Guess Who's Coming to Christmas Dinner (8 page)

Chapter
Thirteen

Sophie and Lynne spent most of the morning swabbing and cleaning the walls of the chocolate handprints whilst still giggling weakly. It was all too much, Sophie thought, marvelling that Lynne was relatively laid back about it, though the laughter that she’d first heard was more like hysteria really, but at least she hadn’t blown a fuse, merely banishing Bella and Nathan to the far corner of the living room to watch a DVD and with strict instructions not to move. Sophie swabbed carefully with a damp cloth over the walls, but no matter how they tried, Sophie knew that a paint job was called for. She offered to come over and help Lynne do it after the holidays.

“I
don’t think I can live with it for that long,” Lynne mumbled, rubbing away at a handprint, “But I guess I’ll just have to, right? It’s probably good for me...”

Sophie
glanced at Lynne’s rather grim expression and decided that a break was called for. “Come on, let’s have some lunch, and a glass of wine; it’s Christmas after all!”

Lynne
nodded and followed Sophie into the kitchen. Sophie pulled open Lynne’s fridge and peered inside for some food. Serried ranks of pre packed vegetables (no dirt no mess, Sophie thought) stood to attention. She also spotted the cheese that Lynne had bought from Pastons, still pristine in the wrapping paper.

“
D’you fancy some celery and stilton soup Lynne? I could knock it up really quickly...” Sophie called behind her as she saw Lynne washing out the cloths they’d used to clean up with.

“Yes,
that would be lovely....” Lynne said, wringing out the cloths, scrutinising them and deciding that they could obviously do with another wash.

“OK,”
said Sophie, looking around the unfamiliar kitchen for a chopping board and knife. Lynne found them for her and Sophie tried to not to mind that knife was blunt and the chopping board was made of glass. All the signs of the non-cook, she thought, carefully chopping the green celery and onion, and avoiding making unnecessary mess. Even then, Lynne hovered over her, catching stray bits of onion skin in her hands and wiping down the counter top. She stopped when she saw Sophie glancing at her.

“Sorry...it’s
really hard to stop, you know?”

Sophie
didn’t, but nodded encouragingly. She added hot water and a chicken stock cube to the already sweated vegetables and a glug of the white wine that Lynne had just opened. The kitchen soon filled with a lovely aroma. Sophie started to crumble some stilton, and said, “I’ll only use a bit, then you can keep most of it looking nice for your parents tomorrow.”

“Oh.
Yes. Well... they’re not coming.... the weather you know.... they live in Hastings and it’s a bit of a drive and all the roads are so bad....” Lynne sipped her wine and looked out of the window. “Doesn’t look like it’ll thaw does it?”

Sophie
stirred the soup and thought that her first impulse was to invite Lynne and Nathan to hers for Christmas dinner, but she had already had Susi and Archie and Bella and the dynamics seemed very off balance to say the very least. Sod it, she thought, it’s Christmas. She couldn’t let a little thing like a grumpy heartbroken soon to be ex-husband and a best friend that seemed hell bent on wearing the skimpiest clothes in the coldest house stop her inviting someone over.

“
Lynne , you and Nathan must come to mine for Christmas dinner, that is, if I have hot water and if I have heating....please do, it will be fun, and Bella and Nathan can then decorate my walls instead!” Sophie laughed, sipping some wine.

Lynne
gave a sniff and wiped her eyes, “Thanks Sophie, I wasn’t looking forward to spending Christmas day alone with Nathan, it’s very kind of you...”

“Nonsense,
it’ll be great... I’d better get back after lunch though and see how it’s all shaping up. At least with this weather no one will be coming to the party tonight, which frankly is a bit of a blessing...”

“Don’t
bank on it. Maybe Laurie will come over to say goodbye in person at least?” Lynne said, pouring more wine into both their glasses.

Sophie
had considered that, and vowed if that was the case, she was damn well going to wash her hair and look half way presentable, even though she was sure that the ice and snow would deter anyone from actually coming. Maybe she could do that here? Just in case there was still no hot water at hers?

Sophie
doled out the soup, and even though Lynne insisted that Nathan wouldn’t eat it, both children loved it and demanded more.

Lynne
volunteered to play with Bella and Nathan in the back garden (Sophie knew that Lynne was a great believer in fresh air after meals for children whilst she had always preferred a bit of a snooze) whilst Sophie made use of her bathroom and titivated.

