Hardline (19 page)

  
“I know. On the surface everything is great. The apartment, our jobs. But it seems like whenever I check in with him, he tells me I’m hovering. He reminds me that Blake hovers and his family hovers. Understandably so, but he says he doesn’t need one more person studying his every move. I just care about him too damn much to lose what we have.”

  
I contemplated what she was telling me for a moment. I hadn’t known the Heath that used as well as I knew the new, sober Heath, but I’d seen enough to recognize how different he’d been. I believed that his relationship with Alli and being deprived of it when he went back to rehab was what sobered him on an entirely different level. Blake believed it too, which is what prompted him to bring him back home early and unexpectedly.
 

  
“It sounds like you’re waiting for him to fail, Alli,” I finally said.
 

  
Her shoulders slumped and sadness flickered behind her eyes. “I’m scared. I don’t want to go through what we went through again. I was a mess. I mean, you saw me. I
need
Heath—like I’m wildly in love with him and I can’t imagine being without him. But for this to work, I need him to stay healthy. I’ll do anything I can to make sure that happens.”
 

  
“I remember you were a mess, but he was too. I think you both need each other, but maybe what he needs more than anything is for you to have faith in him. We all know how Blake is, and parents are parents. He wants you to love him and believe in him, not mother him.”

  
She sighed. “It’s hard, because when we were in New York, we spent every spare minute together. We only had to work around my schedule then, but now that he’s working with Blake, we have even less time.”

  
“Just because you aren’t spending every waking minute together doesn’t mean he’s in peril. Working with Blake and taking those responsibilities more seriously is good for him. Even if it’s time that he can’t spend with you.”

  
She nodded. “You’re right. I just wish we didn’t have to live with this invisible demon threatening to come between us. Every day is an opportunity for things to go wrong.”

  
I caught her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Alli.”

  
She lifted her gaze to mine.

  
“Stop waiting for something bad to happen. The best thing you can do is love him, show him you care, and make the most out of every minute you have. Stop trying to control what you can’t control.”
 

  
* * *

  
I hurried under the awning of the building as the rain started to come down harder. Scanning the street, I saw no sign of Blake’s Tesla. My heart sank, and the prospect of spending another night without him gnawed at me. Earlier I’d considered calling to tell him about my conversation with James, but something—maybe pride—held me back. He’d find out...but I wasn’t entirely ready to let him know he’d won this round yet.
 

  
As I climbed the stairs, I met Cady just outside the door of the apartment Sid and I once shared.
 

  
“Hey.” She beamed, keys in hand.

  
“Have you seen Blake?” I asked, my enthusiasm obviously far dimmer than hers.

  
“He was at the office when I left. Why?”
 

  
I hesitated, debating whether to tell her more. “He didn’t come home last night, that’s all.”
 

  
“Oh.” Concern painted her features. “I think he probably stayed at work last night then. He looked tired, and…well, he hasn’t exactly been in a chipper mood today. That might explain why.”

  
I sighed, relief washing over me. Still, knowing he was staying at work wasn’t bringing him any closer to home. I thanked her and climbed the stairs to our apartment. I dropped my things on the island and went to our bedroom. The bed was a mess, the sheets an unmade mess, for all the wrong reasons. I hadn’t slept much, and likely, neither had he.
 

  
I took a quick shower and emerged. The apartment was as silent as it had been when I’d arrived. Securing the towel around my chest, I went to the dresser where I kept my clothes. My jewelry rested in a shallow box on top of it. I slipped my ring back on, and the diamonds of the matching bracelets caught my eye. I picked them up. The weight of the bracelets rested heavily in my palm. The expensive bands sparkled in the dim light of the bedroom. They were beautiful, but their meaning meant more. I fingered the small medallions. The platinum roulette wheel clinked against its mate, the heart...Blake’s heart.

  
Looking up, I caught my reflection in the mirror. All I could see now were my tired eyes filled with the kind of sadness that only being away from Blake could bring. Fighting this fight with him seemed fruitless and damaging, when my answer would always be yes. When the only future I could envision was one with him.
 

  
I wanted him back, at any cost, even my pride. To think I could stand my ground against someone like him—a man who saw what he wanted and stopped at nothing to have it—was delusional at best. But damn, he pushed me. Trusting him with my body and my heart wasn’t enough, yet somehow I’d always known that would be true. A part of me knew that one day our relationship would come to this, that he’d push me for all I could give. He’d been controlling and maddening from day one. I’d been a fool to expect any of that to change.
 

  
But he was right. I’d fought like hell to maintain that line between our worlds. I’d let him in, bit by bit, but always held him a safe distance from certain aspects of my life. Because I’d given him more than I’d ever given anyone else, I wanted to think that was enough. But it wasn’t. That much was clear now.

  
I didn’t want to fight, and I didn’t want our relationship to be a battlefield. Perhaps that was why he wasn’t giving me any other options now. We both were hurting and unhappy as a result of my fuck up, and now, because he was making me pay for it, or change for it.
 

  
I clasped the bracelets around my wrist, admiring them. Always I’d worn them with pride. I wanted the world to know I wore them for him, even if no one knew what they meant to us. Our promise. Like the one on my finger.
 

  
Blake could own me, he could hold something deep in me, but I’d captured something precious in him too. Something he’d never given anyone else.
 

  
I glanced back to the bed, the sharp ache of missing him too painful to ignore.

