Gypsy Hearts (19 page)

Something jumped in his jaw. "I told you. I don't
want to lose you. I love you, Josie."

Her heart melted with his words. She'd wanted so
badly to hear them. But for the first time, she realized
she didn't need Brock to say it. Even in his tired eyes,
his love for her shined brightly.

She shook her head and began to pace around the
room. "This isn't about me, Brock. This has never been
about me."

"How about us then?"

"I love the idea of us. I really do. I just can't be in the
middle of a decision you make about your career. I
can't be a reason you would say no."

"Part of what Rick Beckley and his people love, or
claim to love, about my music is what you helped
me make of it, Josie. What you brought to me. They
want to wipe all that clean away and I'm not going
for it."

"No regrets. Remember? We said that."

"I remember."

"I can't help but think we made a mistake if you're
willing to throw away the chance of a lifetime. And
that's what this is, one chance in a lifetime, Brock. You
may never get another chance like this."

"I didn't say no. Said I'd think about the offer and
gave Rick my terms. Whether you like it or not, you
and the band are part of that."

She started to laugh, but tears were surging their way
to the surface. She pushed her duffle bag aside and
slumped down to the bed. "Don't you realize what's
going to happen?"

"It doesn't matter."

"How can you say that? If you start making waves
now about the small stuff-"

"I don't consider firing my band small stuff," he said,
just as she said, "They're not going to bother with you.
They'll find some other smooth, good-looking cowboy
to sign the contract they want. Someone who'll do
exactly what they want without trouble."

"I don't want what they're offering," he said quietly
as he sat down beside her. She reached over and took
his hand, ran her thumb over his skin and felt the hot tears slip down her face. "And I'm not signing anything
that means you won't be on my team."

Josie's heart swelled with the emotions she'd fought
long and hard to hold back. She liked the sound of his
words. Josie and Brock, a team. "We're already much
more than that, aren't we?" she said, taking his face in
her hands and kissing his lips.

"You bet, lady."

As he held her, she fought to find the words to let
him see what a mistake he was making. "As much as I
want us to be together, Brock, this can't be about me. I
won't let it be."

With his forehead pressed to hers, he said, "Like it or
not, in a way, it is."

"Well, I don't like it. And I don't like the idea of feeling in limbo as if I'm some groupie hanging around
backstage."

"I know. But it'll only be a few days before we can
work out the details. I don't think there's much I can do
about them replacing you for the next few gigs at the
Wild Horse, but I'm going to make sure it's not a permanent thing."

Josie leaned back out of his embrace and looked up
at him. "I hope that's true. But in the meantime, I have
to be thinking about what I'm going to do if I am
replaced for good. We need to think about that."

Brock started to protest, but Josie put a hand gently
on his lips to stop his words.

"Look, I met Ron Albani tonight. He was very interested in the possibility of me working at his studio here
in Nashville."

"That's great," Brock said. "There's no reason you
can't do studio sessions with other musicians."

"Yeah, it's kind of exciting." She bit on her lip. "If
they make me an offer to work in the studio, I'm going
to take it."

Brock's face hardened. "What do you mean? Like
something permanent?"

"Yeah, just in case. There were a lot of industry folks
out to see you tonight, Brock. I wouldn't be surprised if
the other members of the band hooked up with other
gigs as well. What I'm saying is, if it comes down to
making the deal without us, you don't have to feel
guilty about taking this contract. We're going to be all
right. All of us."

The look on his face was one of betrayal.

"Brock, I've always known there was a possibility of
this happening. The record companies dictate this sort
of thing all the time."

"Nothing permanent has happened yet. Nothing."

"No, but it may be coming to that and I want to be
ready for it. I need to keep moving with my career
instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall. I've wanted
to work in Nashville for as long as I can remember.
There's nothing I'd love more than to continue working
with you and having you in my life."

Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath to clear
it. "I made a huge mistake not following up on my leads
the last time I was here with Grant. Instead, I ran away
and settled for doing dog food commercials as a way to
pay the rent."

Brock simply nodded, his face void of emotion. "You're right." Sighing, he looked at the floor. "This is
a good studio? Good exposure?"

"Yes. Will was the one who introduced me to Ron
Albani." The flicker of recognition in Brock's eyes was
surely because he'd heard of Ron, not because he was
surprised Will had pushed Josie in Ron's direction.
Despite her uneasy feelings about Will personally and
his feelings about her relationship with Brock, he had
been instrumental in setting up the meeting that would
jump-start what Josie hoped would be the beginning of
a new direction for her in sound recording. She owed
Will for that.

Brock ran his hand over his face. "I want to be happy
for you and I am. But I don't want to lose you. I just
don't want you to give up on me yet."

She turned to him, took his face in her hands and
kissed him. "Brock, when I set out on this road trip
with you, all I'd hoped to do is get into a Nashville studio and be able to do music again. But as time went
on..."

