Haunted (9 page)

Ted stepped in front of the old man. “Then he just happens to look down, and there, under his feet, is this body.
His
body. He stops—freezes on the spot—stares down, and goes, ‘Oh.’”

“Just like that,” the old man chortled. “‘Oh.’”

I looked at Kristof.

“More smacking in order?” he murmured.

“Smacking’s too good. Think I can rip out their intestines and use them for harp strings?”

“You could try. Or…”

He tilted his head toward the paper-thin wall.

“…are the best,” someone said, then sighed. “We haven’t had a decent new one in weeks.”

I glanced at Kristof. We smiled at each other.

We found an empty room farther down the hall, where we could talk without being overheard by the haunters.

I perched on the bed. “So one of us will play patient and the other should be a nurse or—”

“First, I need you in a nurse’s uniform.”

“I don’t think I saw any nurses on the way in. I should go see what kind of outfits—”

As I slid off the bed, he put out a hand to stop me.

“I think I can handle this,” he said. “May I?”

Being able to change women out of their clothing may be most adolescent boys’ idea of heaven, but ghosts can’t do it unless they’re given tacit permission by the other party. I closed my eyes and concentrated on letting Kris change my clothes.

“There,” he said.

I looked down and saw my boobs looking back at me. Well, the tops of them anyway, stuffed into a white shirt with cleavage so low I was bound to pop out if I so much as sighed. I wore a skintight white nurse’s dress that barely covered my rear. Speaking of adolescent fantasies…

I glared at Kris, who was grinning like a thirteen-year-old.

“Hey, it’s a nurse’s uniform,” he said.

“Yeah…from a porn movie.”

A wide grin. “Works for me.”

As I sighed, he stepped closer, finger sliding along the hem of my dress, rippling the fabric so it tickled against my thighs.

“Remember the last time you played nurse for me?” he murmured. “I was working at the New York office, and you came up for the weekend. We were supposed to get together for dinner, but you called—”

“I remember,” I said, quickstepping away. “Now, we need a plan—”

“Oh, you had a plan.” He stepped as close to me as he could get without touching. “I was on my way to a meeting and you called and said, ‘I can’t wait for tonight, Kris.’”

I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but his gaze met mine, and the words dried up, leaving me standing there, lips parted, face tilted up to his.

He continued, “You said I didn’t sound very good, and suggested I come by the hotel room so you could play nurse for me. Which you did. Most effectively. Ordered me into bed…and, by the time you were done, I couldn’t have got out of it if I wanted to.” A slow grin. “Of course, neither could you.”

Thank God for ghost-hood sometimes. No need to worry about pounding hearts or sweaty palms or heavy breathing. All I had to do was keep my gaze down, and he wouldn’t know how badly I wanted to say “To hell with it” and cross that last quarter-inch between us.

His lips moved closer to my ear. “I remember every second of that afternoon, Eve. I’ve replayed it so many times…in bed, in the shower, even in the car, once during a traffic jam—I was sitting there and I saw a billboard for the hotel we’d stayed in and next thing you know…” A deep chuckle. “I found a way to make the delay a whole lot more bearable.”

I backpedaled so fast I fell right through the wall. Kristof grabbed my arm to steady me, but I moved out of his way.

I righted myself and glowered at him. “God, you are—”

A quick grin. “Incorrigible?”

“Oh, that wasn’t the word I had in mind.”

“I like incorrigible. Much better than desperate. Or horny. Or desperately horny.”

“Arghh!” With a blink, I changed back into my jeans. “There, better?”

He took my hand and pressed it to his crotch. “Nope, no change. Have I ever mentioned how great your ass looks in those—”

“If you do, you’re going to find yourself on the wrong end of a shock-bolt spell.”

“Hmmm.”

“Don’t even try it.”

“Not going to. I’m just wondering whether I should risk unzipping or just let you continue like this.”

“Like what?” I followed his gaze down to see my hand still pressed against his crotch. “Damn you!”

“I take it that’s a no on the unzipping?”

I bit back a retort and settled for striding across the room, giving my brain time to find its way out of the lust-fog. “I need a real nurse’s uniform.”

“No, you’re going to be the patient.”

“But you said—”

“I said
I
needed to put you in a nurse’s uniform. I didn’t say it was part of the plan.”

I rolled my eyes and fought the urge to laugh. “Okay, tell me what you have in mind.”

