Haunted (8 page)

He punched his pillows as if they had done him some great wrong, but
Kestan knew he wasn't going to get to sleep and it wasn't the pillows
or the bed's fault. He got up, pulled on the dressing gown and slid
his feet into a pair of slippers before making his way down the
hallway to Aedyn's room. Much to his surprise, he found that Aedyn
wasn't alone. An older woman, who had the same fine-boned features as
Jessamyn was sitting in a chair, reading softly to Aedyn, although
Aedyn didn't seem to be awake. Her brown hair was hanging in a braid
over one shoulder and she was dressed in a nightgown and shawl.

She smiled on seeing him. "Master Kestan, do come in. He hasn't
woken, but sometimes voices can soothe. If you could stay with him
for a while, I can get to bed."

"Forgive me, Countess,, I didn't mean to have so disturbed your
household."

"Nonsense, it's the least we could do. To think, he's been alive
all this time. We should have done more to find him."

"I should have rescued him sooner."

She laughed a little. "We can play the blame game all night, but
let's just be thankful that he is away from there at last. Goodnight,
Master Kestan."

"Goodnight, Countess."

Once the woman was gone, Kestan slid into the chair she had so
recently vacated and lifted up the book she had placed on the bed. He
smiled to himself; it was the same book of fairy tales that Aedyn had
read to him. He turned the pages to
The
Sleeping Princess
and began his tale, smiling at the reminiscence of Aedyn asking about
kissing.

Looking at the frail boy on the bed, Kestan hoped he would be well
enough soon to allow Kestan to make good on his promise. If Aedyn
still wanted to be kissed and asked for it, Kestan knew he could no
longer deny him.

Chapter Nine

Aedyn woke up breathless, his nightclothes and sheets sticky with
warm seed. When it had first happened to him, he'd had no idea what
was going on and every time it happened the demon whipped him even
harder for being such a freak. Aedyn sighed. It wasn't the demon; the
man had been his uncle, but Aedyn knew that deep down Grunhall would
always remain a demon to him. How could anyone human do such cruel
things? Aedyn had almost been mad with pain and if Kestan hadn't
rescued him, Aedyn knew that he might have ended up completely insane
or dead at Grunhall's hands. Aedyn shuddered as he remembered that
awful night, the screams as Syldas fell to his death. He rubbed at
his head, as if by doing that he could scrub the memories away just
like water would wash away dirt, but it had never worked then and it
didn't work now.

Dame Nera had long talks with him, getting him to go over the things
that had happened to him. She seemed to think that talking about
these things rather than hiding them away was better for him in the
long run. At first the talks had made his nightmares worse and more
frequent, but gradually as the weeks went on the nightmares were
easing off. Now Aedyn was finding that he wasn't getting frightened
by every little sound or shadow as often as he had previously. Dame
Nera also insisted on telling him everything he needed to know about
the facts of life and his body, for his uncle had certainly never
told him anything. He knew now why his prick sometimes got hard, why
he sometimes woke with sticky sheets and why Kestan was so
interesting to him. It wasn't just that the man had rescued him,
although Aedyn knew he never would forget that, but that he found
Kestan rather attractive.

In the six weeks since he and Kestan had been guests of the earl and
his family, Aedyn's health had improved dramatically. Regular meals,
proper clothes and the fact that he had people to care for him had
made an enormous difference to his demeanour. The wounds on his back
had healed; he would always have scars to remind him of his time in
the tower, but he felt a lot better in himself. It was as if he was
slowly waking up from a very strange and horrible dream.

The house was his now, but Aedyn wasn't so sure he ever wanted to go
back there. There were too many bad memories. Besides, he wanted
Kestan to see him as the new, stronger Aedyn, not the weak and scared
boy he had rescued. Kestan still hadn't made good on his promise to
kiss him, he kept insisting Aedyn wasn't well enough yet. Well, Dame
Nera had given him a clean bill of health so Aedyn didn't know what
else Kestan was waiting for. Maybe Kestan didn't like him in that way
after all and had just kissed him before to make Aedyn feel better.

