Haiku (20 page)

“Brewster has kept to his contract?” I began.

“You could set your clock by him,” Earl affirmed.

Gloria nodded in agreement.

“That what you wanted?” Levi asked me.

“No,” I said, carefully. “It was but a … prerequisite to my request. If Brewster had not been faithful to his contract, I would have no right to make that request.”

“Break that down,” Earl said.

“Ho backed the man’s play,” Lamont answered. “Brewster don’t keep his word, it’s like Ho didn’t keep his. You can’t trust a man’s word, how you gonna deal with him?”

“Sometimes—” Gloria started to say.

“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” Lamont interrupted, “but we ain’t no … patients, or clients, or whatever. Ho may be older than sin, but he’s sharp as a razor,” he said, glancing at Earl. “Me, I’m a hardcore alkie, but I ain’t no wet-brain. We’re here about Brewster. If you can’t trust us, ain’t no point in us talking.”

“What’s up with Brewster?” Levi asked. “You implied that he might be …”

“I apologize for the ruse,” I said. “Brewster is perhaps not suicidal. But he
is
facing a crisis. If it is not resolved, his ability to … deal with that would be very doubtful.”

“He’d stop taking his meds?” Levi asked.

“No,” I answered. “With all respect, if this crisis is not resolved, I believe the medication would lose its power to stop
him
.”

My explanation was lengthy and detailed, interrupted only when I said, “Brewster may live in a … parallel world. But that world has its own code. Brewster would not tell a lie.”

“Lie! Cry! Die! Try!” Target clanged.

I could actually see a lightning burst of communication flickering between Gloria, Levi, and Earl. Their faces showed no reaction to Target’s outburst, so I finished my account.

“This would have to be a staff call,” Levi said, when I had concluded. “We’re a team.”

“I thought you were Brewster’s … therapist,” I said, deliberately not mentioning how Earl had referred to him as “boss” when I had visited before.

“I am,” Levi replied. “But you’re asking the whole team to take a risk, not just me.”

“ACT?”

“That’s right. And there’s a lot of us. We all do different jobs, but we all do the same job.”

“I understand,” I told him, thinking of how our own tribe functioned.

“We can always help a client relocate …” Earl mused out loud.

“Brewster’s not a housing client,” Gloria said. Her tone was not that of a corrector, more like a comrade pointing out an obstacle to a plan.

“That’s paperwork,” Levi told them both. Turning to me, he said, “You’re asking for manpower to move the books, a van to move them, plus—”

“I apologize for any confusion my poor language skills may have caused,” I told them. “Such tasks are our responsibility, and ours alone. What we ask is for your assistance in housing Brewster’s library.”

“What’s the diff—?”

“We’re not running a game,” Lamont interrupted Earl. “Ho’s telling it just like it is. Getting the books out, that’s on us. But there’s gotta be a place where the kid can come and visit his stuff. Otherwise …”

“What about down in the basement, next to the boiler?” Gloria said.

“He could only come when we’re open,” Earl quickly joined her, as if appealing to Levi. “And he’s
supposed
to be in some of the programs anyway.”

“Has he not?” I asked.

Both Earl and Gloria looked puzzled, but Levi understood at once. “He hasn’t missed since he signed our contract.”

I bowed.

“I wasn’t raised to be wasting space,” Earl said. “That basement’s just sitting there. …”

Levi nodded.

“Brewster could bring a friend on occasion,” I said, not making it a question. “I am certain he would feel much more confident if he did not have to come alone.”

I knew, even as I spoke, that Brewster had been visiting Levi for years. I knew that this ACT building was one place
where Brewster
did
feel confident—a word others would translate as “safe.”

Target opened his mouth … then snapped it shut, as if fearing what would emerge.

“Come back tomorrow,” Levi told us.

“I need some clothes,” Michael said that evening.

“It will not be cold for many—”

“Not for that,” Michael cut short my speech, as if he knew I was concerned about a loss of focus with such a complex task facing us all.

“A fish in the water; a leaf on a tree,” Ranger said. “Who should know that better than you, Ho?”