I was going to play patient—a more thorough disguise, since two of the haunters had already seen me. Stained, baggy sweats, my hair snarled and oily, eyes red and sunken—the look of someone for whom personal hygiene has been a low priority for a while. After I finished the glamour, Kristof conjured a wheelchair for me, and we headed back to the haunters.

8

“
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN BART’S FACE.” THE YOUNG
woman who’d been taunting Barton to violence had returned to the other haunters. “Franco couldn’t write her report fast enough. She was on the phone to Peterson before Chang even came to collect ol’ Bart.”

Kristof wheeled me into the room, and silence fell as every eye turned our way. Outfitted in a generic orderly’s uniform, he grumbled under his breath about the nurses being too busy to help settle me in. He steered carefully, making sure not to run through anything that should be solid. He left me in the middle of the room, and grabbed the folded bedding from the foot of the bed. With a quick conjure, he duplicated it into a ghost-world set, then began unfolding the top sheet. I sat motionless, chin on my chest, gaze downcast.

“Well, looky-looky,” chortled Ted, my headless accountant.

I lifted my head and scanned the room. I frowned over at Kristof.

“We got audio,” the teenage girl said. “But I think the video’s on the fritz.”

“Damn,” the other woman said.

“I prefer the listeners,” Ted said as he sauntered toward me. “Much more unsettling, isn’t it, honey? You can hear us, but you can’t see a damned thing.”

“Who—who’s there?” I said.

Ted leaned down to my ear. “I’m right here. Can’t you see me?”

“N—no.”

“Well, maybe that’s because you’re crazy.”

The others laughed.

“Only crazy people hear voices,” Ted whispered. “Are you crazy, honey? Lost your marbles? Not playing with a full deck? Loony as a…loony as a…”

“Jaybird,” Kris said.

They all looked over at Kristof. He shook out another sheet, and let it drift onto the bed.

“Did he…?” Ted said.

“I don’t think so,” the old man said. “Maybe he was just—”

“Jaybird,” Kris said, his back still to them. “The word you want to finish your insult is ‘jaybird.’ There are others, but that is most correct. Loony as a jaybird.”

He pivoted slowly. His eyes glowed neon blue. It was a simple glamour, but the teen girl gasped and backpedaled.

Kristof lifted his hands over his head, a rain of sparks falling from his fingertips. The ghosts stared like cavemen seeing their first eclipse. As Kris’s hands fell, the orderly’s uniform morphed into a high-collared black shirt and black pants. A final flourish, and bolts of energy leapt from his palms, rebounding off the far wall and ping-ponging through the room.

The old man ran for the door. Kris lifted one finger in a fast circle—the gesture for a barrier spell. He let me cast the actual incantation under my breath. Barrier spells were sorcerer magic, but Kris’s was less than reliable, and he knew it.

When the old man smacked into the barrier, he tottered back. The woman bolted for the nearest wall, only to hit the barrier there.

“Who are you?” Ted demanded.

“Who am I?” Kris’s voice took on a tone that had cowed many an insubordinate junior exec. “You dare to ask? You
need
to ask?”

“See, dearest?” I said as I rose from my wheelchair. “I told you he didn’t recognize me earlier.”

The teen girl stared at me—the new me, cleaned up and dressed in a short black dress with a mandarin collar to match Kris’s. Ted turned and blinked hard.

“You,” he said. “You’re that bitch from—”

I slammed a shock bolt into his gut. Didn’t hurt him, but he felt the jolt, especially when he hit the floor. I strolled over, and cast a binding spell that froze him bowed over, half-standing.

“There,” I said. “That is the proper position to take before me. Leave it, and I’ll give you something to make that shock feel like a love tap.”

I broke the spell. Still crouched, he glanced around at his fellow haunters, but they all looked away.

Ted’s gaze lifted to mine. “I don’t know what kind of ghosts you guys are—”

“Ghosts!” Kris thundered, striding over to him. “First you trespass on our territory, then you mistake us for ghosts?”

“Your territory?” the old man said. “Is this yours? We didn’t know—”

“Then your ignorance adds insult to injury. You have trespassed, and you shall pay.”

“P—pay?” the teenage girl said. “But I didn’t—I’ve only been here a week. They told me it was okay. They said no one would bother us—”

I caught her in a binding spell and she went silent.

