Hard to Love You (23 page)

“Hey Sweetie.” Elle opens the door wider to allow me to walk in. “You could have let yourself in. We’re playing with Ryder.”

I follow Elle into the living room. Mason is lying on his stomach facing Ryder. It just makes seeing him harder. I want that life with him so badly but I’m furious about everything that has happened and nothing will change it at this point. Our feelings are hurt and we both need to heal.

Mason looks like he’s seen a ghost; I guess it really is a surprise that I’m here. I just hope he knows I’m not here for him. I know things will be uncomfortable for everyone while Mason and I go through our break up but I’m not going to cut them out. They are my family too. “Hailey.”

I look over at Elle and she’s watching us with that mom look. The one that says, ‘now children play nice.’ I smile over at her, letting her know that everything will be fine. I take a seat on the couch; Mason sits up and faces me.

He looks like hell, as I do. We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, not knowing what to say or do. Elle walks over to Ryder, picks him up and leaves the room. I guess she senses our need to talk, and now it’s just the two of us with this ugly cloud looming over us.

“I’m sorry.” We both say at the same time.

“Go ahead.” I tell Mason.

“I’m sorry, Hailey. I fucked up. I was trying to keep my promise to you by not asking you to keep a secret for me. I shouldn’t have done that. I know you think that something went on with Lily at the bar but it didn’t. She was pissed because I stopped her from causing a possible shit storm.” He gets up off the floor and sits on the other end of the couch.

I flinch when he says ‘my family’; I thought I was part of that. I guess I thought wrong. “Is what you’re keeping that important that you would let me believe that something happened between you two?”

Mason considers my question before answering. “Yes and no. Yes because I didn’t want her ruining Hunter and MacKenzie’s wedding and I don’t want her to come between Cooper and Jaylinn.” My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “But it wasn’t worth ruining us. It actually doesn’t have a damn thing to do with us. I asked you to trust me, Hailey. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

I answer honestly. “No you haven’t, Mason. But what’s done is done now. I can’t help how it felt seeing you with her.”

He nods in agreement. So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours.

“What’s this big secret anyway? Will you at least tell me now?” I’d really like to know what has Mason going through all this trouble.

Mason shifts on the couch so his body is facing mine. “I’m not sure if it’s even worth telling. It has nothing to do with us, like I said, and it’s not going to change the way things are now.” He mumbles something about last night but I don’t pay him any mind.

I turn my body to face him and fold my leg under me. “You’re right. It’s not going to change anything, Mason. Too much has happened. Secrets were kept and lies were told.”

He runs his fingers through his hair, something he always does when he’s nervous. “Yeah you’re right. Some things need to be cleared up though. So I’m going to tell you any way.” He looks up at me and watches me closely. “First, I never cheated on you. I talked to Lily this morning,”
This morning? What the hell?
“And she said that she and Brittany were just messing around with you.” I’m about to protest and tell him he’s wrong but Mason cuts me off. “It was wrong Hailey, more than wrong. It was sick and cruel but
you
should have known better.”

I open my mouth and then shut it just as quickly. He’s right in a way. I should have given Mason the benefit of the doubt. He always tried to call me every spare minute he had when he was on the road. Mason always tried to keep me in the loop, even going as far as taking pictures of different things and texting them to me so that I felt like I was there with him.

“The reason I never said anything about this secret was because I didn’t know if Lily was lying or not. Honestly, I’m not at all sure right now and I wasn’t about to start something right before the wedding. But what I’m about to say doesn’t leave us no matter what.”

Mason waits for me to agree. “Alright.”

He looks intently at me, “Lily claims that Cooper slept with Brittany,” I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. “A few years ago. Now after all the shit that those bitches started I don’t know what to believe.”
I can’t fucking believe it.
“Lily said that it happened over a spring break. I remember going there but I think I would remember Brittany. I think Cooper
definitely
would have remembered banging her. I’ve tried to hint around about it but he’s given me nothing.”

I remove my hand from my mouth and ask, “Do you think he did?”

Mason regards me, “Honestly, I have no idea. Sometimes I think maybe he did, and other times I don’t. You know how Cooper and Jaylinn’s relationship is. Christ just look how they were on Sunday night. They were all over each other but Cooper won’t have sex with her.”

Mason is absolutely right. Cooper will not sleep with Jaylinn no matter what. No one can figure out why and when we bring it up Cooper and Jaylinn both just tell us to drop it. Could this be the reason why he won’t? I mean, it makes sense. If Cooper realized that he slept with Jaylinn’s step-sister he’d be afraid that he’d lose Jaylinn. But then again, if what Lily says is true, it happened years ago, long before we knew Brittany, Hunter, and Jay were related. How pissed could they be over a mistake made years ago? Cooper didn’t know. Hell, Hunter was partying with his step-sister and didn’t know it.

“I think you need to talk to your brother, Mason.”

“I had planned on it after the wedding but haven’t found the right time to bring it up. I planned on making everything right with you after I talked to Cooper. Clearly things never go as planned. I’m sorry I kept this from you and let it taint us, but I have to put my family first.” Mason answers.

The ‘my family first’ comment feels like another slap in the face. I wanted to be Mason’s first. I closed my eyes. “Why couldn’t you put me first, Mason? Why couldn’t I have just been enough for you to pick me first?” I cry.

Mason makes an attempt to move closer but I put my hand up to stop him.

“I made a mistake, Hailey, I see that now. Every time I try and protect someone it backfires in my face.” Mason says back as his voice cracks.

I open my eyes and blink the tears away. “And it cost you our relationship this time, Mason. We were great together.”

Mason lies back against the couch and stares up at the ceiling. “I know, Hailey.” Mason huffs and scrubs his face. “But I think I fucked up even more last night.”