Tonight, Kestan was taking Aedyn out to the theatre in the
entertainment district in the city. Neither of them had ever been to
the theatre before. After Dame Nera's talks, Aedyn had wondered if
there was something wrong with him, for he'd never felt his body
reacting to women at all. Not like when he saw Kestan: his hands
would become clammy, his heart would pound in his ears and his
stomach felt as if it was full of butterflies. No girl made him feel
like that. He liked Jessamyn and the maids were always friendly to
him, but just as friends. None of them had made advances and he
certainly hadn't felt like making advances to them either. But
Kestan! Oh, yes, Aedyn wanted to make advances. He wanted to kiss and
be kissed, be held in the man's arms, he wanted to be held and
stroked, petted and caressed and he shivered as renewed desire shot
through him, his prick pressing against his damp nightshirt.

He heard the maids bustling about in the corridor outside and knew he
wouldn't have time to make himself spill his seed again, even though
he felt like he might want to. Aedyn tucked the covers up to his chin
when he heard the knock on his door. "Come in," he called
and Hawise entered his bedroom with hot water and towels for his
wash. Once she was gone, Aedyn got out of bed and stripped off his
nightshirt before sponging his sticky thighs and groin. There wasn't
a lot he could do about the sheets, but he was always embarrassed,
wondering what the laundry maids thought when they changed his bed.
Did women even know what happened to men? Or did Dame Nera only know
because she was a healer?

He finished washing and dried himself off before dressing in another
set of new clothes. As his guardian, Kestan had taken Aedyn to so
many tailors that he'd lost count. Every item of clothing was fitted
to him and Aedyn revelled in the soft feel of the materials that he
tried on. He pulled on a pair of dark green trousers and a cream
shirt. It made him feel quite grown up and later tonight he hoped
Kestan could see that as well: that he was grown up and wanted grown
up things. He was nineteen now, hardly a child!

Aedyn made his way to the dining room for breakfast. Breakfast was
the most informal meal in the earl's household: there was no set
time. All the food was set out on warming plates on the sideboard and
people could come and go as they pleased. Aedyn was pleased to see
Kestan already there, along with Jessamyn and her father. It was
lonely if he was the last one down and had to eat by himself. He'd
had enough of being alone.

"Good morning, everyone," said Aedyn as Kestan pulled out
the chair next to his for Aedyn to sit in and smiled at him.

"Good morning, Aedyn," said Kestan. "Did you sleep
well?"

Aedyn blushed, remembering his dreams of the man that meant he had
woken up to sticky sheets.
Again
. "Yes, thank you."

The table was set already with plates, cutlery, glasses and cups
along with jugs of juice, pots of tea and hot chocolate. Aedyn poured
himself a glass of orange juice before lifting his plate and taking
it over to the sideboard where all the covered dishes were waiting.
Aedyn opened every lid, hoping to tempt himself with something, but
like every other morning since he'd recovered he took only two slices
of toast and strawberry preserve. He left the bacon, eggs, kidneys
and black pudding under their domes and made his way back to the
table. The others glanced at each other, trying to make it seem as if
they weren't worried about him. His appetite still wasn't as strong
as theirs, but Aedyn knew that he could eat what he wanted whenever
he wanted, with no punishments for doing so. No one mentioned how
little he ate at meals still, but Aedyn knew they were probably
thinking it.

Aedyn ate his toast and took a drink of his juice before making his
announcement. The truth was he'd been thinking about it for a while
but wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject. He decided just to
come out with it.

"I think it's time I looked for a house of my own," Aedyn
said. Jessamyn's fork dropped to her plate with a clatter; Kestan
arched his eyebrows and the earl just smiled a little sadly. "I
can't live on your hospitality forever."

"Aedyn, you and Kestan are welcome to stay here for as long as
you wish," said Jonathan.

"I know, and you've been most generous. I just think it's time."
Aedyn knew that the longer he stayed, the more difficult it was going
to be to leave. It was wonderful being part of a family and he had
felt like part of the family here, but he knew that he had to stand
on his own two feet sometime. "Is that all right, Kestan?"

Aedyn didn't really know how much things cost; but as guardian of
Aedyn's money as well as his person, Kestan had taken care of
everything so far. But Aedyn knew that some day he was going to have
to be responsible for his own finances and he hoped Kestan would
teach him about that.

