Heart Appearances (Truly Yours Digital Editions Book 560) (18 page)

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just curious—it’s a fault of mine. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Lila paused, considering. Though her expression was indifferent, pain glimmered in her eyes. “I haven’t the faintest idea where Angel’s father is,” she said at last. “Nor who he is. Late one night when we were at a small town in Jersey, I needed to make a quick trip into the nearby woods and was attacked in the dark. Angel was born nine months later. And though I’ll always despise that lecher for what he did to me, I wouldn’t trade anything for the joy that sweet child has brought these past two years.”

Darcy nodded, unsure how to reply.

Lila’s cold gaze traveled over Darcy’s altered dress. “I suppose my story shocks you, since you come from a good home and have no concept of what pain or hardship means.”

Darcy straightened to her full height and worked to keep her voice level. “A good home? Hardly. After me mum died, when I was ten, me stepfather came after me. I whacked him over the head with a frying pan and ran away. I lived on the streets of London and begged for me food. When the beggin’ brought no pence, I stole what I could to feed me belly; and later, when I was older, I relied nightly on the numbing effect of ale. No, Lila, I didn’t know any good thing except for the friendship of three other guttersnipes—who are now either dead or in jail and were as miserable as I.”

Lila’s cold disinterest melted as Darcy spoke. “Then you know how hard life can be.”

“Aye, that I do. But I know somethin’ else. Somethin’ I never knew ‘til someone told me. And though I’m not well educated in how to speak me mind, I came to share with you the truth I found. The truth a friend taught me. God loves you, Lila. He wants you to know it.”

Lila stared in disbelief and gave a scoffing laugh. “You expect me to believe that? I suppose God loved me so much He decided to tack a beard and mustache to my face for good measure—making it impossible for any man to love me. Is that what you’re saying?”

“All I know, Lila, is that God is not cruel and vindictive; He’s lovin’ and full of peace. He died on a cross so that ye could be with Him forever. All He asks is that ye accept His sacrifice and follow Him. He truly does love you. He sent me here to tell ye so.”

“Did He now?” The words were mocking and harsh, but vulnerability flickered in Lila’s brown eyes. “And just what else did He tell you?”

“He asked me to give you this.” Darcy pulled the small book from the bag she carried.

Lila stared at it.

“It’s a Bible.”

“I know what it is,” Lila snapped. Her gaze—cold again—lifted to Darcy’s. “I know all about sacrifices too. My father was a preacher. Surprised? I sensed how uncomfortable he was around me—how he couldn’t stand to even look at me, and I overheard him tell my aunt one night of the sacrifice he’d made to raise me, of the burden God had given him. Knowing I wasn’t wanted, I sneaked away from home four years ago when this carnival came to town, and I joined up with it.”

Darcy didn’t know what else to say or why the Lord had even directed her to come. Lila was hardened to hearing anything about the gospel. And she knew what was in the Good Book, if her father was a preacher. “Well, that’s all I had to say, so I’ll be leavin’ now. I did so want to help you, but I can’t force you to receive the message of God’s love. Good-bye, Lila. I’ll pray for ye tonight—and every night from here on out. You have me word on that.” She tucked the Bible into Lila’s crossed arms and moved away.

“Wait!”

Darcy turned in surprise.

Lila seemed uncertain. “Did you mean what you said? That you want to help?” Biting her lip, she uncrossed one arm, took the Bible in her hand, and moved a step toward Darcy. “This carnival is no place for Angel. I want her to live a normal life—or as normal as can be with a mother who’s a freak. Do you think. . .can I come work for you? I’m a hard worker and am skilled in housekeeping, sewing, and cooking. I make all my own clothes and Angel’s too. My mother died when I was twelve, and I had to take over those duties while I lived with my father.”

Seeing Darcy’s eyes widen, she hastened to add, “I promise I’ll stay out of your way and won’t come anywhere near when your friends are around. I can shave off this beard, so I’d appear normal. The reason I haven’t is a fear I’ve had since childhood—when I accidentally cut myself deep enough to produce a scar—and the idea of using a straight razor every day on my face is frightening. My hands aren’t always steady, but I’ll do it if I must. No one need know of my deformity. If I could bear to give up Angel, I’d ask you to take only her. But without her in my life, I’d surely die.”

