Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (10 page)

“Are we, really?” She sighed. “I’m saying all the wrong things. I’m three times as emotional. My brain feels like there’s this heavy fog over it all the time. I’m spacey and I just want to be left alone.”

“Joey, you’re pregnant. You’re upset. It’s cold out here, and the snow is coming down hard. Please come inside.”

“I can’t.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Cody. I’m going home.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave? What about your family? You’re going to leave me here with them, while you take the easy way out and not talk to them?”

“Easy? Nothing about this is easy!” She slammed the hatch down and faced him. “I want nothing more than to—“ She squealed as Cody body checked her and the two toppled into the snow just as their vehicle rolled past them.

It picked up speed down the small incline until it hit the trunk of one of the large trees surrounding them. The snow that collected on the branches fell to the ground in a big splat. Jo stared at where her car had stopped. Cold seeped into her back, but she couldn’t seem to move or care. Instead, she stared at the wreckage, the back largely decimated by the impact.

“You okay?” Cody asked. She turned her head and looked up at him. His baby blues gazed down on her, concern filling his gaze. “Jo? Are you hurt?”

She shook her head slowly. “I’m fine.”

“Can you stand? Are you hurt?”

She shook her head. “I’m okay. I’m not hurt. What just happened?”

Cody glanced at the wreck and then back to her. “I don’t know. Did you take the emergency brake off?”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t know. I don’t think I did. Can I get up now?” Cody was too close for comfort. Especially after they’d just been fighting. He moved off her, and slowly, she stood, finally taking his hand to help her to a standing position.

“You’re sure you’re all right?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god! Joey!” She let Cody hold her steady while she peeked behind him. Her parents and her sister were walking toward them in the snow. Her mom was frantic about reaching her. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, boy.” She whispered, feeling just a little weak. She steeled herself, squared off her shoulders as her family swamped her, all of them talking at once and asking her concerned questions. Her mother took her by the arm and led her back toward the house.

She glanced back at Cody, his oceanic eyes boring into her. She wasn’t totally sure what had just happened, other than he had just saved her from being literally thrown under the bus. Or an SUV, rather.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Being an adult was hard, especially when Jo had to do it in a conversation with her mother. Cherry had always been an awesome mom, fair and stern at the same time, with all three of her children. Jo had looked up to her as a child. Hell, she still did. She hated the idea that she had disappointed her mother.

Now she was in the position where she had to talk to her mother like she was an equal, and as much as she realized that she was an adult, she still felt like a child. Cherry rushed back from the kitchen, sat down on the couch, and handed Joey a nice hot chocolate. Slowly, Jo took it, and gave her mom a questioning look. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“My oldest daughter very nearly just got run over by her own car. Anger does not fit the situation right now.” Cherry sighed, and her ocean-colored eyes softened. “Also… I’m more worried about you.”

“I’m okay.” Jo said.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Cherry pointed to her. “The whole brave front act you do. You always have tried to be Mommy’s Big Girl. You don’t have to be.” Cherry took Jo’s cup and set it down on the coffee table. She enveloped Jo’s hand within hers. “Honey, you’re going to have a baby, and your own vehicle almost ran you over. That’s a big deal. There’s more to think about than you now, and it’s okay to be upset about it.”

“I know, Mom.” Did she ever. Her insides were all twisted up.

“Then why are you being so cavalier?”

“Because that’s all I can be.” She sat up, pulling her feet onto the couch, beneath her butt. “I did the whole freak-out about the baby. I did the whole get pissed at Cody for being fertile gig. I yelled at him in front of the doctor and the nurses, and his best friend. Somehow, he still talks to me. But in the end of it all, I’m going to be—I’m having a baby and nothing really changes that. And I’m okay with it. Now.”

“A baby is a big responsibility, Joey, darling. And you said… no children. You said it here, while you knew you were pregnant.”

“I know what I said. It was true, mostly. I never planned on children.”

“Mostly?”

“Yeah. I’m not ready. But… I want to do this. I want to be pregnant and feel that baby kicking.”

“And sitting on your lungs, and doing somersaults while you sleep?” Cherry asked.