I raise my eyebrows up in question. “What do you mean?”

Mason sits up and I can see the sorrow, regret and pain laced on his face. “I’m gonna destroy any hope that we have left.”

My heartbeat picks ups a notch, my hands are clammy. “What did you do?”

Mason looks me right in the eyes. He’s teary eyed and Mason doesn’t cry about shit, but the words that come out of his mouth breaks my heart, my mirror, in a million pieces and I don’t think it will ever be whole again. “I think I slept with Lily last night.”

Hailey is just sitting there staring at me. I’m not sure she even heard what I said. “Hailey?”

She starts shaking her head back and forth and then all of a sudden the tears start. I try to fight back my own tears. “I blacked out last night, Hailey. I went to the bar and just drank until I passed out. I was pissed and hurting. I needed something to stop those feelings. My fucking world is crashing around me. When I woke up this morning Lily was in my bed.” I hear Hailey gasp but I don’t dare look over at her. I need to be able to finish telling her what happened. “I swear I don’t even remember seeing her in the bar at all. I was so fucking pissed off that she made you believe I was cheating on you with her that I wanted to fucking kill her. So I’m pretty sure I would have remembered her last night. I don’t remember much after running into Cole.”

I wasn’t sure if she was still listening because she was crying so hard, but I had to tell her. “I’ve never lied to you and I’ve always been honest. You deserved to hear this from me, no-one else.”

When Hailey calms down enough to speak, she asks, “But regardless, there is a chance that you slept with her?”

I nod.

“But you blacked out, right?”

I nod again.

“How the hell did you even get it up Mason? We’ve tried the drunken sex when we were both three sheets to the wind and your dick never worked. There is no way you slept with her.”

I scrub my face with my hands. She doesn’t think that I slept with Lily even though I woke up next to her after binge drinking myself into oblivion, but she thought it was possible before when the only proof was nothing more than two bitches spewing lies? I’m agitated, I can’t even sit. I stand up from the couch. Hailey stands and I stop in front of her, “You want to think she’s lying now? Really Hailey? You couldn’t believe in us before?” I yell at her.

Her anger flashes in her eyes, making them brighter, and her cheeks flush. “I don’t know what to believe Mason!”

I’m breathing hard, trying to keep my anger under control as much as possible. “I guess our relationship isn’t as strong as we thought, huh? You know Lily tried to sink her teeth into Hunter once before, why wouldn’t she try her hand again with me?”

Hailey screams, “I don’t know what to fucking believe!”

She’s lying to me. I know she believes me deep down but she just can’t admit it. “So if I told you she was better in bed than you. You would—-”

Slap!

Hailey slaps me across the face. “I fucking hate you Mason!” Hailey turns and runs down the hallway.

I run after her and grab her by the waist. “Let go of me, Mason.” Hailey sobs.

I grip her a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Hailey.” I say as I kiss the side of her head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, Hails.” I repeat over and over again until she stops fighting me. With her back pressed to my chest I walk us to the sitting room in the front of my mom’s house. Everyone hates this room, l the bad shit happens in here.

I sit and pull her to sit on my lap. I reach up and pull Hailey’s hand down from her face. Her mascara is running down her cheeks and her eyes are all red. “I didn’t mean it, Hailey, I’m sorry. I was an asshole.”

Hailey buries her face in my neck and just cries and cries and cries. We both know that it’s over between us. Neither of us wants it to happen but our feelings are hurt. We aren’t the couple that we used to be. I’m not the same Mason that I once was. I put everyone else before myself; I was trying to protect my family but at the same time I hurt Hailey. This girl has a list of insecurities that mostly stem from her father; it’s hard for Hailey to trust anyone and now she’s lost her trust in me. She never should have, but somewhere along the way it happened.

“I love you Mason.” Hailey whispers a while later.

My heart breaks all over again. This is her goodbye. Our love for each other isn’t enough. “I love you Hailey. I always will.”

I don’t want to let her go so I hold on for as long as she’ll let me.

I remember the first time I saw her. Her mom was out riding her bike and little Hailey was following behind her on her own bike with training wheels. Hailey’s blonde, almost white, hair was up in pigtails. Her mom was riding in the street so she could keep an eye on her daughter who was riding on the sidewalk. I was standing in the front yard playing catch with Cooper when I caught a glimpse of her heading our way. Hailey was starting to pick up speed. There was a pretty big crack in the sidewalk right before our house; I’d wrecked a few times when I hit it just right. I threw the ball to Cooper and just as it left my hand I saw Hailey hit the crack on the sidewalk. Her hands were trying to steady the handle bars but she wasn’t quick enough and tipped the bike over.

I dropped my glove and ran over to the little girl in pigtails. She was crying and holding her elbow. I dropped to my knees in front of her and saw that her knee was scraped up as well. Hailey’s mom ran over and helped her daughter up.

“Shh, it’s ok Hailey, it’s just a little cut. We’ll get you home and get you cleaned up.” Her mom told her.

“I have a band-aid in the house I can go get.” I said to her mom who then noticed that Hailey’s cut knee was still bleeding.

“Sure, that would be great. I’m Mrs. Taylor and this brave little girl is Hailey.” Mrs. Taylor said.

“I’m Mason and that over there is my brother Cooper.” I stood up and brushed the gravel off my knee.

“Hi Mason.” Hailey said, still hiccupping from crying.

From the very moment Hailey fell off her bike, all those years ago, I knew that I’d fallen for her.

Hailey’s hand slides down my chest to rest over my heart. “I think it’s time I go.”

I nod, not trusting my voice. The panic starts to set in that this will be the last time I ever hold Hailey like this. My breaths are coming in slow and shallow. I’m losing a piece of what I thought was mine forever.