Halloween Hiccups: A Mercy Mares Cozy Mystery Novella (8 page)

              “You have to open your eyes. Just look at it!” Ruby held my cell phone up to my face, so I could see a picture of my daughter's dream wedding gown.

“I saw it. It's nice.” I bobbed and weaved my way around Ruby's outstretched arms.

Ruby threw the phone down on my bed and plopped down right beside it. “Okay, I've had enough of this. What is going on with you? You're moody and I don't like it. If I didn't love you as much as I do, I'd leave right now. Mercy, she's getting married, not leaving you. My goodness, she lives on the other side of the country. What are you so hung up on?”

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked ridiculous. My head full of curls was not made for hats. I didn't know how to wear them and didn't like the way they felt on my head. Too restrictive.

“I'm happy for her. She's a big girl. She can do whatever she wants.” I answered Ruby, referring to Diana and her decision to marry the 'thief'.

Ruby gasped when I turned around.

“See, even you know I look ridiculous!” I said, yanking the hat off my head.

“No, no you don't. You just look different. Let me help you.” She stood up to grab the hat and fasten it on my head correctly. “If you would just relax a bit, you'd see that everything that has you worked up is going to work itself out. Diana is in love. You're gaining a son... well, a son-in-law. Why can't you be happy? I haven't heard James complain about it.”

James was still very much a part of our inner circle. He only lived a few blocks away from Ruby, so we saw him quite often, if and when he was in town. He traveled quite a bit for business, so our usual group dinner dates were on hold until he returned.

“You haven't heard him because he's been out of town. Anyway, he wouldn't understand. He has always believed that Diana should live a free-range kind of existence, where she'd do whatever it is her little heart fancied, with no cause for concern. You know how he is. He thinks everything is okay all the time. It's nauseating!” I shook my head in frustration.

Ruby threw her hands in the air, proud of her handiwork with my unruly hair and the dreaded hat. “There, that's better! Between the hat and the makeup, you're almost unrecognizable, but about that outfit...” She snickered at my sweat suit.

“What? Not fancy enough for Luigi's?” I teased.

She changed the subject as she rummaged through my closet to find the perfect outfit for me to wear on my spy mission at the restaurant. “I hope this goes well. I just can't believe that Charlene was so desperate to win the annual Halloween decorating contest that she'd kill for it. I can't begin to imagine what other sick things she'd done in her life.”

I didn't want to say anything yet, but I had my doubts that Charlene was the one who killed Stanley. It just didn't make any sense. Stanley wouldn't have been able to vote for a winner because he'd donated monies to Ruby to operate hers. All the money she collected was donated to charity. What was there to be gained from Stanley's death?

“What's the prize money for winning the decorating contest?” I asked.

Ruby smiled. “The top prize is a plaque.”

I furrowed my brows.

“What? What are you thinking?” Ruby asked.

“I think that killing someone seems kind of extreme just to win a plaque.” I said.

Ruby contemplated it for a moment, finally answering, “Some people will do anything to be winners. Charlene likes being the center of attention. She's jealous of me and everything that I have because she doesn't have that.”

“You think Charlene killed someone because she's jealous? Are you really that naive?” I asked as I tried to put the pieces together in my mind. “A lot of people are jealous of someone else, but is that reason to kill someone? If she was so jealous of you, why weren't you her target?”

Ruby's mouth gaped open.

There I went again, saying the first thing that came out of my mouth without thinking about how it would sound to someone else.

I cringed. “Sorry, you know what I mean. All I'm saying is that I don't think Charlene did it. I know you want to believe that she did. I mean, look at everything we know she's done already, but what does any of that prove, besides that she's a little bonkers and a whole lot of desperate to snag a hot psychiatrist?”

Ruby's facial expression switched to horror.

“Okay,” I started, putting my hand up in the air. “You said it a thousand times. She wants Hank. Of course, he would never go for it. Trust me, he'd never even consider it, but that doesn't stop her from flaunting the child size mini skirts she wears or from batting her long, fake eyelashes at him. Speaking of those, shouldn't they at least be in the same color spectrum of her natural hair color?”

“Mercy.” Ruby shook her head, giggling. “You are hard to follow. As brilliant as I know you to be, you boggle my mind with your nonsense sometimes. I don't know what color Charlene's eyelashes are. I can't ever see them underneath the three pounds of gunk, she puts on her face to hide the fact that she's pushing fifty just like the rest of us.”

Now, there's my Ruby, snark and all! I love it!

