Harlequin Superromance January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: A Ranch for His Family\Cowgirl in High Heels\A Man to Believe In (22 page)

“I'm not my dad!”

“No. You're right. I'm sorry. I thought Robyn had made the tough choice that I couldn't make. She gave you the freedom you needed.”

Ellie looked at him for a long moment. “There is something else you should know about Matthew. He was born deaf.”

Neal stared at his mother in shock as what she said sank in. He closed his eye and bowed his head. “So I'm responsible for his deafness, too. He inherited it from me.”

The knowledge cut into his heart like a knife. Chance was his child and deaf because of it. And because of his carelessness, his ego, his need to prove something, Chance had suffered even more. Bell whined, and Neal moved to pick her up and comfort her. She missed Chance, too.

His mother laid a hand on his shoulder. “I'm sure Robyn was frightened and angry when she lashed out and told you to stay away. The two of you have avoided each other when you really needed to sit down and talk about what's happened. If your father had been able to do that, we would have had a happier marriage. I loved him, but I didn't always understand him. I know it's not easy for you to see, but Robyn needs you, and so does Chance.”

“I wish I could believe that, but you know what I see? I see that they were both better off without me.”

His mother's face grew hard as she stared at him. “If that is what you see, then you're more than half-blind.” She left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Neal stared at the picture in his hand. Did his mother think it was easy for him to sit idly by and wait for word about Chance's condition?

Hell, no, it wasn't easy. He'd been calling the hospital every half hour, but all he got was the same answer. They would only release information to family members. He wanted to shout that he was the boy's father, but no one there would believe him.

Chance could die. It was his fault, all of it. His need to prove his manhood, to master his fear, had nearly cost a child his life.

Not just any child—his son.

A son he could never acknowledge because he had destroyed the love and trust Robyn once had for him.

She had been right to leave him. He wasn't cut out to be a father and a husband. His old man had known the truth all along. Neal was irresponsible, selfish and thoughtless. He was a bull rider and a rodeo junkie. It was all he'd ever be.

Now that he knew he could still ride, he'd go back on the circuit. He would do what Robyn wanted. He'd stay out of their lives for good. Just as soon as he knew Chance was out of danger.

He ran his hand over Bell's soft fur. He would take care of the puppy until Chance was out of the hospital. It was the least he could do for the family he wanted so desperately to call his own.

* * *

T
HE
DOOR
TO
the hospital room opened early the next morning. Robyn glanced toward it as she sat up in the recliner beside Chance's bed. Adam walked in, followed by a young nurse. Robyn struggled to ignore the painful crick in her neck that a night in a chair had produced.

She watched Adam leaf through her son's chart. Apparently, what he saw didn't please him. Edward and her mother walked in. She was thankful once again for their support. Edward had arrived late the previous evening after arranging home care for Clara. He had been at Chance's side all night, too.

Adam closed Chance's chart and looked at everyone. “Chance's tests show his blood pressure and his hematocrit are both lower than I would like, so we need to keep a close eye on that. I've notified the Red Cross in Manhattan to have another unit on standby.”

Edward frowned. “Why don't you have blood available at this hospital?”

“We do. It's just that Chance is AB positive, not the rarest type, but close to it. We gave him the single unit we had available in surgery yesterday. I was hoping he wouldn't need more, but it's best to play it safe.”

“AB positive. I see.” Edward gazed at Chance sleeping quietly in the bed beside them. A great sadness settled over his features. He sighed and looked at Robyn. Her heart sank. Somehow, he knew.

Martha stood up. “I need to get back to the ranch. Robyn, do you need me to bring you anything?”

“A change of clothes, that's all. The staff has given me everything else I need.”

Adam opened the door. “I'll walk you out, Martha.”

When the door closed behind them, Edward looked at Robyn. “Colin underwent radiation therapy for malignant lymph nodes in his groin when his cancer was first discovered. Did you know that?”

“No.”

“The doctors warned us he would most likely become sterile. We were delighted when Colin announced he was getting married, but it came as quite a shock when he told us you were pregnant. My son needed numerous transfusions over the course of his illness, even before he met you. Clara and I both donated for him. We are 0 positive, and so was he. If Chance is AB positive, Colin can't be his father.”

Shame burned through her body. “I have wanted to tell you for so long. Colin made me promise I wouldn't. He did it for Clara. To give her something to hang on to when he was gone. It was the only thing Colin ever asked of me. I had to do it for him. Edward, please forgive me for deceiving you. If you suspected, why didn't you say something?”

