He Kills Me, He Kills Me Not (40 page)

She wanted to know if Karen and Pierce were okay.

She wanted reassurance that Riley was really dead, because, even though she was the one who’d pulled the trigger, she still couldn’t quite believe the man who’d hurt her and killed Dana was really, finally, gone.

And she wanted Logan. She needed to see him, hold him. She needed to tell him she didn’t blame him for anything. She needed to tell him she loved him.

“Ms. Stockton?” A smiling woman in a white smock entered the room. “My name is Shelly. I’m your nurse this afternoon. It’s good to see you doing so much better. I was here when they first brought you in.”

She hung a clear plastic bag on the IV pole, replacing the empty one. “Do you need anything for pain?”

Amanda shook her head no.

The nurse patted her hand and leaned over to straighten Amanda’s pillow. “Oh, look, someone left you a card.” She held up an envelope. “It says
To Amanda, From Logan
. Oh, how sweet. It must be from Chief Richards. He’s been pacing the hallway and sleeping in that chair beside your bed night and day since you got here. He only left today to attend that policewoman’s funeral. Do you want me to read the card for you?”

Policewoman’s funeral? Oh, God. Karen hadn’t made it. Amanda shook her head in answer to the nurse’s question and choked back her tears.

“I understand. You want to read it in private. I’ll put it right here so you can open it when you’re ready.” She tucked the envelope on the bed next to Amanda’s hand and arranged the call button so Amanda could easily reach it. “I’ll be back in to check on you soon but if you need anything before then, you press this button, okay?”

Amanda nodded and closed her eyes, hoping Logan would come back from the funeral soon.

She needed him.

Chapter Twenty-Three

A
knock sounded on Amanda’s front door, but it didn’t send a shiver of dread through her like it had before Riley was killed. She wasn’t afraid anymore. Since leaving the hospital three weeks ago, she’d certainly had her share of visitors as well as letters. The major networks had spread the story about what had happened to her all over the country. Mail had poured in from people offering her their support. One sweet, elderly lady named Sadie had even sent her a homemade apple pie.

Nearly every detective, every police officer in Shadow Falls, had dropped by to see her. They all seemed to feel responsible, at least in part, for the heinous crimes Riley had committed. He was one of their own, a brother in uniform they’d trusted and served with for years, a friend. None of them had suspected the evil that lurked inside his twisted mind.

None of them, except Logan.

Amanda couldn’t help the surge of jealousy that swept through her. Logan hadn’t spoken to her once since Riley had attacked her. But he had all the time in the world for his men. His officers had told her story after story about how Logan had drawn the police force back together in the wake of Riley’s death. The officers were a stronger team now, a family, in spite of Riley’s betrayal. It might have been Logan who’d figured out who the killer was, but he made sure the entire police department received the credit. SFPD now had a national reputation for having stopped a serial killer. Logan had ensured every man in the department felt valued and took pride in that accomplishment. He’d made each one of them feel special.

He’d made her feel special, too, once—a lifetime ago.

The knock sounded again, louder this time, followed by the doorbell. She shoved thoughts of Logan aside and gently eased herself out of her chair. A couple of Tylenol was usually enough to take away most of the pain from her injuries these days, but there was still a lingering soreness that plagued her when she put any stress on her side.

She moved as quickly as she could to the door and looked through the peephole, smiling when she saw Pierce on her front porch. Ever the vigilant FBI agent, his profile was turned toward her as he scanned the front yard. She wondered if he ever truly relaxed or if the evil he’d witnessed during his career would always haunt him. For her, the dark shadows were finally gone.

She pulled the door open and gifted him with her sunniest smile. “Pierce, it’s so good to see you. I didn’t know you were back in town.”

He stepped into the foyer and kissed her cheek. “You’re looking beautiful, as always.”

She hugged him, pleased with his compliment. He’d always accepted her and looked past the surface just as Logan had. Not that she worried about her scar anymore. But even if she did, pulling her hair forward to cover her face wasn’t an option. One of the first things she’d done after getting out of the hospital was to stop at a salon to have her hair cut off. Now her hair hung in a shoulder-length bob, just below her chin.

“Would you like some iced tea? Soda?” She started to head into the kitchen, but Pierce stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t need to wait on me. I should be waiting on you. Can I get
you
anything?” The laugh lines around his eyes crinkled with concern.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, just a little sore these days.”

She led him into the living room, guiding him through the maze of boxes. The only furniture left in the house was the computer desk, her office chair, and a recliner. Pierce waited for her to sit before he lowered himself into the recliner, a bittersweet reminder of when Logan had once squeezed himself into that same chair. Pierce reminded her so much of Logan that it hurt to look at him.

“I thought you’d gone home to Jacksonville weeks ago,” she said.

“I had some unfinished business so I drove back in for the day.” He eyed the stacks of boxes. “I guess that “for sale” sign in your yard should be a “sold” sign. Looks like you’re all packed up and ready to leave.”

“I’ve had a few nibbles, no firm offers yet. But I didn’t want to wait. The movers are coming tomorrow. Everything will go into storage until I find a permanent place.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” His brows raised in surprise.

“Actually, I’m leaving today, as soon as the taxi arrives. The plane leaves in two hours. I’m moving to Tennessee, renting a furnished apartment down the street from my sister for a couple of months. After that,” she shrugged. “Who knows?”

