Harkham's Case (Harkam's #1) (12 page)

Mari grabbed Adam’s leg and squeezed. He gasped again.

The woman in the car raced over to Captain Jack, and even though he was undressed, she spoke to him.

“That man’s naked,” Adam observed.

“Yes, he is,” Mari said through a sigh.

“Is that okay? Should she be near him?”

“It’s more than okay,” she answered.

And in that moment, it was like time stopped. His father wasn’t here to turn this show off since nudity was wrong in their house. Adam was never allowed to roam around the house without clothes, and he wanted to. Or at least shirtless when it got really hot.

Mari didn’t seem offended—acted like it was natural for this man and woman to talk when he was undressed.

Images of Adam in the nude, speaking to Mari, flooded his mind.

A pained sound ground out of his chest as he got really sore. What would it be like to have Mari look at him without clothes on?

What would it feel like to have her warm hands touch his chest, his abs, his sore spot?

He groaned, and she started scratching his legs in the most beautiful way imaginable. Long grazing strokes that stole his breath away.

“I can turn this off,” she offered, “if it’s bothering you.”

“No! And keep touching me that way.”

“You sure?”

“I’m surer than I could ever be. I really like it.”

He rolled onto his side. She’d see his predicament, but if she was okay seeing that naked man on TV, maybe she wouldn’t be offended.

“I can tell,” she said, but it was soft and kind.

His dad was wrong. It wasn’t rude to have an erection. Mari was fine with it. He rolled over onto his back.

“You make me really sore all the time, Mari. Is that gross to you?”

She glanced down at his legs on her lap. She stroked and massaged them now as she stared at them.

“
Gross
? Why would it be gross?” She chuckled, then let her head dangle. “I’m seriously in need of some intense therapy.” Her hands stopped and stayed still where they were—right by his ankles. He wanted them higher.

She took a deep breath and turned to him with a look of fire in her eyes.

“Why? You’re normal, not like me.” His brow furrowed.

“Normal isn’t my problem. Being screwed up is, and I want things I shouldn’t.” She moved his legs to spread out on each side of her so she was sandwiched between them. Her next move was to get up on her knees.

A look of apology swept over her face.

“If you kiss me again, it might make you feel better like before,” he lied again. He couldn’t help it. Nothing could be better than kissing her. She probably didn’t need it—but he did! And since she was fine with his state, he refused to feel guilty.

“It might. But what will that say to you? I know you’re a guy, and you seem to be hard a lot around me. I don’t mind, because well . . . God!” She groaned like she was sore too.

“If it hurts, I can maybe help you.” His eyes grew big, pleading. “I want to help. Please. We can need each other to feel better. It’s okay to do that. We don’t have to suffer alone.”

“Forgive me,” she said as if talking to someone else, crawled over and laid right on top of him.

His head flung back as his lower back arched. He wasn’t sure why his body did that, but it was enticing the way it smashed up into hers. The best part? She was on top, so he couldn’t hurt her with his body weight.

Her fingertips grazed up his neck. “Such a beautiful, pure soul. You should run from me while you can,” she whispered.

He tipped his head back down. This was scary-sounding talk. “I will never run from you—never!”

“Then you’ll be damned, just like me.” A breath pounded into his neck and was followed by her lips.

“Ohhhhhh God!” he murmured.

His entire body was shaking like the numbers she controlled were trying to break free. He tried to breathe them out, but it failed.

“I have to grab you—keep me safe,” he warned and wrapped his arms around her so tight his chest could barely move with his next inhale. It was scattered anyway—his breathing. So were his thoughts. Lost in the sensations from her mouth and fingertips. He’d never felt anything like this ever before.

She kissed his neck, licked under his jaw and blew on it.

Tongue? Zach mentioned it with a kiss.

And when Tara’s tongue touched, he wanted to disappear, turn to dust so he could get rid of the foul feelings it created.

But this—Mari’s tongue—he wanted to keep it on him.

With a growl, he managed to roll them over. Without thinking about what this could mean in terms of damage to her health, he lowered his full weight on top of her. He cupped her jaw, controlled her mouth by making it open and he placed his tongue gently inside the second their lips touched.

What was he supposed to do now?

“Mmmhhhhngh,” she moaned as her tongue wetted his lips, stroked
his
tongue and her hands dug into his shoulders. Her body moved with urgency.

It sounded like him when he chugged a soda and couldn’t get it down fast enough or ever have his fill.

“Oh God, oh
Gawwwwwwd
. It’s sore, Mari, too sore,” he chanted a few times. “I like it though—it’s sore for you.” He started to roll his hips into her, and she sucked in some air.

“This is so wrong,” she said under her breath and shook her head slowly from side to side.

“Not wrong. That man was naked with that woman on that show, and it was okay.” He moved to pull off his shirt, but at the last minute before he had it over his head, her hands landed on the hem, stopping him.

“We can’t do this,” she said.

He pulled his shirt harder, trying to yank it off.

“We can. I’m twenty-one.”

“Oh, great! Don’t tell me
that
!” she said and somehow she managed to roll out from under him until she was free from the couch. She was now on the ground. Free of
him
.

He had his shirt off finally, and she looked upset. Why? He was pleased to be partially naked in front of her.

Was he ugly?

“You think I’m too skinny? I’m not as thick as Captain Jack is in the chest, but I—”

She fell on her knees in front of him, and his pants poked out with a giant twitch.

Her mouth was by the sore area.

What if . . .

