Hear Me Now (26 page)

“It means I love you, Dillon.”

Cadence

When Dillon signed to me, my heart, I’m pretty sure it stopped beating in my chest. It kicks in again and releasing the hitched breath I’d been holding, I steady myself from the impact that small gesture has on me and then it happens again.

Explaining to me why he signed out the letters, his memory of what his coach told him; the impact the words had in bringing him to the moment we’re in now, I’m completely altered by it. To some people, it might not have been the most romantic thing to say, but for him, knowing him the way I do, other than the way it felt seeing him sign I love you, there is nothing in the world that has ever sounded sweeter.

I don’t need to hear the sound of his voice, his tone or even the words that he says because no matter what he says, I can feel them. The way his heart seems to have been hearing me all this time, it seems like mine has been doing the same and it’s something that I never want to lose.

The way I felt on the dance floor when he had his arms around me, I feel as he wraps them around me again, his head resting on the side of mine, the feel of his even breaths on my ear. Being with Dillon Murphy, I’m starting to learn, is a full body experience. He’s given me the ability to hear him because of all the ways I can feel him, the most important being the effect he has on my heart.

Pulling back just enough to be able to bring my face up in perfect unison to his, he leans in and his lips brush against mine and in that moment, the world around us, the lights in the trees, the blowing of the breeze, the dance taking place only a few minutes away, it all fades away and the only thing left is us and the all-consuming feeling that comes along with being so completely owned by another person.

It’s only when we break away from the kiss that I remember the only other thing left that he needs to explain.

“Spray paint?”

He smiles and points to the bike trail that spans out for a distance both behind and in front of us.

“We might end up getting in trouble for this one because it’s a bit bigger than the rock, but do you remember what I said to you the day I asked you out?” When I nod, he continues. “Well, we’re gonna leave our
mark on the trail. A variation of those words for the world to see.”

“You want the world to know?”

“Yes, Caddy. I want the world to know how I feel about you, but I’m not doing this for everyone else. I’m doing it for the only person that I want to be a part of my world.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

An hour later, my dress filled with as much of the paint as the ground in front of me, Dillon’s jacket having been ditched for the same reason, that’s exactly what happens. Before us now, are the only words left to say. Words that we want the entire world to hear.

This is the beginnin
g of something that has no end <3

(Read on for Dillon’s letter to Cadence)

Dillon’s Letter

Cadence,

I never got the chance during our time together to really start from the beginning, so I’m going to write all of this to you now so that when you show
up tonight, we can really start again.

I wasn’t always such a mess. I didn’t always pick on people I thought were weaker than me and I definitely wasn’t always so angry and full of hate.

Until you came into my life three weeks ago, I can only remember loving one person and she passed away a long time ago. I used to think that my dad and the fighting turned me into the person you’ve heard about and seen, but it wasn’t. The day my grandma died, the way I used to be, I turned it off. I was eight years old and the one person in the entire world that I gave a damn about was taken from me.

She died naturally in her sleep, but all I could see back then was that when you love someone, they’re destined to be ripped away from you. I shut my feelings off then, thinking
that as long as I didn’t feel nothing could get to me and when my family imploded a couple years later, taking me down with it, I just rode the wave and became the person you met when you showed up at Wexfield.

I’m the one that made the decision to change after she died and then, when my dad started hounding me about the weak versus strong stuff, I accepted it as fact because it made the most se
nse. Only the weak feel things; cry, care and love. It became my mission from that point on to make sure that every single one of them I came across, I put the fear of god into. I wanted them to know that the way they were, timid and weak was wrong and that the way I am, it was the way to be.

Cadence, I was so wrong. I hurt so many people and no matter what I do now, where I go, I’m never going to completely make up for any of it, but I swear to you,
I’m not going to stop trying to. Hurting people, no matter if they have disabilities or not is wrong. The way I’ve been living for the last ten years, it needs to stop and this is my last ditch attempt at doing something about it. Changing it and fixing it.

You didn’t change me.
I put too much pressure on you when I said that I wanted to be better for you, but you did play a big part in me wanting to change. You showed me just in being you that the way I’ve been doing things is wrong and that the way my life was going, isn’t right for me. You didn’t make me change, I did that all on my own, but you did shine a light on something I’ve spent way too much time running from.

