Hard to Resist (10 page)

“Hey.” He lifts his hands as if he’s surrendering. “I’m just asking. You’re the one staring holes right through me.”

I bite back on a smile. “You were staring, too.”

“I’ll admit that I was. Who wouldn’t stare at you?” He steps in again but I take a step back as I shake my head.

“So, turkey or ham?”

“I’d prefer
Natalie
on my sandwich,” he murmurs. My skin tingles gently. He looks me over, scans me with wide, grey eyes. “Ham,” he finally says through a chuckle. “Come on, Natalie. Take a breather. I’m just kidding around with you. You don’t have to be so tense.”

“I’m not tense,” I argue. I truly have a bad habit of making myself sound so immature—especially when I’m dealing with Nolan. He brings out the kid in me which is good at times but right now, it isn’t and that’s mainly because he gets a kick out of my reactions.

Still grinning, he says, “Okay.”

Spinning around, I make my way towards my bedroom. “Let me just change into something else,” I call over my shoulder.

“Sure thing.”

I trot off to my room feeling the urge to just slam my door behind me. But I don’t. I hate the fact that he’s making me feel this way. I hate the fact that my horniness has made me agree to go on a date with him. I know very well that a date is not what I need. It’s only been a month and if I fall into his sticky web, I may get caught up and hurt once again. I don’t like the feeling of being hurt. I don’t want the remains of my heart to be evaporated. Bryson has already caused enough damage. I definitely don’t need anymore.

Nolan says he’s been hurt, but I’m sure that he’s hurt plenty of girls as well. He said on the first night that we’d met that he picks up lots of women from the clubs. How does he feel after he’s fucked them? What does he do if they want more from him? Does he just ditch them and never speak to them again? I’m sure he refuses to give them anything more than his penis.

So that only leaves me with one mind-boggling question: What does he want with
me
?

To be honest, I can’t even compare to the other girls of Miami. They’re beautiful and well-tanned. I love the beach but I don’t look like I belong on one. I don’t have that perfect beach body or the perfect wavy hair. I don’t lie around to get tan and toasty on my front lawn. I’m not like Harper where she can wear skin tight clothes and get away with it. I’m practically average.

As I pull my shirt over my head, I hear footsteps making their way towards my room. I turn around quickly to the sound of the creaking door only to spot Nolan leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. I fold my arms over my chest immediately while scowling at him.

“What in the hell are you doing? Get out!”

He smirks and right now I want to smack that beautiful smile off of his face. “I wanted to tell you that there’s no bread to make the sandwiches,” he says.

My eyes narrow. “You couldn’t have waited until I was dressed?”

“Not really. I sort of missed you.” His grin causes my heart to double in speed.

“A bit clingy, aren’t we?”

“I’ll be as clingy as I have to be if it means that I will get to see you like this every time.” His eyes scan over me deliciously.

“Nolan, please just get out. It’s not really comfortable to change with you just standing there.”

Nolan’s smile fades but his eyes don’t drift from mine. While unfolding his arms, he walks towards me quickly. His body presses against mine and we land on my bed with a loud
flop
. He stares into my eyes for a brief moment and before I can ask him what the hell he’s doing, he presses his lips against mine. His tongue slips into my mouth and out of habit I braid my fingers through his hair.

I don’t think I will ever understand why he insists on making out with me but not going through with anything. I want him to just fuck me already. At least if we do it, I might not have to worry about him anymore. It’s like he’s trying to purposely make me sexually frustrated.

His hands touch me gently from my face to my shoulders and then down to my chest. One of his hands cup around my black bra and I groan as I wrap my legs around him to pull him in closer. He sucks on my bottom lip before letting go and kissing me again. I swear I love when he does that. I feel the warmth and wetness building up within me. We literally could go for hours if he would just let it happen.

He finally pulls away and we both pant uncontrollably. “I want you to get comfortable with me,” he says against my lips.

“I can’t,” I mumble.

“I want you to,” he demands as his eyes harden.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” His head shakes swiftly. “I just want you to myself. I want to start something with you and see how far we can take it.”

I frown. “You mean a relationship? You want me to commit myself to
you
already?”

His lips press and there is a brief pause before he nods. “It doesn’t have to be right away. We can just date like we did tonight if that will help you get comfortable with me. We don’t have to rush it.”

I pull away from him to sit up. “I don’t get it.”

“What is there not to get, Natalie?” His voice cranks in volume as his grey eyes beam holes through me. “It’s obvious that I want you and I find it beyond obvious that you want me. You can only resist my offer for so long. I want you to fall for me, just like I want to fall for you. I can already feel it happening. I want to change.”

My head whips to look at him. “What do you mean
change
?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. There is a still silence in the room and his mouth twitches, as if he doesn’t want to speak on it anymore. “Every relationship that I’ve had, I’ve . . . fucked up in.”

“What do you mean?” I ask quickly.

“I mean . . .” He pauses and I can tell that whatever he is about to say is going to destroy our entire night. “I mean that I’ve messed up a couple of times by . . . cheating.”

“What?
” My face twists as I pull away from him. “And you expect me to want more with
you
?”