As
she lay in the steaming water, surrounded by Lynne’s regimented bottles from Body Shop (what the hell was hazelnut exfoliating body butter anyway?) she could hear the faint sounds of Bella and Nathan shouting with delight in the back garden of Lynne’s house. She was probably making a very efficient snowman with them and making sure that their gloves were on and that their scarves were securely tied. And as much as she may mock Lynne for all of that, Sophie was incredibly grateful to her friend right now. At least she knew that Bella was safe and secure, which she certainly hadn’t been, Sophie thought, with Archie. Sophie let herself relax in the scented water for a few minutes then abruptly sat up and started to lather her hair with Lynne’s shampoo, sloshing hot water out of the over full bath. She made a mental note to clean not only the bath, but the floor as well before she left the room. She saw with a faint pang of empathy for Lynne that Nathan’s bath toys were in a plastic box on the floor of the bathroom labelled ‘Nathan’s toys. Last sterilised 20th Nov’ Oh dear.

Sophie
hopped around the bathroom clad in a towel and mopped the floor and cleaned the bath. She was just slapping some moisturizer on her legs (pomegranate and frankincense) which gave a nice seasonal scent, from Lynne’s vast collection of unguents, when she heard her phone buzz from the pocket of her jeans hanging on the back of the door. Fishing it out, she read a text from Susi:

‘Where
R U? We’re hungry. Home soon? Heating fixed! ’

Hmm,
well...Sophie was sure that even Archie and Susi could make themselves a sandwich. Perhaps he was stuck into another bottle of scotch? She scrolled through her phone to see if there were any more messages, telling herself of course there wouldn’t be one from Laurie, and she was right, there wasn’t.

It
was hard work, getting dressed after such a hot bath, Sophie was red in the face and puffing by the time she left the bathroom and headed downstairs to collect Bella. She put her head around the living room and despite all their cleaning efforts earlier; the chocolate frieze was very much in evidence. Perhaps it could be a new Farrow and Ball colour?

“Come
on Bella, home time!” Sophie carolled, from Lynne’s kitchen door. Bella ran over to her, her cheeks rosy with the cold, and begged her to come and look at the snowman. She dragged Sophie out to the garden, and sure enough, a lop sided snow figure stood, complete with (washed and scrubbed) carrot for nose and a woollen scarf draped around the neck.

“It’s
lovely darling! You clever things!” Sophie said, pulling her gloves on. The sky was a dull grey with ominous clouds gathering. Surely not more snow? Out the corner of her eye, Sophie saw a darkish red movement along the back fence of Lynne’s garden. The fox. Sophie smiled and pointed it out to the children.

Lynne
clapped her hands to shoo the fox away, “Nasty things! Full of mange and disease...go on with you, get away!” she called out. The fox, to Sophie’s secret delight took absolutely no notice, and continued on its way without a backward glance.

Chapter
Fourteen

Compacted ice made walking home treacherous. Sophie held on to railings and walls and Bella held on to Sophie. They eventually turned the corner from the high street into their road, and as they did so, the lamp post light flickered on, even though it was just mid afternoon.

“Look
mummy! Just like Narnia!” Bella squealed with delight. Sophie smiled and knew that Bella loved the books as much as she did. The hurried as fast as they dared over the slippery pavements towards home. Sophie allowed herself one glance over at number 55, and her heart gave a little thump when she spied a light on. But then she immediately pushed that thought away, Laurie was probably packing, and had made it very clear that there was nothing left between them.

As
they made their way into the flat, a blast of welcome heat washed over them. Sophie knew that Susi had probably been at the thermostat again, and vowed to somehow put a lock on it. She dreaded getting her gas bill at the best of time, and with Susi appointing herself temperature prefect, she daren’t think about the cost. At least it was working, she thought to herself, pulling off Bella’s hat and scarf. Whilst unwinding her many layers from herself too in the unaccustomed heat.

“Hi!
We’re home....well done for getting the heating sorted, how did you manage it?” Sophie called out. Susi popped out of the living room door, holding a glass of what looked like the lethal Strombair. She had on a party dress. Well, Sophie assumed it was a party dress. Very tight, very short and made of red sequins. It certainly wasn’t making snowmen wear.

“You’re
back! Where have you been? Here, never mind, have a cocktail... Archie has been so brilliant – he fixed the heating and the pipes and then we both have been trying out cocktails and…”

“So
I see,” said Sophie, looking at Susi’s face which was nearly the colour of her dress.