Edward's eyes filled with tears. “Because of Clara. She needed to believe that some part of Colin lived on. I guess I needed to believe that, too. Later, when her mind began to slip away, I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

He turned away. “I was afraid of ending up all alone, and I couldn't face that.”

Robyn bolted out of her chair and threw her arms around him. “You will always be Chance's grandpa. He loves you so much. Nothing will change that. You are part of our family. A strange, broken family, but still a family. A little thing like someone's blood type can't change that.”

He patted her back awkwardly and then he held her at arm's length and studied her face. “I couldn't love Chance more if I tried. I'm sorry you've been burdened with this for so long. Neal is Chance's real father, isn't he?”

She nodded mutely. Everything was out in the open now. The burden of her secret had been lifted, and yet she'd never felt more like crying.

Edward frowned. “I can't believe Neal didn't want to be involved in Chance's life. He seems to love the boy.”

This admission was the hardest to make. “He didn't know until a few weeks ago.”

Edward pulled her back into his arms. “Oh, Robyn. Why hasn't Neal been here to see Chance?”

“Because I told him to go away. What am I going to do now? I've made such a mess of my life,” she whispered, wishing and hoping he could tell her how to undo all the pain she had caused.

“I don't know, girl. I just don't know.”

Robyn had regained her composure when Adam returned a short time later. Chance was awake by then, and Robyn explained as best she could that he would have to stay in the hospital for a few more days.

Chance's biggest concern was for Bell. He wanted to see her. Robyn assured him Bell was being taken care of. Her mother had told her that the pup had been taken to the vet and was being looked after by Neal. She had a broken leg but would be fine.

Chance, of course, wanted his cast to match the one Bell had. He thought it was cool that they would both be wearing one.

Robyn was surprised and hurt that Neal hadn't come to visit Chance. Obviously, Neal had taken her words to heart and intended to stay away. She owed him an apology. She tried calling his cell phone but got no answer.

When her mother returned, Robyn took the opportunity to step out for a few minutes.

She found Adam waiting for her. “I'm taking you to get something to eat. Don't argue.”

“I'm not hungry. Besides, you've done so much already, Adam. I don't know how I would have made it through this past day without you.”

“I'm glad I was there for you. I always want to be there for you.”

He surprised her by kissing her firmly on the lips. She drew back and looked down at her feet. She was about to hurt someone else.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

“Adam, you have been the best possible friend to Chance and to me. I can't thank you enough for your support and comfort when I dearly needed it.”

He took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was hoping you saw me as more than a friend. I think I'm falling in love with you, Robyn.”

She took a deep breath. “I admire you very much, Adam, but I'm not in love with you.”

The happiness and hope faded from his face. He let go of her hand. “He doesn't deserve you.”

She didn't pretend to misunderstand him. “It may be that I don't deserve him, but Neal and I will have to work that out for ourselves.”

“Are you sure there isn't any hope for us? I can wait if you need more time.”

“More time won't change how I feel. I'm sorry. You're a fine doctor and a wonderful man, but—”

“But not the man for you,” he finished for her.

“I honestly wish things were different.”

“Yes, I do, too. Go get something to eat. You need to keep your strength up. Tell Chance I'll see him in the morning. After that, I'm finished with my contract here.”

“Will you be back? You're a fine doctor. If you decided to stay, everyone would be happy about it.”

“I have considered it, but I think I'll go into practice with my father in Denver. I know you won't be able to attend the nurse-practitioner program this year, but next year, there will be another scholarship recommendation waiting for you.” He started to say something more, but he seemed to change his mind.

Robyn managed to choke down a sandwich and a soda in the cafeteria. Everyone stopped to talk to her and find out how Chance was doing. It was a small and close-knit hospital. She appreciated all the concern and well wishes. It took longer than she expected to get back to Chance's room.

Her mother was waiting for her with a change of clothes for Robyn lying on the chair beside her. Chance was asleep again. Robyn glanced around the room. “Where is Edward?”

“He said he would be back in the morning. I'm going to go home for a while, too. There's just so much to get done before the auction.”

There was one more confession Robyn had to make. She dreaded this one more than any of the others. “Before you go, Mom, there's something I need to tell you.”

Robyn sat down and quietly told her mother about the deception she had carried out for nearly five years.

“And Neal knew nothing about this?” Martha asked when Robyn was through. She stared at Robyn as if she were a stranger.

“Not until a few weeks ago. I was upset, and I let it slip.”

“I honestly don't know what to say. I find it hard to believe my own daughter could lie to all of us so easily.”

Robyn rubbed her aching forehead. “Believe me, Mom, not one day of it was easy.”