Jo gulped. That happened? She didn’t remember her mother complaining about those things when she was pregnant with Doug or Michele. She’d never really thought about what the pregnancy would feel like. She’d concentrated so hard on just being okay with having a child of her own. She really had no clue what was in store for her.

“Well, I’m not one hundred percent ready. There’s a lot I don’t know.”

“You could have just told me, Joey. What were you afraid of?”

Afraid? Was that why she didn’t want to talk to her mother? Was she afraid?

“I… I don’t know. I guess, if I admitted it, I’d have to come to terms with the fact that I’m pregnant and I’m going to have a baby.” She sighed. “I still feel like that awkward fourteen-year-old around you, Mom. I don’t know what I’m doing. It seems surreal to even say I’m… going to be a mother.”

“And how’s Cody doing with it all?”

“Better than me,” Jo laughed. “When he first found out… he was mad. So mad he couldn’t talk to me about it. Because I did the same thing to him I did to you. I didn’t tell him. He found out on his own. I thought he hated me for it. But even though he was mad, he still wanted to take care of me. He still went to get me food. He asked me how I was doing, how I was feeling. He worried about me. People who hate you don’t do that, you know?”

“I like Cody,” Cherry agreed. “He’ll make a great dad.” That was one thing Jo agreed with, and wished that Cody would believe.

“Try telling him that. He’s convinced that he’ll be really bad, or like his dad. I think that’s what scares me the most. That he doesn’t realize how great he’d be, or that he’ll suddenly decide that being a dad isn’t for him.”

Cherry nodded. “I could see his concern.”

“But he would be amazing! You just said he’d be great!” Confusion clouded her brain. Her mother was talking in riddles.

“I can see why he would be upset and unsure of himself. He had a rough childhood, yes?”

Jo nodded. Most of Cody’s early childhood was public knowledge. Jeremy Baker had made every sports newspaper there could be with his arrest on Cody’s ninth birthday. And the subsequent stories on all the drugs and alcohol and the women… Cody never talked about it with anyone except her, but it was hard to find someone who didn’t know about it in some way. A lot of people suspected Cody might turn out like Jeremy Baker, but Jo wasn’t worried. He wasn’t anything like his dad inside.

“Well, he might be thinking like a guy, if you know what I mean.”

Jo blinked, uncomprehending. She had no idea what her mother was saying. Cherry sighed.

“Think about it this way. Suppose you put your finger on a hot burner. You get burned. Are you likely to put your finger on that burner again?”

Jo shook her head. “No.”

“So… Guys think about how the burn happens and want to eliminate the way they get burned. Think about the cause of the burn. Is it putting a finger on the hot burner, or is it not turning the burner on at all?”

Jo thought about that, then it dawned on her. “Ooohh.”

Cherry smiled.

It made total sense. Cody didn’t want children because he didn’t want to be his dad. And the easiest way to do that was to turn off the burner. Jo glanced outside the window where she knew Cody was checking over the wreck. They’d gone about this all wrong. No, she’d gone about this all wrong. And it was sad that her mother had to be the one to tell her.

“Wait here a sec,” Cherry said, holding up a slim manicured finger. She left the room, and was back in a few seconds. She carried a small box with her, which she set down on the coffee table. “This was my mama’s stuff. She really pushed for me to do the pageants and the modeling. She wasn’t super happy when I decided to stay home with you. She told me that I was throwing my life away, that changing my ways to stay home and be a glorified babysitter would mean a miserable life for me.”

“She said that?” Jo asked. Her throat closed up a little, because she’d never known her grandmother to be anything but supportive and happy for her.

“Oh, yeah. Many times. Don’t get me wrong. She loved you guys. She was very happy to have grandchildren too. But she grew up in different times, when there weren’t that many options for women. She wanted more for me than a career as a housewife. Thing was… I was happy being a mother and a wife. Modeling only take you so far in life, unless you’re a superstar. Family… that’s what completed me.” Cherry turned her gaze on her daughter, making Jo feel like she was ten again. “I pushed you like my mama pushed me, only I wanted you to love what I did, because your grandma didn’t. And I’m sorry for that. You should be free to be happy in your life the way you think you’ll be happy. Children are not everyone’s cuppa.”

“Mom…” Jo threaded her fingers together to keep from playing with them. This question she wanted to ask was probably the one she was most scared to ask. “What if I don’t know if I’m happy?”

