Guilty One (21 page)

Daniel knew that Flo-Mac expected him to steal the comic, and was prepared to do that, so as not to disappoint her, but just as he was rolling it up to slip down his trousers, he thought about his career as a lawyer and how this would look. He unrolled the comic and counted the change in his pocket. He had enough.

As he was walking towards the counter, he heard Flo whispering to her assistant. Daniel couldn’t hear all the words, but he did make out
Flynn, orphans, disgrace.

Daniel placed the comic on the counter.

‘Fourteen pence,’ said Flo.

Daniel
threw the comic at her. ‘Stick it up your arse,’ he said and walked out of the shop.

At school he played football at lunch and scored two goals. In the afternoon there was a maths test and Daniel finished first, as usual, but this time he had actually filled in the answers. He waited after class and made Miss Pringle mark his paper before him. He got every answer correct and so Miss Pringle gave him a gold star to take home to Minnie.

Daniel walked with the test paper and the gold star in front of him as he crossed the Dandy. All of the other children were home by now and the Dandy was quiet. Billy Harper was alone on the swings and Daniel waved to him and the heavy man waved back, gently swinging back and forth. He remembered the summer before, being beaten as he crossed this piece of land. He felt different now, older. He folded the test up and put it in his pocket, then ran home, stopping occasionally to kick the heads off daisies.

When Daniel got home, Minnie was replacing the bedding in the goat’s hut. He walked up behind her and prodded her capacious hip.

‘I was wondering where you got to. Were you dawdling as usual?’

‘No, I stayed back to get my maths test, look!’ Daniel presented the paper to Minnie.

She frowned at the paper for a few moments then, realising, grabbed him and bear-hugged him, squeezing him so hard that he couldn’t take a breath and his toes lifted from the ground.

‘Well, that’s marvellous,’ she said. ‘We’ll have to celebrate.

A
gold star means that we definitely must have crumble and custard.’

Daniel watched as she snatched at the rhubarb that grew out of control to the side of the chicken run. The stalks were three fingers thick and the leaves large as umbrellas. She walked into the house with three stems and then asked him if he wanted one now. While she made the crumble and heated the oil for the chips, he sat at the kitchen table dabbing a stalk of rhubarb into a bowl of sugar. The sweet-coated sourness of it reminded him of happiness and right then he was happy, with the gold star and the smell of chips cooking and the tartness of rhubarb on his tongue.

He was eating the crumble when she broached the subject. She pushed her bowl away from her as he took a custard-slicked slice of rhubarb into his mouth.

‘You remember I was telling you that it is often hard for social workers to find adoptive parents for older children like you?’

Daniel stopped eating. His arm buckled on to the table and his spoon balanced on the edge of his plate. He had food in his mouth, but could not swallow.

‘Well, it seems like Tricia has found a couple that would be interested.’

Minnie was watching his face for some response; Daniel could feel her eyes searching out his own. He was completely still – reflecting her.

‘It’s a family with older children, eighteen, twenty-two, ready to leave. They have four children of their own in total and just the one still there at home. It means you would have that family atmosphere, but get lots of attention. Better than here with just me and the animals kicking about. What do you think?’

Daniel
shrugged with one shoulder and looked at his food. He did his best to swallow.

‘They live in Carlisle and they have a big house. You’d have a great big bedroom, I bet …’

‘Who cares?’

Minnie sighed. She reached out towards him, but he drew his arm away with such haste that he knocked his spoon off the table. Spots of custard landed on the wall and the floor.

‘They only want you to go for a try-out,’ she said. ‘They suggested this weekend, just to get to know each other.’

Daniel started from the table and ran upstairs. Blitz was asleep and Daniel caught his tail a little as he fled the room. He wasn’t sure if it was the yelp of the dog or Minnie’s cries behind him to come back that caused the anger to whip. It cracked through his body and as soon as he was in his bedroom he was destroying it: ripping out the drawers and kicking over the bedside table, smashing yet another lamp. This time, for good measure, he stamped on the shade, once, twice, three times.

