Hard Break (Deadlines & Diamonds, #5) (19 page)

Heat and desir
e and promises of very stimulating things burned in Ian’s brown eyes. He cleared his throat, shifted in his seat. “I think we’d better stick to eating off our own plates for now.”

She swallowed. “I think I have to agree.”

Nervous energy percolated around them. What the heck? She’d never been nervous around Ian. And as far as she knew, other than the episode with the panties, which she would
not
think about ever again, Ian hadn’t ever been nervous around her. So what’d changed?

Yes, they’d both admitted feelings existed. But that should’ve brought them closer, made them
more
comfortable, right?

Wrong.

They quietly ate their dinner, chewing longer than necessary to keep their mouths full. At least that’s what Kayla found herself doing, and since Ian wasn’t talking her ear off, she assumed he was pulling the same stall tactic.

Eventually though, the plates were empty, containers still somewhat full—with
the exception of the cannoli. Those babies were history, and it was time to talk.

Ian cleared the table, protesting when she stood to help. “You sit. Tonight’s a
ll about me servicing—er,
serving
you.”

“Freud would be proud.” She flashed him a saucy smile and a wink.

He shook his head, snickering softly as he put the containers in the fridge and the plates in the sink. When he returned to the table he splashed more wine into the glasses. He took a giant swig, then added some more.

“
Dammit, I’m so nervous.”

“Me too.” She stood as much as the table would let her and pressed her lips to his. He tasted of Italian food, wine and Ian. She could get drunk off his taste. Later. Right now, she needed to lay her cards on the table.

Sitting, she took his hand. She could do this. She could do this.
I can do this
. She moved her thumb over his fingers. His pulse beat a hard heavy cadence she could feel in his wrist, a cadence matching her own heart.

“Thank you.”

By the
huh, what?
on his face, those weren’t the words he expected. “For what?”

“For everything.”

“It’s no big deal, Kay, that’s what friends are for.”

It shouldn’t be this hard to breathe. “
You’re not my friend, Ian.”

Now his breath hitched.
“I’m not?”

“No, y
ou are much, much more than that.”

A
nswer the phone, heaven’s calling. Or was it just his angel had finally picked up the damned phone?

For
years
Ian had wanted to be
much, much more than that
. He’d dreamed about it, when he had no right to fantasize. Now all this time, and heartache, later Kayla Black sat on the verge of becoming his.

She tightened he
r hold on his hand, bringing him back down to earth. “Ian, I can’t believe how incredibly stupid I am.”

He shook his head and brought her hand to his mouth, dropping kisses on each knuckle. “I’ll give you incredible, but you are the furthest thing from stupid.”

“You might not agree after I say what I need to say.”

He perked one brow in response.

She drew a breath, held it a second and released it on a rush. “Here goes. I need to need you.”

He grinned, every erogenous zone in his body flared to life. This was it. “And I need you to need me.”

She laughed. “Dang, I hate that song. All this sounded so much better in my head.”

“Let’s go with it. You need to nee
d me, and I need you to need me.”
Please, love, don’t shy away now.

She rolled her eyes, before letting all that gorgeous blue focus on his face. “I want to want you, Ian. I do want you. I need t
o need you. And so I’m begging you to—”

“Beg you?” he asked with raised brows.

“No, well, maybe later.” Her sexy smile would have sent him to his knees had he been standing. “But right now, I’m begging you to love me.”

With her right hand she reached for her left and removed the thick piece of gold he’d never seen her
without. She placed her wedding band on the table between them, putting her hand over the top of it.

“I don’t know when it happened
, Ian. All of this surprised me probably a lot more than it’s surprising you.” She grabbed at his hand with her right one, holding on for dear life “I’m ready to move on, but only if I can move on with you. Ian, please say something. The look on your face is tellin’ me nothing. You’re completely freakin’ me out. If you’ve changed your mind, that’s okay, I guess. We’ll just chalk my diatribe up as my brush with insanity and forget all about—”

Ian did the only thing he could to shut her up. He took her face in his hands and kissed the holy hell out of her. “Shut up, woman. I love you. I have been in love with you since that first moment when you offered me a chocolate chip cookie. It killed me for years to watch you love Leon. I’m probably killing my chances with you right now, I’m not a crazy stalker dude, or a sick opportunist. But dammit, Kay, I have been in love with you forever and it feels amazing to tell you.”

She blinked, tilted her head to one side, then the other. “Wait a second.”

Oh
, shit.

“You really were in love with me all this time.”