Your mom told me the other day that when you care about someone, you don’t give up. You don’t stop trying and even though I said this is my last ditch attempt at changing it, I lied. No matter where we go, ours is a beginnin
g that will never have an end because I won’t give up no matter how many times you turn me away. I will keep trying because that’s what love is.

Love, it’s about more than just the times when things are picture perfect. It’s about continuing to do it when they aren’t. It’s continuing to fight when there doesn’t seem to be anything left to fight for.

For all the time I’ve spent fighting, I’ve never done it for the right reasons. I want to do that now. I want to fight and this time, fight for the one thing that matters the most to me. I want to fight for the light when things get dark; for the smile when all I want to do is cry. I want to stand my ground and for the first time since my grandma died, fight for what’s right.

I want to fight for you, for us and most of all, for love.

You’re not the only one that’s spent their life living in a world with no sound. The difference is, the reason it happened to me is because nothing until now has been worth hearing. That all changed the day I walked into your mom’s class. Now my world is filled with sound and it’s the best sound. It’s a sound I never want to lose now that I’ve found it.

If you look up at me now, you’ll see it.

You’re the only sound I hear and you always will be.

Dillon

The End

Hear Me Now Playlist

Just Like You
by Three Days Grace

Echo
by Trapt

Tears
by The Tragic Thrills

Pain
by Three Days Grace

Second Chance
by Shinedown

Hear Me Now
by Framing Hanley

Great Divide
by Nick Carter

With Me
by Sum 41

That’s My Goal
by Shayne Ward

Fever
by The Tragic Thrills

Bleed
by Hot Chelle Rae

Hurricane
by Parachute

How Love Should Be
by Tyler Hilton

Help Me
by Nick Carter

Run To Me
by Nick Lachey

On The Way Down
by Ryan Cabrera

Dreams
by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

For The Nights I Can’t Remember
by Hedley

Anthem For The Underdog
by 12 Stones

Sorry
by Daughtry

Sick Of It
by Skillet

Simon
by Lifehouse

Your Arms Feel Like Home
by Three Doors Down

The Story Of Me And You
by Evan Taubenfeld

Acknowledgements

Caleb, Noah, Raine and Isabella. You are my light when it gets dark, my smile when all I want to do is cry and the reason this amazing dream of mine even exists. For the rest of my days, your sound is the only one I ever want to hear because in it, everything is beautiful. I love you.

Daddy. You told me when I wrote Count On Me that you wanted to see it do something, move people and it’s because of that faith and the love you have in me that every book I have ever written exists and why this one is about to be introduced into the world. You are the strongest, most amazing man I know and I’m so thankful I’m your daughter.

Theresa. Count On Me wouldn’t be the book it is without your help and guidance and I wouldn’t be half the person I am without your friendship and support. We started out as writing companions and in the span of a few months it became so much more. I am truly blessed to call you a friend.

Lisa. Without you I’m pretty sure there would be no me. On a daily basis you push me, make me better and for that I will forever be thankful. Your faith in me, your love of the words that I string together into books, its life altering in its intensity. So thank you for that and so much more.

Pamela Sparkman. I am inspired by you daily, whether it be your friendly disposition, your writing or just the amazing human being you are. I am honored to know you and as I’ve told you before, I love you to the moon and back. From Cooper to Kayden…the next bestseller right?

Ryan and Jenn, the two beautiful angels that took a chance on an unknown and never looked back. This, all of it is because of you. Thank you for being who you are. You inspire me daily.

Joey. This book above all ot
hers; it’s ours. Remember that always.

To all my readers. I do this in every book and I will always do it. I could sit here and write stories all day every day for the rest of my life and they wouldn’t mean anything without all of you out there reading them and supporting me. You will never truly know what your comments to me, your reviews, even your ratings mean. I take you with me always. You are the stars here, I’m just merely shining in your presence.

About The Author

Melyssa Winchester is a mother of four from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. When she’s not knee deep in adolescent awesomeness, she’s falling in love, one book boyfriend and girlfriend at a time. She is a lover of all things romance and will forever believe in a real and true happily ever after.

