Headhunters (6 page)

“I have two kids, David and Melissa,” I offered.

She smiled and my heart warmed a little. It would’ve been an
easy time to give an “oh how nice” and never mention it again if she were put
off.

“How old?”

“Six and four,” I said. “Good kids.”

“You’re married?” she asked. Her voice wavered as if any
answer would be acceptable.

“Was. My wife… passed away,” I said. My voice got quieter
than I intended. “How did you—?”

“Your ring finger,” Jessica said. “No ring, but still a mark
there.”

She was observant. I liked that even more.

“Yes,” I said. “Yes, there is. New start. New town.”

I smiled at her and she returned it back to me.

“Are you?”

“Married?” she snorted. “Ah, no. Happily divorced. I only
wish he was dead… Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have said that! I didn’t
mean-”

“It’s fine.” I said and managed to chuckle at her
discomfort. “Things didn’t end well I take it?”

“Ah, no,” was all she said, so I let it drop.

“I’m sorry to hear that... this is great place, though.
Thanks for suggesting it,” I said, trying to be upbeat.

“Nice segue. Very smooth,” Jessica said and shot me a killer
smile. She saw right though me. Had to love that.

“Yeah? Best I could come up with.”

We laughed and talked our way through lunch that day. And
the next. And the one after. We were fast friends and worked well together.
Turned out her sister had a couple kids, but Jessica had not. At one time she
alluded to the fact that there may have been a baby once, but because of
complications she’d lost the child. In the end, she had no children. Only the
love for them.

The possibility that her ex-husband had left her because she
couldn’t carry a baby seemed to loom over Jess. Nothing specific that she ever
said. It was one of those things we talked around rather than through. But I
got the feeling that she needed an anchor. Someone to be a friend. And at that
time in my life, that’s all I wanted, too. A friend.

In the weeks that followed, Christopher Swenson interviewed
for the Project Manager position with the Department of Homeland Security. He
passed the security background check,  the drug screen and the financial audit
then was reinstated with his Top Secret clearance after taking the polygraph
exam. I saw him in the Chicago offices with his new security pass clipped to
his jacket. I said hello to him that day and we chatted for a moment. He was
happy to be working outside the purview of Blackthorn and the truth was, so was
I.

I never thought I could admit it to myself. Never thought
that after what had happened in the past months, I’d ever be in a position…
ever allow myself to be happy again. But this job, in this town, with these
people… I could disappear here. Settle in and let the lights and the noise and
the work and the family time wash over me and immerse myself in a new life. If
I could do that, then perhaps, I could be happy.

Out there, down the road was the promise of happiness again.
A time where I could live my life without a second thought. Without fear and
recriminations and nightmares around every corner. I could see it then. Life
with the family. Driving the kids to school every morning, being home for
dinner every night, reading them a story before bed. Letting them grow up and
watching them mature into their own people.

Nothing would ever tear me away from the life we were
building here. At last, I’d put that life behind me and could look ahead with a
sense of hope.

Or so I thought…

Chapter Six

I was in the kitchen when I heard
the screaming and I knew I had to act quickly. I reached for the cutting block
and pulled out the biggest blade I could find, a Henckel chef knife. I turned,
put my shoulder down and pushed open the swinging door as I burst into the
dining room.

I was greeted by the resounding blaaaaaat of the kids’ party
horns. David and Melissa were seated at the table, party hats askew on their
heads, laughing at the horrendous noise they’d just made. David’s hat kept
slipping back on his head and the rubber band would roll up his chin and snap
him under the nose, thus the screams I’d heard a moment before. He’d try to
keep the band in place by pursing his lips or “making kissy faces”, as Melissa
put it, but inevitably the snap would come, followed by the exaggerated howl of
mock pain.

“Anyone want cake?” I asked, holding up the knife. I was met
by a resounding “YES!” from the kids. Alaina had been keeping them busy for as
long as she could but was close to rolling her eyes at the kids, which I’d come
to learn was a clue that I’d better move things along.

David and Mel were two years apart, but their birthday dates
actually fell within three days of each other, so we often combined birthday
parties. Claire had been hinting that we’d need to split them up as they got
older, eventually let them each have their own party. It had been two years
since Claire had passed and for better or worse, I’d kept to the tradition of
the shared birthday, keeping the kids together, keeping the family together.

Jessica appeared in the doorway behind me, carrying the
cake, candles lit. The room went quiet at the sight of her. At least it did for
me. The light flickered across her face, caressing her cheeks, giving her skin
a warm glow. I enjoyed having her in my home, with my family, but wondered if
they felt the same.

Jessica noticed that all eyes were on her, not just on the
cake she was carrying, but on her. This was the first time I’d brought her home
to meet the family and I realized that my timing was perhaps not the best. I
shouldn’t have eclipsed the children’s party with introducing Jess to them, but
somehow, it seemed right to me. Maybe that’s just what I told myself to make it
feel okay. Maybe that’s actually the way it was. But it felt right having her
here. I’d known Jess for nearly a year and a half now. It was right for her to
be around my family.