“Just hear me out,” he says while reaching for my hand. “When I was a freshman in high school, that’s when it started. But when I dated my last girlfriend, that’s when I realized that the only reason that I do it is because of them. I would fall for them too much and think that they would never hurt me but all of them did. I cheated because they cheated. I always felt that it was fair. I wanted to hurt them back.”

I shake my head. “But what does this have to do with me, Nolan?”

“Everything, Natalie.” He clutches my hand but I pull away. He hesitates but that doesn’t stop him from sliding in closer. “You were hurt, I was hurt. There is no reason to cheat but I want to start over with someone that understands my pain.”

“I can understand your pain but I don’t understand why you cheat. Cheating is unacceptable in any relationship, Nolan.”

“I know.” His head falls as he pulls his hand away.

I groan as I stand. I can’t go through with this with him. I actually did want to give him a shot at something but now that he’s told me this, it’s a definite no for me. I can understand being hurt but to cheat period is a huge violation. There is no need for it. I seriously can’t tolerate a cheater and imagining more with him frightens me now. I can’t do this.

“I feel as if you can help me,” he mumbles.

“I can’t help you, Nolan. I’m sorry. I seriously don’t know what I would do if I actually did give you more and you ended up ruining it.”

“But I wouldn’t!” He stands to his feet with me. “I wouldn’t hurt you because I know that you can change me.”

My eyebrows furrow. “How can I change you?”

“Because . . . while I’m with you, I can’t seem to want anyone else. Trust me, I’ve tried to get you off of my mind plenty of times but none of the girls that I’m introduced to can live up to my satisfaction.”

“I’m sure you’ve said that to the other girls that you’ve cheated on. I’m sure there was one in the bunch that actually wanted to make it work with you but you took her for granted.” My eyebrows pull upward.

His mouth seals tight as his eyes broaden. He stares into my irises but I shake my head because his silence answers it all. Even if a girl is faithful to him, he still cheats on her. Just as Bryson did to me. And he really expects me to believe in him?

“Maybe you should just go,” I mumble as I cross my arms over my chest.

“Natalie—”

He reaches for me but I back away. “Nolan, please.”

He stares at me with eyes as wide as golf balls. They’re glistening but I refuse to look into them any more than I have to. I can’t do that with him. I can’t go on a date with someone that I know is a cheater and may have the possibility of destroying my heart even more.

“I wanted to tell you the truth about me before we got too far,” he says. “I wanted to start fresh with a clean slate and let you know all about my flaws before you had ended up discovering them. But if you want me to leave, I will. I can see why you don’t want to be involved with me anymore.”

As he steps in to kiss my cheek tenderly, heat sparks throughout my entire body and my heart pumps quickly but I don’t fall for it. I can’t fall for it. I want to pull him back on my bed and kiss him longer but I find the will to hold off.

Stepping around me, he makes his way out of my bedroom door. I listen as the front door creaks open then clicks shuts and I know for sure that he is gone. My chest constricts and my throat seems to close in but I hold off on the tears.

Rushing for my bathroom, I start the shower and let the water run over me for about fifteen minutes before I finally decide to get out. But there is not a second that goes by that I don’t go over that entire conversation in my head. I should have known that he was too good to be true. Maybe he’s having troubles that are hard to fix. Maybe he really can’t control it. Either way, I can’t accept him into my life—into my
heart
. If I do, I’m just asking to be hurt again. It’s best to just keep Nolan at a distance. I’m going to regret the hell out of forgetting about someone as beautiful as him but I have no choice.

I refuse to break again.

Chapter Eleven

The past two weeks have dragged and not one of those days have I seen or heard from Nolan. Although I wasn’t expecting him to, I was only hoping that he would maybe show up at my doorstep or at least call. But he hasn’t and that only makes me angrier. I’m not sure why it makes me angry but anger only proves that I did feel something for him that I shouldn’t have.

I’m hurt that he is the way he is. I was actually starting to have fun and forget about Bryson for a slight moment. But that moment only lasted for a second. Now, I can’t seem to go a day without comparing the two.

My phone buzzes on my night stand and I groan as I reach for it. Checking the name on the screen, my eyes slightly widen as I perk myself up.

Mom.

Shit. I haven’t called her since the first night that I’ve been here . . . but I have my reasons. I’ve called my dad and kept him updated. I just hope that he actually passes the news on to her. My father is a lot easier to talk than my mom. My mother confuses me sometimes. I’m never sure of what she wants. When I’d told her that I don’t plan on going to a four-year college, she went bat-shit crazy on me. She shouted at me for hours and she didn’t talk to me for a whole week.

I told her that I wanted nothing more than to write and, with experience, I’ll only get better. I’m aiming to write poems that I hope people will love to read one day. But she obviously doesn’t understand that. She believes that I’m wasting my time and that I could do better if I went off to college and faced reality. But I believe that my dreams will become my reality. I just need time.

My father understands my dreams completely. He supports my every decision because he had dreams as well. My father wanted to be a mechanic. He didn’t have much money when he had started but now he makes more than enough. He started fixing cars when he was younger (around the age of sixteen) and when he’d fixed one man’s car at the age of eighteen, that man sent him to a car shop and they hired him on the spot. My father knows a lot about technology, cars, but mainly chasing
dreams
. His only dream was to have grease on his hands, shirt, and even his face.