Hadrian's Lover (30 page)

Parents, it is critical that you speak openly and honestly with your children about any potential heterosexual feelings they might have. As we are aware, many of us have latent heterosexual tendencies. Only a small percentage of Hadrian’s population can claim to be a six on the Kinsey scale. The rest of us exist somewhere between a two and a five. As a result, the period of sexual awakening for our youth can be very confusing. As we grow and mature intellectually, it is much easier for us to reconcile with the first cornerstone of Hadrian’s society: that of homosexuality as our preference. As adults, we can understand the logic behind our chosen lifestyle—see how it, combined with strict procreation laws, is essential for creating and maintaining a stable human population. Hadrian’s four cornerstones of existence were based on reason and logic, motivated by the very real need to preserve the human species and regain balance with planet earth. As each of us comes of age, with all our cognitive skills developed, we can reaffirm our founding families’ oath and swear ourselves, as they did, fealty to the four cornerstones of Hadrian society: Hadrian’s chosen lifestyle is homosexual; Hadrian is a safe haven for homosexuals; Hadrian’s goal is to create and maintain a stable human population; Hadrian will create an ecologically sound balance between humanity and nature. At twenty-one years of age, after three years of service with our military, Hadrian’s citizens are ready to accept the responsibility of fulfilling Hadrian’s promise to themselves, the human race and the earth.

Because our children are not yet capable of making that oath, it is incumbent upon parents and teachers to educate, gently guide, and nurture their spirits along Hadrian’s chosen path. When we neglect our duty to our youth, we leave them vulnerable to sexual desires that are unwanted here in Hadrian, sexual desires that are in fact dangerous to our society. Allowing
heterosexuality to blossom in your youth’s bosom is akin to allowing choke weed to grow and destroy our gardens. When a child’s sexual education is ignored and he (or she) is left to discover feelings on his (or her) own, havoc can occur. What parents and teachers need to realize is that when a child experiments with heterosexual behaviors, he (or she) is risking more than just unwanted pregnancies. He (or she) is also risking his (or her) life!

Yes, it is true. And, though I do not condone this, the fact remains that individuals pegged as heterosexuals suffer from a great deal of emotional, and sometimes physical, abuse. Children, as we are all aware, are a bundle of paradoxes. Though they may appear to be the most tolerant among us, they also have proven to be the least tolerant, especially with that which they know to be unacceptable by society’s standards. Empathy, an intellectual approach toward emotion, is learned behavior. Such lessons often take time—many years in fact—and seldom sink into the cognitive mind until the late teens or early twenties. As a result, youth viewed as straight receive a substantial amount of peer abuse. This abuse, coupled with the growing awareness that their desires are inappropriate, often leads these youth to contemplate suicide. Many, in fact, attempt, and some, unfortunately, succeed. Thus, it is our duty to watch for any signs of heterosexual behavior in our children, to teach them how to counter these feelings, as well as to encourage them to trust our judgment until they are of age and can see the logic and reason behind Hadrian’s chosen lifestyle. Hadrian’s society is based on choices that require higher level thinking skills, and until our children have acquired this ability, we must protect them from themselves and guide them in the right direction.

Remember, all our children are, at the very least, a two on the Kinsey scale, so given time and the proper education, our youth can be guided gently toward accepting Hadrian’s chosen sexual lifestyle: homosexuality. Help your children make the right choice! This lifestyle, coupled with strict procreation laws, is humanity’s last hope.

Vale!