He was jammed between the wardrobe and the bed, curled up tight, by the time Minnie entered. He steeled himself against the comforting hands that he expected on his back and his hair. He pressed tighter into himself. It reminded him of being attacked. Two of his mother’s boyfriends had beaten him unconscious. He remembered sitting just like this, jammed between furniture, protecting his stomach and his head, letting his shoulders and his back take the brunt, until they pulled him out, screaming, by his hair.

Now, he resisted her comfort in the same way; he was taut to it, so that every muscle in his body was primed to recoil should
she come near. His face was pressed into his knees so he could hear and smell his own breath, laced with a sourness that was either the news or the rhubarb.

But Minnie didn’t touch him. He heard the springs protest as she sat down on the bed. He heard her exhale and then there was silence.

He waited for a few minutes, watching the circular patterns that throbbed before his eyes when he pressed his knees into them. He felt the pain of pressure in his eyeballs, yet did not stop. The muscles in his back were straining from curving around his thighs. Slowly, he raised his head. She was sitting with her back to him. He could see her twirling the gold band on her left hand. He had begun to like her hands, the red roughness of them. He liked the feel of them against his cheek and in his hair, as if only hands as rough as hers could bring him comfort now.

Now he watched her with his chin on his knees. She was still, turned from him, watching some invisible fancy in the air. He could see the rise and fall of her chest and the dwindling sun shining in her grey hair, so that it seemed almost white, reflecting all the light.

‘I just want to stay with you,’ he said finally.

‘Oh, Danny,’ she said, with her back still to him, ‘I’m glad you’ve settled here; I wanted you to. But this is a real chance for you. This is
a family;
imagine what it would be like to have two experienced, professional parents all to yourself. Better than this mucky old farm, and nobody but old me to talk to – I’ll tell you that for nothin’.’

‘I like the farm …’

‘These are real outdoor people, you know? Professional, smart people.’

‘So
? Who cares?’

Minnie turned to him. She patted the bed beside her. ‘C’m’ere.’

Daniel uncoiled and sat beside her. She nudged him with her shoulder and asked, ‘You tellin’ me you’re afraid of a weekend away with nice new people? Nobody’s sending you anywhere. This is an opportunity for the taking.’

‘So I can come back if I don’t like them?’

‘To be sure, but who says they’ll like
you?
Grumpy little bugger that you are!’

Daniel smiled then, and Minnie nudged him again. He folded into the expanse of her, tucking his arms between her hips and her bosom, his face pressed into the softness of her upper arm.

On Saturday morning, Daniel stood with his elbows on the bedroom window sill watching out for the car. He could see Minnie’s front garden with its vegetable patches and raspberry canes. The gnarled hand of the rowan tree was at the far side, reaching out of the earth with desperate sinew strewn with the blood-red berries. The parents who wanted to meet him were called Jim and Val Thornton. They were not yet late, but Daniel had been waiting for an hour. With no car in sight, he stared at the rowan tree waving at him in the wind. He remembered climbing the rowan and picking the berries and Minnie telling him they were poisonous. She had said that the tree was there to keep the witches away, so how could she be a witch? Daniel watched as the sparrows and the magpies stripped the branches of their berries. He wondered how tiny birds could survive feasting on the berries that Minnie said could kill humans.

Daniel was thinking about this when a large black car pulled
up in front of the farm. He hid behind the curtain, but continued to stare at the tall man with blond hair who got out of the car and then the woman, who wore her hair up and a brightly coloured scarf. When they disappeared from Daniel’s view he left the bedroom to sit at the top of the stairs. His bag was packed at the bottom of the stairs, but Minnie had said she would have a chat with them first.

The front door was open as Minnie had gone out to meet them. Their pleasantries drifted inside like early autumn leaves. Blitz stood half inside, half out, so all Daniel could see was his wagging tail. His stomach hurt with nerves and he leaned over on to his knees in an effort to release the tension in it. He hid out of sight as Minnie showed them into the living room.

He was expecting to be called, but Blitz came for him first, panting in his face at the top of the stairs. Daniel massaged the dog’s black and white mane and Blitz dipped his head to allow it. Then the call came.

‘Danny? Do you want to come down, pet?’

