Hawk's Haven (15 page)

The teasing became a torment and she reached for him. He met her willing lips, urging them open with deep hot kisses. She responded with an abandon that should have frightened her, but for some wonderful reason, it didn't.

She wanted him, but as she tried to tell him all that came out was a groan of desire. She felt him, hard and hot against her flesh.  Unable to take any more, she gazed up at him. "Please."

Her body writhed beneath his slow and deliberate caress of her thigh. "Patience, Gillian."

The higher his hand rose, the closer she arched, until his palm rested on the silky thatch of hair between her legs. He eased his finger inside and used the rhythmic pressure of his hand to arouse her even further.

Hawk reveled in her excitement. He smiled at the soft, sexy noises that escaped from her throat. Hot and moist, she was more than ready for him.

With Gillian, everything felt right. She’d an innate goodness, an innocent trust despite a lifetime of lies. He wanted her, more than he'd ever wanted anyone in his life. Her shining eyes mirrored his needs.

He slid his hand underneath her tight round buttocks and positioned her below him, keeping his full weight balanced on his elbows. Using his knee, he parted her legs and thrust deep inside.

Her fingers dug into the skin on his back. It was difficult to say who was more startled by her initial cry. Damn. He never expected... he never considered that she might be a virgin. How was he supposed to know when she’d never shown the slightest hesitation or doubt about what she wanted?

"Gillian?"

"I'm all right," she choked out.

He raised himself up. "I didn't realize..."

"Can we discuss this later?” She clasped her hands on his shoulders and pulled him to her. Even when she’d no idea what to expect, she went forward without fear.

He gazed at her for a long moment, fighting a tide of emotions that threatened to send him over the edge. He needed to remain in control, to spare her more pain. As she began to relax and twist impatiently, pain seemed to be the furthest thing from her mind.

She wriggled beneath him and let out a sexy squeak. Surprised and perhaps a little embarrassed she laughed.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.” And apparently she was.

Any hope of retaining control was blown away and she wrapped her legs around him and arched in closer. She matched his every movement. A quick learner, she got bolder by the second.

If Gillian had any misgivings they were soon washed away in a sea of pleasure. Purely erotic sensations rippled through her body. As a wave of tremors rocked her, she could do little more than stare in astonishment.

How did he do that to her? From all she’d heard, this wasn't supposed to happen, not the first time anyway. By the deep sound of his groan, she would guess she’d the same effect on him.

For a long moment she stared at him through a daze of ecstasy. She wanted to say something, anything but when she tried, her voice came out in a sigh. A smile was the most she could manage.

Once she regained her breath, she noticed the changing expression in Hawk's face. Was he angry with her? A burst of modesty, very late in surfacing, shot a hot flush to her cheeks.

"Oh, no you don't," he said as she tried to squirm out from under him. "Why didn't you tell me you were...?” He paused as if searching for the right word. "Innocent."

She turned her head to the side to avoid his scrutiny. "I lost my innocence a long time ago, Hawk. I'm sorry if my virginity disappointed you.”

"It didn't. And that's not the point.” Hawk flipped over to his back, pulling her on top of him as he turned. A lock of hair fell in her face and he tucked it behind her ear. "Why me? Why now?"

"I doubt you'd understand."

"Try me."

"I just did.” Her attempt at humor didn't amuse him.

"Damn it, Gillian. No jokes."

She winced at the harshness in his voice. Was this a male thing? First he went all out to prove she wanted him then he questioned why she made love with him.  "Why do you think?"

"I have no idea.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. The fact that he was her first lover should give him a clue. If he couldn't tell how she felt about him, he would never believe the words.

"I didn't have an ulterior motive for sleeping with you.” She pressed a kiss against his chest and slid onto the bed next to him. "What's really bothering you Hawk?"

There were a few repercussions that Gillian, in her innocence, had never taken into consideration. It didn't seem the right time to remind her of the foolishness of their actions. Apparently, she’d no sexual history and he knew his own. Still, he wasn't normally careless. There was always the chance of an unplanned pregnancy, but amazingly the idea didn't paralyze him with fear as it had in the past. He placed his hand on her stomach and imagined his baby growing inside.

"Don't worry, the timing is wrong," she said as if reading his very thoughts.

"I'm not worried.” He wanted a tie that bound her to him. She’d come to the reservation a broken spirit, but every day she got stronger. He was afraid that when the wounds healed she would fly back to her own kind.

"Then why are we discussing this?"

"Because it's a possibility that we should be prepared for."

"Don’t worry. I won't ask you to marry me. I can take care of myself."

Apparently, she wasn't looking for a future with him. The realization stung. "So you keep telling me. Who are you trying to convince?"

She recoiled as if she’d been struck. Pulling the blanket around her body, she slipped off the bed.  "Not you, since it’s apparent you have no faith in me."

"That’s not what I meant. When will you stop getting so defensive about everything I say?"

Her gaze held him in angry challenge. "When you stop putting me in a position where I have to defend myself. This is supposed to be a relationship, not a cross examination."

"I'm not cross examining you."

"After what passed between us, you’re still questioning my motives.” She grabbed her clothes from the closet and disappeared into the bathroom. Five minutes later she emerged, dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt.

“Where are you going?” he asked when he realized she intended to go out.

“To the longhouse to help Martha set up for tomorrow.” She hooked her purse strap on her shoulder.

“I’ll walk you.”

“I’m relatively sure I can find my way on my own.”  Before he could jump out of bed and grab his clothes, she was gone. 