When she’s not off being a mom or writing you can find her doing one of two things. Reading or buried under the covers watching Supernatural, Sons of Anarchy or Veronica Mars.

Melyssa is currently working on Before The Light Book #2: Absence Of Light (Ryan’s story) that follows the lives of the characters from the Love United Series before they came together. She is also hard at work on a standalone title Shades of Blue and working on All My Heart (Kayden and Isabelle’s continuing story from Count On Me.

You can find her on the web, either at her personal site, Facebook (which she just might have an obsession with) or Twitter (@WinchesterBooks) where she talks incessantly about her kids, her writing and all things book boyfriend related.

Excerpt from
:
STOLEN BREATHS by Pamela Sparkman

Available Now

One

Going Home Again

Sometimes people drift into our lives like a feather blowing in the wind, landing right in our laps.  There’s really not a clear
explanation for it other than maybe fate; at least that’s what my daddy used to say.  He was always writing poetry and more often than not he would have that faraway look in his eyes, almost as if he’d discovered a secret but just couldn’t put it into words.  I caught him staring out the kitchen window one night.  He was still, almost too still, like he had gone someplace else, someplace in his memories.  Some place I couldn’t go.  It was a place that he only shared with my mother. I’d watched him from a distance, afraid to make a sound for fear that it would startle him.  He deserved to be happy, even if it was only through imagined what-ifs.  I was very careful not to disturb his happy place.

My daddy was my heart when I was growing up.  I didn’t really remember my mother, she died was I was very young.  I saw a woman in my dreams, though, with brown hair and brown eyes, like me, and she was always wearing a smile.  I think it was a memory of my mom.  It was what I liked to believe anyway.  I was only three years old when she died.  I know it was hard on my daddy.  He truly loved her, and it was because of my daddy that I’d always held on to the idea of love.  I mean, real, unconditional love.  He still wrote my mother poems even though she had passed away twenty-three years before.  I wanted a love like that.  I wanted a love that completely transported me from my kitchen to wherever my love was, just by whispering their name over my lips or drinking in a sweet memory.  I wanted it, but I was also scared to death to get it.  That kind of love completely enveloped you and it was rare, so it also scared me to think sometimes that it could never happen to me.  What a tragedy that would be.  I just continued waiting, hoping, and praying that true love found me. 

****

“Are you okay?  You seem like you have a lot on your mind.” 

My thoughts were interrupted by the kind older lady sitting next to me on the plane.  I had barely noticed her at all since I apparently had been staring out the window since takeoff. 

“Oh, yes, I’m fine.  Thank you.  I guess I do have a lot on my mind.  I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.” 

“It’s okay, dear, you weren’t being rude.  I just wanted to make sure everything was all right with you.”  She smiled warmly. 

“Thank you, but I’m fine.”  Her eyes were soft and a light blue.  Her gray hair was fixed neatly in a bun.  She wore glasses and seemed to be knitting a scarf, or maybe it was socks?  No, wait, did people knit socks?  Okay, so I couldn’t tell what she was knitting but it was nice having someone ask me if I was okay, even if it was a total stranger.  But the truth was, I lied.  I was not okay.  I was dying inside, but I absolutely would not break down in front of a bunch of strangers.  I’d wait until I got back home - my childhood home.  I could fall apart there.

Ever since I got the call about my daddy’s accident, I found myself thinking about the things he used to say to me.  I guess I’d been trying to bottle up my memories of him and keep them as fresh in my mind as possible
,
allowing myself to be consumed by his words, trying desperately to remember some the poems he used to write.

If you see her

Tell her we’re ok

Tell her she’s everything I am

She’s everything I say

If you see her

Tell her I’ll make her proud

Tell her I’m no longer lost

I’m no longer under a cloud

If you see her

Tell her she’s still mine

Tell her I’ll love her forever

And one day we’ll be better than fine

If you see her

Tell her that even though we are apart

Tell her I love her so

And that she is still my heart

I memorized it when I was very young.  My daddy would say those words out loud like a prayer, kneeling beside the bed every night as far back as I could remember.