Darcy searched for something to say. “Lila, I can’t hire you.”

The woman’s features hardened. “Never mind. It was foolish to ask. I suppose you’re like those who have no problem speaking the gospel, but when it comes to living it, that’s another matter altogether. I shouldn’t be surprised. You might as well take this back. I’ve had enough of your kind to last me an eternity.” Lila stuffed the Bible into Darcy’s hand and moved away.

“Now you wait just one minute,” Darcy snapped. “It has nothing to do with any such foolishness. I live at a boys’ reformatory—a place for young criminals. The boys there can be cruel—believe me, I know—and bringing you home with me would be like bringing a lamb to wolves.”

Lila shook her head, unconcerned. “I’ve heard every insult there is and am accustomed to being gawked at. I could handle any taunts and jeers. I’m only concerned about my Angel. Would she be unsafe there?”

“I’ve been there over a year, and while the boys are in definite need of reformin’, they would never hurt anyone. Of that I’m sure.” Darcy blinked, realizing what she’d done. Instead of dissuading Lila, she’d given her reason to further plead her cause.

“I have no authority to hire you on, Lila. Neither does Brent Thomas, the schoolmaster there and the man I drove here with. All decisions are made by a small board of members at the reform. Brent is only one member of that board.”

“The carnival doesn’t leave until late tonight,” Lila said quickly. “If your people disagree to the arrangement, I’ll return here. I promise. And if that should happen, we’ll find our own transport back so you won’t be bothered with taking us.”

Darcy hesitated. “What about Angel’s uncle? Won’t he miss her?”

“Angel’s uncle? Oh, you must mean Bruce. He’s the strong man in the freak show—no relation. Angel dotes on him and he on her. It would be hard for both Angel and me to leave him—he’s been a good friend—but as I said before, I only want what’s best for my daughter. And I don’t like some of the things that’s been going on at this carnival lately.” She quickly broke off as though she’d said too much. “Please, Miss Evans?”

Darcy studied the entreating, desperate eyes. She thought of Charleigh, of her kind and generous heart and tarnished past. She thought of Michael, who never condemned a soul and was always ready to help someone in need. She thought of Stewart, whose main objective in opening the reformatory was to help those nobody wanted. The hopeless cases. The outcasts.

Sighing, Darcy nodded. “Grab your daughter, and come along, then.”

She didn’t dare think of what Brent would say.

❧

“What in the name of all that is sane and normal were you thinking, Miss Evans?” Brent stared at Darcy, exasperation written on his face. “Have you lost all the good sense God gave you?”

They stood in a sheltered part of the woods near a creek. Lila was in the wagon changing Angel’s diaper. This was their first moment alone since Darcy had returned to Brent with Lila and Angel in tow.

“I know Charleigh,” Darcy insisted. “She would’ve done the same.”

“Would she now?” Brent shook his head and started to pace again, threading his fingers through his hair—an uncustomary action for him. He’d left his hat in the wagon, and for a moment Darcy admired the way the sunlight through the trees picked out threads of bronze-gold in his tousled locks. “Yes, perhaps she might have, as it
is
her place to acquire any help needed at the reformatory. But
you
had no right to do so! There is already an efficient cook and housekeeper at Lyons’s Refuge, and you were hired as the cook’s assistant. What will that woman do at the institution?”

“That woman?” Darcy crossed her arms. “Tell me, Guv’ner, this isn’t about Lila’s qualifications at all, is it? It’s about her appearance.”

Brent tensed and faced her. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” Darcy scoffed. “Why, surely you could tell she sports a beard, couldn’t you, Guv’ner? But of course you could! Outside appearances are of great importance to you, aren’t they now? Unfortunately, you can’t see past them to the heart that beats inside. More’s the pity.”