  
* * *

  
The downpour of rain had me nearly soaked by the time I stepped through the doors of the Landon Group offices. A sliver of light cast across the floor where Blake’s door was ajar. I knocked quietly before entering, hoping not to greet him with a heart attack.
 

  
Inside he was sitting lazily at his desk, feet propped up, his focus on the televisions across the room before shifting to me.
 

  
“Working hard?” I walked around his desk and propped myself on the edge.
 

  
“What are you doing here?” Blake asked.

  
“I should ask you that. How long are you going to camp out here and pout?”
 

  
His jaw shifted, and he lifted a tumbler of scotch to his lips. His throat worked on a swallow. “I’m not pouting.” He set the glass down, his eyes traveling the length of me, all the way down to my strappy black heels. “You’re wet.”

  
I raised my eyebrows and looked out the windows of his office. They were covered with blinds, blocking him from the view of the world outside.
 

  
“If you ever left your cave, you might notice that it’s raining buckets out there.”
 

  
He frowned. “You walked?”

  
I rolled my eyes. “No, Clay drove me. Relax.” I glanced over his desk and lit on a stack of documents with a familiar logo.
 

  
“What are these?” I asked, picking them up.
 

  
He sighed, seeming annoyed. “Financials for Sophia’s modeling agency.” He pulled them from my grasp and tossed them to the other side of the desk beyond my reach.
 

  
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Has she been in town?”

  
He took another drink. “Why, do you think she hand delivered them?”

  
I stared at him, unwilling to let it drop.
 

  
“No, Sophia has not been in town, at least that I know of. You can put your claws back.”
 

  
Relieved, I shot him a grin. “Can’t blame me for asking, can you?”

  
“Suppose not,” he mumbled.
 

  
I took a deep breath and decided to dive in. As much as I wanted to tease him to resolution, we’d probably only get there by talking seriously. Even though the last time hadn’t gone so well.
 

  
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said last night.”

  
“And,” he said dryly.

  
“I understand that you’re upset, and I understand why. I have held back, especially with the business. It’s been my safe place in a way. The part of my life I can go to, no matter what happens between us, and know that it’s mine. That every success and every failure is mine. It’s everything I’ve worked for, and it scares me to share it with you. It always has. But I’m willing to change and involve you more.”

  
His gaze held me steadily. “Why would you do that, after all this time?”

  
“Well, for starters, if we’re getting married...” I lingered on that thought a moment, trying not to derail with the possibility that we wouldn’t, that he wouldn’t want that anymore. “I suppose what’s yours is mine in that regard. If I can’t trust my husband-to-be with it, who can I trust?”

  
He set down his glass. He folded his hands on his lap, seeming to study me. “Okay,” he said simply. “So James is leaving, I take it?”

  
I searched his eyes for any sign that he might relent on that point. “Has it occurred to you that you’re being a little unreasonable when it comes to me keeping James with the company?”

  
“If I’m being unreasonable, it’s in response to unreasonable behavior, and in that case, I’ll call it purely justified. I told you where I stand on this issue. Nothing’s changed.”

  
“What if I said that starting today, you can have all the control in the business you want, except for that one tiny piece.” I illustrated the tiny piece with my thumb and forefinger, as if that might help.
 

  
“You should go, Erica. No point in both of us sleeping here tonight.” He lowered his feet to the floor and swiveled to face the computer screens.
 

  
Christ was he stubborn. I could almost see his heels digging in.
 

  
God love him, Blake fought dirty. He was putting the survival of our relationship on the line to get what he wanted—what he said he needed. I wouldn’t be reasoning with him tonight. Not unless I fought dirty too.
 

  
“Suit yourself,” I said and slid off the desk. Slowly, I fingered the top button of my raincoat. One by one, I released them. Blake’s attention turned back to me. His gaze fixed on the front as the jacket parted, giving him a sliver of vision into what I was wearing underneath. It wasn’t much.
 

  
“You’re not going to ply me with sex.”
 

  
I canted my head. “No?” I challenged, secretly knowing I’d already given in to his demands.

  
I smiled and shrugged out of the jacket I’d traveled here in. Tossing it away, I stood near naked in just enough black lace to cover the bare necessities. Trails of water from my rain-soaked hair trickled down my body over my already damp skin. I had been worried about the weather hampering my look, but based on the way Blake’s lips parted, the effect might have worked in my favor.
 

  
“I think I might be able to change your mind.”

  
“You can’t. I’m sick of this shit, Erica.”
 

  
If I’d been blindfolded, I might have believed him, that he couldn’t be swayed. But his eyes gave him away, leveled at my chest as I reached for the clasp at the front of my bra.

  
“I seem to recall you have a weakness for lace,” I teased.

  
“You’re my only weakness,” he murmured.
 

  
The words hit my heart. The playful smile I wore faded. I wanted to be his weakness, but not if he resented it, the way it sounded like he did now. Turning, I walked slowly away. My boldness had taken a hit, and now I only felt embarrassed and hurt. I wanted him to want me, to meet me not even close to the middle, but to consider this one concession.

  
“Where the hell are you going?”
 

  
I lifted my lips again at that small sign of hope. I slowed in front of the couch on the other side of the office and unclasped my bra. I let it slip over my shoulders and down my arms, depriving him of the view of my naked chest. Hooking my thumbs over the barely there panties, I pulled them down, leaving me completely naked, save my jewelry.