Hadrian's Lover (19 page)

“So, you’re not going to tell me what to do?”

“No, son. I can’t choose your life for you.”

Frank is both disappointed and relieved. Without thinking, Frank comes to his decision. “I have a date tonight with T’Neal.”

“Do you plan on keeping it?” Geoffrey asks, trying hard to keep judgment out of his voice.

“Yes.” After a brief pause, he asks, “May I borrow the bubble?”

Geoffrey looks down at his bowl and picks at the last of the tofu chili. “Do you remember the command code?”

“Yes.”

“You going to finish eating?” Frank hasn’t touched any of his meal since Dean’s outburst.

“No, sir, I’m not hungry.”

“All right then,” Geoffrey nods. “You can go.”

After Frank departs, Geoffrey leaves the table cluttered with the dinner mess and retreats to the master bedroom. As Geoffrey suspected, Dean is sitting on the edge of their bed, slouched over with his head between his hands. Geoffrey’s first thought, involuntary but natural, is
I sure married a handsome man.
Dean is tall, thin with a classically sculptured face. His brown curly hair is only now beginning to show the early stages of gray, and unlike for most men, is not thinning away. Before sitting next to Dean,
Geoffrey takes a moment to control his sexual urges. Once in control, he begins lightly to rub Dean’s back. “Hey.”

“So, what’s the verdict?” Dean does not look up, but directs the rhetorical question into his hands.

Instead of responding, Geoffrey wraps his arms around Dean and pulls him in for a hug. “Come here.” Dean shudders, trying to hold back tears. “It’s all right,” Geoffrey replies. “Go ahead and cry. I know this is bringing back a lot of harsh memories.”

After a long bout of tears, Dean changes the subject. “Our boys are all that I have.”

Geoffrey smiles. “What about me?” he whispers soothingly. “You have me, too.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Dean mutters. “I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise; it’s just, everything I had ever wanted out of life I couldn’t have.”

Geoffrey closes his eyes. He knows what Dean is talking about. He often wonders how well he could have coped had he not been allowed to pursue a career in business.

“Our boys are everything to me—my whole life—I love taking care of them—and it is fulfilling, but—I feel so useless sometimes—like I’m losing grip.”

“That’s because they’re growing into men and we can’t hold onto them forever,” Geoffrey reasons.

“I know. I know. But Roger is still so young. He’s only fourteen! That boy only wants one thing from him. And then Frank with Todd—oh, Geoffrey, I’m so worried about Todd. He’s too much like his father.”

Geoffrey squeezes tighter to help reduce Dean’s shaking. “We’re watching over him. And after what he said to Frank today, I’m sure he’ll be
okay
.”

“But not if Frank keeps running around like he does.”

“We can’t control Frank’s choices,” says Geoffrey. Dean shudders. “All we can do is give him the best advice possible.” Kissing Dean softly on the top of his head, Geoffrey adds, “But yelling at him, suggesting he’s…unsavory, swearing like that. You know that doesn’t help.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got out of hand down there. I shouldn’t have let him get me so angry.”

“It isn’t Frank that upsets you so much is it?”

“I’m just so worried—I thought, when he said he and Todd were committed, that everything was going to be okay, that Todd was…safe.”

“Todd is safe. We’ll continue to watch over him. I promise.” Geoffrey resumes rocking Dean in his embrace. Soon their lips connect. Knowing what sets his love aflame, Geoffrey reaches up and grasps the thick brown curls at the back of Dean’s head—not too rough, but enough to cause a slight twinge of pain. Pulling Dean’s head back so his neck arches up, Geoffrey begins to nibble on his Adam’s apple. Soon they are lying on the bed. Geoffrey manages to undo Dean’s shirt and unbutton his denims, forcing the zipper by pushing his hand into Dean’s briefs. Geoffrey hardens as he teases Dean’s cock into a similar state. The moan he elicits from Dean is truncated by the sound of the outside door opening. Leaping up instantly, Dean heads for the bedroom door. He offers no apologies for abandoning his lover at such a moment. He merely comments, “Roger’s home,” as he zips up his jeans, buttons up (and tucks in) his shirt, and exits the room.

Geoffrey groans, but he can’t help smiling at Dean’s commitment to their boys. Once again, he thinks of how lucky he is to have found a man like Dean Stuttgart to help raise their children and share the rest of his life with. Taking a moment to breathe in the scent of Dean’s hair lingering on his fingertips, Geoffrey wonders whether he should head on over to his study and put in a few hours of work. Smiling, he likes the idea that flashes into his head. Undress and wait patiently until Dean comes back to their bed.