“Heather, right?” At her nod he continued. “I met her at the hospital. She and Madison hit it off, if I remember correctly.”

They had indeed. After finding out Amanda had an estranged sister out of town, Madison had made it her personal crusade to shame Heather into coming for a visit. When Heather stepped into the hospital room, Madison had promptly berated her for allowing her husband to come in between her and her family. Once Heather got over her initial shock over the lecture, she and Madison had spent hours debating everything from politics to shoes. They’d enjoyed every minute of it. “They’re already planning a shopping trip to New York together. How is Madison?”

“I wouldn’t know.” His face was impassive, giving nothing away, but his voice sounded guarded, as if he didn’t want to reveal too much.

“I thought you two had a thing going?” Madison had been close-mouthed about her relationship with Pierce, but when she went out of town last week Amanda had assumed she was going to Jacksonville to see him.

He shrugged. “We went out a few times. We still talk on occasion.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” And she was. She’d hoped Madison had finally found that special someone who would see past the bubbly image she projected to the world, and heal the pain Amanda sometimes glimpsed in Madison’s eyes when she didn’t think anyone was looking.

“Don’t be. We only dated a handful of times. Neither of us had much invested in the relationship.”

She wasn’t sure she believed him, but he obviously didn’t want to pursue that topic any further, so she didn’t press. “You said you were in Shadow Falls to take care of some business?”

He adjusted his tie, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “I came back to talk to Logan.”

Amanda stiffened, no longer feeling enthusiastic about Pierce’s visit.

He sat forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “Did you know he’d resigned as chief of police?”

Surprise had her leaning forward as well, wincing when the movement tugged at her side. “Logan resigned? Why? Did he take a job somewhere else?”

“I think you know better than anyone why he quit. He feels guilty, like he failed everyone, especially you, by not stopping Riley after the first murder ten years ago.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t his fault.”

“Maybe he needs to hear that from you.”

If that were true he’d have called her or come to see her when she was in the hospital instead of leaving that cowardly note. “I suppose he’s going back to New York.”

“As far as I know, he’s staying in Shadow Falls. When I spoke to him this morning he didn’t mention anything about leaving.”

She stared at him, genuinely shocked. “Are you saying he’s giving up being a police officer entirely? It’s in his blood. It’s who he is. How can he throw that away?”

“Maybe you could ask him that question. I tried to change his mind but he wasn’t in a talkative mood. He’s lost weight, looks like he hasn’t been sleeping well.” He stared at her pointedly.

Amanda squelched the little nugget of hope that tried to flare to life inside her. Logan wasn’t suffering because he missed her. If that were the case, all he had to do was pick up the phone and call her. No, Logan was suffering because of his misguided sense of honor and guilt. “Pierce, I understand what you’re trying to do, but it’s too late for Logan and me. He doesn’t love me. He made his feelings, or lack of them, perfectly clear in the note he left me at the hospital.”

“He left you a note? He told you he didn’t love you?” He sounded incredulous.

She straightened her spine, her face flaming with embarrassment. It certainly wasn’t flattering for the man you loved to dump you with pen and paper. “Not in those exact words, but that’s the way I took it.”

“Hmm.”

“You don’t sound like you believe me.”

He shrugged. “I’m surprised he left you a note without telling you face-to-face. Maybe he was afraid you wouldn’t believe him if you saw his expression when he told a lie that big.”

She frowned at him.

Pierce shook his head, as if truly bewildered. “You may be right. All I can tell you is what I’ve seen, and from where I sit, you’re both crazy in love with each other and too stubborn to do anything about it.”

She bit back the angry words she was tempted to say. Pierce didn’t know the pain of sitting in a hospital room for weeks, waiting for the person you loved to show, hoping he would finally realize how important you were to him. Pierce didn’t know, like she did, that the breach between her and Logan could never be healed. It took an enormous amount of love to go through everything they’d gone through without being torn apart. There was plenty of love from her side but apparently not from Logan’s.

“Forgive me for pushing.” Pierce stood and reached out a hand to help her to her feet. “I had to try.”

She punched him lightly in the arm. “You’re forgiven. I’m glad you came by. It was good to see you again.” She walked with him into the foyer.

At the front door he paused, a curious expression on his face. “When I went to Logan’s house, he was on his deck with his back to me. He was talking on the phone and didn’t notice me at first. I couldn’t help but overhear his conversation. What he was talking about isn’t what I’d expect to hear from a man who supposedly doesn’t care about you.”

She rolled her eyes at his unsubtle hint. “Go ahead, tell me what you really came here to say.”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “Logan was arguing with his investment manager about making sure the money he’d transferred to your account couldn’t be traced back to him. He said he wanted to make sure you didn’t have to worry about finances while you were recovering.” He shrugged. “I figured that meant Logan cared about you. But you’re probably right. There must be another reason.”

He winked and stepped out the door.

Amanda shut the door behind him with a loud click. She could feel her face flushing with heat. She wasn’t sure who she was more annoyed with: Pierce, for goading her to see Logan, or Logan, for giving her money.

Was he trying to assuage his misplaced sense of guilt by paying her off? They’d made love, shared themselves the most intimate way two people could, and then he’d paid her? What did he think that made her?