Having just woken and experienced the spasms of pain caused by the rape, Todd determines death is his only solution—his only viable escape from hell. What was it Matthew said? No one gets out of here, except through marriage, exile, or death—and regarding death, he wished Todd luck, showing upon his wrists numerous failed attempts. He quoted those lines, the only ones Todd can remember: “to die, to sleep no more.” What a pleasure that would be—no more sleep—no more dreams—no more waking up to reality. Simply to cease to be, to disappear into oblivion, is intoxicating. No more thought, no more pain, no more memories, no more betrayal. Eyeing his hospital room, Todd searches for the means necessary to execute his own demise. The IV tubing might work as a noose, but from where would he hang himself? The only hooks in the room are for a potholder in the ceiling and one for coats on the door. Neither hook is likely to hold his weight. Inspecting the ceiling offers no hope, either. It is a solid ceiling, no tiles to push aside to wrap the tubing around corner joints. It's as if they thought of everything here. No doubt a hospital is full of poisons, but when mixed properly, they become lifesaving medicines. Still, even if Todd knew which mixtures were deadly,
where in Hadrian's name,
he wonders,
would I find them?
Closing his eyes in despair, he pleads with the unknown,
How am I to die?
Reopening them after letting his head drop dejectedly to the side, Todd finds his answer.
Oh, sweet Mischief,
he almost utters, but stops himself lest anyone in the halls might hear him. There, sitting on the table next to his hospital bed, is a scalpel. Todd does not question how it got there, who “accidently left it behind,” or even why there would be a scalpel in his room at all, having no purpose whatsoever in his healing process; he simply rejoices in his breast at having found an instrument ready for action. His first impulse after picking up the sharp implement is
to slit his wrists, but the memory of Matthew's scars reminds him that such a death is too slow. No doubt he would be found and revived, which is not part of Todd's plan. This is no cry for help. This is finality!
Dig it into the neck and rip it across the throat:
the thought prompting action simultaneously. Blood begins to stream, and Todd, offering up no resistance, begins to ride the waves of ebb and flow between life and death. Closing his eyes during the final throes, he escapes into his mind, reliving the memory of the last moment on earth when he was truly happy.

Crystal is in her green dress—the tight-fitting one she wore that Sunday when Todd, Frank, and she got together to study. The very same dress that, when left unguarded, would rise up too high. Crystal, Frank, and Todd had been dancing together at the big celebration. The school had thrown a huge party for the b-ball team for having won the Nationals. Wearing high heels, Crystal feigned tripping into Todd so she could whisper in his ear “check your phone” as he had helped her stand back up. After their dance, when Crystal begs leave to go to the bathroom, Todd wanders outside for a bit of fresh air and to cool off, but really, so he can be alone in order to read her clandestine message: “Meet me behind the girls' stairwell.” Todd is thrilled.
Behind the girls' stairwell!
What can Crystal want? The girls' back stairwell camera is broken. No one will know they are there. No one will see whatever it is that is going to be done. And Todd wants things done. Stealing his way back into the school, he finds he is shaking more from nerves than the crisp spring night air. Now behind the stairwell, silent in the dark shadows, Todd anxiously awaits Crystal's arrival. His eyes dart up into darkness as he begins to hear her descending the stairs.
She really must have gone to the bathroom,
he surmises. Although her footfalls are light since she is wearing heels, her shoes still manage to click against the stair's tiles. She is wearing some kind of perfume. It smells like cinnamon. Crystal always smells like cinnamon. And then she appears. “Hello, Todd.” Is her voice husky? Her walk over to him is like a trance, a dance in slow motion, with her hands sliding along her thighs. Leaning against the wall, Todd steps forward to meet her. Crystal places a hand on his chest. He feels her electric touch. Todd's breath quickens. Crystal leans in and kisses him. Somehow, they have switched positions. Crystal's back is now against the
wall. Acting on instinct, unaware of how the first time should feel, Todd is thrilled by how Crystal effectively orchestrates their movements. He tells her he loves her. She kisses him. And then, when it's over, she walks away, with his life in her hands, into darkness.

Vice President Elena Stiles is the third member of the Stiles family to hold a prestigious office in our government. Ester Stiles was Hadrian’s first president while Denise Stiles was Hadrian’s fifth. Having served under President Nasser for eight years, Vice President Stiles is determined to run in the next campaign. President Nasser has given Elena Stiles her full support. “Having worked with Stiles for both terms of my presidency has convinced me that this is the woman destined to lead our country into the future.” President Nasser’s endorsement certainly will be a great boost come fall elections. “Elena Stiles is energetic, forthright, forceful, and always looking toward the future. She stands for all that makes Hadrian strong and is determined to ensure the continued power of our military.” No one can deny the importance of keeping our military strong. According to Vice President Stiles, “Our military is the main reason we are able to keep Hadrian’s values alive. If it were not for our brave young men and women defending our lifestyle and lives, Hadrian’s wall would have fallen long ago and the human virus that surrounds us would have overrun and destroyed this last vestige of earth’s natural beauty.” One key campaign promise Elena Stiles intends to keep after her inauguration is to increase funding to the military.