Frank and T’Neal are hitting it off hot and heavy. They had met at T’Neal’s as both his mothers were working and they would have the place to themselves. T’Neal’s room, though much smaller than Frank’s, also houses a king-sized bed. T’Neal is lying on his back, showing off his incredible stretch. Being lead cheerleader, T’Neal can not only do the splits front and sideways, but he can, in a standing position, lift his leg up into a point, his knee snug against his ear. Currently T’Neal’s exhibition is designed to tease Frank. Although Frank makes every effort to oblige his young lover, he eventually drops to the bed to sulk.

“Ah, honey,” T’Neal coos. “It happens to all of us. It’s okay. Really.” Then squishing up his nose and shaking his face like a little bunny rabbit, he adds mischievously, “We could try a again.” When Frank gives no sign of complying, T’Neal rolls onto his side and begins caressing Frank’s chest hairs. Feeling incompetent, T’Neal begins to apologize.

“It’s not your fault,” Frank blurts out, a little too harshly. Unable to say more, all Frank can do is shudder, sigh, and cry.

“I swear, Frank,” T’Neal promises. Frank’s tears urge tenderness in the young man. “No one at school will ever know.” At this moment, Frank doesn’t even care. All he really wants is Todd to hold. For the first time in his life, Frank feels like he is being unfaithful. The very act of being with T’Neal is hurtful. He isn’t just making love anymore. He is having an affair. Although he doesn’t break up with T’Neal, he goes home saddened by this new awareness.

It was an exciting afternoon for the Pride Panthers today when they won in the last few seconds of the Championship B-Ball tournament’s final game. The Pride Panthers are proud to announce that they will be bringing home the National Cup! Co-caps Frank Hunter and Crystal Albright led their team to this monumental victory with the help of Todd Middleton, son of the late Will Middleton, another Pride Panther National Cup winning phenomenon. It seems the Middleton family is destined to be superstars of the b-ball court. Like his father, Todd Middleton landed the winning basket for his team.

All through the game, the Panthers had trailed the Virginia Wolves by only one point. It wasn’t until the last second when Todd Middleton stole the ball from the Wolves co-cap Anita Brown that the tide turned in the Panthers’ favor. Weaving in and out of the Wolves team, Todd Middleton passed the ball to Frank Hunter off the right of the court, creating an opening that allowed Todd to hit directly for the basket. Frank Hunter, knowing his teammates’ strategy, passed the ball back to Middleton, who successfully loped the ball into the basket just prior to the buzzer going off. The game ended with a 35-34 score in favor of the Panthers. Needless to say, Todd Middleton’s team was ecstatic. Co-cap Crystal Albright was the first to plant a kiss on Todd Middleton’s lips. Who can blame her with all the excitement of the win? Hers was immediately followed by a kiss from the other co-cap, Frank Hunter. Following the example of their intrepid leaders, all of Todd Middleton’s teammates commenced kissing him. When they went through the long line-up of shaking hands with the other team, the Virginia Wolves also acknowledged Todd Middleton’s success by each player also giving the young man a kiss. Most of the girls went for his cheek, but none of the guys had any qualms about kissing him on
the lips. I don’t think anyone has ever been kissed as much as Todd Middleton was this afternoon. When asked about all the kissing, Todd Middleton’s only response was to blush a deep crimson. He did, however, speak freely about his hopes for the future. “I’m hoping to get into Antinous Uni. That’s where my father went.” And like his father, Todd Middleton wants to study bioengineering. “My dad genetically altered the soya bean so we could grow it up here. I want to do the same with rice! If we can grow rice up here,” Todd Middleton explains, “then Hadrian will truly be self-sufficient!” Now that is the Hadrian spirit! We need more young men and women like Todd Middleton.

Vale!

Coach Miller is the only teacher at Pride with whom Todd feels comfortable enough to have a heart-to-heart talk. They often speak about b-ball. Then, the first school day after the Pride Panthers brought home the National Cup, she seeks him out during lunch in the cafeteria. “Todd,” she chimes. Looking up from his bag lunch, Todd smiles. The coach always makes him smile. “Would you mind meeting with me after school? I’d like to ask you a few questions.”

“Sure, Coach.” Todd’s smile widens. He likes that Coach Miller asks his advice about the game. It makes him feel important, worthwhile. “We gonna talk about next season?” She raises her eyebrows and smiles. “You’ll see.” Punching him playfully in the arm, she adds, “After school, then.”

Todd laughs, more than pleased. “Okay, Coach.” Frank elbows him, impressed, and the other boys at the table give nods of approval. B-ball gives Todd a sense of self-worth and importance he seldom feels in other aspects of his life.

When Todd enters the gym after school, he spots Coach Miller sitting on the player’s bench, going over plays in her book. Todd crosses over and sits down next to her. Her welcoming smile is infectious, and soon the two are laughing without either having said a word yet. Finally, Todd breaks up the chuckle. “What’s up?”

“You are,” she replies merrily.

