Harbour of Refuge (16 page)

It spoke such volumes to know that Liev trusted Halyn enough to talk to her. He stood there and listened as they continued chatting while working in the kitchen. Part of him wanted to go make his presence known and join in. Deep down he knew it wouldn’t work—Liev hadn’t got to that point with him yet.

So while it hurt to know his own flesh and blood felt more comfortable with someone else, he wasn’t about to ruin it—he would wait on the outskirts while his child got more confidence.

Liev had his back to him as he washed fruit. Halyn however, looked up and saw him standing there. She gave him a smile and his heart pounded at the simple gesture. With a tilt of her head, she invited him in to join them.

He hesitated and she seemed to understand. “Enzo,” she said. “Can you grab the bananas from the table and bring them here. I think we need some of them as well.” Liev looked over his shoulder, his expression sobering. “So, Liev, tell me more about your favourite constellation.”

Enzo moved to the table, smiling over the way she kept the conversation with his child moving. He listened to the response, granted it was a bit softer than before, but at least he hadn’t clammed up.

She handed him a cutting mat when he returned with the fruit, along with a knife, and he got to chopping. They spoke, Halyn asking questions and Liev answering. She sounded so interested in him that Enzo could see why the child was taken with her. He laughed silently as she tried to get Liev to teach her some words in Russian.

“Are you staying for lunch?” she asked.

Enzo waited for a response from Liev but soon realised she spoke not to the child but to him. “Um, sure, if you don’t mind having us here.”

“Not at all. Liev has agreed to help me out in my garden in the back. I just needed to know so I could make a pie for lunch.”

“I like pie,” Liev popped out.

“Me too,” Enzo said with a grin to his son.

“You two keep chopping and washing, I’ll get started on the pie so it can cook and cool in time.”

She manoeuvred around Enzo and had him next to the sink and Liev in less time than it took him to blink. Then she was hauling stuff out of cupboards and mixing something in a bowl.

“We can set the telescope up when we get home. What do you think?” he asked Liev.

“Okay.”

It wasn’t much, but it was a response. Enzo glanced at Halyn who gave him a look, encouraging him to continue.

“Did you want it in your room or maybe in the living room? I’m not sure which spot would be the best for you.”

“On the balcony.”

“Right, already outside. Why didn’t I think of that? Sounds good. We can get that taken care of this evening and you can be using it tonight.”

Eyes like his own met his gaze. It was a brief smile, but one Enzo knew he’d never forget as long as he lived. How could he? Today was the day his son smiled at him for the first time. He put the fruit for breakfast on the table and moved back to the counter.

“What are you making?” he asked her, brushing a kiss along her cheek.

“I told you, pie.”

“In a nine by thirteen?”

“Works best this way. Graham cracker crust, lots of fruit, topped with chopped pecans, which are over there by the way for you to get to work on, and also some orange blossom honey on it.”

“Sounds delicious.” He grabbed an actual cutting board this time and she shook her head, grabbing a dicer for him to use.

Liev helped her layer the fruit in the pan while the casserole cooled. She poured the honey on and his son assisted in adding the nuts as well. Enzo put it in the oven under her direction while she washed up. Then everyone sat down to breakfast.

* * * *

An hour later the pie was out cooling and they were outside working. Liev was beside Halyn helping her with a layout for a raised bed.

“Why don’t you show me what you think will work best, Liev,” she said, handing him the paper and pencil.

He sat right down and began scribbling. Halyn looked up at Enzo and grinned. Once she reached his side, she crossed her arms.

“You have an amazing son, Enzo.”

“I never thought I would hear him talk like he was with you, much less talk to me. So thank you, Halyn.”

“He’s a good kid. Still unsure about what’s going on. It has to be hard for him. Dropped off in a country not your own, abandoned by your mother, and unsure of what your future holds. Give him some time. I’m glad you’re not trying to ship him off.”

He sighed. “I don’t know how it’ll work once racing starts up again.” He looked sideways at her, frowning over her shaking head. “What?”