If voted in as our next president, Vice President Stiles also promises to increase funding toward education. The intellectual growth of our youth must be one of our country’s top priorities. “Our children are the future of Hadrian. They are the ones who must continue preserving the natural balance of our country’s habitat. They are the ones who must continuously develop new ways to reuse man’s pollutants as well as discover ways to counter the poisonous effects already tainting earth’s water, soil, and air. The task our foremothers and forefathers burdened us with comes with no
simple solutions. Only the strongest and most creative of minds can overcome humanity’s past mistakes.” She is so right! This woman has Hadrian’s priorities as her own: a strong military to protect us from the threat of the outside world and the education of our youth.

When asked how she stands on reeducation camps, Vice President Stiles was circumspect. Although she stressed the importance of reeducating wayward youth, she also seemed to suggest that the way in which our camps are run may not be up to her personal standards. When asked how she felt these institutions should be run, she was unable to offer up any viable suggestions. She did, however, suggest that a thorough inquiry into reeducation camps was essential, and after becoming president (“should I be so lucky as to win the country’s confidence”), such an investigation would be held. With respect to the outcome of such an examination, Vice President Stiles hinted at the potential restructuring of these camps. This may very well be the result of a meeting held with the eight camp wardens at the central cabinet. Apparently, some dissension exists between the wardens because disparaging methods are being used at some of the camps. It seems Jason Warith’s complaints against the Northeast Reeducation Camp have opened the door for others to express their dissatisfaction at reeducation methods. Vice President Stiles is taking these concerns seriously and is looking at ways of standardizing how we approach reeducation.

Vale!

Five days have passed since Crystal denounced Todd. Every day, she has thought about texting him, though fearful of what she might learn since Frank voc’d and told her he was sentenced to the Northeast Reeducation Camp. Sentenced! Crystal grimaces at the harsh word Frank used. Frank hates her now, but she doesn’t care. Her only concern is for Todd. Before Frank had hung up on her, Crystal asked him whether Todd still had his cell phone at the reeducation camp. Frank said no one had mentioned finding it so it was still a secret. But then he said he had tried texting Todd and got no response. Todd might not even have it with him, Crystal reasons, in a feeble attempt to justify not having tried to contact him. It isn’t so much cowardice that keeps her from texting Todd; rather, her mother, Gail Albright, having discovered her phone and with whom it was used to converse, confiscated it. Crystal had to find and steal it back before she could try contacting her lover. Her mother is keeping a vigilant eye on her every move. Gail Albright, having taken time off from work, is staying home indefinitely in order to help facilitate Crystal’s unofficial reeducation. Although one really doesn’t need to reeducate a girl who has been raped, since Crystal refuses to accuse Todd, her mothers are determined to ensure she has not gone astray. As far as Crystal knows, neither of her mothers has seen the digital recording her aunt, Ms. Annabelle Sterne, had forced her to watch early that dreadful morning. Annabelle Sterne insisted Crystal denounce Todd, threatening to tell the girl’s mothers what really happened if she didn’t. Aunt Annabelle was right. Her exposure was sure to ruin Mama Elena’s political career. Mama Elena had worked long and hard to get where she is; Crystal couldn’t bear the thought of taking all that away from her, especially now that she has chosen to run for President of Hadrian. Nor could she cope with the threat of her mothers’
disappointment in her. She loved both women too much to risk losing their love and respect.