To break the ice, Jessica began to sing. Softly at first in
a voice almost like a little girl she began to sing “Happy Birthday to You.” I
joined her immediately and a second after, Alaina joined us. I put my hand on
Jessica’s back and gave her a smile of encouragement. Melissa’s eyes were
bright and dancing with excitement. She was bouncing in her seat, clapping her
hands in a soft little pitter-patter of anticipation. David was in awe, his
eyes fixated on the candles, wide in wonder. We wrapped with a hurried “Happy
Birthday, David and Melissa… Happy Birthday to You!” and a shout of victory
went up. The children blew fiercely and the candles were vanquished.  I stepped
in with the knife to slay the beast… or at least to serve the chocolate cake.

“You’ve got a nice voice,” I said over my shoulder to Jess,
but she scoffed.

“My mother has a nice voice,” Jess replied. “But I didn’t
inherit it.”

“I thought you were in the choir when you were a kid?”

“Yes,” she replied. “The part about ‘making a joyful noise’
was for my benefit. I sing in the shower but that’s about it.”

I made a mental note to check into that later, but decided
to move on. I was serving cake around the table, the children first, then
Alaina and Jessica. Jess squeezed my shoulder as she took the plate from me and
sat down. Alaina jumped up and announced that she needed to go to the restroom
and disappeared down the hallway. I shot Jess a quick look.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’d better wash up myself. I’ll be
right back.”

Jess didn’t have to say anything, but her eyes told me the
whole story. She was trying to fit in here and while David and Mel seemed to go
with the flow, Alaina wasn’t quite so resilient. Part of my reserve in bringing
Jessica home was out of fear of reaction from the family.  And Alaina was
sometimes more my family than I realized.

I followed her down the hallway and called after her in
stage whisper that sounded ridiculous to my own ears, but I didn’t know what
else I could do.

“Alaina? Wait a second… Alaina!”

She turned around at the end of the hallway, just before she
reached the backdoor. She was upset. I could tell. I had seen enough women in
my life that were upset with me to know to know that she was one of them.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she shot back at me. She answered too fast, too
sharply for it to be the truth and she knew it. I stood back and looked at her.
Her arms were crossed, her face dark with emotion.

“Really? It’s nothing?” I scoffed.

Alaina’s face held defiant for a moment then crumbled and
she let out an exasperated sighed.

“Alright…” she said. “I guess she’s…” Alaina gestured toward
the dining room where Jessica was entertaining the kids and they were giggling.
“She’s… she’s great, okay? She’s just not… not…”

“She’s not Claire,” I offered. I didn’t know if my answer
was right or not or sensitive or not, but it was the truth and I hoped that
Alaina could see that.

“No… she’s not,” Alaina said and for a moment I envisioned
her as my own daughter and how life would be when Melissa was older.

“That’s true,” I confessed. “And I’m okay with that.”

Alaina looked at me quizzically.

“I’m not trying to replace Claire, okay?” I said. “I’m not
trying to find a mother for David or Melissa… I’m not trying to replace you…
I’m just trying… I’m just trying to be happy, Alaina. I’ve spent a lot of time
being unhappy. And I didn’t like it much. I didn’t like what it did to me. What
it did to us… So, I want to be happy… and right now, more than anything, I need
a friend… okay?”

Alaina had the hint of a tear in her eye and I didn’t want
to get her started. She nodded and hugged me. We were okay, I thought. We’d be
okay.

“No promises,” she said, but her voice was light and sweet.

“No promises,” I agreed. We walked back to the dining room
together just in time to see Jessica blowing on Melissa’s stomach and making
her shriek in laughter. “Although she does do that extremely well…”

Jessica shot me a withering look that told me to shut the
hell up and I took her hint. She could hold her own, hold a tune… and hold onto
me… She was someone I wanted in my life.

Later, after the presents had been unwrapped and the plates
cleared, Jessica decided it was time for her to go. Alaina caught Jess in the
doorway and thanked her for coming and gave her one of those hugs that only
women can seem to pull off with one another. David and Mel joined quickly and
hugged Jess, each one latching on to one of her legs.

“Can you come over next week?” David asked.

“And we can have a tea party and dress up my dolls and watch
Dora the Explorer and finger paint and…” Melissa kept talking and Jess kept
listening, but looked up at me and smiled warmly. I shrugged. This was my life
and what I’d come to realize I’d truly wanted.

They said their good-byes and I walked Jess to her car.

“Thanks for coming,” I said. I couldn’t help but smile when
I looked at her.

“Was it okay?” she asked. She saw the kids and Alaina
watching from the door and waved at them. They waved back and Alaina gave us a
little grin,  pulled the kids inside and closed the door to give us a moment of
privacy.

“Was it okay that I was here today?”

“I couldn’t imagine it without you,” I replied.

“You’ve got cute kids…”

“Want them?” I asked.

Jessica grinned, blushed and looked away. I wondered if I’d
said too much, crossed a line that I shouldn’t have. We’d been fast friends at
the beginning and it had only grown since then. We stood there in the August
heat, letting the warmth of the day hang between us, clinging to us, holding us
close.