“Don’t even ask me again.”

“You wouldn’t even consider it?”

“He’s your son, Enzo. Be his father. You want to race so bad, take him with, employ a tutor.”

“You’re so good with him.”

Her laugh didn’t have that much humour in it. “I’m good with all kids, I run a toy store. Doesn’t mean I want to be a nanny, no matter how much I like him.”

“Do you really think I was ready to be a father?” She shrugged and he scowled. “What’s that mean? A shrug?”

“It means some people are blessed with children while others can’t have them. You were blessed. Sleeping with her, you knew there was a chance. There’s
always
a chance protection won’t work. You had to know that. I’m not saying you sleep around a lot, I don’t know about your life when you’re out, but based on our first meeting, it’s a safe bet you’re not alone in your bed often.”

He didn’t like the direction of this conversation. Staring out to where Liev worked intently on the paper in front of him and once content the child wouldn’t be overhearing them, he focused back on the woman beside him.

She stood there, rigid, arms crossed and breathing hard. This wasn’t easy for him either.

“So what, this is my fault because I haven’t slept alone all my life?”

“It
is
your fault,” she hissed. “Because you got her pregnant. Or are you still hoping your lawyer will find a way out of it for you?”

“Look, I like the kid. All I’m saying is maybe I get a bit of consideration here. This was a shock.”

“I feel for Liev, not you.”

“So what, should I be worried in a few years you’re going to come after me and drop a kid off as well? I mean, we’ve fucked plenty.”

Pain flooded her gaze and he knew he’d gone too far. Before he could say anything else, she put her hands in her pockets and rocked back on her heels.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be coming to you with that.”

“You’re the one who said there’s always a possibility protection would not work.”

“Right. I still wouldn’t come to you.”

He wanted to gnash his teeth in frustration. Why were they fighting about this? “Why not? Not good enough to be the father of
your
child?”

“Oh, make no mistake, you’re an arrogant bastard but I wouldn’t ever come to you about that, because despite your cavalier attitude of being blessed with a child,
I
on the other hand
cannot
have children.
Ever
.” With those words, she left his side and made her way back to Liev.

Oh, fuck
. The pain in her tone ripped him apart from the inside out. How could have been such an ass? She couldn’t have children and here he was complaining about one he did have, treating him as an afterthought.

Would she ever forgive him?

* * * *

Halyn sat on her patio as the moon rose up over the landscape of her yard. The rest of the day had been strained between her and Enzo. She’d done her best to keep happy for Liev’s sake but it hadn’t been easy. They’d left after lunch and she’d ignored everything since then, just sitting and reading, or listening to music.

She’d almost called Mila but decided to let it go and just allow herself the day of wallowing. That one day had turned into two. She had to get over it before she returned to work tomorrow. Most days she didn’t think about the fact she couldn’t have a child of her own, but it had been blatantly addressed the other day.

“You know, you really need to answer your phone.” Enzo’s voice splintered the night.

“You should take a hint that I don’t want to be disturbed.” She refused to look at him, knowing it would weaken her resolve of being strong.

“Tough shit. We need to talk about that bombshell you dropped on me.”

“Why? It’s not your concern. It’s not like we’re engaged.”

“Do you really think so?”

She looked in the direction of his voice, shocked by his question. He strode from the darkness onto her patio, she could make out his features in the muted moonlight. His face set in harsh lines as he sat down on the swing beside her.

“First off, I need to apologise for my words. I was frustrated. I see how Liev responds to you and my immediate thought is to keep you two together. If he stayed with you that would work. He’d be happy and I could race without worrying about him because I know you’d keep him safe.” She glared at him but he continued, “I know it’s not going to happen, I’m just saying, that’s why I was frustrated. And I wrongly took it out on you.”

He reached out and stroked a hand down her face. Her belly clenched at the simple touch.

“I want to know why you can’t have children.”

She shook her head. “Let it go, Enzo.”

