HDU #2: Dirt (9 page)

Amanda shook her
head, confused as she blinked at Liam and his tensing shoulders.
 
Did
I miss something?
“Fucking Logan’s life up?” she repeated.
 
“How did you fuck up Logan’s life?”
Amanda’s lips parted as she watched Liam’s brows slope into a frown that she’d
never seen on him before.

“He gave up
everything for me so I could pursue a career that I didn’t even want.”

“How so?” Amanda
asked quickly, so Liam couldn’t change the subject.
 
She heard him somewhat groan as he stared blankly at the
label on his empty bottle.

“We didn’t have
money and I thought I had the chance to turn it around for us when some agent
scouted me when I was out on the slopes.
 
Got to model for some surf-wear company, got several thousand dollars in
one day, then five thousand a week later for some commercial shoot that just
fell in my lap.
 
Dropped out of
school to chase easy money because I liked being able to give Logan a hundred
dollar bill for groceries.
 
Good
food that would actually fill our stomachs.”

Amanda frowned
when Liam stopped, trying to figure out if she’d missed some part of the
story.
 
“You provided for your
family at fifteen.
 
How is that
fucking up Logan’s life?”

“Because it
didn’t last.
 
I was a teenager and
a dumbass.
 
Moved out to LA because
I got one short job and then needed Logan to give me money to stay there since
it always felt like I was a gig away from turning it around for us.
 
And my lazy ass had already dropped out
of school for a year-and-a-half at that point and didn’t want to go back.”
 
Liam’s eyes went from Amanda to the cap
sitting on her head.
 
She took it
off and held it in her lap, watching his gaze follow.
 
“He spent all his hard-earned money on letting me chase the
easy kind.”

“How much money
was that?” Amanda asked, wondering how much a teenager could really even
save.
 
She certainly hadn’t saved
so much as twenty dollars between the meager paychecks from her part-time jobs
in high school.

“Six thousand.
  
Which was a shitload for us.”

“What was he
saving it for?”

“College.
 
A cheap one so he could transfer to
University of Delaware after fulfilling his Gen Eds.”

“He got into
Delaware?”

“With an
athletic scholarship for football.
 
It was closer to ten thousand dollars than five but it still didn’t cut
enough tuition cost for him to go.”

“I thought he
wanted to be in the Air Force.
 
Because you watched that Terrence Rambis movie with him when you were
younger…” Amanda trailed off, trying to remember the name of the film that Liam
had told her about in the video he had sent to PrettyKitty29.
 
“
Bouncing
Betty
.
 
You said it was the
reason you needed to land
A Soldier
.
 
Because Terrence was the reason you and
Logan wanted to join the Air Force.
 
And why Logan actually went through with it.”

“We were eight
and ten when we watched that movie.
 
We both ditched the soldier dreams by the time we were in middle
school,” Liam said, laughing in a way that Amanda didn’t quite appreciate.
 
“Logan met Heidi in eighth grade and I
don’t know how but he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her by
then.
 
So his real dream was going
to college with her, marrying her after and having kids that he’d play football
with every day after whatever nine-to-five job that he got.
 
Normal stuff.
 
That was his dream till he was eighteen.”

Amanda waited in
silence for Liam to continue but he didn’t.
 
“At which point?”

He eyed his cap
on her head.
 
“He enlisted in the
Air Force.”

“Why? If he
didn’t want to anymore?”

“Wasn’t really a
time to take out student loans and go to college.
 
Not when you had to support your little brother who had
already dropped out of school and sure as hell wasn’t going to college at any
point.”
 
Liam laughed bitterly.
 
“At that point, all I knew was trying
to make the fast cash thing work again — like how I did that
one
month when I was fifteen.
 
It’s like I spent three years living on
that memory of giving Logan a hundred dollar bill for groceries.
 
Which I guess is how I let myself spend
all of his hard-earned money just so I could make the easy kind.”

Amanda chewed
her lip as she studied Liam’s taut shoulders and the stress in his body
language as he told the story.
 
“At
least he did get to marry Heidi though.
 
And have kids.
 
Earlier than
he wanted.
 
There was just some
thing about more benefits if you were married before deploying so they went to
City Hall and got it done really quick, just the two of them.
 