“It was perfect having you here,” I said, hoping to add some
finality to my approval. “You’re the best.”

Jessica smiled and I enjoyed just watching her. The dimples
in her cheeks as her smile spread. The way she pulled her hair back over her
ear when it fell into her eyes. Suddenly I felt like we were standing closer
together than we had a moment before and I wondered who had moved, her or me.

“You really ought to give them separate birthday parties,”
Jessica said offhandedly. “They’re old enough… they’re their own little people
now, you know?”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
Jess saw me floundering. She reached up and put a hand on my cheek and gave me
a quick peck on the lips. It wasn’t our first kiss… Our first kiss had been in
a stairwell at the office. We’d paused for a moment, passing each other on the
stairs and stopped to talk. She had told me that she was sorry that she hadn’t
emailed me the night before and I’d told her it was fine, it was nice to see
her just then and before I knew it… before either of us knew it, we kissed. Oh God,
the scent of her… I hadn’t been that close to someone in a long time. It was
gentle and soft and kind and when it was over, although little had actually
happened, we struggled to compose ourselves.  It was difficult not to share
smiles with her through the rest of the day.

But now, it was just a peck and she got into her car. She
fired up the engine and rolled down her window.

“Alaina doesn’t like me, does she?” As she asked the
question, she was putting a green fabric band in her hair, pulling it back into
a ponytail. I’d bought it for her just months before and I still loved the way it
looked in her hair.

“Alaina… likes you,” I replied. “More than you know.”

Jess looked at me suspiciously, not sure if she should
accept my answer or not. I could have let it drop at that but decided to
complete my thought.

“It will take time, but you know what? We have time.”

“We do. We’ve got time,” she said and I kissed her again,
lingering more this time. I realized the kids might be peeking through the
curtains, so I broke away.

“See you later, Simon,” Jessica said.

“Later, gator,” I replied.

I watched her drive away and missed her even before she was
out of sight.

That night, I fell asleep in my leather chair in the living
room with Melissa in one arm and David in the other. Their faces were perfect
little angels, innocent and beautiful as they slept. I should have put them in
bed, but I needed my kids just then. Time would take care of itself. For now, I
needed my babies around me and for the first time in a long time, I had sweet
dreams.

***

I got up on Monday morning and went
for a run. Six miles every morning. That was my routine. I sought out hills in
the area and punished my legs by sprinting up the incline, then jogged to the
bottom and pounded out push-ups, crunches and then back up the hill. I retraced
my path and returned to the house. I let myself in the back door and went up
the stairs.

Everyone was still sleeping. It was just after 6:30 in the
morning. I showered, shaved and dressed quickly. I kissed the kids in their
beds and passed Alaina in the hallway.

“I’ll be home early tonight,” I said.

“Would you like me to start dinner?” she asked.

“No, I’ll bring something. Chinese?”

“Sure!”

“Sweet and Sour chicken, right?” I asked.

She nodded and smiled. I said good-bye and ducked out the
door.

I listened to the radio on the way into the office, caught
the news, weather, then had to flip to avoid the incessant chatter of early
morning radio shows. Finally I gave up and put in a CD. It was Miles Davis’
“Birth of the Cool”. Davis had contributed to major changes in jazz, surrounded
himself with only the best people in his profession. I felt like I could
relate.

I pulled into the parking garage and circled up until I got
to my level. The lot seemed relatively sparse at that hour and I realized that
I’d actually beat Max into the office. It was a little competition that we had.
Who could get in first? It stoked the professional fires and helped me get a
jump on the day.

Grabbing my briefcase, I walked across the skywalk, greeting
the security guard as I went and showed him my employee badge. I took the
elevator up to seven and exited. I had to punch a code into the office door
before it allowed me inside. I walked past Isabelle Athabasca’s reception desk
and made my way back to our offices. I’d seen Ms. Athabasca when I was out with
Jessica after work one night. I had barely recognized her. Her hair was down
and she’d abandoned her perfect business suit for a clingy blue top and jeans
that perched so precariously low on her hips, I wondered at the physics
required to keep them up. Few women can pull off wearing jeans like that, but
Ms. Athabasca did it very well. I saw her eating sushi, alone, and wondered if
she was waiting for someone. When I saw no one approach for a while, I thought
about inviting her over to join us. I didn’t really want to break the mood that
Jess and I had working, but sometimes it’s good to be gentleman. I tried to
catch her eye, but Athabasca looked right at me and then away, as if ignoring
me. I considered then that perhaps it wasn’t me she was ignoring, but us. Were
we breaking some company code about fraternizing after hours? I couldn’t
imagine. I decided to let Ms. Athabasca return to her cold fish alone. They
seemed suited for each other.

I entered my office and flipped on the light. I’d decorated
or decorated by default. Max had offered some paintings. Jess had brought me a
plant. Ellis gave me a couple books that he recommended. And Catherine… well,
Catherine seemed to have grown to tolerate me. We shared a professional rivalry
and I had to concede that she was good at what she did. But for every
consultant that she placed, I placed two. I knew that I needed to be on top. I
had to keep my forward momentum going, building, like a shark, never stop
swimming.