“Yes?” He hoped beyond hope he’d not just shot himself in the foot by opening his freaking mouth.

Instead of anger though, she erupted in laughter. “I’ll be darned.” She shook her head and put a hand to her mouth to stifle her humor. “Do you know Leon used to tease me about you having a crush on me? He used to call you
my Ian
. I thought he was crazy, but he saw right through you.”

How about that for a kick in the balls? He’d never hidden anything from the guy.
“Your Leon was a better man than me, love. I’d have ripped my arms off and beaten me with the bloody stumps.”

“Nah, Leon knew I’d never stray. I loved him with everything I was.”

His heart ached and swelled with that declaration. “You know, that complete adoration is what I loved most about you.”

“Good, ‘cause I kinda adore you too.”

A toilet flushed upstairs, then again, and a third time. So the movie was over.

Kayla glanced at the ceiling. “I really should go check on them.”

“You can if you want—” Ian paused when water turned on. “—or you can trust Chase to follow through with the plan he and I discussed.”

“What plan?” She sounded skeptical.

“Movie. Bathroom. Teeth brushed. He is to read the girls
one
story then they are to go to sleep. He is to call my cell if there are any problems.” Ian fished his Android out of his pocket and showed it free of calls. “It’s all good. All three of them know how special this night is for you and me.”

“And they’re on board?
” She shot a look at the ceiling again.

“They’re upstairs behaving themselves, aren’t they?”

Her features turned dreamy. “That in and of itself makes you a miracle worker.”

“Nah, they just want to see their mama happy.” He shrugged. “And if they get to keep me around for a while, more
’s the better.”

She sipped at her wine. “More’s the better.”

“So, here are your options: one, we can stay here on these hard wood chairs with this table between us.”

“Or?”

“Two, we can move to your living room and pray those three turkeys upstairs decide to stick with the plan.”

She snickered.
“Or
?
”

“
Or we can head over to my
living room, do a little dancing and um, I don’t know, see where things go from there.”

“And the kids?”

“Have my number. Hell, we can take the baby monitor, then we can hear every single breath they take.”

She laughed out loud. “I loved
that
song.”

“Really? That’s where your head is right now,
The Police?”

“Hey, y
ou’re the one who made the music reference.”

He shook his head, blinked
nice and slow, but the shit-eatin’ grin stayed plastered to his lips. “What am I going to do with you?”

She stood. H
e did too. She stepped around the table and into his arms. “You better figure it out, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere.”

Chase’s scolding came back.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
. Ian wondered if Kayla knew that’s how her son felt. He’d have that conversation with her, but not tonight. Tonight was all about them and finally burying the ghosts who’d shadowed her for far too long.

Twenty-One

K
ayla, with the baby monitor in one hand and Ian’s huge palm around the other, stepped into his home. She couldn’t say she’d been inside before. At least not past the entryway. But everything seemed familiar. The floor plan, of course, since it was a mirror of hers. But it was all Ian, masculine to the hilt. Nothing feminine about anything under this roof.

Nervousness tickled at the base of her skull, for more reasons than just being in Ian’s house. She flicked the baby monitor on, checking to make sure it worked.

“…handsome like P’ince Cha’ming,” Penelope was saying.

“Uh-
huh, with muscles like the Beast,” Sadie said.

“Maybe Ian
give Mom glass s’ippers?”

“A flying carpet would be better.”

The little girls went on and Kayla laughed. “At least they didn’t compare you to Shrek.”

“Not funny.” He took his phone out of his pocket and swiped his finger across the screen.

“Who are you—”

Her question was answered when the ring echoed through the baby monitor. Chase answered, and Ian said, “Let me talk to the girls.”

Kayla could hear both sides of the conversation.

“Ian wants to talk to you guys,” Chase informed the little girls.

“Hello?” Sadie said timidly.

“Are you two talking about me?”

“He knows we were talking about him,” Sadie whispered to Pene.

“How he know?” Pene whispered back.

“How did you know?” Sadie asked.

“Magic. Now go to sleep.”
He hung up.

“Ian magic.” Penelope clapped her hands.

“You guys had better go to sleep so he doesn’t have to cast a spell on you,” Chase said.

“
So only a kiss wakes us up.” Sadie made the statement and Penelope laughed.

“Come on, you guys, you need to go to sleep so Mom and Ian can have some private time together.”
Sometimes her son’s maturity surprised her.

“He’s right,” Sadie said in her know-it-all voice.

“Shh.” Penelope made snoring noises.

