Harlot (15 page)

She said his name again, her nails digging into his shoulder as she clutched him.

“That’s it.” He stroked her faster. “That’s it, Jess. Just like that.”

“Oh, God,” she gasped, her hips jumping now, straining up and up to meet his fingers. “Oh,
Caleb
.”

She screamed, a hoarse, wrenching cry as her body went tight beneath him. He could feel her muscles twitch under his fingers as her climax broke over her. Her head tipped back, her neck taut and long as she cried out over and over.

By the time she calmed, he was breathing as hard as she was. “You’re so fucking beautiful. A miracle.” Her thigh trembled beneath his.

He slid between her legs and took himself in hand. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured. He brushed the head along her heat, and she whimpered. “Tell me if I hurt you, Jess.”

He rubbed himself against her, his heart nearly stopping at the feel of her slickness against his cock. Finally, he notched the head to her opening and eased in just a half inch. “I’ll stop if you want.”

“No.” Her legs curled around his thighs and pulled him closer.

Caleb winced as he sank an inch deeper. “Slow,” he hissed.

“No,” she said again, the word a little jagged.

“I’d rather die than hurt you. I want to make this feel good. For once, I want it to be right for you.”

He hated the sob she gave as she arched to take more of him. He pulled back a little, then pressed in. “Is this all right?”

He felt her nod, but her breath shuddered as if she were crying. Caleb stretched his body over hers, trying to hold his hips still as he found her mouth with his. “I love you,” he said against her lips.

“Don’t,” she answered.

He kissed the tears from her cheeks and repeated it as he sank all the way into her body. “I love you.”

He fucked her slowly, sliding in and out as if he had all the time in the world, as if her body were his forever. Her legs kept him close. Her arms pulled him tighter to her.

“I love you, Jess,” he said one last time as he pushed as deep as he could. He held himself still while he climaxed, feeling the way his cock pulsed inside the tight grip of her. When he finally relaxed against her, she sighed and feathered kisses over his jaw.

It felt like their marriage bed, like they’d already said the vows. They hadn’t yet, but Caleb meant to see that they did.

‡

“I’m sorry,” he said, the
low words vibrating against the skin of her neck.

Jessica smiled at his sweetness. “Why?” she asked.

“I finished inside you. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I’ll make a tea in the morning. It should be fine.”

“Regardless, I mean to marry you, Jess.”

“No.”
Her muscles went so rigid that her whole body twinged with pain.

“You won’t have me?”

“It’s not that. Not really. I can’t. You know I can’t.”

He pulled free of her body, giving her one last slide of pleasure that warred with the panic quaking through her. “We’ll go to California, then. Get married there if you want it kept quiet.”

Her heart raced so quickly it felt like it was trembling in her chest. “I can’t marry you.”

“I don’t care about those other men,” he insisted, falling to his back beside her. “Don’t you get that?”

“Caleb, that’s not it.”

“I don’t care how many or what you did. All I—”

“There was only one!” she blurted out, the words so rough they scraped her throat.

“What?” She heard the disbelief in his voice and wished she could take back her stupid words. She’d just wanted him to know. That there weren’t so many. That she wasn’t so changed. Stupid, stupid pride. It wasn’t as if it was beneath her to have more than one man. She’d taken Caleb’s money too.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“There was… It was only one man.”
Don’t ask who.
“He wanted to keep me for himself. Like a toy. He did. For days. And then…”

“Then what?”

Then what? She almost laughed in horror. She shook her head.

“Then what, Jess?”

“He…he brought someone else here. He said the other man would wait in the parlor.” That had been the most horrible night. A low she hadn’t even thought possible. Theodore’s guest had been the
minister
, a man she’d known since she was twelve years old.

Jessica had thought she’d die of the shame, the horror. Who else had Theodore told?

But she’d gone dutifully to the bedroom with Theodore. She’d had two more nights to work off, after all.

“Jess.” Caleb’s hand tightened on her chin.

She shook her head. She could still remember being on her knees, Theodore’s body slapping against her as he drove himself inside over and over. Her hands clutching the bedcovers as she squeezed her eyes so tightly shut that her head ached. Even over Theodore’s grunting, she’d heard the door creak. Her eyes had snapped open to find the minister in the doorway, grinning like an ape.

She’d screamed, trying to pull away from Theodore and snatch up the sheets to cover herself, but he’d held her firmly, his fingers digging deep into her hips. “He just wants to watch,” he’d growled. “Calm down.”

When she’d struggled again, he’d wrapped a hand in her hair and pulled her back like she was a skittish horse. This man who’d treated her like a daughter all those years, he’d held her back like a farm animal. “I said he just wants to watch.” He’d driven himself deep again. “No harm—” another thrust “—in that.”

But then the minister had unfastened his pants.

Jess had cried out and tried to twist away from Theodore, but he’d only yanked on her hair until she screamed. “All right,” he’d said on a laugh. “Maybe he wants a go at you too.”

Jessica was so wrapped up in the memory that she couldn’t bear Caleb’s touch anymore. She flinched away from him. “I couldn’t do it,” she rasped.

“Couldn’t do what, Jess?”

“He said he’d already paid for the night and I’d do as he said. But I couldn’t. I got away.”

