until that moment. He knew there was no question. “What’s her name?”

“Violet.”

“Violet. Huh. Violet what?”

“Violet Fox Dubicki.”

Thank God she had named our daughter Dubicki
, he
thought with a frustrated, but sudden, swell of pride.

“What made you finally decide to tell me?”

“She wondered why her other friends at daycare have daddies
and she doesn’t.”

“So it wasn’t your own conscience, but our daughter’s?”

“No, Jesse, it’s not like that.”

She walked toward him and put her arm around his back and
talked to him like they were in a huddle. He stiffened but did not push her
away. Yet. He clicked his jaw in frustration as she continued.

“I’d never stopped loving you, but my parents were my
support and I couldn’t just leave. Every day Violet grew more and more to look
like you, and I just knew we had to be near you again. So I took a leap of
faith and moved back here a few days ago. I had planned it for a while, and it
took me a while to save the money because I did not have my parents support in
making the move.”

“Haley, I don’t’ know what to think right now. Obviously, I
feel shell-shocked.”

“I realize you must be, Jesse. I’m sorry. Do you still have
the same phone number?”

He nodded.

“Okay, then I will text you some pictures of Violet. Would
that be okay?”

“Yeah, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t want her, Haley. I
just have to absorb this information.” He rubbed his temples in an attempt to
hold back the migraine he felt coming on. “You’ve known about her for three
years, and I had no idea. That’s not fair on so many levels. I have always
thought I’d have children but just didn’t imagine I’d have one this soon. I
will do the right thing. I just need some time to process it all.”

“I understand, Jesse. We rented an apartment in a duplex off
25th and Jackson; you have my number with the text. I’ll wait to hear from
you.”

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek and lightly
rubbed her hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch.

“What was that, Jesse?” Kelsey walked up and quietly asked.

“Trouble. She told me I have a child.”

***

Carissa had gotten home and started to get her things
together for the early morning shift. She hummed as she thought of Jesse while
she did her busywork. She regretted that she had not been able to go with him
to the after party and decided impulsively to take a drive up to Dubicki’s to
see if she could say a quick hello to the family and say goodnight to Jesse.
She loved his family. She always wanted a loving family and had never seemed to
find it. She would be happy to have the Dubicki family as a surrogate family
and considered herself lucky to know Jesse and his family.

She got there and felt the butterflies in her belly that
were becoming second nature to her the more she was around Jesse as she got out
of her car and approached the bar. She could hardly wait to see her handsome
boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
She loved saying that, even to herself. She’d
never had a relationship with a boyfriend that she’d felt proud of.

As she walked into the bar, it took her a minute to find
Jesse, but she was tipped off by the look on Kelsey’s face from behind the bar.
Carissa felt her stomach drop as she rushed around the corner to find Jesse in
what seemed like an intimate conversation with another woman. The woman was
beautiful. She had silky, long hair that was almost black, pale skin, and a
body to die for. The body language between the two of them seemed like there
was more to them than met the eye. She just stood and watched them for a
minute, in part because she was too shocked to do anything else. She watched
the girl put her arm around Jesse, and Carissa felt her insides tighten while
her tears bubbled very near the surface as she saw the woman lean over and kiss
him on the cheek. He didn’t stop her. She couldn’t watch anymore, in fear of what
would happen next.

She turned around with the tears starting to blur her
vision. She had to get out of there, fast.

“Carissa?” Kelsey jumped out from behind the bar and, seeing
the look on Carissa’s face, noted, “It’s not what you think: Haley is an old
friend of ours from when we were kids.”

“Well, it looks to me like they were more than friends. I
have to get out of here before I do or say something I’ll regret,” Carissa said
as she wiped the tears that were beginning to fall from her face.

“Do you want me to tell him you were here?”

Carissa shook her head no but doubted that Kelsey would keep
it from him. Those two were the tightest of the Dubicki siblings, she knew.

Right then, she had to take care of her own needs and try
not to worry about a man that she thought had cared and clearly was not man she
thought he was. She didn’t even know why she’d bothered getting her hopes up.
Men really were all just the same, after all.

***

“You have a child together?” Kelsey asked, her tone
escalating with drama as she said it.

“Kelsey, would you keep your voice down? Watch it,” Jesse
said, the irritation clear in his voice.

“Sorry,” Kelsey whispered as she stooped down as if they
might not be spotted if they shrunk under the bar.

“I know. I’m just a bit shell-shocked right now.”

“Well, I don’t want to make it worse for you, but Carissa
just stopped in here.”

“What? WHEN? Why didn’t she say anything?” Jesse was racking
his brain trying to replay the details of what just happened since Carissa
might have seen them.

“She saw Haley lean over and kiss you, apparently. I think
that she just sensed the connection between the two of you that she didn’t’
know was a former connection from a long time ago, and she didn’t want to stay
to see what happened. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what it was, and I wanted to
explain it to her, but she couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

“Fuck! This night is going from bad to worse.”

He started pacing.

“I want to go find her, but I don’t know if I could keep the
reason why Haley was here. I haven’t processed it myself, and I’m not sure if
I’m ready to share it with anyone yet. I’m going up to my place and going to
pour myself a shot of Jamison. I don’t know what the hell to think right now,”
he said as he stormed out to his apartment.
I’ll try to make it only a shot
and not a fifth of whiskey, even though being numb is sounding very desirable
at the moment.