“No more talking,
” Chase said. And then the talking stopped.

“I guess they’re okay with us.” Ian
walked over and started the CD player. Smooth, sexy sounds whirled around them. He approached, hand outstretched, she handed him the baby monitor. She giggled when he tossed it on the couch and tugged her to his body.

“Yeah, it sounds like they are. Although I’m not sure how much they really know about
us.”

“They know enough.”
He wrapped one arm around her waist and held her tight, giving her no choice but to move with him. Not that she’d have chosen anything else. Taking their other hands, he tucked them between their bodies. She rested her head against his chest. Heat warmed her. His heart beat in a steady rhythm beneath her ear.

The song drifted into another and still he held her close, pressing sweet, tender kisses to the top of her head and her brow.

For the first time in her life, she cursed being five-foot-five. Maybe she should be cursing his six-foot-three.

Seriously
? The top of her head? Like she were some kind of child? The chaste touch ignited a frustration she couldn’t ever remember feeling before.

His lips came down again
on her temple. And she stopped moving. “If you do that again, I’m going to kick you in the shin.”

He cocked his head to the side and burst out laughing. “I’m sorry. I was trying to be romantic.”

“Well,” she said, popping a hand on her hip, “it’s annoying. I am not a little girl.”

“No,
you’re not.” But then humor blazed in his eyes as he pointedly looked at her Little Teapot stance. He bit down on his lip, before pursing them tightly.

She shouldn’t hav
e been amused, but noticing she stood just as Penelope did when annoyed made her laugh. She shook her head. “Here’s the deal, Ian. I’ve felt your lips on my brow many times over the last ten months. That’s not where I want to feel them right now. Do you understand?”

Obviously
, he understood, loud and perfectly clear, because in the next second he had her flattened against his body, devouring her mouth. She opened her lips to allow his tongue entrance and moaned when it slipped inside.

The cat and mouse enflamed her. She wanted this, wanted him, wit
h a ferociousness that should’ve scared her. And yet, it didn’t. Not one bit.

When her legs met the back of the couch—when had he guided her there?—she tumbled down. He descended, stretching out on top of her. She reached for the hem of his shirt, needing to touch skin.

Holy crap! If she’d thought he was hot through his clothes…

She slid her hand up his back.
Damn, she wanted to taste him. She tugged at his shirt, bringing it up to his shoulder blades. He broke the kiss and tore the shirt from his body, tossing it across the room. As he leaned down to reclaim her lips she turned her face to bite his shoulder. He let out a hiss and returned the favor.

Oh
, hell!
Excuse her while she melted into a puddle. Her eyelids drooped and her head fell back against the leather cushions. He didn’t stop. He sucked and nibbled and…

For the love of all that’s holy!

He licked her from shoulder to earlobe. He bit down on her ear. A jolt of desire shot straight to her dormant girlie parts. She’d always loved having her neck kissed. And Ian McCallister was a pro! Draft him to the Major Leagues. Holy crap, she hoped she lived through actually making love with the guy.

And that wa
s exactly where this was headed.
Halleluiah! God Bless America!

He ground his pelvis against hers and she arched up to meet him. His hand drifted to one breast and she stiffened. He froze. Ice water to their inferno.
Dammit!
She hadn’t meant to go two-by-four. He’d surprised her.

“It’s
fine. I’m fine.” Dang, the Big Bad Wolf had nothing on her huffing and puffing.

Ian climbed off her, plopping down at the end of the couch. “I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair, then stood, very timidly, to cross the room. “I knew we should take it slow. I tried, Kay. I really tried.”

She rearranged her own clothes, smoothing them as she stood. She padded over to him. Where the hell were her shoes?

His hands shot up. “Give me a minute, Kayla. I’ve never been this out of control.” He scrubbed his hands over his face.

She didn’t give him the minute he’d asked for. She couldn’t. If she let him run now, she might never get him back to this point. Unless she just showed up naked. On his doorstep. She smiled at the potential look on his face. She tucked the fantasy away for later.

Sidling up to him, she tucked her fingers into the belt loops of his
slacks. “It’s been over ten months since I’ve had an orgasm, Ian. I really would rather not wait any longer.”

His eyes opened and focused down at her. He licked his lips, sucked the bottom one between his teeth.
“I won’t rush you.”

“You weren’t. You surprised me, that’s all. I want you to touch me, feel me.”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “Lick you?”

Her knees nearly gave out. “Oh
, yes, I want you to lick me.”