I took another look at myself in the mirror. I still looked like a woman who was trying too hard to look inconspicuous.

Ruby walked over to my closet and pulled out an outfit she'd put together for me. “Here, try this and who said that you have to wear a hat anyway? No one wears hats anymore, do they?”

She was right. I pulled the hat off my head, taking some of my hair with it and flung it onto my bed.

“I bet it was Charlie. This is something he'd do just to get a laugh.” I said.

“Speaking of Charlie, when are you going to let up and admit that you care about him? He obviously cares about you. Look, he's moving halfway across the country just to be closer to you. Doesn't that count for something?” Ruby asked, but didn't expect an answer. She already knew what I thought about the situation.

One failed marriage behind me wasn't exactly a confidence booster and I never wanted Diana to feel like I was replacing her father with someone else or that someone was taking me from her.

Diana. My baby girl had grown up. Where did the time go?

“If you don't let go of the past, you're going to lose what's right in front of you. Charlie is a good looking man. He's going to capture a lot of attention around here with all the local divorcees. What are you going to do when he gets tired of waiting for you and starts dating?” Ruby asked, hitting the nail right on the head.

Ouch!

“No one is stopping him from dating! I'm not his keeper!” I said.

Ruby put her hands to her hips and gave me a look I'd seen a million times before over the years. I knew I was being unreasonable when it came to Charlie. I knew that at some point Charlie would lose interest, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I liked things the way they were. It made my life easier.

“What time is it?” I asked, not yet ready to declare any love for Charlie. I simply didn't know what I felt about him, other than he was a friend, sometimes.

“Time for you to answer my questions. You can't keep avoiding the issues. If you think that by pushing the thoughts out of your mind, you're going to avoid having to deal with change, you're wrong.” Ruby challenged me. I braced myself for what would come next.

Now, normally, I'd have a little something to say. Something funny to lighten the mood, but this time, Ruby was completely right. I was avoiding dealing with a lot of things. Hank told me the same thing the other night. I was going to have to get over my issues at some point, but with all that was going on in, right now was not the time to get into any of that discussion.

Eyeing the outfit Ruby put together, I asked, “A dress? You want me to wear a dress?”

Ruby exhaled a gush of air in frustration. “That's all you have to say for yourself?”

Lame, I know, but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

Behind me, Nubbin stood in the doorway, dressed in his best shirt – plaid with long sleeves – and slacks, held up by suspenders of course.

“Ready for our night out on the town, Corolla?” He asked as he took in my clown face makeup and sweat suit. “That's what you're wearing? I can't be seen with you looking like some sideshow freak.”

“Okay. Okay. I know I look ridiculous. Let me change and see what I can do about my makeup.” I grabbed the dress off the hanger and marched past Nubbin, leaving him and Ruby barking orders behind me.

“Don't ruin that makeup job!” Ruby warned. “If you would have stayed still while I applied it, it wouldn't look so harsh.”

“Get that red blob off your mouth. Red is for ladies of the night, not amateur detectives.” Nubbin ordered.

In the small hallway, I met Margie, dressed to the nines in a blue maxi dress and shawl with a sun hat atop her head.

“Whoa! Hot date?” I asked.

She blushed. “You could say that. I'll let you know when the nights over. Schmeckpickle invited me to dinner tonight.”

“Shmeckpickle? Don't let him hear you say that. He invited you to dinner? Tonight?” I asked.

“Sure did, Camaro. What of it?” Nubbin stepped out into the hallway.

I backed into my bathroom to leave the two of them to talk.

Unbelievable! Now, I'm the third wheel! Way to go, Mercy. Way to go.

              I'd never been so nervous in my life. Luigi's was one of my all time favorite places to eat. I ate there all the time. I knew everyone and everyone knew me, so what was my problem?

Well, for starters, I'd been hoodwinked into playing the third wheel to Nubbin's impromptu rendezvous with my neighbor, Margie. And, there was the fact that I'd been asked to dine here tonight, not because someone actually wanted to spend an evening alone with me, but because he – who shall remain nameless for the time being – wanted me to help him nab a killer. Except, and this is a big except, Charlene didn't kill anyone!

“Do you have the thingamabob, Corsica?” Nubbin couldn't whisper if his life depended on it.

There was a long line of local residents and some tourists waiting to be seated. Little did they know that they were flanked by a topnotch crime solving crew. (
Cue sarcasm!
)

“Yes, Nubbin.” I whispered to him, hoping he'd get the hint.