“Oh, honey, I look at you, and I know you’re happy. You love Cody, and yeah, you’re scared. That’s okay. But you’re strong. You can get past being scared.” She put her hand over the wooden box and smoothed it over in a circle. “This is our history. At least, the women’s side of it. It’s me, and your grandma mostly. We put it together when I was sixteen, and then I just added to it. And maybe someday, you’ll want to add to it with your daughter.”

“So sure it’s going to be a girl?”

“Oh, it will be. A mother knows these things.”

Jo giggled. There was something beautiful about her mom and the way she made her feel better like no one else could do. But even with that, she felt a little bad about how she’d left things with her sister.

“What about Michele?”

“Oh, Michele.” Cherry sighed, and leaned back. “I’m happy that she’s figuring out her life, and what she likes to do and doesn’t… but I am scared for her. Halfway across the world, an entire ocean between us… What if something happens to her over there?”

“I think she’ll be okay, Mom.” Michele was a talented person, smart as hell. And even if she were pissed at Michele, she knew it would be good for her to get out and do something for her. “It’s weird, isn’t it? How things change so quickly?”

“Both my girls are growing up.” Cherry smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “My oldest baby is having a baby. My youngest baby is running off across the world.”

“It’s scary, Mom.” Admitting that fear made it even more real to her.

Cherry reached over and took her hand. “Good thing you’re not alone, then, huh?”

CHAPTER TWELVE

Cody slammed the front driver’s side door shut. He knew he had a scowl on his face, but he couldn’t help that. His car was halfway wrapped around a tree trunk.

“What’s wrong?” Ed asked. “I mean, beyond the obvious.” He gestured to the car.

Cody glanced at his father-in-law. He’d once been intimidated by the man. That stemmed from dealing with his own father. Ed wasn’t a small man. He was as big as his hockey playing father, and even though Cody wasn’t that child anymore, and was a good size himself, Ed managed to give off that intimidation vibe that sent Cody back to grade school.

“She took the emergency brake off.” The admission broke him inside. It wasn’t like Jo to get that upset, let alone to be that careless.

“Oh. Does she know?” Ed asked, an eyebrow quirked upward.

“Jo’s been pretty stressed out, and she was really emotional. I’d imagine she didn’t realize she’d done it before she went to get the jacket from the back.” Cody ran a gloved hand over his face. Were all pregnant women like this? Emotional? Irrational? Forgetful? She could have seriously hurt herself if he hadn’t been there.

“We’ll have to see about calling Earl after Christmas. Not much we can do now. Morning pretty much shuts down for the holidays, right up until New Year’s and Earl’s got the only tow truck in town.” Ed looked up at the falling snow. “The snow will slow things down, too.”

Cody nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I might need to call the team and let them know if I end up stuck up here.” Not to mention his father wanted to see him, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with that.

“You guys were scheduled off for the holidays weren’t you?”

“This week, yeah. Might need to call a mechanic in if your buddy Earl can’t do it before I have to get back. That’s a lot of damage. And I feel like Jo is losing her marbles the longer we’re here.” He glanced at his father-in-law. “No offense. She’s just stressed out.”

“Look, Christmas is tomorrow. I say, you and Joey not worry about the car right now. You focus on your vacation here.”

“Some vacation,” Cody grumbled, glaring at the wreck. “Stupid car.”

“It’ll be okay.” Ed glanced around. “I’m going to grab some extra firewood from the shed.”

“Want some help?”

“Nah, Doug’s supposed to help me. Why don’t you go inside and keep an eye on the cat fighters?”

Cody laughed. “Were they like that when they were kids too?” Joey had hauled back and punched her sister in a way any hockey player would have been proud of. But that was another thing. He’d never seen Jo get physically violent with anyone, let alone her family.

Ed rolled his eyes. “All the damn time.” Ed smiled, his eyes back on the cabin, but his thoughts clearly on the past. “They were too far apart, age wise. Michele looked up to Joey. Joey was the one who got all her ducks in a row pretty quickly. She was the one we trusted the most. I mean, she is the oldest. Michele was always the tagalong kid. They never saw eye to eye, unless they were ganging up on their brother.”