“Huh?” Todd is pleasantly flummoxed.

“I’ve been waiting all day to tell you.” Excitement sparkles in her eyes.

Todd is being lifted into the clouds by her thrill. “What?”

“I got a call last night!”

“Yeah,” he giggles. Suspicion tickles.

“From Antinous Uni.”

“Antinous Uni?” Too stunned to comprehend, Todd questions, “Already?”

“Already,” Coach Miller confirms.

“But, I’m only in grade eleven,” a befuddled Todd sputters out.

“They’re offering you a full sports scholarship, Todd,” Coach Miller reassures him. “Residency, tuition, books, food—everything but spending credit!”

Todd is so excited he leaps up from the bench, shouting, “Wahoo!” Jumping up, he punches the air. Coach Miller, infected by youthful exuberance, bounces up to join him in his victory dance. She picks the boy up in her arms and swings him around in circles as if he were two. When she releases him, they both howl like dogs at the moon. Frank, who has been waiting outside the gym door for Todd (he always thumbs in Todd’s fare for transit, so Todd only has to walk to school), pops his head in. “What in Hadrian’s name is going on in here?”

As soon as he sees Frank, Todd rushes over to his friend. “Me! Me, Frank! Antinous Uni wants me!” The two boys bend at the knees, both chests thrown back, necks stretching beyond ligament capacity as they howl out joyously. When they finally right themselves, Todd barges on excitedly, “That’s my father’s old campus!”

“Ha, Ha!” Frank, like Coach Miller before him, lifts Todd high into the air and swings him around in circles. Being stronger and taller than Coach Miller, Frank flies Todd even higher. “Of course they want you!” he bellows in delight. “Who wouldn’t want you?”

After Frank finally releases him and a moment passes for his head to stop spinning, Todd asks, “Can I come to your place? I need to talk to Papa Dean. Antinous Uni wants me to graduate this year.”

“By all that’s gay and glorious,” Frank declares, “Todd, that’s amazing!”

“I don’t know; I don’t know,” says Todd, so happy he is tripping over his words, speaking so fast he can’t seem to say anything. “I don’t know if I should. I need to talk to Papa Dean first. I have to ask his advice.”

Before Frank can respond in the affirmative, Coach Miller becomes inquisitive. “Papa Dean? Why one of Frank’s fathers? Why not your own?” With news like this, Coach Miller would assume the boy would want to rush home and tell his own parents first—
parent
, she reminds herself. Todd’s genetic father died eight years ago.

“Ah…” Todd hadn’t even considered asking Papa Mike. It wasn’t that
he didn’t love his second father.
I do
, he reminds himself. “It’s just that Papa Mike has to work and…ah…” A glimmer of gloom threatens to encroach on Todd’s good fortune. “It’s not like he can’t advise me…” As with every mention of Todd’s circumstances, Frank wishes he could get Todd away from Papa Mike, but Todd ardently refuses to abandon the man. “Well, since Dad died, well, Papa Mike, he has to work a lot of overtime—I mean, um…” Todd trails off. It never seems like he can defend Papa Mike in the eyes of others. So few people in Hadrian understand what paucity is really like. It’s one thing to see the poverty-stricken hordes outside Hadrian’s walls, all evidence of which is photographed from above. It’s another thing actually to have to live without. Todd counts himself lucky, though. They may not have all the luxuries like voc implants or fancy clothes, but Papa Mike keeps him fed and clothed, and he has a roof over his head. Over half the world’s population lives in squalor facing Nature’s elements with no bed, no bread, and no clothes.

At times like this, when it is evident the other person simply cannot comprehend his situation, Todd turns to Frank. Knowing how hard this is for his friend, Frank finishes for Todd. “They just don’t have any money, and his Papa Mike works twenty-four seven. Todd can go for weeks without ever seeing his second father. But that’s okay because Todd stays with us whenever his Papa Mike has to work excessive overtime. Todd and his Papa Mike know they can depend on us. He’s never left out in the cold or anything.”

“Oh,” Coach Miller says. She raises her palms slightly and gives them a little shake to silence Frank’s rambling. She can sense Todd’s unease and doesn’t want what should otherwise be the happiest moment in this young man’s life to be filled with shame and embarrassment. “Well,” she says, adeptly changing the subject back to Todd’s future success and clapping her hands with forced joviality, “it’s good you have Papa Dean to talk with, then.” Clasping Todd’s shoulders, she adds, “Go ask Papa Dean what he thinks, then, and let me know your decision first thing in the morning.”

“Absolutely,” Frank concurs exuberantly, determined to recapture their previous moment of glee. “You’re coming over to our place, Todd. I’ll voc Papa Dean and let him know we’re coming. Dad’s out of town and Roger’s on a date, but the three of us, we’re going to have us a celebration dinner!” Then shaking Todd, he adds, “And I don’t care what you say! It’s going to be The Cattle Ranch Restaurant!” The most expensive place in the city,
but Todd does not balk. This news is too good, and he is simply swirling with merriment. As soon as Todd nods his assent, the two boys join hands and race out of the gym, leaving Coach Miller giggling happily.