Cut to two years later — because
he always needs to be the best no matter what he’s doing — Logan’s done
with PJ school and gets deployed and doesn’t see his family for four months out
of the year.
 
And now he’s stuck in
a life that he chose but never really wanted because of how much it took him
away from Heidi.
 
But it’s just all
that he knows at this point.
 
And
all that she knows is taking the kids to live in Vermont for a third of the
year because she still isn’t used to this life of being without him.
 
And all the kids know is leaving their
friends for awhile and going months at a time without seeing their dad.”

 
Amanda raised her eyebrows, absorbing
all the information.
 
She wasn’t
sure what to say or how to comfort Liam.
 
“It’s… at least nice that he has a good, steady and honorable job.
 
Incredibly
honorable job.”
 
When Liam
shrugged, she frowned.
 
“You don’t
agree?”

“I do.
 
But I know Heidi worries every day that
he’s gone.
 
And I know that on some
days, he’s risking his life and none of us even know it as it’s happening.
 
And all so he can make as much money a
year as I made for shooting one day of
A
Soldier
.”
 
Liam swallowed,
staring out at the lawn and giving a determined nod.
 
“Which is why I need to make it as big as I can,” he said
under his breath, mostly to himself.
 
“So Logan and Heidi and the kids never want for anything.”

Amanda looked at
him with confusion.
 
She wasn’t
sure how to eloquently phrase the question, “Aren’t you already a millionaire?”
Her puckered lips wiggled as she tried to nicely arrange her inquiry.
 
“Aren’t you… comfortable enough? To
provide for them as well as yourself? I mean you’re successful.
 
And famous.”
 
It was about as graceful as she could word it in her
tipsiness but Amanda still grimaced at herself.

“I have money.
 
Obviously enough to own the things that
I own.
 
But famous doesn’t mean set
for life.
 
Things can end.
 
I just want to work as hard as I can
for as long as I can so that I’m prepared.
 
Because I promised myself awhile ago that I’d give Logan and
his family the life they were meant to have.
 
And a thousand times more.”

Amanda blinked,
stunned.
 
“How’d you end up
breaking into the industry then, anyway?” she asked curiously.

“Connor.”
 
A faint but real smile curved one side
of Liam’s lips when he answered.
 
“He was going to USC for film and doing his dream internship at a major
film studio that was producing
The
Yardbird
.”

Recognizing the
film, Amanda felt her mouth pucker into an ‘O.’
 
The Yardbird
had
been Liam’s breakout role in which he had played a prison escapee whose past
would return to haunt him in his new and peaceful small town life.
 
The film’s fight scenes had gone on to
become his ticket into a steady career of action thrillers and cop or soldier
movies.
 
“So, Connor was able to
get you an audition?”

“In his
way.
 
He looked up the casting
director’s home address and dropped off my acting reel.
 
Got me the role, got himself fired,
rest is history,” Liam laughed.
 
“I
spent the next two years introducing him to everyone I met till he got a
writing job from one of them.
 
And
now he’s got fifteen credits under his belt and a win at Sundance.
 
He’s good.”

Amanda could
feel her eyebrows lifting with total delight.
 
“You made it up to him, then.”

Liam
nodded.
 
“Now all I need is to make
it up to Logan and Heidi.”

Amanda bit the
inside of her lip, trying to find the right thing to say as she watched a dark
look cast over Liam’s brown eyes again.
 
“You did just buy them one of the two most beautiful houses in North
Carolina,” she said with a light laugh.
 
He smiled.
 
“What more can
you do?” she asked with genuine curiosity.

“Make up for
ignoring them for the past two years.
 
For keeping them out of my life, ignoring their calls.
 
Only calling back when they got my
niece or nephew to leave a voicemail.”

Amanda’s eyes
fluttered with surprise.
 
“You did
that? Why?”

“Didn’t really
want them to see how much I changed.
 
Kind of grew up wanting to be exactly like him and ended up the
opposite.
 
He would’ve hated the
person I was these past few years.”

“No he wouldn’t,
you’re his brother.”

“Yeah.
 
Not the one he grew up with
though.”
 
Liam shrugged, stretching
the material on his T-shirt.
 
“The
good thing about family is they remind you of where you came from.
 
It’s a cliché for a reason but if you
stay in the industry long enough, it’ll change you and not usually for the
better.
 