“Poor Edward. No wonder he left. I don't how I'm ever going to face him again. And Ellie! Chance is her grandson, and you kept it from her. Oh, Robyn, how could you do this?”

“I'm sorry, Mom. I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone. I know now I was only doing what was best for me. I wanted to hide from the pain Neal caused me. I wanted to hurt him back. He broke my heart. It felt like all our time together had been a waste. That it meant nothing.”

She crossed the room to stare out the hospital window. She didn't see anything beyond the glass except the mistakes of her past. “I honestly believed I was helping Colin. He was so kind and understanding. When he proposed the idea, I jumped at the chance to turn those wasted years into something positive. I had no idea what a mess I would make of things.”

“What about Neal? What happens now?”

Robyn sighed. “Yes, what about Neal? I'm not sure. He cares about Chance, I know that, but I'm not sure I can trust my heart to him. What if he breaks it all over again?”

“Maybe you should be asking if Neal can trust his heart to you? You've broken mine today. I never would have believed you could do such a thing.”

She whirled to face her mother. “I've already said I'm sorry, Mom. What else can I say?”

“Maybe you could tell me the same thing you need to hear from Neal that will restore your love and trust in him.”

Robyn wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I don't know what that would be.”

“You're my daughter and I love you, but I've never been so disappointed in you in all my life. I've got to go home. Call me if Chance needs anything.” She stormed out of the room.

Robyn sank into the chair by her son's bed and gave in to her tears.

* * *

L
ATE
THE
NEXT
morning, Robyn knocked on Ellie Bryant's front door. She held her head up, but she was quaking inside when the door opened. Ellie stood there staring at her for a full second, and then she threw her arms around Robyn and pulled her into a hug.

The tears Robyn thought were finished spilled down her cheeks. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” she muttered.

“Hush, child. I know, I know,” Ellie crooned until Robyn was able to gather herself together.

Pulling away, Robyn wiped the tears from her face. “Ellie, I need to see Neal.”

“I wish you could,” she answered sadly. “But he's gone.”

Robyn stared at her in shock. “Gone? Gone where?”

Ellie shook her head. “I don't know where he went. He left this morning, and he took his bull-riding gear with him. I'm afraid he's gone back on the rodeo circuit.”

The full import of Ellie's words sank in. Neal was gone. He had taken her cruelly spoken words to heart and left them alone. Now what did she do?

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

C
HANCE
REMAINED
IN
the hospital until the day after the ranch was sold. Robyn was glad he wasn't there to watch as his childhood home passed into the hands of strangers. As it turned out, Jake Bryant bought the place for a fair price. Both Robyn and her mother were relieved. They knew he'd manage it well. He stopped by the hospital that day.

“Hey, Robyn, how's your boy?” He held his hat in his hands.

“They are letting him go home tomorrow evening.”

“That's good. I wanted you to know that I bought some of the stock. Including your old horse. He can live out his life on his home range. I thought you'd want to know.”

“Thanks, Jake. That makes me feel better. Have you heard from Neal?”

“He's okay. Don't worry about him.”

“Do you know where he is? Can I see him?”

“He needs some time to get his head on straight. He's devastated by this.”

“Is he coming back?”

“I don't know. I honestly don't know.”

“When you talk to him, tell him I don't blame him. I was upset and I said some stupid things. I'd take them back if I could. Will you tell him that for me?”

“I'll tell him.”

When Jake left, Robyn sat down to cry, but she realized she didn't have any more tears to shed.

Adam called the next morning. Their conversation was stilted. Robyn regretted the loss of the easy friendship she'd shared with the young doctor. They wished each other well and hung up.

Robyn kept hoping that after her conversation with Jake that Neal would come or call. He didn't. It was if he had dropped off the face of the earth.

When Chance was finally released, Robyn took him home to the small house in Bluff Springs her mother had rented. It stood on a fenced corner lot across the street from a small park and was only a few blocks from the hospital. It would be convenient.

Robyn stood on the front steps. Perhaps it would look more inviting in the daylight. Now, illuminated only by a single street lamp and a yellow porch light, it seemed small and sad. But maybe that was only because she was feeling small and sad. And alone.

A dog barked somewhere in the park. Robyn thought she heard the jingle of bells. She turned to stare into the darkness, but only shadows met her gaze. She opened her truck door and helped Chance out. His surgery had left him physically drained. He gazed solemnly at the house as Robyn set his feet on the ground and steadied him.

“It doesn't look like home,” he signed with difficulty.

“No, not yet, but it will.” She tried to reassure him.