Everything was still too crystal clear. The feeling of Durst moving inside her, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. A man she’d thought was a man of God standing there with his dick in his hand, waiting his turn to defile her.

Theodore had finally grunted like a pig. She’d felt his seed dripping out of her, sliding down her shaking legs even before he’d pulled himself out and slapped her ass.

She’d waited one more moment, waited for the minister’s pants to be around his ankles. Waited for Theodore to sink back, as if he expected her to simply stay poised on her knees, ready for another mount. And then she’d sprung, leaping toward the door, scrambling on her toes and hands when she hit the floor, then pushing up to race for the stairs. Her shift had slid back down her body from where Theodore had shoved it up around her waist.

Their shouts had sounded far away before she’d even reached the door. Half-naked, she’d run into the night, sprinting for the tall shrubs that led to trees and then to the creek.

They hadn’t followed far, though they’d waited a long time. The cold had seeped into her body. She’d wrapped her arms around her legs and held tight, trying to still her violent shaking.

Eventually, they’d left. She’d escaped the minister’s hands. But she hadn’t escaped his pride. He’d spread tales about her through the town, her punishment for his rejection.

She wished she’d simply let him take his turn. That would have been easier to live with. It would’ve been no different than it had been with Theodore.

“Jessica,” Caleb said, his hand tipping her face toward him, though he must have been as blind in the dark as she was. “Why didn’t you tell me? That there was only one?”

“Does it matter?” she rasped.

“Yes,” he answered. Then, “No. I don’t know. I don’t know anything except that I still love you.”

Those awful, wonderful words again. They couldn’t be true. “Would you love me if there had been fifty?”

“Yes.”

Yes. She believed him. Hadn’t he said it before she’d blurted out the stupid truth? He didn’t care how many men there’d been, so why had she wanted to tell him? “I love you too,” she choked out. “But I can’t.”

“Tell me who it was,” he begged. “I’ll make him pay, and then we’ll leave. We’ll marry in California. We’ll have everything we planned for.”

“I can’t.
Please.
I can’t tell you. And I can’t be your wife. Your family…” It had taken quite a while for the fullness of the shame to hit her. She hadn’t betrayed only Caleb but also his poor mother, who’d always been kind.

“My family will have to understand.”

“No! I can’t ever marry you. That can’t happen. I can’t be with you, Caleb.” She’d let herself be lulled into thinking they could have something, but if he ever found out the truth, he’d hate her.

“Then—”

“No,” she insisted. “You have to leave in the morning.”

“I won’t—” he tried again, but she cut him off.

“Yes, you will. I can’t marry you and I won’t be your whore, so just…just give me tonight. Just stay the night this once.”

“I’m not leaving again, Jess. I’ll stay until you change your mind. Get my old job at the ranch. Help out around here.”

She slid a hand over his chest, up to his neck, then around to pull his head down to her. He was such a good man, and she loved him so much, too much to let him come back again tomorrow. “Just tonight,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his mouth. “Just one more time.”

And then she’d have to love him enough to let him go forever.

‡

Caleb left her still sleeping,
looking like an angel even if he loved her wicked and wild now. If he was gone when she woke, she couldn’t tell him not to come back. And hell, he still had to teach her how to set a snare.

He knew why she was afraid, why she didn’t want to marry. He’d said terrible things, called her ugly names. She’d need time to be sure of him, and he owed her that. He’d stay in Colorado until she saw that he’d changed.

When he’d left her farm, the heat had barely set in to the day, and he’d imagined he might sneak through town and head over to the ranch about a job without causing a stir. But as soon as he reached town, he realized it wasn’t possible. His mother would hear he’d come back, and she’d be hurt that he hadn’t stopped to see her first. So instead of riding to the ranch, he rode to his mother’s home.

“Caleb!” she cried out when she saw him in the open door. Joy lit up her face. “What are you doing back so soon? You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine, Mother. Just changed my mind. I thought maybe I’d work the rest of the summer at the ranch, take a little time here in Colorado. That’s all.”

She didn’t ask anything more, but when Theodore Durst stepped into the doorway, his frown was full of questions.

“Come in,” his mother said, pulling him into the house. We must have another breakfast! I’ll have Sally put together a plate. I can’t believe you’re back so soon!”

“I’m heading to the ranch,” he clarified, but she’d already disappeared.

His stepfather eyed him. “Run into trouble somewhere?”

Caleb brushed past. “Everything’s fine.”

An hour later, after he’d assured his mother a hundred times that he couldn’t stay longer, Caleb finished his last cup of coffee and stood. “I’ll come see you again after I’m settled.” He returned his mother’s tight hug, then took up his hat. “I’ll water the horse before I leave if you don’t mind.”

He thought he was clear of his family as he headed toward the back shed for a pail, but when he stepped into the shed, the door darkened behind him.

“Well?” his stepfather demanded.

“Well, what?”

“What are you really doing here? You need cash, I presume.”

“Not at all,” Caleb answered evenly.

“Don’t be coy. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell your mother, you’ll tell me.”

Caleb found the pail and stood straight to meet Theodore’s eyes. “I’ve come back for Jessica.”

The man’s cool face immediately twisted into ugliness. “What?” he spat.

“I plan to take her to California if she’ll have me.”

Red flooded Theodore’s cheeks, then worked its way up to his bald head. “What the hell are you saying?”