“Well, what are you whispering about? If you ask me, that killer lady is the one who needs to be whispering! Who does she think she's fooling by saying that she has footage of you killing that man? If that were true, how come no one has arrested you yet?” Nubbin caused an instant stir in the small crowd. The gasps all around us were enough to suck the air right out of me.

Thankfully, Margie was with us because I was at a loss as to what to do, short of turning around and running – okay, maybe not running – walking at a quick pace, out of there.

“Nubbin Schmeckpickle, can't you see these people are trying to enjoy a nice evening out? For all you know, that killer lady could be targeting one of them and this will be their last meal! Do you want to be the one responsible for ruining their last supper?” Margie scolded him, while I mentally removed myself from a situation that I physically couldn't get out of without causing an even bigger stir.

Luigi must have been summoned to the front by the hostess because he suddenly appeared to quell the situation.

“Is everything all right up here? Do we have a problem?” He asked, but stopped cold as he recognized me under the hat that Ruby shoved on my head as I walked out my front door.

“Mercedes? You look... look beautiful! What did you do? I've never seen you dressed up like this before. You're almost unrecognizable!” Luigi exclaimed.

Thanks a lot for informing everyone that I normally walk around looking like I just rolled out of bed. That's a confidence booster, if I ever heard one.

“Thanks, but I wasn't trying to draw attention.” I said, choosing not to chew him a new one for his backhanded compliment.

In due time. In due time.

Not wanting to scare off any customers, Luigi pretended to have been expecting us and escorted us to a table in the far corner of the room, behind an already seated Charlie and Charlene. Her eyes were glossed over with that giddy kind of look that some women get when they are anywhere near a handsome man.

Charlie sat with a big, wide grin on his face, his eyes equally lit up like hers. Their dinner sat untouched in front of them. I wondered how long they'd been here already.

Under the table, Charlene playfully swung her leg, each swing grazing Charlie's pant leg. My face reddened at the sight.
What was she trying to do?

As Luigi handed us the menus, he leaned down next to my ear and whispered, “Charlie says to make sure you hit record.”

I rolled my eyes.
Did he really think I'd forget?

I reached into my handbag to grab my phone and it wasn't there.

“What's the matter, honey?” Margie asked, noticing the look on my face.

In my mind, I could see where the phone was and it definitely wasn't in my bag. I had a mental image of it, sitting on top my kitchen table, where Nubbin and Margie were sitting next to each other as I finished getting dressed.

“I forgot my phone.” I said, mortified that I'd screwed up.

Margie reached into her bag and handed me one that looked remarkably similar to Ruby's phone. “Here, she said you'd lose yours.”

“Thanks.” I said as I took it and scrolled through it to find the recording option. “But, we're too far away to hear any conversation.”

“Just record. I think he wants footage, not audio.” Margie spoke as if she was an old hand at this sort of thing.

Nubbin groaned. “Just give it to me. I'll handle this.” He grabbed the phone out of my hand and walked over to Charlie's table, slipping the phone into his front breast pocket as he pulled a chair up and sat down next to Charlene.

Charlie immediately turned and glared at me as if I'd put Nubbin up to it. I didn't have time to stop him. Nubbin was a force of nature and three times my size. What could I do?

Loud enough so that everyone this side of the Atlantic could hear him, Nubbin asked, “Did you kill Stanley?”

I don't know how it happened or why it happened, but somehow I flipped onto the ground with my seat still attached to my posterior end.

“Please tell me that didn't just happen.” I pleaded with anyone who could hear me.

Margie stood over me, giggling like it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Other patrons, stood over me, gawking at the spectacle.

Charlie groaned from across the room. “Way to go, slick!”

Somehow, in the middle of our fiasco, Charlene walked out unnoticed.

“Will you get up?” Charlie grabbed me by my arms and pulled me upright. “What part of be discreet did you and your comrades not understand?”

Blame me, why don't you?

“Excuse me, but I didn't invite them to this little shindig; you did!” I said as I wriggled myself out of the seat and pulled the hem of my dress down to a more family friendly level.

“Well, she's gone and now everyone knows what we were up to!” Charlie ran his hands through his thick head of hair.

I looked around the room, glaring at each set of eyeballs, looking back at me. “What's all the fuss about? Instead of staring at me, you could have at least helped me up!”

Luigi walked over, speaking low to Charlie. “I thought you said that this wouldn't turn into a sideshow?”