A muscle twitched near his jaw as he approached. “Miss Evans, this conversation is highly irregular as well as being entirely preposterous—”

“Is it now?” she interrupted. “Preposterous, ye say? Then tell me why it is that ye’ve not noticed the changes I’ve made in the past year? Tell me why when you look at me you still see an uncouth, brash girl spoutin’ Cockney. Well, all right, I may still be brash and slip into Cockney at times, but except for that poetry contest, ye’ve barely given me credit for any changes made! And I’ve tried—oh, how I’ve tried to win yer approval. I studied hard—harder than you know, harder than any o’ the boys. I stayed up late night after night to learn how to be a better person—a lady you would admire, maybe even tyke a fancy to. But did it do any good, I ask you? No! Not that I care to impress you any longer. You’re too busy judgin’ on outward appearances and retainin’ early impressions to give a person any room to change or see what lies on the inside—where God looks, I’ll remind you again. And I pity you your ignorance and stony heart.”

Darcy began to pace, then looked back and retraced her steps toward him, her annoyance not yet sated. “And with someone like Lila—who likely can never alter her appearance—you can’t see beyond that to her heart, which is so pure and good and fine that the only thing she wants out of life is to do the best she can for her little girl. Well, Mr. Stuffed-Shirt Thomas, more’s the pity for you!” She leaned forward and snapped her fingers beneath his nose. “And that’s what I think o’ that!”

Brent stood a moment, unblinking. Suddenly he grasped her upper arms, his eyes flaming. Her own eyes went wide in shock at his unexpected reaction.

“You think I don’t care about people—that I don’t have feelings? Oh, I have feelings, I assure you. I may not understand you, Darcy Evans, but I’ve definitely noticed you. I may not always commend you for your progress, but I’ve seen you excel in numerous areas and have been proud of your accomplishments. Keep in mind that I’m flesh and blood—not a ‘stuffed shirt,’ as you call it. Why, a few times this past week I almost kissed you—” Brent broke off, his face darkening in embarrassment. Hastily he lowered his hands to his sides. “Forgive me. That was uncalled for.”

Before he could move away, Darcy spoke. “Well, why didn’t you?”

He hesitated. “Why didn’t I what?”

“Kiss me.”

He looked uncomfortable. “Miss Evans, I strongly recommend that we cease this conversation.”

“The name’s Darcy, Guv’ner. I’ve heard you use it before.” She tilted her head. “I want to know what stopped you from kissing me—like ye said ye almost did.”

Brent released an exasperated sigh. “We were in a public place. Such a display hardly would have been appropriate.”

“This place seems private enough.”

He blinked, his mouth dropping open as the meaning of her soft words hit him. “Miss Evans. . .” His voice cracked.

“Try again. It’s Darcy.”

“Darcy.” He said the name tentatively. “Perhaps we should continue this conversation another time. I believe we should return to the wagon. Your friend will wonder what’s happened to us.” He turned to walk away.

Darcy acted, instinctively knowing that if she didn’t do something, he never would. Hurrying up behind him, she put her hand to his shoulder and tugged. “Brent, wait.”

He turned to face her, surprise on his features. Before she lost courage, she plucked off his spectacles, wrapped her arms around his neck, and planted a solid kiss on his mouth.

Warm tingles coursed through her, but he stood as stiff as one of the tree trunks surrounding them. Darcy was about to pull back in humiliated disappointment when suddenly his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. His lips began to move over hers, sending her into a dreamlike trance from which she never wanted to emerge. After several seconds elapsed, Brent lifted his head and gazed at her, a heart-melting mixture of desire and surprise glimmering in his blue eyes.

Keeping her arms around his neck and grateful he hadn’t removed his hands from the middle of her back, Darcy studied his face. “What now, Guv’ner?” she asked quietly. “Where do we go from here?”

He shook his head. “I don’t rightly know.” His voice was hoarse.

“Well, then, may I make a suggestion until we arrive at a decision?” Putting her hand to the back of his head, she brought his face down to hers and kissed him again.

This time his response was nothing like that of a tree trunk.

Twelve

Hungry for something to tide him over until dinner, Brent rotated the knob of the back door leading to the kitchen. He stopped in surprise to see Lila sitting on a wooden chair, her back rigid, her eyes squeezed shut. A towel was draped under her chin. Alice stood next to her, gently sliding a straight razor over one cheek covered with white foam.