But the change is the reason
why you survive for so long so it’s a tradeoff.”

“So, the best
way to have a lasting career is by turning into a cold, hard robot with no
empathy?” Amanda giggled.
 
Liam
turned to her, smiling at the amusement on her face.

“Actually,
yeah.
 
Pretty much.”
 
He laughed when her mouth snapped shut
with a frown.
 
Amanda felt him
watching her for a couple moments as she stared out at the grass with her brows
knit.
 
“Hey.
 
Come here,” he finally said, pulling
her onto his lap when she got up.
 
He ran his hands over her thighs and leaned forward to kiss her bare
shoulder.
 
Amanda smiled as she
wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Sorry for
picking your brain,” she said quietly.
 
The corner of Liam’s lips picked up in a faint grin.

“It’s okay.
 
I forgive you.”

“For making you
admit that you have feelings sometimes? And that you’re not a cold Hollywood
robot anymore?” Amanda giggled.
 
“Good.”
 
She kissed the top
of his head.
 
“Let’s be
people.
 
Together.”

Liam smiled,
charmed.
 
“Sounds like a
plan.”
 
His voice was a murmur as
he pulled her face to his to kiss her lips.
 
“Don’t let anything change you.”

“Psh.
 
I wouldn’t.”

Chapter 3

Eyes fluttering
open, Amanda stared ahead without the slightest hint of grogginess.
 
Reaching for her phone, she touched its
home button, squinting at the brightness as she read the time —
4:22AM
.
 
Her gaze wandered about the room, which for a moment, had felt
like her studio in Alphabet City, back in New York.
 
But rather than the exposed brick of her apartment, Amanda
saw smooth, sage green walls of the master bedroom, somehow illuminated by the
tiny sliver of moonlight coming through the white curtains.
 
She’d hardly had time to admire the
marble mantle and intricately carved white moldings before falling asleep.
 
She and Liam had been entirely too
satisfied from dinner — decently full and perfectly tipsy.
 
They’d both hit the mattress and fallen
asleep, somehow finding their ways under the covers in the middle of the
night.
 
With Liam’s arm wrapped
around her waist, Amanda felt as if she were in the most wonderful dream.
 
The only thing indicating otherwise was
the beginnings of a hangover headache.

Too much cider
.
 
She needed water, badly.

Peering over her
shoulder, Amanda slipped quietly out of bed, barely making a sound thanks to
the smooth silk of her ivory chemise.
 
Even in his sleep, Liam looked so strong, powerful — so much so
that Amanda wondered briefly what she was even doing out of bed and out of his
arms.

Tearing her eyes
away from him, Amanda tip-toed out the room and quietly down the winding spiral
staircase.
 
Smiling to herself, she
tried to remember the last time she had felt so peaceful or satisfied.

You’re hungover, not dreaming
, Amanda
reminded herself when she briefly wondered if her evening with Liam had been in
her imagination or not.
 
It was
simple but somehow so incredibly perfect — the home-cooked meal, the
conversation, the master bedroom, the deep slumber in his arms.
 
His
insanely gorgeous arms.

Amanda bit her
lip as she leaned against the kitchen counter, bringing her glass of water to
her parted mouth.
 
She laughed
softly to herself — life was definitely too good if she was fantasizing
about a man whose arms she had only just left, whose body she would once again
sleep against in just a matter of minutes.

Dragging her lip
between her teeth, Amanda pressed the cold of the glass against her warm
cheeks.
 
It was probably the
lasting effects of the alcohol, but she suddenly couldn’t fathom how her body
had managed to wait so long to sleep with Liam.
 
She had waited less than a month with Brandt.
 
Oh,
Brandt
.
 
She had lost her
virginity to him and it had been astoundingly unremarkable.
 
From books, shows and movies, Amanda had
always understood the virginity loss thing to be some sort of magical moment
during which both parties shared a beautiful, electric connection that made the
world around them shatter into twinkling stars or something awesomely corny
like that.

There had been
none of that with Brandt — possibly because Amanda had had almost no
physical or sexual attraction to him.
 
But watching movies with him on the couch was certainly fun, so there
was that.
 
She could only imagine
what the tabloid headlines would’ve been had the media followed them around as
a couple.
 