"The money is not an issue," said Kestan. "But are you
sure you feel up to living on your own yet? Not to mention managing a
household. It's a big step."

"I won't be living on my own," said Aedyn. "You'll be
living with me, won't you? As my guardian?"

"I - I -" But Kestan seemed lost for words.

"Jessamyn, you have finished, have you not?" said the earl
pointedly. "Let us leave Aedyn and Kestan to their discussions."

"Oh. Oh, yes, of course." Jessamyn dabbed her mouth with
her napkin before following her father out of the dining room. She
turned at the doorway and gave Aedyn a
good luck
smile.

Once they were alone, Kestan poured himself another cup of hot
chocolate and sat staring at Aedyn as he sipped it. Aedyn drank some
more juice, even though he was far from thirsty. "You don't want
to live with me?" Aedyn asked at last, unable to bear the
silence any longer.

"It's not what I want that counts, Aedyn. Is this what you
want?"

"Then yes, I want you to live with me," said Aedyn firmly.
Aedyn fluttered his eyelashes as he'd seen Hawise do to one of the
footmen. "I want you, Kestan."

Kestan choked on his chocolate and set the cup down, coughing and
spluttering. "Aedyn, do you even know what you're asking for?"

"I'm not an innocent, Kestan. At least, not anymore."

"What? Has someone hurt you? Touched you?" Kestan asked
angrily.

"No, no, nothing like that. I just had some very interesting
talks with Dame Nera. She doesn't believe in keeping her patients in
the dark. About
anything
." Aedyn quirked his eyebrow on
the last word, making Kestan chuckle.

"I see. And did Dame Nera also explain that anything that
happens between two men also happens to be illegal?"

"She did," said Aedyn. "So you'd be unwilling to take
the risk in order to be with me? You don't think I'm worth it?"
Aedyn was appalled to find himself so close to tears. He'd promised
himself that he would never cry in front of Kestan ever again and yet
here he was blubbing like a child.

"Oh, Aedyn, no," said Kestan softly. He leaned over the
table and stroked Aedyn's hand. "You would be worth it and more.
But I don't want to be responsible for your death. What if you were
arrested because of me? I couldn't bear it."

"We would just have to be discreet," said Aedyn. "Very
discreet."

"We would," Kestan agreed. "Very. But it's very
difficult to be discreet in a house full of servants."

Aedyn nodded. "I heard some of the servants talking; there are
places. Places where men can go to be together. We could go there,
couldn't we?"

Kestan spluttered again and set his cup down with a thump. "Aedyn,
no! I don't want to take you to a place like that. It's too risky.
Some of the owners have been known to blackmail the people who attend
their clubs. We will have to think of something else."

"So what are you saying? Are you saying you do want to be with
me?" Aedyn hardly dared hope.

Kestan leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss to Aedyn's cheek. "I
do, Aedyn. I do."

"What if I had a small house? So small that we didn't need
servants?"

"Can you cook?"

"No," Aedyn admitted. "Can you?"

"No, but if you bought a small apartment in the city along with
a country residence, no one would think it at all odd if you didn't
have a large staff in Anterra. You could hire daily maids; a lot of
people are doing that now. So in the evening you could be alone."

"We could be alone," said Aedyn, smiling broadly. "Kestan,
you're a genius! No one would think it odd that my guardian would
stay with me in the city, would they?"

"No, in fact they'd probably expect it."

"So, Kestan, do you fancy doing some house hunting tomorrow?"

"I'd be delighted, Aedyn."

Kestan leaned towards him, as if he might dare a kiss, but just then
the door to the dining room opened and Hawise came in, armed with
some more coal for the fire. Both of them jumped apart as if they'd
been scalded, but their eyes never left each other's faces. Aedyn
knew the sooner they found a place of their own, the better. The
tension in the room was almost palpable, but at least now Aedyn knew
that Kestan felt the same way.

They would soon find time to be alone. Aedyn would make sure of it.

Chapter Ten

"Oh, Aedyn! You look so dashing!" exclaimed Jessamyn as
Aedyn modelled his new outfit for her. With his dinner jacket and bow
tie, he felt as if he was just playing at dressing up as he'd never
worn such fine things before, at least not that he could remember. He
supposed he might have done when his parents had still been alive.