You handled that well, he mocked himself. What had he expected? He’d known all along that Gillian didn't belong here. Too many years of her life had been spent in a golden cage. She was finally free and she wanted to test her wings.

Chapter
Thirteen

There was no shortage of laughter during the Strawberry Thanksgiving. Out in the open fields, families worked together to gather the sacred fruit for the feast. The scent of wood smoke rising from the chimneys tickled Gillian's nostrils. 

She wanted to enjoy the holiday but Hawk's emotional withdrawal wouldn't allow her to get into a festive mood. For a man who had managed to avoid being caught, he seemed anxious to trap her in a web of dependency. Why couldn't he respect her need to remain independent? Didn't he understand what living under her father's domination had done to her?

Gillian paused at the door of the longhouse and brushed her hand over the kid-skin dress she’d borrowed from the cedar chest.  The intricate bead work shimmered in the sunlight. "Are you sure no one will be offended?"

"I'm sure," Hawk said as he held the door open.

"Oh, boy. Two consecutive words. Things are improving.” The steady pounding of drums filtering through the windows, kept rhythm with the beating of her heart.

He shrugged. "Sorry if my conversation had been lacking as of late."

"Lacking? It's been non-existent since yesterday.” She wondered why he’d bothered to stay at the house with her last night. The emotional distance he placed between them hurt more than his absence would have. Most of his time he spent fixing an old clock that wasn’t broken until he started on it. He barely grunted one syllable answers to her questions, until she gave up all together trying to get him to talk.

"I didn’t see the need. You made it clear that you aren’t interested in a long term relationship with me."

"I never said that."

He shrugged. “Not in those words.”

“If you believe that, why do you think I made love with you?” He tried to maneuver her inside, as if he could avoid the question by walking away. His silence spoke volumes. She slipped in front of him and blocked his path. “Do you think I’m just amusing myself until my community service ends and I can go back to Butler Square?”

“Are you?”

She blinked back a tear. “Don’t you know? Aren’t you sure of me yet?”

His response was muted by the grumblings of several people trying to pass them. She stumbled forward, jostled by the late comers hurrying to get inside. Obviously, she wasn’t going to be able to finish the conversation now. As she moved with the flow of people into the building, she put their disagreement on the back burner and tried to immerse herself in the festivities.

The center hall of the longhouse was filled with people. Centuries of history surrounded her, taking her in spirit, to a simpler time. The ceremony began with an hour long recitation of the prophet's words spoken in the native Iroquois language.  After the prayers, speeches from the tribal council reminded the gathering of the prophecies. The holiday gave a perfect forum to the traditionalists for their anti-casino platform. Before a brawl could erupt, the party began.

A bench was moved to the center of the room. The small band of musicians stood on the bench, pounding turtle shells and chanting the ancient songs of thanks. Gillian rested against the wall and watched the dancers form a circle around the musicians.

Although Hawk stood as stone-faced as a totem pole, he remained at her side with one hand possessively holding her arm. Despite his nearness, the emotional gulf between them left her with a hollow ache that wouldn’t subside. How could she reach a man who had an overabundance of pride?

"Tommy,” Martha called out as she worked her way across the crowded room.

"What's the matter?” Hawk asked.

"There's a call for you in the office. Apparently it's something urgent."

"My father?” Gillian couldn't stop from asking.

"No," Martha assured her.

"I'd better take it," Hawk said. "I'll be right back."

She nodded and retreated into a corner to watch the young children dancing in the center of the room. Her gaze kept traveling to the office that Hawk had disappeared into. Any number of people might have a reason to call Hawk. He was a lawyer, for goodness sake, and a good one at that. Naturally, clients would call their lawyer in an emergency.

In an attempt to lift her sagging spirit, she allowed Maya and Amanda to lure her into the center of the room.  The girls pulled her around and around the circle until she was dizzy from the effort. On her last spin, she twirled right into Hawk’s solid frame.  

“I need to borrow her," Hawk said to his nieces. She shot an apologetic smile to the young girls as he slipped his arm across her waist and led her outside.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I have to go meet a client."

"Will you be coming back later?”

“Are you going to be here?” he countered.

She shrugged, unsure how to answer. She didn’t want another night of brooding silence, nor did she want to spend the night alone. “I thought I’d go see my cousin for a while. I’ll stay there if you’d rather I didn’t return.”

He expelled a groan of frustration. “Leave the directions with my service and I’ll pick you up when I’ve finished.”

“Only if we’re going to talk later instead of seeing if you can break another clock.”

“Yeah, sure.” He made a face that said he’d rather walk through the fires of Hell than talk.

Obviously, she wasn’t going to reach him by talking. She would have to find another way to prove to him that she wasn’t passing time until she returned to her old life.

* * * *

Hawk asked the woman at the answering service to repeat the message twice before it sunk in. “Meet us at the White Sands Country Club,” Gillian had requested. What was she up to now? Meet us. Who else had she invited to this little jaunt and what did she hope to prove?

He doubted she was meeting with her father, although she’d certainly chosen a place that would get back to him. He dismissed the idea that she was pulling
a
stunt to embarrass the judge. Gillian had a social conscience, but she wasn’t a hurtful person. She chose the setting to prove a point to him.

He entered the elegant restaurant, feeling like an intruder. The Monday night crowd was light, so it was easy to spot Gillian sitting at a table with two women. Especially since she was still wearing the kid-skin dress with the colorful beadwork. She smiled and came to her feet at the same time the maître d’ came over to him.