A bit of turbulence shook me out of my thoughts once again and the kind lady was still looking over at me.  I casually looked out the window again.  I was alone. I am alone. 

Oh my God, I’ll be all alone from now on. 

For some reason, I chose that moment to realize that I was absolutely and completely alone now.  Tears began streaming down my face and I wiped my tears with my sleeve.  Then, the kind lady offered me a tissue. 

“Here, dear.”  She patted me on my shoulder.  “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be okay.  Do you want to talk about it?” 

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and words started pouring out of my mouth.  “My daddy died in a car accident and I’m going home to bury him. He was my only family and I’m all alone.”  I was sobbing now, and the fattest tears I’d ever cried streamed down my face almost like a faucet had been turned on with no way of shutting off.

“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry to hear that.”  She pulled me over and held me, rubbing her hands up and down my back to try and comfort me.  “There there, let it all out.”  She even began moving in a sort of rocking motion. 

I was trying to be so strong before, holding it all in until I could be alone.  But I felt like my heart would burst and tears would spill over. 

I cried on her shoulder for another minut
e or so, and then sat back up.

“I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to do that.  You don’t even know me.”

“It’s okay, dear.  Really.  I’m glad that I could be here for you.  My name is Ms. Sophie.  What’s yours?”

Sniffing, I said, “Lily.  Lily Grayson.”

“Well we know each other now.  Where are you from?”  She was the grandmotherly type.  She seemed so natural at caring about people.

“Nashville.”

“Why, we’re practically neighbors, hon.  That’s where we live – or I guess I should say where I live.  My husband died two years ago.”  She looked sad for a brief moment, then perked back up.  “I tell you, sweetheart, I believe it’s fate that we met on this plane. Do you believe in fate, Lily?”

“My daddy did.”  I smiled faintly and was about to say something about me personally, not knowing if I believed in fate or not when she interrupted my thoughts.

“Seems like your daddy knew a thing or two.”

“Yes, ma’am, I suppose he did.”  I decided I would just leave it at that. 

“Where will you be staying?”

“Home.  I mean the house I grew up in, for now.  It’s really too big for just one person, but I haven’t deci
ded what I plan to do with it.”

I still had a lot to sort out when I got back to town.  I left my job in Colorado when that call came in.  Nothing seemed important anymore.  My corporate ladder climb to the top seemed so inconsequential suddenly, and all I wanted to do was go back home and be in the place that I had the fondest memories and be near my daddy.  I needed to be near him and I didn’t feel like I could be near him if I stayed in Colorado.  I walked right into Mr. Levin’s office and told him I had to go.  He didn’t realize I meant permanently.  I don’t really know myself if I even realized I meant permanently when I said it.  The further I got away from my office, however, the more I realized I would not be going back.  

“My daddy had always hoped that I would move back.  I want to honor his wishes.”

“I’m giving you my number and I want you to call me when you get settled.  I feel like we were meant to meet each other, Lily.  I understand you have no family, so when you find out the funeral arrangements you call me.  I would like to be there.  Will you do that?”

“You’re so sweet, Ms. Sophie.  Thank you.  You really don’t have to—”

“Oh now stop.  I want to.  You seem like a sweet girl.  Let me do this.”

She was looking at me in such a motherly way, I consented.  “Okay.” 

The plane landed and Ms. Sophie and I got off and waited for our luggage together at baggage claim. 

“My grandson is picking me up.  Let us give you a ride.  It won’t be any trouble, and in fact, I won’t take no for an answer.  You will come.”  She smiled warmly, making it hard to refuse her kind offer.  Normally, I would never do this – get into a car with strangers — but she didn’t feel like a stranger somehow. 

“Thank you very much.  You’ve been so kind to me.  I want you to know I appreciate it.”

“I know you do, dear.” 