“Entire Package of Chips Ahoy Demolished in One Night, Season 2 of
Doctor Who Finished,” “Bramanda Discovers ZINC movies On Demand, Stays in for
Sixth Friday in a Row.”

Rolling her
neck, Amanda smiled faintly to herself.
 
It was a cruel, almost sick game that she liked to play, but sometimes,
she compared Brandt to Liam for fun.
 
Just to remind herself of how drastically different her life had
become.
 
Five-foot-eight and a
hundred fifty pounds versus six-foot-five and two-twenty.
 
An occasional soul patch that Amanda
lamented versus the sexiest facial hair on the sexiest jawline in
Hollywood.
 
And of course, all
those things she never even knew to notice on a man until Liam.
 
Strong hands.
 
Forearms.
 
That
perfect V-shape his shoulders formed down to his hips.

Her neck still
tilted to the side, Amanda closed her eyes, running her cheek along her bare
shoulder, pressing her naked knees together and suddenly feeling every shift of
the silk chemise on her skin.
 
Bathed in moonlight, her body felt suddenly filled to the brim with a
toasty, pleasant laziness.

Or maybe it was
the room — she could feel a sudden shift in energy that made her feel
warm and just
good
all over.

Eyes still
closed, Amanda let her head fall back, somehow knowing with every part of her
that it would fall upon Liam’s shoulder.
 
Her lips curled into a grin upon feeling his hard muscles and bare skin
on the back of her neck.
 
His arms
wrapping around her waist, Liam let out a groggy rumble.

“I didn’t scare
you?”

“No.”
 
Amanda felt him rest his sleepy head
forward upon the crook of her neck.
 
She reached to massage the back of his neck, drawing a low, pleasured
groan from his throat.
 
“I’m sorry
if I woke you.”

“Mm.
 
You didn’t.”

“Sure?”

“Mm-hm.”
 
His hands slid down to the sides of her
hips as his lips brushed slowly, lazily across her skin, kissing the strap of
her chemise off her shoulder.
 
“Why
are you up? Are you okay?”

“Yes.”
 
Amanda let out a soft, sleepy sigh as
Liam pushed up against her, her back warm as it felt the weight of his body
— and the stiffness beneath his boxers.
 
It pressed between the dimples of her lower back.
 
“I’m fine, I just woke up out of
nowhere,” she murmured, her palm running up the back of his head, his short
hair tickling her skin.
 
She didn’t
even remember when she’d wound her arm up and around his neck.
 
Nor could she recall the point at which
her chemise had come halfway down on one side.
 
Maybe she had done it.
 
After all, her free hand was pushing down the other silky strap,
lowering it till the entire top half of the silky nightgown fluttered down to
her waist, a rush of air hitting her bare skin.
 
Amanda gripped the edge of the granite counter as Liam let
out another deep rumble from his chest, cupping her breasts from behind, his
fingers firm around her, the front of his body pressed hard against her back.

His tongue
parted her mouth once he turned her around, hoisting her up onto the counter to
wrap her legs around his waist and bring her up the stairs back to the
bedroom.
 
Dizzy, hazy with
pleasure, Amanda returned Liam’s deep kiss, finally ready for him.
 
More than ready.

Once he laid her
gently onto her back, Amanda watched Liam as he hovered over her, peeling the
ring of nightgown around her waist down to her hips, then her knees and then
her ankles, savoring the process.
 
Her chest heaving up and down with anticipation, Amanda raked her hair
away from her face with her fingers, watching Liam hook his fingers into her
panties.

But just as he
pulled gently down on one side, a harsh buzzing sound interrupted.

Amanda let out a
tiny yelp, instinctively pulling her underwear back up.
 
She blinked — first at Liam and
then the direction in which the sound came.
 
The nightstand.

It was her
phone, lit up with a single red notification, indicating the brand new email in
her inbox.

Oh God.
 
Please, no.

“Amanda?”

She ignored Liam
as her body immediately scrambled to all fours on the mattress, her right arm
reaching up to snatch the phone off the table and immediately unlock the
screen.

Please, please, please don’t be from “me.”

She held out
hope until the last second.
 
But it
was pointless.
 
Staring at her
screen, Amanda’s jaw clenched, her stomach lurching.

Once again, the
email was from her own address.

But this time,
it was just a little different.
 
Reading the chipper email, Amanda felt her heart drop hard like a twenty
pound weight.