My mind struggled with what seemed to be Ranger interpreting Michael’s bizarre request by quoting some principle of guerrilla warfare. If Ranger had retreated to the world where his insanity had been born, Michael would be the last person he would view as a comrade.

I sought calm within myself. Brewster and Target were inert objects. Lamont’s eyes were silent—he was smoking as methodically as a carpenter driving a nail.

All that came to me was the phrase I had taught myself when I first began my new path: “Please forgive my ignorance. I do not understand.”

“Michael’s on recon,” Ranger said. “He’s got to blend, see?”

“Camouflage of some kind?”

“Bingo! He talks the lingo
perfect,”
Ranger said, as if
Michael had mastered a foreign language so completely that he could converse idiomatically. “He already looks like them, too.”

“The white Rolls,” Michael said. “There just
can’t
be that many of them, right? Like we first …”

I nodded, more to keep Michael talking than because I was able to follow what he and Ranger seemed to assume I already understood.

“Okay,” Michael said, in a brisk, self-assured tone. “Now stay with me, Ho. Times are tough. That’s hard for us to see, from where we are. But the economy is tanking. Giant corporations going belly-up, all the loans are getting called in, and people can’t pay up. Foreclosures everywhere you look. That’s where that whole ‘trickle-down’ crap turns around and bites you in the ass. When we’re in a boom, everybody’s got money. Or
thinks
they do, anyway. But when we’re going the other way, that trickles down, too.
Way
down.”

“How does this—?”

“I keep in touch,” Michael said, glancing at Lamont, as if preparing to ward off an attack.

Seeing no reaction, Michael continued, “I don’t mean I’ve still got friends in the business. I burned through them. Everybody on this earth who ever liked me, or trusted me, or believed in me … gone.”

“Not here,” I said.

“You think I don’t know that?” Michael said. “You think I don’t know what this”—he spread his hands wide, as if to include us all—”is worth? Yeah, well, I don’t blame you, if that’s what you think. But you’d be wrong, Ho.”

I sat, a student awaiting his teacher’s next words.

“You know when I stopped … what I was doing, Ho? You know when I actually stopped? It wasn’t after my wife left me. It wasn’t after my kids—yeah, I’ve got kids; two of them—it wasn’t after my kids disappeared from my life. Not even after I lost my last job, tapped out my last friend, hocked everything I had. Not after I stole everything I could. Then I got my ribs kicked in for … it doesn’t matter. You know what I’m saying. You know I’ve been … doing it anyway. A little bet here, a lottery ticket, even dice-on-a-blanket when I got a little ahead.”

“The white Rolls—?”

“That was the same thing,” Michael said. “It
looked
better. That ‘sure thing’ I’ve been chasing ever since I … started. But we all know what would happen if that played out. Money. Fucking money. Big deal.

“We could all use money, but it wouldn’t change anything. You
had
money, didn’t you, Ho? We’d still all be what we were. And you know what I’d do with my share.”

“Start a new streak,” Lamont said, very quietly.

“That’s right,” Michael agreed. “A new losing streak. It wasn’t until we had to save Brewster’s library that I started thinking. Really thinking. But my mind’s all … twisted. Look what I did. You think I’m proud of asking Ranger to get me the money to play that horse?”

“Hey, we’re buddies,” Ranger said. “You’d do the same for me.”

Michael’s eyes filled with tears. “Buddies. That’s right. And a man doesn’t
use
his buddies. I learned that from you, Ho. I learned that. I apologized to Ranger,” he said, looking over at his friend. “But even as the words came out of my
mouth, I knew I was the same fucking miserable low-life lying fraud I always was.”

“Nah, bro,” Ranger said. “You stepped up when they called your number.”

“Man’s saying it true,” Lamont added.

“You know what they’re talking about, Ho? Sure you do. I told myself I was just trying to get us a stake, so we could carry out the mission. But, in my mind, I was going to—”

“All that matters is what you
did
do,” I told him.

“And
that’s
when I stopped,” Michael said, putting his face in his hands.

None spoke as Michael sobbed. Ranger got up and stood behind him, one hand on each of Michael’s shoulders.

Finally, Michael looked up. “I haven’t even … I can’t explain it. But ever since I turned over the money, I stopped being a degenerate gambler. It’s not … in me anymore. I don’t … see things the way I did.”