It wasn’t long before her grandson pulled up to get us in a sporty little black car.  I couldn’t really see him through the tinted windows. He got out and walked around behind the car to open the trunk, and I think my heart may have skipped a beat or two.  I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone who looked like him.  He was muscular, but not in a body builder kind of way, more like an athlete, lean. I could tell that by the t-shirt he was wearing and the way his muscles stretched taut behind the fabric.  It hugged his body, almost revealing what was underneath.  He had dark brown hair that had sort of a messy I don’t care look, but he could totally pull it off and still strangely look professional.  His eyes were dark, and with his tanned skin, it was almost like looking at a work of art.  His strong jaw and soft lips worked beautifully together to form the most amazing smile, showcasing one dimple on his left cheek.  He was unbelievably gorgeous, and not in some Hollywood pretty boy sense, but in a real world masculine, boy next door sense. 

“Cooper, this is Lily.  We met on the plane and we got to talking.  Turns out we live close to each other.  I told her it wouldn’t be a problem if she rode with us and we could take her home.”  She wasn’t asking, really, simply letting her grandson know what the new plan was going to be.  Then she turned to me, “Lily, this is my grandson, Cooper Hudson.”

He looked at me and smiled
.
For a moment I thought I was standing in quicksand
.
I must have looked like an idiot just standing there staring. 

Get a grip, Lil! I practically willed myself to step forward to say something, anything.

“Hello, (clearing my throat), it’s nice to meet you.”  I flashed a weak smile and quickly looked away. 

His smile transformed into a playful grin, perhaps amused by my reaction.  “Hello, Lily.  It’s nice to meet you too.  You must have made a huge impression on my grandmother.  She doesn’t normally give people she doesn’t know rides anywhere.” 

He glanced over to his grandmother and gave her a quizzical look.  She raised her eyebrow and shot him a look of her own.  Obviously they had these non-verbal conversations mastered. I was starting to feel uncomfortable.  There seemed to be an awkward silence between them, and I was thinking maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  I started to ponder if I should go back inside and rent a car, but then Cooper moved towards me, grabbed my bags, and put them in the trunk. 

After stowing our bags he looked at his grandmother and then shot a look over to me, “Ladies, shall we go?”

Cooper motioned for me to come to his side of the car, and after he moved the seat up, I climbed into the back seat.

“Do you have enough room back there?”

“Yes, I’m fine.  Thank you.”

Ms. Sophie got in the front passenger seat and closed the door, and then Cooper pushed his seat back and climbed in, readjusting his rearview mirror.  I looked up and saw his eyes and quickly looked back down. 

Crap!  Why was I feeling so self-conscious around this man?  Jeez.  I could have sworn I heard him chuckling. Great, he’s laughing at me. That’s just icing on the cake. 

On the way home I tried not making eye contact with Cooper’s reflection anymore.  I started thinking about my daddy again and how empty the house was going to feel when I got there, and a lump in my throat started to form.  I started to feel pressure on my chest again and before I could do anything about it tears pricked my eyes.  I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.  Trying not to turn into a bawl bag in front of people again, I quickly wiped my tear away. 

“Lily, are you going to be okay by yourself tonight?”  Ms. Sophie asked, seemingly genuinely concerned for me. 

“Yes ma’am.  I’ll be fine.  Really.”  I gave her a reassuring smile and she seemed to accept my answer. 

“You have my number, so you call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, but it won’t be necessary.  I can do this.” 

She looked at me in the warmest way possible.  “I have no doubt in your ability to cope
,
but there is no point in doing something hard alone if you don’t have to.” 

Cooper was quiet after he got in the car but I felt his eyes on me the whole time. The last thing I wanted to do was look up to verify my sixth sense, so I kept my head down unless I was speaking to Ms. Sophie.  Other than Cooper asking me directions to my house
,
we really didn’t say anything to each other.

We pulled up into my old driveway and Cooper put the car in park and got out.  He pushed the seat forward and extended his hand out to help me.  The moment we touched I felt something.  Call it an electrical current, a bolt, a surge of heat, a rush of charged particles— call it whatever you want, because it was all of those things— but it was something else too, something more.  I tried to play it off and hoped he didn’t notice my odd reaction, but my immediate response was to pull away.  I know that must have seemed odd, so I took his hand again and tried not to act like some stupid teenage girl.  I prayed that I could just get inside the house without falling on my face.  I was not having the best day.  In fact, this entire week had been one giant nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.