“Adam, it’s not. You’re . . . Do I even need to say it?” She huffed. “And I’m all wrong for you. You deserve somebody infinitely kind who hasn’t already blown their life to hell and back. If I ever hurt you, I’d never forgive myself—and I already have way too much baggage in that closet.”

He blinked. “I don’t understand. Did I kiss you wrong? Was the tongue yucky?”

Her eyes shimmered like light on water, and a few tears rolled down. His eyes grew wide, and he burst into tears.

“I hurt you. I promised I wouldn’t do that again, and I did it so soon after. I’m sorry. I’ll leave now,” he cried, reaching for his shirt.

“Adam—stop.” She brushed her tears away with the backs of her hands, then did the same for him.

He leaned into her touch.

“What did I do wrong?” His voice cracked.

“Nothing. You did everything perfectly, angelically right. I know it’s hard to understand—but I’m protecting you from me. All of you, every inch, is good. I want to keep you that way, because it’s what makes you so powerful.” She sniffed, and tears were forming in her eyes again. “It’s what makes you special.”

He shook his head. There was no way he could like this. “All I want is for you to touch my chest a little. Why can’t you do that?”

“If I do that, then what comes after?” Her eyes roamed down his chest.

His nipples hardened from that little act.

“Please—we can decide what comes after later.”

“No. We decide now. And if we have a good answer, then I’ll do it.” Her eyes hardened, but not as much as his sore spot.

He jutted his hips up. It was too hard to stop them.

“But I need it. Real bad,” he whimpered. “And I don’t know what comes after. I’ve never done this before.”

She cupped his face with both hands. It was warm and soft like her velvety couch. He closed his eyes.

“Would you ever hurt somebody on purpose?”

“No,” he answered right away.

“Well, I did once. And it was really bad. So bad a lot of people’s lives changed forever. I can never atone for that. But being around you—I don’t know . . . It”—she licked her lips and paused—“makes me forget those things, and I feel normal again, like I can be good someday. Like it will all heal in time. I never believed that before you.”

“You’re scaring me.” His stomach knotted, so he grabbed her hand and put her palm on his chest. That would make that yuckiness inside him go away.

And it did.

Her fingers flexed, caressed a little.

He released a tight breath—letting it escape.

She did it again, and there was the same reaction from him.

“Being scared is the right emotion—I want you to fear me—because then you’ll keep your distance.”

She laid her head on his abdomen, looking up at him while her hand roamed over his chest. “You’re so gorgeous, Adam. But I’m sure you know that.”

He smiled. “If you think so, then I’m glad.”

“I do.” She smiled back.

“I want to be whatever makes you happy. A song that makes you smile.”

“You already are. We don’t have to be more than friends to have those things,” she said, still staring at his face.

“But we do, because it’s already what we’ll be. We don’t get to decide. Not really.” He pulled her hand over to his thumping heart. “This gets to decide, and I say you’re mine very soon.”

“We can’t have sex,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“We can some day. Maybe not now, but that can happen. We’ll want it.”

“I already do,” she said, right in sync with her thoughts.

He grinned really wide. “I can find a way to protect us both. It can be good. Zach has condoms, and I can—”

“See? This is why we can’t even do simple things like me touching your chest, because then we lose our heads and do stupid shit we know we shouldn’t.”

“We’re only talking about it right now.” He held her hand over his heart with his hand. “It’s okay to want things.”

“It’s not okay when your name is Mari and you’re more fucked up than any teenager in the entire state.”

He made a whining noise through his nostrils.

“Here—you wanna know how awful I am?” She puffed out her cheeks for a second.

“You’re not awful. That’s not possible.”

She gave him a look like he was deranged, her head cocked to the side. “I had this saying for years. It helped me remember who I was. It went like this: When it’s time to sleep, and the sheep don’t come. The night starts with two, and it ends with one. When the condom comes off, that’s when you know. He gathers his shit, and out he’ll go.”

“Why?”

“Why did I say that to myself?”

He blinked and nodded.

She pulled her lips in, then released them. “Because—that’s what stupid sluts tell themselves so they don’t get involved.”

“And don’t get hurt emotionally?” His eyes were all watery. She must think he was one of those guys she wanted to boot out.

“Yes.” She paused. “And because I’m not the caring, nurturing type. I don’t cuddle and say I love you at the end of a good lay. It’s not in me to say that.”

He shook his head and smiled. “You already are that with me. You cuddle with me all the time, and you barely know me.” He clicked his tongue. “See?”

“What?” Her eyes crinkled at the inside corners, drawing her brows down.

“You’re my girlfriend soon. You already do that stuff with me, because we’ll love each other, and there’ll be nothing to worry about. You already stroke me, caress and cuddle, because even if it felt wrong before, now it feels right—because it’s
me
.”

Her jaw dropped open. She stood up and her hands that were on his chest, drifted up and into his hair. “I’ll hold your hand whenever you need. And yes—you’re right—I’ll stroke you a little. I’ll be your friend, but I won’t be your fuck buddy or your girlfriend, because you deserve a whole lot better. Hugs are good too—we can do that. But this . . .” she motioned between the two of them with her chin “. . . can’t happen. No more kissing. No nakedness. I care about your soul too much.”

A door in the house opened in another room and a female’s voice called out, “Baby, you smoked in the Jeep. I told you to knock that off!”

Mari grabbed his hand, and her face went stony. “Wanna meet my mom, or do you want to leave now? Your choice.”

He took a deep breath and let go of her hand. A second later, he slid off the couch to standing, yanked his shirt back on and numbers swam in his head.