The sound of jingling bells came again. Robyn turned to stare at the park once more. This time movement caught her eye. A small black-and-white dog hurried out of the shadows and limped toward them. She touched Chance's shoulder, signed and pointed. “Look. It's Bell.”

Chance sank to his knees and wrapped his good arm around the puppy's neck as she proceeded to lick every inch of his face. Her front leg was wrapped in a hard blue splint, but it didn't seem to bother her as she wiggled with excitement. Robyn's heart gave a happy leap. She faced the park and waited with her heart pounding in her chest. It had to be Neal. He had taken the dog with him when he left.

No handsome cowboy with a black eye patch and a wide, roguish grin appeared. Slowly, her smile faded as she waited.

He doesn't want to see me. He can't forgive me.

The words echoed inside her head. Her chin quivered and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Lifting her head, she called out, “Please, Neal. I need to talk to you.”

There was no answer.

After a moment, a figure stepped out of the shadows and raised a hand in a salute. It was Jake, not Neal, and her heart plummeted.

The front door opened, and her mother stood silhouetted in the light. “Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” Robyn said softly. Lifting Bell, she carried the puppy into the house as Chance followed close behind her.

* * *

“Y
OU
'
RE
A
FOOL
, little brother.” Jake spoke to the deep shadow of an old elm.

Neal stepped out and stood beside Jake. He watched the house for a moment longer. “So I've been told,” he replied.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Just what I planned.”

Jake grabbed his arm as Neal turned away. “Robyn has been through hell these past few days. You heard her. She wants to talk to you.”

“I don't want to talk to her. I've been through hell, too. She kept my son from me, Jake. I've tried to understand her side of it, but it still hurts. She ordered me to stay away when Chance was injured. I wasn't even entitled to information about his condition. Don't you get it? I'm damned if I do what she wants and I'm damned if I don't. It's time to cut my losses and get out of Dodge.”

“How did this become all about you? You're wrong, and running away won't fix things. Cowboy up and admit it.”

Neal rubbed a weary hand over his face. He wasn't angry with Robyn, he just wanted Jake to think he was so he'd let him leave town without having this conversation. He hated admitting the truth, but his emotions were so raw that he couldn't hide it anymore. “Don't you get it? Robyn does. I'm not father material. It nearly cost my son his life to make me see that clearly. I'm just like our old man. He knew once I had rodeo in my blood, I'd never be good for anything else.” Shaking off his brother's hand, Neal walked back to the truck they had parked on a side street.

It took them less than twenty minutes to reach Jake's quarter-horse ranch. Neal walked in the front door and turned toward the hall leading to the bedrooms. He wasn't in the mood to spend the evening with Connie and the kids.

Jake said, “I have something you need to see.”

“Can't it wait?”

“I don't think so. Step into my office for a minute.”

Neal followed his brother to the small room made smaller by a massive wooden desk and tall bookshelves along one wall. Photos of Jake's prize stallions and mares covered the remaining walls. He pulled three large leather-bound books from the shelf and handed them to Neal.

“I needed some stud papers from Dad's old office about a month ago. Mom was busy and couldn't find them for me, so I went hunting for them. That's when I found these in the bottom drawer of his desk. It was locked, but Mom had given me the key.”

“What are they?”

He opened one and laid it flat on his desk. “They're scrapbooks. This is mine. It starts with my birth announcement and goes all the way to photos of my wedding.”

What was so important about a bunch of old mementos? “So our mother likes to scrapbook. So what?”

“They aren't Mom's. Dad put these together.”

“Are you serious?” Neal took a closer look.

“I was as surprised as you are. Mom knew that he kept them but never thought to mention it. This one is mine. These two are yours.” Jake held out a pair of matching maroon books.

Neal opened the first one. His birth announcement graced the front page. After that came odds and ends of his childhood, including a picture he had drawn of a turkey using his hand as the outline. “Dad compiled all of this?”

“Apparently. Open the other one. I wondered why there were two for you and only one for me.”

Neal opened the second scrapbook. On the first page was a yellowed newspaper write-up about his first Little Britches rodeo win. As he leafed through the pages, numerous articles gathered from newspapers and printed from online detailed his rodeo career up until his win at the Wild Bill Hickok Rodeo in Abilene just two days before his father's death.

Neal looked at Jake for some kind of explanation. “He hated the fact that I made a career out of bull riding. Why would he do this?”

“Apparently, he didn't hate what you do. I think he was very proud of what you accomplished. You only have to look at what's in your hand to see that.”

“Why not tell me? He never had a single good thing to say about my riding. Nothing I did measured up to his yardstick.”