Almost forgot.
 
Happy birthday to me, PrettyKitty29.

Reminder to self: Celebration tomorrow, 11AM
at The Red Deer with my love Casey Mulreed.
 
Don’t be late! ;)

~

Of course
.

Amanda almost
wanted to laugh as the hostess led her from inside the cottage-like dining room
of The Red Deer right back out onto the sidewalk.
 
She probably would’ve if her stomach didn’t hurt so badly.

“Miss Mulreed
requested this table today,” the hostess explained, no doubt catching a hint of
disbelief on Amanda’s face despite her shaded eyes.
 
They stood awkwardly on the lonely patio, which was more likely
empty due to the scorching sun than the horde of paparazzi milling across the
street.
 
“I, um… I’m sorry,” the
hostess laughed nervously.
 
“I’ll
speak to my manager again about having them leave,” she offered before
disappearing back into the restaurant.

Reluctantly
taking her seat, Amanda glared at the pack of six men armed with Nikons.
 
They were planted directly across the
street from her table.
 
She could
hear their cameras going off, capturing shots that had to be clear as day
thanks to her dubious outdoor seating.
 
She couldn’t have been more exposed.
 
On a normal day, it would’ve made her blood boil to be
stationary in front of a bunch of Pop Dinner photographers — easily the
sleaziest breed of paparazzi — but today, there was too much on her mind
for her to care.

Namely the
utterly horrifying fact that Casey Mulreed knew everything.

She knew about
PrettyKitty29, about HDU and about the complete fabrication that had been
Amanda’s relationship with Liam.
 
The idea of it turned Amanda’s stomach so violently that she actually
had to clutch her midsection to ease the pain.
 
Her only other comfort was knowing the fact that Casey would
never release her massive secret to the public without first trying to extort
something from her.

“Enjoying the
view?”

Amanda
froze.
 
Already, there was such
amusement in Casey’s crisp, icy little voice.
 
Slowly turning, she clenched her jaw, thankful to Ian’s old
Ray Bans for shielding her expression.
 
Her eyes had always been more honest and expressive than she wished for and
the last thing she needed was for Casey Mulreed to know that she was
scared.
 
Doing her best to gather
herself, Amanda watched Casey smile and wave a busboy off, pulling out her own
chair and tucking the skirt of her vintage floral dress beneath her before
taking a seat.
 
Though they tried
to be discreet, Amanda could see patrons eyeing them, no doubt wondering if
they’d gotten their answer to the question of whether or not the girls had
remained friends.

“Aren’t you just
adorable, wearing his shirt to our brunch date,” Casey mused, tilting her head
to study Liam’s grey T-shirt.
 
Amanda felt herself touch it defensively, twisting its hem in her
fingers.
 
“It’s almost like you’re
trying to prove something to me.”

Amanda
bristled.
 
“What is it that you want,
Casey?” she asked between her teeth.

Casey fluttered
her blonde eyelashes.
 
“No ‘how
have you been?’ We have so much to catch up on, doll! I haven’t seen you since
March and look at all that’s happened for you since then.
 
You have so, so much going for you
right now.
 
Isn’t it incredible?”

Amanda
glared.
 
“Why did you hack into my
inbox, Casey, tell me now or I’m leaving.”

Casey tittered,
her blue eyes actually twinkling.
 
“Do you want to know the honest truth, doll?”

“Yes.”

She sat back in
the wicker chair, playing with the leather belt that cinched her little
waist.
 
“I wanted to see if I could
find anything on what you planned to say for your big tell-all with Fleur.
 
I thought, ‘Is she silly enough to talk
about what happened with Casey now that she thinks she’s a real celebrity?
Would she really be so stupid?’” Casey tilted her head, gazing at Amanda with a
placid smile.

“I wasn’t going
to talk about it,” Amanda responded briskly.
 
“I wouldn’t make Ian relive it after how far he’s come.”

“Well, you’re
not as stupid as I thought.”
 
Casey
smirked as she set her napkin in her lap.
 
“But you might actually be stupider —
Pretty Kitty
.”
 
She
snorted, hardly able to say Amanda’s online username without laughing.
 
“Christ, doll, if you weren’t eight
when you made up that screen name then I completely overestimated who I was
dealing with here.”