Heart (25 page)

He took my face in his hands. “These last few weeks have taught me so much, Myrtle. I can’t plan for a future with you in it; you
are
my future. I’m not living my life for you; I’m living my life
because of
you.” Tears rendering me unable to show him my response in words, I kissed him.

My love.

My life.

After spending most of Saturday in bed, we needed a break from the confines of my room. Keen to dress up for Jake for the first time in ages, I’d spent much more than yesterday’s allotted half hour getting ready; Jake hadn’t complained about the show and had struggled to keep his hands to himself. He had treated me to a blisteringly-hot kiss before we left the room, and promised me he would spend as much time getting me unready at the end of the night as I’d spent preparing for it

We started with a late meal at a casual Mexican restaurant. Sitting side by side in a booth, I struggled to stop myself touching him, a part of me still not quite believing he was there. With me. We both stuck to just one drink; enough to give a slight buzz, not enough to risk ruining the night.

“Where shall we go now?” I asked Jake whilst he paid the bill, even though he knew less about Brighton than I did. “I don’t want to go to Seventh Heaven without Mickey, and I don’t fancy the club on campus.”

“I don’t know. Can you recommend somewhere?” he asked the waiter.

“What do you want? Superclub with lots of floors? Something smaller?”

“Something smaller. More private,” he added.

“I get you, man. The Blue Rooms. It’s two roads over, opposite the cinema. It’s got a couple of rooms. One is good for dancing. The other is more like a nice bar, with plenty of tables and not much lighting, if you catch my drift.” He added a wink and walked away.

The waiter was right. We were able to have a good dance before moving to the lounge, where a sofa soon became available. We were sat, me with my legs across his lap, him stroking them as we chatted and kissed and chatted and kissed. As we talked through plans for the future, I fell even more in love with him. With his heart.

The kissing was hot but had to stay within what was appropriate in public. Just. Jake extended one kiss by running his mouth down to my neck, circling my heart-mark with his tongue.

“This is possibly my favourite part of your body,” he said before soothing the pinpoints of desire with a series of soft kisses.

“Really?” I knew it didn’t bother him, but I couldn’t see how it could be better than other, more obvious parts of my body. He smothered it in a rain of light kisses.

“Absolutely. Sure, there are parts of you that nobody else sees, touches, apart from me.” He stroked one of his hands up my leg and rested it on my hip as if to prove his point. “And I love those, too.” His hand moved round to cup my bum, pulling my hips forward. “But this,” he said, punctuating his words with a nip at my neck. “Everyone sees this but nobody else touches it, kisses it, knows it like I do. I love that you wear your heart so openly. When I look at you, I can see your heart, our love, and that reminds me how lucky I am.” I shuffled over so I was sat on his lap and kissed him.

“Let’s go.” I wanted to be alone with him, to show him how much my heart belonged to him.

His answer was to help me up from the sofa and kiss me, all too briefly. I clung to his hand, slightly unsteady in my heels, as he led us toward the door. As we passed the bar, I felt someone grab my shoulder. Tugging at Jake’s hand to let him know I was slowing, I turned to see who it was. Garrett. I fixed an emotionless expression on my face and turned away.

“Don’t ignore me!”

“I have nothing to say to you, Garrett. Please, leave me alone.” I could feel the tension surge through Jake at the mention of Garrett’s name, as he realised this wasn’t just a rude stranger.

“Everything okay, Neve?” he asked, his voice sounding far calmer than his face looked.

“Yes, let’s just leave.” I moved so I was the one leading the two of us out and breathed a sigh of relief when we got through the exit. I didn’t stop until we were a little way down the road, confident in the protection offered by having Jake behind me.

“I’d forget her, if I were you. She’s trouble.” Garrett’s drunken insult made me turn around. He had followed us out and was now stood behind Jake, looking at me with nothing but hatred in his eyes.

“Look, mate, I don’t know you, but you’re not doing anything to make me like you. Now, just leave us alone and go home.” I held onto Jake’s arm as he spoke, willing him to stay calm.

“I
am
going home, all thanks to her. Yes, Neve, I’ve been summonsed home. No more Brighton, no more freedom for me. And it’s all your fault.” Jake held me behind him in the face of Garrett’s slurred tirade. “After meeting you, Grandmother got in touch with Father, worried I might do something stupid, something that would tarnish the family name.” His face was an ugly sneer. “So it’s back home to darling Mother. Oh, yes, life is wonderful, thanks to you.” The unfairness of his words made me angry. The knowledge that he was leaving made me confident enough to face up to him.

“That’s nothing to do with me.
This
is all
your
fault.”

“No, it’s not, you bitch. You wanted me and my money. But you weren’t going to give up the goods, were you? Those legs were crossed a little too tightly.” I felt Jake’s body tense and remembered what Cass had said, about him hitting a guy in the pub.