“Thank you,” Kris said. “Now, as for the rest of you…”

“May I have them?” I said. “Please? Something new to play with.”

“Wait,” the old man said. “We didn’t know. It was an honest mistake. No one told us—”

“No one should need to tell you.”

I glided over to Kristof. “I don’t need quite so many pets. Perhaps we should show them that the gods aren’t the only ones who can be merciful.” I smiled. “I’m sure they would be indebted to us for our mercy.”

“Yes,” the old man said quickly. “Very indebted. Let us go, and you’ll never have to worry about us coming here again.”

Kris looked him in the eye, making his own blaze with the glamour. “We’d better not.”

“Or you’ll wish you’d stayed with me,” I said.

I undid the barrier spell as Kris waved it away.

“Now go,” he said.

They bolted for the nearest wall. I grabbed Ted as he leapt to his feet.

“I’m not giving up all my toys,” I said. “You, I’ll keep.” I smiled, showing my teeth. “First, I’ll teach you how to play hide-and-seek…with your head.”

Ted’s gaze shot to Kristof, eyes widening. “But you—you said—”

Kris only shrugged.

“Show me your guts again,” I said. “I want to see how far I can pull out your intestines, maybe wrap them around your neck and use them as a leash.”

Ted opened his mouth, but only a squeak came out.

“He’ll make a fine pet, my dear,” Kristof said as he stepped behind me. “I can’t wait to hear him scream.”

I smiled. “You won’t have to wait long.”

Kristof slid a hand across my bare thigh. As his fingers crept up to my rear, I leaned back into him, twisted to his ear, and whispered, “Keep going, and I’ll play with
your
intestines.”

A throaty chuckle, as if I’d said something wickedly sexy. His hand slid to the back of my leg…and stayed there. At a warning look from me, he withdrew, but not before tickling his fingers over my inner thigh and sending a shiver through me.

“Let’s hurry,” he murmured, loud enough for Ted to hear. “We’ll take him down and show him his new home…see how fast you can make him scream.”

He started a phony incantation, then stopped. I shot a questioning look over my shoulder.

“Perhaps we should have kept another,” Kris said. “A guard might have proved useful, to ensure none of them returns, and no others take their place.”

“Guard,” Ted squeaked. “I’d make a great guard.” He sidled toward Kris. “I’ll watch the place for you, and keep out trespassers and anything else you—”

Kris flung him away with a knock-back spell.

I leaned back against Kristof. “You take him. I’ll find another.”

“
I’ll
find you another.”

I smiled. “Even better. And if this one doesn’t do his job—”

“I will,” Ted said. “I’ll stay right in this hospital—”

“No, you’ll stay right outside it,” Kris said. “And you won’t bother any of the patients. They’re ours, under our protection.”

“Speaking of ours,” I said. “What about Jaime?”

“Is she yours, too?” Ted said. “No problem. I’ll stay away from her.”

“Of course you will,” Kris said. “Because you’ll be here, on the grounds, and you will not leave until we return and tell you to go.”

“Got it.”

Kris made Ted swear a soul-binding oath. It was magical mumbo-jumbo, but Ted bought it…and the rain of sparks and ending clap of thunder were nice cinematic touches. Then Kris waved his hands, and a swirl of fog rose from the floor. When it enveloped us, we transported back to the ghost world, and found ourselves in an open field.

I poked Kristof in the chest. “
You
were amazing.”

“The thunderclap was a bit much. And maybe the lightning bolts.”

“Never. You were perfect.”

As his eyes lit up, my laugh floated through the field.

“You miss that?” I said. “Not having flunkies telling you how wonderful you are?”

His gaze met mine, and his voice softened. “Never mattered. You’re the only one who ever said it like it might be true.”

I dropped my gaze and stepped back. “I should go and tell Jaime her problem’s been solved. Thanks for—”

“Anytime. You know that.”

I nodded. “I’m off, then. Check in with you later?”

“Please. Oh, one last thing. When you’re talking to Jaime, I’m sure my name won’t come up…but you might want to make sure that it doesn’t.”

I sighed. “What’d you do to her?”

“It wasn’t me—”

“Let me rephrase that. What did your employees do to her on your orders? Or, on second thought, don’t tell me.” I rolled my eyes. “Guess I should have known—if I’d never done anything to her, you would have. I swear, between the two of us we’ve pissed off ninety-five percent of the supernatural world.”