Papa Dean is thrilled by Todd’s news, but his advice is not what Todd or Frank expected. “I think it’s wonderful that Antinous Uni wants you to graduate early, Todd. That really speaks highly of you, but are you ready?” Todd is unable to answer because the waiter has just brought out a large tray with three juicy steaks, baked potatoes, and an array of seasoned vegetables. Both Todd and Frank ogle their meals. “All right, boys, it’s a steak—not a potential boyfriend.”

“This is one potential boyfriend I’d be more than willing to date,” Todd pipes up as he begins slicing through the slightly seared meat.

“Me, too,” says Frank, also beginning to dig in instantly.

“Okay, Todd,” Dean reminds him, “chew your food before swallowing.”

“Sorry, sir. It’s just so good.” A line of steak juice dribbles down his chin. Frank laughs.

Papa Dean leans forward and hands Todd a napkin. “Wipe your chin.”

“Yes, sir,” Todd laughs.

“You haven’t answered my question.” After the initial reaction over their meal is done, Dean insists on settling Todd’s future.

“Well,” Todd begins.

“Finish what’s in your mouth first,” Dean insists.

“Sorry, sir,” Todd says while swallowing. “I’m not sure. My marks are pretty good.”

“How good?” Dean inquires.

“I’ve got a seventy-six average.

“That’s not bad, Todd, but,” he cautions the youth, “that’s not great, either.” Considering his words over another mouthful of steak, Dean continues, “Most students who excel a grade have marks in the high nineties.” Not wanting to be hurtful, yet remain pragmatic, Dean suggests, “Consider waiting one more year, Todd. If Antinous Uni wants you badly enough to offer up a scholarship a year early, it will wait until you actually graduate.”

“But I could go in September. Why wait one more year if I don’t have to?”

Frank nods. He thinks Todd should go early. “Why should he pass up such an amazing opportunity?”

Dean passes over his son’s comment. “Well, let’s think about this. You just turned seventeen a few months ago. You will be younger than everyone on campus. And then, you are going to find uni a lot harder than high school, Todd.”

“You didn’t go to college,” Frank barges in, “so how would you know?”

Frank has no idea how hurtful his comment is. Although Dean had every intention of attending uni, he knew, even having finished high school with a ninety-five average, no uni in Hadrian would accept him. Dean pauses, looks away for a moment, settles his emotions, and starts over. “I saw how much work your father had to put into his final year at Antinous Uni, Frank. And your father, Todd, my best friend, said he had never worked harder in his life than when he was studying agricultural engineering. If you really want to bring in innovations like your father did…” Smiling, he remembers the boy’s dream on Hadrian’s fiftieth birthday. “Didn’t you say you wanted to engineer a new strain of rice, one compatible to Hadrian’s climate?”

“Yes, sir.” Todd is thrilled that Papa Dean remembers. “That’s my dream. And,” smiling, remembering his birthday cake, “cocoa beans, too! Then you can bake all the chocolate cake in the world!”

“And you boys can eat it,” Dean adds, pleased. “But,” he persists, “dreams require hard work. Nothing worthwhile in this life will ever come easy. If you go to uni too soon, before you are really ready, you may find yourself flunking out and the road to your dream caving in underneath you.”

Todd, looking down at his plate, studies his steak seriously, as if it held in its red sinews the answer to this daunting question. “Gee, Papa Dean. I never thought about it like that.”

“No way!” Frank blurts out. “That is so
strai
!”

“Frank, I told you not to use that expression.”

Frank ignores his papa and barges on, “Todd, please don’t tell me you are actually considering turning Antinous Uni down?”

“I don’t know.” Todd is still inspecting his beef. Looking up, he searches deeply into Papa Dean’s eyes. This is a man Todd trusts, loves almost as much as he loved his father.
I think I love you even more than Papa Mike
. Smiling, Todd gives the table his answer. “Papa Dean is right. If I can trust anyone’s
advice, it’s yours, Papa Dean. If you think I should wait another year, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

Frank scowls, but Papa Dean is all smiles. “You’ve made a wise decision, son.”

Frank spits out his dissatisfaction. “If I knew you were going to advise him like this, I would have taken him out for supper all by myself.”

“Well, look at the bright side, son,” says Dean, patting his boy on the back. “You get to keep Todd around for another year, and then, if you win the academic scholarship, the two of you can start uni together.”

That pleasant reality is enough to bring Frank back to rights with Todd’s decision so the three men can continue to enjoy their very expensive, very delicious steak dinner.