“How
did he fix the heating?” Sophie asked curiously, untangling her hair from her woolly hat.

“Susi
gave me a hand. We made quite a good team,” Archie said, leaning in the doorway, holding out a glass to Sophie. “Hello munchkin, is it cold out there? Come on, give daddy a kiss then...” He swooped down on Bella and swept her up in his arms. He buried his face in Bella’s neck and started to make raspberry noises in it, driving Bella to squeals of delight.

Sophie
stared at his retreating back. She glanced at Susi, who had quite obviously had too much Strombair and nothing to eat.

Susi
lurched slightly and said, “Whoops, nearly spilt my drink – can’t have that! Anyway... hadn’t you better change? You know, something a bit more partyish than jeans and several jumpers. I assume that is several jumpers?” Susi giggled and ran her fingers around the rim of her glass.

“Susi!
Go and make yourself a sandwich, and if I were you I’d change into something more age appropriate – that dress is too young for Bella, let alone you! And if you really think that anyone is going to get here for this wretched party you are out of your mind!”

Archie
came ambling out of the living room, “What’s all the shouting about?” he said, taking Sophie’s untouched drink away from her and downing it. “Trouble with you Sophie, is you just don’t know how to have any fun. Unlike Susi here, hey Susie Q? Isn’t that right?” Archie slung his arm round Susi’s shoulders and Sophie saw her friend’s face go into a kittenish pout. Of course. Of course Archie thought Susi was fun. And of course Susi wanted Archie back home so that she could continue her, her what? Is affair to strong a word? Possibly. Possibly not, Sophie thought. If not an actual affair then a very safe flirtation. All those years of being university chums, all those years of shared holidays and Archie never seeming to quite like Susi, and Susi looking so devastated when she and Archie had got married. It all made perfect sense now. Maybe there had been a time when they had actually got together? Maybe on one of those group holidays in Spain or Portugal before Bella had come along when they were all tipsy on local wine and sunshine and Sophie had gone to bed. Maybe they had sloped off along the beach, or found a secluded cliff top walk?

Sophie
tried to push the thought away but it lingered on. Susi and Archie not looking at one another over breakfast; Archie saying to Sophie that Susi hung around them too much, Archie never liking any of Susi’s (many) boyfriends....it all seemed so likely now. Why had she been so blind, she asked herself, why had she not seen this sooner? Of course the answer was that she just didn’t want to. She loved Susi’s zest for life, and since Archie had left, she needed her friend to gee her up a bit, to put some sparkle back into her life. But why was Susi so keen to get her back with Archie, if all the time she wanted him for herself?

It
suddenly dawned on her. The readymade family. The relationship with no commitments. No responsibilities. And although Archie might flirt with Susi, he may even have gone further with her; he certainly wasn’t likely to want her for anything else. His heart used to lie with Sophie and Bella. Then Bertha. But never would he want a long term relationship with someone so vital and larger than life that Susi. He liked his women small and domestic, Sophie realised with a jolt. Not independent and sassy. She gave a sour little smile.

Well,
what she was about to do would certainly shock them both.

Sophie
took Bella by the hand and took her into her room, carefully closing the door behind her. “Now, you stay here poppet and because you’ve been very good indeed, Father Christmas says that you can have an early present – but – only on the condition that you stay in your room and do not come out until I come to get you, OK?” Bella nodded solemnly, wide eyes with anticipation. Sophie dashed into the living room and dragged a present out from under the tree for her daughter. It was a set of the Flower Fairy books from her Aunt Dot, and she hoped that it would hold Bella’s attention for a while. She’d fallen in love with the beautiful illustrations some while ago, and Sophie had marvelled that the old fashioned drawings held so much fascination for her – but they did.

Sophie
gently closed the door on Bella carefully unwrapping her present, and went to the kitchen and quickly poured herself a glass of the pretty horrible Strombair. She made a face of disgust, it really was vile.

She
then carefully put her glass down, noting that the kitchen was full of dirty mugs and glasses from Archie and Susi’s day; it wouldn’t have occurred to either of them actually wash up.

Sophie
pushed open the living room door and some Wham music washed over her. Susi was dancing in front of Archie who was splayed on the sofa, eyeing Susi with a sort of guilty lust.