“No. I see the pain in your eyes, Halyn. Won’t you let me in?”

Damn him for sounding like he actually cared. And like he wanted to hear it. “What’s the point? You know my shame now.”

Before she knew what happened he’d lifted her and settled her squarely on his lap, tucking her head beneath his chin.

“There’s no shame. Talk to me, Halyn.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at nineteen. A very aggressive strain. The doctor presented me with the option. Try to just take the cancer and hope it doesn’t return, or take everything and be sure to get it all.” A deep breath. “He took it all.”

He rubbed her arm and the small of her back in soft soothing motions. “I’m sorry.”

“I am the only child and I can’t give my parents grandchildren. I work at the toy store because I like being around them, and making them happy.”

“Sweetheart, you’re being too hard on yourself. Your parents are just thrilled to still have you with them. No parent should ever have to bury their child. You’re alive and well.”

“I know I said before I wasn’t going to get into your business and I’m sorry I did. Also sorry for dumping on you about this.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. I was an ass. I just didn’t want this to fester between us.”

She sniffed and blinked back her tears. “No festering. I just needed some time.” She shifted against him. “Where’s Liev?”

“At Gio’s. I wanted some uninterrupted time with you.”

“I’m not a very complex person, Enzo. I don’t hold grudges.”

“I had a whole lot of persuasion tactics planned to get you to forgive me, too.”

She smiled over the teasing in his voice. “Did you now?”

“Oh, yeah.” The teasing segued into something decadent and sinful.

“I wouldn’t want all of your preparation to go to waste. Persuade away.”

He stood, holding her in his arms and carried her into the house. She wasn’t even going to ask how he’d got inside her yard, but he set her on her feet.

“I’ll be right back. The things are in the car.”

Oh, so he had just hopped into the backyard. She laced her fingers and watched him slip out the front door. Moments later he re-entered the house. She stared at him, dressed all in black and looking entirely all too desirable for her state of mind.

He had a bag over one shoulder and after he’d locked the door, he wrapped his arm around her and lifted her before carrying her to her bedroom.

“On the bed,” he said.

She sat on the edge, feet dangling over the floor. He placed the bag beside him and unzipped it. When she tried to peek inside, he sent her a scowl and slid his stuff farther away.

“Wait and see.”

Halyn shrugged off his reprimand but folded her hands and attempted to be patient. He withdrew an envelope and handed it to her. She took it and stared at both sides, trying to figure out what was in it. It felt hard and almost like a book, but it wasn’t that big.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

Excited, she did. She found herself staring at a small booklet, about the size of business cards.

On the cover were two stick figures, one on his knees before the other. The title read,
Enzo’s Apology to Halyn
. She bit back her laughter and stole a glance at him. His brown eyes focused unwaveringly on her face.

“Am I to read this now?” she asked.

He nodded. She opened it and chuckled.

The stick figure—still on his knees—held a bouquet of flowers. ‘
Please forgive me’.

The next one was a stick donkey. ‘
I was an ass’.

She turned the page with a smile.

The image had a hat on at a rakish angle, a cheesy smile and a mirror in which he stared at his reflection. ‘
Sometimes I think entirely too much of myself’.

Another flip. This time the figure had big puppy-dog eyes and his hands clasped together. ‘
If you could find it in your heart to forgive me…’

The next page had the figure jumping, a huge smile on his face. ‘
I would be eternally grateful’.

‘I will endeavour to be better’.
This time he was adjusting a halo over his head while stomping on a pitchfork.

One more page had both the figures reaching for one another. ‘
I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me’.

The final one showed them embracing. ‘
I’d really love to hug you right now’.

Halyn set it down and opened her arms. Enzo was there in a heartbeat, lifting her up from the mattress. She hooked her legs around his waist and kissed his ear.

“That was beautiful, thank you.”

“I worked hard on that artwork.”

She laughed. “I can tell. I especially enjoyed the ass.”

“I enjoy yours too,” he whispered.