Blitz started down the stairs on hearing Minnie’s voice. Daniel waited a moment and took a deep breath before heading down. He was in his stocking feet and stepped in such a way as not to make the floorboards creak. Minnie was at the bottom of the stairs with a strange smile on her face. He had never seen her smile like that before – as if she was pleased with herself, or as if there was someone watching her other than him. Daniel frowned, put his hands in his pockets and followed her into the living room.

‘Well, hello there …’

The man tensed and threw out his arms and seemed about to stand until the woman put her hand on his forearm. Daniel was
glad that he stayed seated. Minnie had both hands on his shoulders and was rubbing them. Daniel nodded his hello and scuffed his socks against the living-room rug.

‘I’m Val,’ the woman said, with a smile like the one Minnie had been wearing, only harsher; Daniel thought her teeth were too white, and he could see her gums. ‘And this is Jim, my husband – we’re both very pleased you’ve decided to spend the weekend with us.’

Daniel nodded as Minnie steered him towards the couch. She went into the kitchen to make tea. Daniel leaned back into the couch as Jim and Val stared at him.

‘So, do you want to know about us at all?’ asked Val.

‘I know everything already,’ said Daniel. ‘You have four kids. There’s only one kid at home and he’s a boy about eighteen. You have a big house and Jim’s an accountant.’

Val and Jim laughed together, nervously. Daniel balanced one foot on top of the other. He was sitting so far back into the couch that his chin was on his chest.

‘Why don’t you tell us about you?’ said Val. ‘What do you like to do?’

‘Football, feed the animals, sell stuff at the market.’

‘We live in Carlisle,’ Jim said, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. ‘We’re always out walking or cycling, so I’m definitely up for a game of football some time. Maybe we can do that this weekend, if you like?’

Daniel tried to shrug, but his shoulders were wedged into the couch.

Minnie brought piping hot tea and a plate of German biscuits. Daniel remained sunk into the couch and so Minnie chatted, louder than she usually did, about the farm and how long she’d
been fostering and Ireland, which she hadn’t set foot in since 1968. Daniel sat still beside her, running his forefinger over a hole in the couch, which Minnie told him had been made years ago by her husband’s cigarette.

‘We’ve got your room all ready for you,’ said Val. ‘It’s the biggest bedroom – the one that used to belong to our oldest boy, so you have your own TV in there.’

‘Is it colour?’ asked Daniel.

‘It is.’

Daniel looked at Minnie and smiled. He watched as Jim reached out for a German biscuit. He ate it all without a crumb to Blitz, who sat salivating at his feet.

‘Do you have any pets?’ Daniel asked, sitting up for the first time.

‘No, the boys always wanted a dog, but Val’s allergic …’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ said Minnie, taking Blitz’s ruff in her fist. ‘I’ll put him out.’

‘No, no, a short time is fine; as long as she doesn’t pet him … We’re really so pleased you could come for the weekend though, Daniel; it’ll be so nice to have a child around again.’ Jim’s nostrils stretched when he smiled.

17

Heathcote
Street
Chambers was holding a party – a regular September event – to allow their barristers to network with key solicitors and judges. Daniel went with Veronica, his senior partner, hoping that he would catch Irene there. He had brought a copy of confidential papers on a social work investigation into the Crolls that had been sourced by a clerk in his office.

The party was notorious – a free bar stocked with champagne; barristers and chambers clerks fawning over the big solicitors who kept them in business. Daniel had met his ex-girlfriend at the party last year: a pupil nearly fifteen years his junior. She had recently moved to another chambers.

When Daniel and Veronica arrived, the carpeted staircase and corridors were crammed with people pink-cheeked and laughing, blocking up doorways into rooms that swelled with laughter. The air was sweet and warm and fragrant. There was no music but the cacophony of conversations made it difficult to hear.

Daniel had to lean into Veronica. ‘I’ll get us a drink,’ he said
to her, as she was kissed on both cheeks by one of the Crown Court judges.

He took off his jacket and put his tie in his pocket as he waited for two glasses of champagne, then carried them between the fingers of one hand as he made his way back. He spotted Irene halfway up the stairs, talking to another young QC.