“Your spirit was stronger than the invader.”

“I didn’t
have
a spirit,” Michael said. “It doesn’t matter what you call things. I could walk away now. I mean it. I could just walk away. I know how to play the game. Sign up for some program, stop being a fucking ‘addict,’ turn myself into a real success story. Maybe even … talk to my kids again, someday.”

“It is for this that you need the clothing—?”

“Get with the program, Ho,” Lamont admonished me. “Michael don’t need some fine vines to walk away; he needs them so he can
stay
.“

“So the white Rolls-Royce, it is …?”

“It’s still our ticket out of this mess,” Michael said, very
carefully, not a trace of the salesman in his speech. “There’s money in that car.
Our
money. Enough money to … do things. Things like Brewster’s library. And those things, they’re something
I
can do.”

I did not sleep that night. Relentlessly, I examined myself. Time spent is not distance covered. All these years in the world I had chosen, and how close had I come to true atonement? Arrogance no longer ruled my life … but it still lurked within my spirit. Not daring to face my sword, it reached out its tendrils very tentatively, always testing. Each time I recognized its emergence, I struck.

But if the task is to uproot, the finest sword is still inferior to the crudest hoe.

At that moment, I became a seer. I viewed the future as clearly as if I were watching through a window. Even as I did, I understood this gift was not mine to keep; it was a temporary loan from the gods.

I saw Michael, free of his demons. He would never find his magical automobile, his need for such a savior gone. I saw Lamont standing before a small audience, reading aloud. I saw Brewster guaranteed safe passage to the world that comforted him, guided there by those who cared for him. I saw Ranger connected to others, back in “The World.” I realized that those who cared for him could not alter what had been implanted. Their goal was not to change Ranger, but to keep him safe … and others safe from him. They accepted this.

As should I.

Before my vision left me, I asked, “And what of Target?” No answer came. Target had appeared among us as if formed by the elements. What led him to us was never known—one day he was among us, as though he had always been there. Where would Target walk if he were forced to walk alone?

I am an old man. Someday, I must leave.

To leave Target behind would be an unforgivable act. And most especially so for a man whose quest was to make himself worthy of forgiveness for the sin of desertion.

In the morning, I gathered our band. Quickly, we moved away from the dugouts.

None questioned where we were going, but the air around us was heavily charged, as if just after a rainstorm.

We gathered near the Hudson River, in the same area we used for sharing meals during the day. Along the way, we had made brief stops for provisions at various places where we knew recently discarded food would be waiting. With the exception of Lamont’s coffee, we paid for nothing.

“I have a plan,” I told the others. “It is in two stages, one to follow the other. For this to work, we must operate in teams.”

I had expected questions. Instead, I felt only their attentiveness. There was no time for selfish pondering as to the meaning of this, so I continued.

“I will attempt to make certain arrangements,” I said. “Only if I succeed can we then begin the plan. For the first stage, the teams will be myself and Ranger, Brewster and Target, and Lamont and Michael.”

Still no questions, but I could sense the impending balance disruption among those I addressed. A change was coming, and any such prospect always frightens those of our tribe.

“For the final stage, the teams will be two. Myself and Lamont will be one; Michael, Brewster, Target, and Ranger will be the other.”

Silence was their response.

“Only if I am able to make the arrangements I hope for can we act,” I repeated. “But we must be certain of the second stage now. May I explain?”

“Come on with it,” Lamont said, sipping from his coffee.

“A solid chute’s no good,” Ranger said, a few moments later. “Brewster’s the only one that can get up there, right?”

“Until there is more room, yes,” I agreed. “But once a certain number of the books are offloaded …”

“Load! Code! Road! Load!” Target erupted.

“Yes,” I said. “Brewster, once there is room, you could return and show Target how to enter your library. From there, he could assist you mightily.”

“That’d be aces with me,” Brewster said.

“That’s why you can’t go with a solid chute,” Ranger said, his mind fully attuned to the task. “What we need is cargo netting. It’s light enough for Brewster to carry—I’ll show you how to back-wrap, bro—it won’t make a sound when you drop it, and it won’t catch no light, either.”