“Dad was a man who didn't believe in coddling his kids or heaping praise on anyone. He kept his emotions locked inside. Was it because of the way he was raised? I doubt we'll ever know.”

“I thought he was jealous of my success. I thought he couldn't stand the idea that I was a better rider than he was.”

“He may have been, for all I know. Mom believes he resented having to give up the rodeo to take care of the ranch and us. But these books tell a different story.”

Neal ran his hand over the carefully placed bits of paper and photos in the book. It made no sense.

Jake returned his book to the shelf and looked at Neal. “Is this what you want Chance to discover after you're gone? Do you want him to have to wait until you're dead to find out how much you loved him and how proud you were of all he accomplished?”

Neal blinked back tears. “No. Do you
know
what I would have given for an inkling of how Dad felt about anything I did? He never encouraged me, never told me to go for my dreams.”

“Maybe that was because he didn't want you to resent giving them up the way he had to do when his family needed him more.”

“We're guessing. We'll never know for sure.”

“I know you always thought he loved me best. Of course, I am the oldest, the best looking and the smartest. However, I have one scrapbook and you have two. You should look through them. He wrote a few notes in the margins you may want to read.”

Jake left the room, and Neal spent the next two hours readjusting his entire concept of his father. One note in the margin stuck out more than the others. It said, “Neal's a true chip off the old block.”

If there was one thing he didn't want to be, it was a chip off the block that his father had presented to his sons. Neal wanted to be a father who treasured his child's every accomplishment, not in some leather-bound shrine but in words and deeds. In praise and encouragement. That was the way to bring up a son.

Neal closed the books and returned them to Jake's shelf.

What Robyn had done was wrong. He deserved to know his son and Chance deserved to know him. Neal needed to understand what had driven her to make such a choice. He needed to hear her side of the story.

He loved her, but he wasn't sure she would ever trust him again. The only way to find out was to stick around and be the best kind of man and the best kind of father he could be. If it wasn't enough for her, he would accept that, but he wasn't leaving. No champion belt buckle was worth more than his family.

Somehow, he knew his father would agree.

He left the office and found Jake watching TV in the living room. Jake shut the set off as soon as he caught sight of Neal. “It's an amazing collection, isn't it?”

“Eye-opening. Jake, I need a job. Any suggestions?”

Jake grinned. “I was hoping you would say that. I'm expanding my breeding program to include Appaloosas. I recently bought a nice little ranch nearby. What would you think about managing that part of my operation?”

“For a salary or for shares?”

“Shares? You're getting ahead of yourself, little brother. It's all my capital. Salary for now, but you could live on the place rent-free until the program starts turning a profit, and then we will talk about shares.”

“I've seen some really good pickup riders on Appaloosas. They've got heart. Would you let me train some for that?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of raising and training roping and cutting horses, but I'm always open to new ideas. I would need someone with some good inside rodeo contacts for that, wouldn't I?”

Neal smiled. “Yes, you would.”

* * *

R
OBYN
WENT
THROUGH
the motions and managed to get through each day, but she desperately wanted to speak to Neal. When she questioned Ellie about him, Robyn didn't learn anything new. Only that he had been in contact with Jake but not with his mother.

Surprised by the information, she was even more surprised when Ellie explained the reason one evening when she had come to visit Martha. Ellie had also suspected Chance was Neal's son, and Neal blamed his mother for not telling him.

Jake flatly refused her requests for information about Neal. “He's fine,” he said when Robyn called him at his ranch.

“Jake, I need to talk to him. Please, can't you tell me how to get in touch with him? At least let me tell him Chance is doing well now. I know he would want to know that.”

“He knows,” Jake assured her. “I've told him everything that's happened. He's doing what he needs to do. Don't give up on him.”

Encouraged by his words, she asked, “Do you think he can ever forgive me?”

“He's a stubborn man, but I believe he will, in time.”

“Thanks, Jake. Tell him for me— Just tell him Chance misses him and asks about him every day.”

Ellie became a frequent visitor at their new house, and while Robyn was glad for her mother's sake, she still found it a painful reminder that Neal had chosen to stay away from her and from his son.

“Jake has a renter for your old house. I understand he's already moved in,” Ellie announced one afternoon when Chance had been home for a week. She sat with Martha and Robyn on the front porch and watched Chance toss a small ball over and over to an eager Bell. They both still wore their matching blue casts.

“I hope the new renter likes the place,” Martha said. “I know it's silly, but I hate the idea of someone changing the wallpaper that Frank and I picked out together.”

“You'll have a chance to find out. Jake says the man found a box of photos and papers. They must belong to you.”