When Crystal adamantly refused to accuse Todd of rape, though, Elena Stiles became suspicious. Elena and Gail held a private conference and decided it would be in Crystal’s best interest to reestablish her association with her ex-girlfriend: Lolita Huber (daughter to the secretary of defense). Crystal agreed. Their relationship was easily reestablished since Ms. Huber owed her position in the government to Elena Stiles. Crystal had broken up with Lolita because the two girls have nothing in common. Lolita is an intellect, a big reader, yet dry as desert dust, and deficient in humor whereas Crystal loves to laugh, have fun, roughhouse, and play sports. If given her druthers, Crystal would spend all her time hanging out with Todd and Frank. Very few opportunities exist for a girl to associate with guys, other than on sports teams, so Crystal chose, at a very young age, to become very adept in basketball, baseball, hockey, and wrestling. Her mothers have always approved of her gaming since, on the surface, it appeared as if Crystal were merely trying to prove herself the physical equal of any young man her age. Although she knew both Frank and Todd were miles ahead of her in both speed and strength, Crystal found ways to compensate through skill. In fact, it is fair to say that the only young men Crystal’s age who can best her in the sports arena are Todd Middleton and Frank Hunter. Although, at times, she had managed to get the better of Todd, but only in wrestling.
I wonder why that was?
she questions.
I think he liked me on top of him.
A brief smile crosses her lips before once again turning grim.
He’ll never love me again,
she reasons.
Not after what I did! Oh, Todd,
tears burgeon once more,
what did I do to you?

Crystal sighs as she lies on her bed, staring at a blank slate screen. She is supposed to be working on a treatise that validates Hadrian’s sexual preference and method of procreation. She is to present her findings at school tomorrow in an oral presentation. Her aunt, Ms. Sterne, assigned it to her in the aftermath of Todd’s exposure. She hasn’t done any research or written a single word. The only movement on the electronic slate’s screen is a blinking curser. Crystal’s mind is far too preoccupied with the fate of her lover to worry about homework, especially
extra
homework! Right now the only thing Crystal can think about is what might be happening to Todd—
because of me!
Silencing the hum of the school slate by tapping the power button, Crystal tosses her personal slate
aside. Silently, she slips off the bed, tiptoes over to the door, places her ear against the wood, and listens intently for sound in the hallway. When satisfied no one is immediately outside her door, she carefully turns the knob and pushes it open an inch. Peering through the slight crack, she determines no one is in sight. From the basement, she hears the sounds of pool balls clacking. Mom must be practicing. Mama Elena is seldom home, even when she is in town. Crystal knows she is away on business, as usual. Believing it to be safe, Crystal slowly opens her bedroom door, slithers out of her room, and stealthily slips inside her mother’s room. Mom is a creature of habit. She would have locked Crystal’s phone in her “special drawer” in the master bathroom.

After successfully picking the lock, something Crystal had learned to do years ago (unknown to her mother and simply because she hated the idea of her mother keeping secrets from her—never to steal anything) she slowly pulls open the drawer. Today, this clandestine art serves her need, not her curiosity, as she retrieves her phone. Quickly, Crystal relocks the drawer and returns to her room before anyone knows she was out.

“Todd? Are you out there?” Crystal texts quickly, not daring to try to phone Todd because her mother may hear her speaking out loud. Silence is the better approach. After waiting an intolerably long second, she types again: “Answer me, please.”

There is a sudden beep in response. It’s from Todd. Crystal sighs her relief and then reads: “What do you want?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Really?”

“Todd, please. Auntie—Ms. Sterne made me denounce you.”

“So?”

Crystal drops the phone and begins crying.
Todd hates me! Can I blame him?
Desperate, she reaches out electronically again: “I love you.”

“You said it was rape!”

“I never said that!”

“Did you deny it?”

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Please don’t ask me, Todd.”

“Was it?”

“What?”

“Rape?”

“How can you ask that?”

“Everyone says it was rape.”

“That’s not my fault!”

“Isn’t it?”

Crystal stares dumbfounded at her phone.
He’s right. I know he’s right. This is my fault, all my fault. But there’s nothing I can do. Auntie Bella’s right. If I come out, say anything in Todd’s defense, it will ruin Mama Elena’s political career.
“Todd, please forgive me.”

“How’s reeducation at home?”

“It’s horrible.”

“Try being in camp.”

“Is it really bad for you there?”

“What do you think?”

“Todd, you’re killing me.”

“Reeducation camp is killing me!”