She looked at him through her tears. She wanted him
to say something. Anything. She couldn't read his mind
but right then she desperately wanted to. He couldn't
tell her they'd be working together again. Or that they'd
be together forever. They were both hanging in limbo,
professionally as well as emotionally.

It had taken great strength, but Josie ripped herself
from his arms. "This can't be about me, Brock. I won't
let it be. If, after everything is said and done and the
record company still doesn't want me, you can't say no
to them. It'll ultimately destroy us and you know it."

"What are you saying?"

"If another offer doesn't come, then you'll resent me
for it. You'll have given up all of your dreams just
because some studio exec didn't like your girlfriend.
Whatever we started between us will end with bitterness and regret. I won't let you do that. And I won't let
our relationship die that way either."

"Our relationship will die? I think we're pretty good
together."

"For all your wisdom, you're very naive, Brock."

"Not so much that I don't know what I want."

Brock wrapped his arms around her and she willingly fell into his comfort. His hands tangled in her
hair as his mouth brushed over hers in a kiss so powerful, it made Josie's knees so weak she had to cling to
him for support. When she thought he was about to let
her go, he pulled her even closer instead. "I don't want
to let you go," he said.

She pulled herself away from him and walked to the
dresser, opening a drawer she'd already emptied and
closing it again without really thinking.

"You're not a blue suit man, Brock."

He laughed at her back. "Josie, honey, if you're so
bent on that blue suit, maybe I should tell Will to outfit
me with one. He's still ticked off I didn't wear that
awful shiny thing on stage tonight. He's talking about
going shopping again and it always makes me crazy
when he does. Anything is better than that flashy getup
he has me wear."

"The clothes don't make the man. A blue suit isn't
going to change who we both are or how I feel about
you."

"I'm not looking to change anything about you, Josie."

"Good, because I feel the same. I wouldn't want you
to be anything other than who you are."

"Then what's this about?"

"You said I have a gypsy heart. Well, maybe I do.
But somewhere in my heart is the need to have a man
come home to me every night. I don't want you to go
on the road without me."

"This is what I'm trying to keep from happening."

She buried her face in her hands and blew out a frustrated breath. "I know, Brock. And I love you for it. But
what if you can't? Then what? There's going to come a
day when you'll go on the road alone and there will be
so many pretty girls waiting for you backstage that
there will be times you'll forget my name."

"My God, do you even know me? I love you."

Her eyes flooded with unshed tears, and her heart
was ripped between joy and heartbreak.

"You wouldn't mean to, but I've seen it happen."

He came toward her and she leaned back against the
dresser. "You haven't been listening to those songs at
all, have you, Josie? They're all about how I feel for you
and how much I want the world to know."

The tears fell freely and she didn't bother to stop
them. "I don't want you to write songs for me, Brock. I
don't care if the world knows you love me as long as
you do."

"And I'm telling you that you're not listening. I'm in
love with you. I don't need any of those other women."

"You say that now. But what am I supposed to do?
Give up my dreams too? I don't want to have any more
regrets. I want to be in your life. But I'm scared that one
of us is going to have to give up their dream for the other to succeed. And I don't want to be something in
your life that you regret."

"That's never going to happen."

"You say that. I said it once too-a long time ago. I
realize the decisions I made were mine and only in part
due to Grant. But leaving Nashville the way I did is
something I've thought about for a long time. I sold
myself out. I don't want you to do the same, Brock.
Please, I'm begging you. If it comes down to it, take the
deal with Rick Beckley."

"And what? You'll stay in Nashville at some studio
while I go on the road alone? We'd never see each
other and you just said that was something you didn't
want."

"I know," she said quietly.

What she feared more than his leaving without her
was watching the span of time between phone calls
grow longer and longer until one day, he wouldn't call
at all. Her chest ached just thinking about what they'd
found together dying a slow and painful death.

"No, Josie. It's not ending here."

"So much is up in the air, my head hurts. You're
going to be so busy over the next few days we'll barely
have time to see each other. We have to face the reality
that may come. Regardless of what happens, I need to
set myself up here in Nashville. The sooner the better."

"I'm not saying good-bye to us now, Josie. You're
worth fighting for."

She chuckled softly, throwing her hands to her face,
not sure if she was going to laugh or cry.

"Don't leave me," he whispered.

Josie shook her head. "I'm not going to leave you. But this is your fight, not mine. I think its best if we
have a little break until we know for sure what lies in
our future. I'm already out as far as the recording company is concerned. I can't do anything to change that."

Brock started to protest, but Josie shushed him with
her fingers against his lips. "You've got another week
here in Nashville to make the deal. Let's just wait and
see what happens."

rock's room was quiet except for the constant tick
of the clock on the wall, counting off the seconds.
Every so often, the noise of cars fighting traffic down
Main Street outside his hotel window interrupted the
steady drone. Pushing the heavy curtains aside, Brock
gazed down at the strip's bright neon lights that were
screaming with energy and excitement. So much music
and magic was present but Brock didn't feel any of that
enchantment for himself.