“That’s it. You need to stop talking to my girlfriend like that or I won’t be responsible for my actions. Show some respect.” Jake took a step forward, hands clenched by his sides.

“Don’t, Jake. He’s not worth it.” I held my hands to his chest, trying to push him away from Garrett.

“Why? What are you going to do? Hit me? That doesn’t change the fact that your so-called girlfriend is a cock-tease. She doesn’t deserve my respect!”

“Please, Jake. Let’s just go.
Please
.” I tried pulling him across the street, away from trouble. I knew it was pointless, Jake trying to talk Garrett down; this
was
Garrett, after all. “Jake, don’t do it. Just walk away.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Garrett’s arm pull back and his fist move in a curve. I felt Jake take a sideways step to avoid it but stumble as he lost his footing. His hand slipped out of mine as he crashed to the ground, his head ricocheting off the kerbstone before dropping back with a thud.

Still.

Unmoving.

Garrett ran down the road as I fell to my knees.

“Jake!” He lay there, eyes closed, head resting on the kerb like it was a pillow. Like he was asleep.

“Look at me, Jake. Open your eyes.”
Please
.

“Look at me, Jake. Open your eyes.”

I see her, my vision blurred at the edges by a blinding white light. God, she’s so beautiful. Her hair is spread like gold over the pillow. Her eyes are focussed solely on me, looking at me, looking
into
me. I could lie here, over her, in her, forever. I inhale her. I taste her. I love her. Her.

“Please, Jake. Please!”

I hand Grace my plastic bucket and let her ruin my fort with a series of half-built, crumbly castles. Dad looks over and smiles praise at me for sharing. I want to please him so let her keep it. I follow Josh into the sea and we splish and splash, each trying to outdo the other. The water is freezing and I run out to Mum, stood holding a towel. She hugs me into it, rubbing away the cold and filling me with warmth.

“Stay with me, Jake. Don’t leave.”

Her eyes, her hands, her body, beg me not to go. I lean into her, trapping her against her front door, and kiss her heart-mark, loving the way it makes her gasp. I trace its outline with my tongue before trailing kisses back up to her mouth. My tongue dips in to take yet another taste of her, as though an evening, a year, a lifetime of kisses hasn’t been enough. I am greedy. I crave her. I can’t stop my hands circling her waist and pulling her hips into mine, revelling in her warmth, her heat. I don’t need words to show her how much I want to stay. She can feel it.

But I can’t.

“No. No. No. No. No!”

My eyes burning, I focus on Dad’s hand, everything outside of that small circle a white blur. I can feel the warmth of his fingers in mine and notice how similar our hands are. Mine is just smaller. Since the nurse turned the ventilator off, it’s just been me and Mum. Sitting and waiting. Willing time to stand still.

The beep of the heart machine breaks up the sound of Mum crying and her repeated denial of what is happening.
Please
. I’m silent, trying to work out what I want to say to him at
that
moment. What I need to say. I’ve made promise after promise but am losing hope that it will make any difference.

The heart-beep starts to get slower. Slower.

Slower.

I hold tighter, convinced his hand grips mine in return. Tears drop from my chin onto him.

I know this is it.

The end.

As his heart breaks, as my heart breaks, I send him my words. My love.

“I love you. Can you hear me? I love you. I LOVE you.”

I try, so hard, to open my eyes, to fight the bright light, desperate to see her one last time. Desperate to let her know.

My love.

My heart.

I love you. Can you hear me? I love you. I LOVE you.

“Look at me, Jake. Open your eyes.”

Every part of me shook. Knelt on the ground next to him, the pain of the tarmac pressing into my legs was the only way I could anchor myself to the world and what was happening. Taking his shoulders in my hands, I struggled to pull his inert body up to mine. His eyes stayed closed.

Please don’t let this be serious. Please let it be like that time I was knocked unconscious at school. Please.

“Please, Jake. Please!”

Strangers congregated. Looking.

One guy said he’d called 999. Why hadn’t I thought to do that? I held Jake to me, whispering.

Shouting.

Screaming.

All I could do was hold him, willing him to stay with me.

“Stay with me, Jake. Don’t leave.”

I kissed him, not caring about the audience.

On the cheek.

On the forehead.

On the mouth.

I yearned to absorb the strength of his body, to feel him trying with me.

But I couldn’t. He couldn’t.

“No. No. No. No. No!”

My eyes burning, I focused on his hand, everything outside of that small circle a white blur. I could feel the warmth of his fingers in mine and put all of my faith in that single sign of life.

Sirens wailed. People watched.

And I held him.

Held him whilst the paramedic tried to find his pulse.

Held him when she ran to the bike to get the defibrillator.

Held him, willing time to stand still.

Please
.

I was silent, trying to work out what I wanted to say to him at
that
moment. What I needed to say.