Crystal wants to throw the phone against the wall, but she isn’t able to. It is her only link to Todd, and now that she has established contact, she can’t let go.
He blames me for everything. And he’s right. This is my fault!
Clutching the phone to her breast, Crystal wonders,
Is there anything I can say to explain myself to him?
“Mama Elena wants me to accuse you of rape. But I refuse to!”

“Why don’t you? It’d be kinder.”

This response terrifies Crystal: “Oh, Todd, what are they doing to you?”

“What are they doing to you?”

“They made me get back together with Lolita.”

“Poor you.”

“Don’t mock me. I’m sorry. I feel horrible. I love you!”

“You didn’t answer my question?”

“What question?”

“Was it rape?”

“You know it wasn’t!”

“Do I?”

His persistence in such clarification angers Crystal: “No, Todd, it wasn’t rape.”

“How did it happen, then?”

Why is he asking this?
she wonders: “You know how it happened.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Fine,
she grimaces,
I’ll answer all his questions. I guess he has a right.
“I texted you a note at the Championship dance.”

“Go on.”

“We met in the back stairwell.”

“The one with the broken camera?”

“Yes.”

“Then what happened?”

“I kissed you.”

“And then?”

“We made love.”

“So, you initiated everything?”

“You know I did. Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Because I’m not Todd!”

Gasping, Crystal drops the phone. It bounces off the bed and clatters to the floor. Crystal leaps up and grabs it, waiting in silence, hoping the sound does not alert any suspicion in her mother. Nothing happens while Crystal holds her breath. Still kneeling on the floor, she looks in horror at the last line of text on her phone: “Because I’m not Todd.”

“Who are you?”

“One of the few friends your lover has left.”

“What’s your name?”

“Do you know what they do to a boy suspected of rape in reeducation?”

This question stops Crystal’s heart. Her breath is suspended as she types in her reply: “No” and waits for the answer.

“They bludgeon him!”

“They what?”

“Rape, you stupid girl! They RAPE him!”

Tears are flowing, Crystal is sobbing; had she been speaking, very little of what she types would be comprehensible. As it is, it is barely legible: “ow do u no?”

“I was in reeducation. That year, two boys committed suicide. Both boys suspected of rape. Both boys raped!”

“How do u no? Did u sea?”

“No, but everyone knew. There’s more.”

Crystal groans; masochistically, she needs to know: “mor?”

“It is impossible to commit suicide in a reeducation camp.”

“But u sad—” Realization dawns; Crystal continues her text: “ho did 2 boys die?”

“Suicide.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Curious, isn’t it? Two boys suspected of rape were the only two boys able to commit suicide. Think about that for a minute.”

“Is Todd—did he—” Crystal is unable to finish.

“He tried. He failed.”

“Thank Hadrian for that!”

“You can thank me—or rather, Jason Warith.”

“Who?”

“Todd’s facilitator.”

“Oh.”

“I arranged for him to work with Todd—to protect him.”

“?”

“Because I knew!”

“Please tell me who you are.”

“Will you help Todd?”

“How?”

“Tell the truth.”

“I can’t.”

“We have nothing left to say.”

“No, please—”

Crystal pauses, recognition of her character dawning: “Mama Elena—she’s VP Stiles.”

“We mustn’t do anything to hurt one of our founding families.”

“Please, you don’t understand.”

“No. You don’t understand! I will not sacrifice Todd on the altar of your stupidity!”

Frightened, knowing herself to be the personification of all that is selfish, Crystal asks: “Will you denounce me?” There is no answer to her plea. She types again, “I’m scared.”

“Imagine how Todd feels.”

“I can’t help him.” Her fingers shake before she types in the next phrase. “I can only help myself.”

“I DO understand.”

Crystal’s immediate response to that line is to shut off her phone. Without
thought or precaution, she races back into her mothers’ personal washroom. She returns her cell to the locked drawer and swears never to touch it again. Back in her bedroom, Crystal hides herself under the covers, shivering uncontrollably. Frightened and alone, she realizes she forgot to erase all evidence of their conversation. And although she knows with absolute certainty the mystery man at the other end hasn’t deleted his version, she still goes through the motion of retrieving her cell and deleting all contact made with Todd’s mobile.