“Taste you?”

She might find that elusive O before he even touched her again.

“And we’re covered.”

Nothing like a change of topic. “Covered?”

“Protected. I bought the biggest box of condoms I could find. At Costco.” She laughed. He shrugged. “Call me optimistic.”

“You do know I’m allergic to latex.”

“Uh—
” He frowned. “That sucks.”

Her heart stutter-
stepped as she opened her mouth to say, “I know I really don’t want to know this, but when was the last time you were with a woman?”

He jerked back, almost as if she’d slapped him.
“I don’t know.”

“Not helping.”
She really didn’t want to know about the plethora of women he’d been with, especially in the last few months. Was she having a heart attack?

“Let me finish.” He
stepped forward and kissed her nose. “I don’t know—” He paused to accent his point. “A year and a half, or so.”

“Really?”
A year and a half, or so?

He tipped her chin with his knuckle and gently brushed his lips over hers.
“Yeah, I might have been in love with you, but I’m not a monk.”

“No, that’s a long time, I
kind of expected an answer like—” Her voice plunged deeper. “—a week and a half, or so.”

He reached around and swatted her butt
, pulling her close at the same time. “I told you I wasn’t with Denali.”

“I know. And I believe you. Now.”

His eyes narrowed. “At the time?”

“I wanted to. Really, I did, but I saw her and the way she looked at you and you were both damp from a shower and she needed a pair of underwear.” She slapped at his chest. “What was I supposed to think?”

“Stop taking us off topic. I’m standing here at full attention and you want to rehash my nonexistent love life. I love
you.
I would really like to have sex with
you
. Right. Frickin’. Now. And since you’re allergic to condoms, what are our options?”

“I’m clean, haven’t been with
anyone since the night before… Yeah, it’s been a long damn time. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and if you’re clean, and if we’re going to be exclusive—”

“We’re exclusive.”

“I can’t get pregnant so—”

“Y
ou’re on the pill?”

She shook her head
, not wanting to go there with him. Not now.

“
Diaphragm?”

“Huh-
uh.”

He snorted, shaking his head.
“Really, you’re gonna let me play twenty questions on your form of birth control?”

She didn’t know why it mattered, why she wanted to avoid the topic. Hell, who was she kidding, she knew exactly why she avoided it, if he knew, she worried it’d make a difference.

Playing the only card left in the deck, she sidled up to him, working his belt loose, then making quick work of the button of his slacks. She ran her hands over his skin, up his chest to his shoulders. His heat scorched her. He sucked in a breath. And she’d only begun.

Until he stopped her.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“
What’s that?” she asked, innocently blinking up at him.

“What kind of birth control are you on?”

“None.” That was honest enough.

“And you can’t get pregnant?”

What the hell, there’d been a crapload of confessions tonight, what was one more? “I had my tubes tied after Penelope was born.”

“Oh.” He tried for a
no big deal
,
but regret flickered in his eyes. She saw it, hated it, even though he covered it quickly and grinned. “Well, that’s the best birth control there is.”

He scooped her up, holding a butt cheek in each hand,
striding across the room until her back hit the wall. She wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling him hard as stone against her core. Excitement hummed in her blood. This was all so new, so wonderful, so exciting. She’d had sex, lots of sex, of course she had—she’d been married for twelve years—but she’d never had sex pressed up against a wall before.

When it came to intim
acy, she and Leon had been vanilla. Not to say it was bad. In fact, Leon was quite talented and could make her body sing, but it was always in the bed and he always finished on top, looking into her eyes. Always.

But it’d never been this
overwhelming.

She fought for br
eath, panting like a dog in heat. She needed this. Needed him like nothing she’d ever known before.

“Now. Oh
, Ian. Take me, Ian.”

N
o need to tell him twice.

Ian ripped her blouse open. Buttons flew. He gro
wled, going straight for her breasts. For years he’d dreamed of tasting her. He licked at the swell peeking over the top of the cup. Using his nose he moved the bra down enough to get at her nipple. He sucked it into his mouth and Kayla hissed. Her fingers dug into his hair. Her nails stabbed at his scalp. Her hips ground against his.

He was never going to make it to the final inning. Holy shit, he’d be lucky to keep from losing himself in his boxers.

He’d been waiting so damned long to take her, make her his. Now was the moment. Fast and furious was all he had in him. Slow would come next. But right now…

Holding her perched on one forearm, he reached down to free himself. His slacks hit the floor and his boxer briefs hugged his thighs just below his butt.