I was too busy fighting with the monstrosity of a hat on my head to notice that both Charlie and Luigi were waiting for me to respond.

“What?” I snapped.

“How did this happen?” Charlie asked.

I looked around me. Nubbin was still seated at Charlie's table. Margie had joined him and they were enjoying a glass of wine. I couldn't help myself. I had to laugh. We were indeed circus performers.

“What's so funny?” Charlie snapped at me.

“You. You're funny! Did you honestly believe that Charlene was going to spill all her secrets because you invited her to dinner? Are you really that full of yourself? Like you have some magic powers or something. Yeah, you may have that chiseled cheek bone thing going on and beautiful brown eyes that sparkle every time you smile or that strong, hero mentality, but we're not all wooed by that as much as you think we are.” I said, without realizing what it sounded like.

“You're not wooed by me?” Charlie's tone changed.

Luigi cleared his throat and retreated away from us, turning his attention to the other diners in the restaurant.

“I think I'm pretty charming.” Charlie said, taking my arm to lead me to his table. “That's why you put up with me.”

I sat down at his table reluctantly. Not because he wanted me to, but because I couldn't very well stand in the middle of the restaurant.

“What's the plan now?” Nubbin asked Charlie.

“We wait.” Charlie answered, taking a drink from his glass of wine.

I looked at him, hoping he'd elaborate.

“Do you plan on explaining? Enlighten us lowly citizens. What are we waiting for?” I asked.

“For the police to arrest Ernie.” Charlie answered smugly.

“Ernie?” I asked a little too loudly. “Why are they going to arrest him?”

Charlie looked around to see who was paying attention. Satisfied that no one was, he answered, “Because he killed Stanley.”

Margie gasped.

“He did? How do you know that?” She asked.

I had my suspicions, but I wanted to hear what Charlie had to say before I yelled at him for sending us on a wild goose chase.

“Charlene recorded the whole thing. The police have the recording. Now, we wait.” He answered.

“Wait a minute! If she had footage of him killing Stanley, then why did she claim that it was me and Ruby that did it? There's a major difference between the two of us and Ernie!” I protested, still not entirely convinced that either had committed the crime.

Charlie smiled and smoothed back his hair for dramatic effect. “Charlene reached out to me and told me that she had footage. I guess, she and Ruby have some sort of competition going with this holiday decorating thing, so she was trying to one up her and record what she was planning for the display this year, except since Ruby was planning and executing the whole thing alone – as in, without any help from her best friend – she never left the Anderson Manor, so Charlene never had time to grab the camera. Next thing she knew, Stanley was dead and you and Ruby were standing over his body. She thought you did it and was too scared to look at the footage.”

“How long have you known this?” I squinted my eyes at him.

“How long have I been in town?” Charlie answered sarcastically.

“So, why this whole charade? Look at me, I'm wearing a dress for crying out loud!” I said.

“Well, the plan was to make Ernie come out and go after Charlene to get that footage, but that didn't happen. He played it cool and let everyone go around suspecting that you and Ruby were the killers, as if either of you would ever have the guts to do anything like that without breaking a nail.” Charlie scoffed at the idea.

I bit my lip to allow him to go on with his explanation, even though I really wanted to defend myself and my friend. Nurses didn't generally have long nails and were some of the bravest people I knew, so the sight of blood or gore would be all in a day's work for us, but telling him that would be a waste of breath.

“See, I told you that the little woman didn't do it. She didn't have it in her. I've seen killers. She ain't one of them and neither is Honda or the Irish gal. They can't kill.” Nubbin agreed with Charlie.

Oh, I bet I could
, I thought as I glared at Charlie.

“Wait a minute,” I began. “Why does everyone think that Ruby and I are some sort of weaklings? I'll have you know, we are tough cookies. We don't take any guff from anyone, especially the likes of you two male chauvinist...” I paused, noticing the presence of several police officers in the front lobby.

“Care to go on about how you're capable of murder, Mercy?” Charlie teased.

I shook my head. “Nope. I made my point.” I shrunk down in my seat, prepared to be arrested for something. What, I didn't know, but in my experience, police didn't show up in droves unless they meant business.

They walked in, heading directly for our table. Nubbin and Charlie stood up to greet them, while I tried to maneuver myself around enough so as to be shielded from their line of vision behind Nubbin.

“Mercy?” One of them asked.

Charlie, being the rat fink that he was, said, “She's right here. What's this about?”

Nubbin stayed in front of me. I peeked around his leg and said, “Yes. That's me.”