“Yay,
there you are! Come and have a dance....even though you haven’t changed or anything!” Susi said, holding her arms wide open.Sophie walked over to the CD player and turned it off. George Michael’s last words were ‘
Last
Christmas
I
gave
you
my
…’

Archie
looked up in surprise and Susi gave a wail. “Sophie! It wasn’t even loud and Bella isn’t even in bed yet! Come on, it’s Christmas!”

“I
know. And I have something to say to you both. You’d better sit down Susi. Before you fall over.” Sophie pointed at the sofa, and something about her tone of voice and face, made Susi sit down immediately.

“Oh
Lord.... are we going to get lecture 354 on how to enjoy ourselves without drinking too much, and how we have to be sensible, and if Bella doesn’t have new shoes and nine hours uninterrupted sleep a night and organic blueberries for breakfast she’ll fade away and…”

“Shut
the fuck up Archie,” Sophie said calmly and quietly, “And listen. OK?”

Susi
stared at her. “You swore. You said the F word, I don’t believe it, what the hell is going on?”

“You
too Susi. Shut up.” Sophie sat with her mouth slightly ajar, staring at Sophie as if she were a wild creature being shown in a zoo. Sophie had a mental image of the fox in the snow, sloping off towards the next gardens in search of food and shelter. A wild animal in a domestic setting. That’s exactly how she felt right now.

“I
am telling you both this and I want you to believe it. You are both leaving. Right now. I suggest you put some warm clothes on and start to walk, as that’s the only way you’re going to get anywhere. Where are you going? I don’t know and what’s more I really don’t care. I suggest you either go to Susi’s flat or check into a hotel, that’s if there’s any room at the inn....” Sophie paused for breath and glanced at their faces. Susi obviously believed her, but Archie had a smug half smile on his face. He was sure that she would never do this to him no matter how badly he had behaved.

“Oh,
I mean it Archie. I am going to put your things in a bag, and I am going to ask you to leave. And if you don’t go I am going to call the police. This flat is in my name now, remember? And you are uninvited guests. The police take a very dim view of that. Now then, come along, let’s get going shall we? I’m sure you don’t want to upset Bella more than you have and before you ask, no, you can’t see her or say goodbye to her just now. You’re pretty pissed already and you’ll frighten her. Now come on....move.”

Sophie
turned on her heels with a degree of confidence that she hadn’t felt for years, and was filled with a most wonderful feeling of self righteousness. Let them both slip and slide over the ice and take their little flirtation away from her and from Bella. Before she got to the living room door, she stopped, and yanked off the red foil that was decorating her living room, making it look like a bordello in hell.

One
by one with a satisfying rip, she gathered the foil into her arms, scrunching it up into a squishy ball. Sophie dumped it in the kitchen bin, and started to make some hot chocolate for Bella, who would probably be fed up with the Flower Fairies by now. Sophie heard whispers coming from the living room, and saw that Susi was crouched in front of Archie, urging him to move.

“Yes,
do buck up Archie!” Sophie said in a calm yet bracing tone, the sort of tone that an overzealous games teacher might use when talking to a class of ten year olds, Sophie thought, stifling a giggle. Really, it felt ridiculously liberating, being so forthright. Why in earth hadn’t she done this a year ago?

She
zoomed around the flat, flinging all of Susi’s bits and bobs into her rucksack, and jamming all of Archie’s clothes into his bag. She stood in the hallway, chivvying them both into coats and scarves.

“It’s
really cold out there, and icy,” Sophie said happily, “So do take care... you might want to think about something more appropriate to wear Susi, you don’t want to be mistaken for, well, you know....” She glanced at Susi’s short glittering skirt that just peeked out from the bottom of her jacket. Even with boots on there was a long expanse of barely covered leg, and Sophie knew that within five minutes, she’d be freezing.

“Sophie,”
Archie said, laying an arm on her shoulder, “This is not like you, you are not–”

Sophie
jerked his arm away from her. “No you’re absolutely right. This isn’t like me at all. This is the new me. The one who doesn’t get to clean up everyone else’s mess. So, the sooner you leave the better!”

“Sophie,
you’re being a bitch!” Susi said, glaring at Sophie, clothes cascading out of her bag as she tried to fit them all inside.

“Yep.
Probably,” Sophie said cheerfully, giving them both a shove towards the front door. “Now, I’ve simply got to go. It’s Christmas eve you know! Bye!”

She
leant against the front door when they’d gone, and promptly burst into tears of relief.