Heart Burn (18 page)

"I can't believe you can be so cruel," I whispered, fighting back tears. "I can't believe you would actually stop trying to cure me just because you don't want Jack and I to be together."

He didn't answer immediately. He stared at me for a long time until he finally looked down at his immobile legs. "If you know what's good for you, you won't tell Jack. He'll grow mad and that will set my research back further."

Bollard clicked his tongue and signed furiously, earning himself a glare from Langley. The servant's defiance surprised me. It surprised me even more that Langley didn't admonish him except for that brief glare. It was almost as if there was no barrier of class or position between them. Indeed, their relationship was beginning to remind me of Jack and Tommy's.

"Why are you doing this to us?" I cried.

"I don't expect you to see clearly, Hannah. Not now. Jack too." He wheeled himself to the desk and picked up the syringe full of blood. "You will in due course. Bollard, show Hannah the door. I'm very busy."

Bollard sighed loudly and opened the door for me. I wiped away the single errant tear on my cheek and walked past him. He caught my elbow and put his finger to his lips to silence me. Once, such an action would have frightened me, but not anymore. I frowned and mouthed
What?

He pressed his hand over his heart then pointed at Langley. I shook my head. I didn't understand. He didn't repeat the action, simply shooed me out the door and shut it. I stared at the door and tried to think what he could have meant. That Langley cared?

Or that Langley had no heart.

***

I overslept again the following day, only to be awoken by Sylvia charging into my bedroom.

"You have a visitor," she announced, throwing open the curtains.

I shielded my eyes from the light pouring through the window, but they stung nevertheless. Miraculously, it appeared to be a sunny morning. "Who is it?"

"You'll never guess."

"That's why I'm asking."

She inspected the gowns in my wardrobe, most of which were altered ones of hers that she no longer liked. Compared to the woolen garments I'd had to wear in the attic at Windamere, they were beautiful. I was happy to have her castoffs.

"I think green today." She pulled out a forest green skirt and matching jacket. It was more of an outfit for spring, but Sylvia knew me well enough now to know that I couldn't wear the heavy winter fabrics. "It enhances your slender waist, and it's one of the few colors that look good on you."

"Are you avoiding answering the question?"

She chewed on her lip. "Is it that obvious?"

"Sylvia, you and subtlety are not friends. Tell me, who is here to see me? Not Tate, surely."

"No, thank goodness. I never want to see that man again. It's that Violet Jamieson person."

I slumped back against the head board. "Vi! What's she doing here?"

"She's come to speak to you. Now hurry up, I'm dying to know what she has to say too."

She helped me dress and fix my hair. I checked myself in the dressing table mirror and wished I hadn't. My eyes were underscored by dark smudges and my skin glistened, pale and sickly. No wonder everybody had been looking at me with sympathy lately.

Sylvia remained with me until we reached the parlor and I asked her to leave. She glanced at Vi, sitting primly on the edge of the sofa, turned up her nose and strode off.

"Hannah," Vi said, rising as I entered. She gave me a tentative smile. "How
are
you?"

"Quite well, thank you."

Her smiled faded and a frown crept across her forehead. Clearly she didn't believe me, but she didn't say so.

Tommy entered and set a tray of tea things on the table. "I'll serve, thank you, Tommy." He bowed and left.

Vi watched me as I poured the tea. I felt terribly conspicuous, like something under Langley's microscope. It rattled my nerves. "Are
you
well, Violet?" I asked, handing her a cup and saucer. Politeness dictated we exchange pleasantries, although it galled me to go through the motions when all I wanted to do was get to the point of her visit.

"Thank you, yes." She sipped.

"Did you come here unaccompanied?"

"No, my father is waiting for me in the carriage outside."

I looked to the window, but the carriage was out of my line of sight. "Why doesn't he come in? He must be cold."

"He has furs for warmth." It didn't answer my question, and I suspected she was avoiding it on purpose. I'm sure after Lord Wade's last visit to Frakingham, he was keen to avoid us.

"You called him your father. So…is he?" Damnation, I was tired and ill. I didn't have the patience for politeness and avoidance tactics. It was time to find out what Vi wanted, and ask her some questions of my own.

"Yes. He is. Hannah, he's not a bad man."

"He kept us locked in the attic for fifteen years!"

"We weren't
locked
in there. We were allowed out on occasion. Besides, it was for your own good."

"And yours?"

She studied the teacup. "I think he regrets it. He's never said as much, but his actions since your disappearance would suggest he's sorry. He agreed to accompany me here, for instance."

"Whose idea was that?"

"Mine. After I saw you at the ball, I begged him to let me come. I couldn't rest until I spoke to you again. I had no idea until that night that he'd even found you. No idea at all. It was quite shocking to learn of his visit."

"But
you
knew where I was. You could have come here at any time yourself, once he let you out of the attic."

"I may be out, but I can't go wandering about the country unaccompanied. Young ladies are restricted, Hannah."

"I know that," I said tightly. "Tell me, did he let you out of the attic the day I disappeared?"

"Yes."

"So it was worth it then."

"What was?"

"Your conspiracy with Miss Levine to have Jack abduct me."

Her teacup rattled in the saucer. She set them down on the table and smoothed her hands over her sleek mauve and black skirt. It was made of silk, not wool. It would seem she was free of more than just the attic.

"I'm glad it worked out well for you," she said, leveling her gaze on me. "I really am. You seem to have nice friends here. I can see they care for you. I know you probably don't believe me when I said I miss you, but I do." She reached for me, but curled her fingers into a fist at the last moment and drew it back to her lap. "I miss you every day, Hannah. My only companion now is my half-sister Eudora, and she's not nearly as much fun as you. She's rather a spoiled little miss."

"Half-sister? Your mother isn't Lady Wade?"

Her gaze shifted to the door then back to me. "No, but please don't spread that about," she said softly. "Only four people know the truth. Now five."

"Why
are
you telling me?"

"Because I owe you an explanation. Several. I won't shy away from what I did to you, Hannah. The years of deception and outright lies, and then being involved in your kidnapping." She shuddered. "This is the first explanation I'll give you. Lady Wade isn't my mother. Miss Levine is."

I gasped and stared at her with my mouth open for several beats before I realized and shut it.

"It's quite true," she went on, still speaking quietly. It was as if she was scandalized by merely voicing it. "She and my father had a tryst, and it resulted in me."

"While he was married to Lady Wade?"

She nodded. "Shocking, isn't it? I'm being passed off as her daughter in public now, but she dislikes me intensely. She couldn't have children, you see. They tried for years apparently, and nothing. My father's eye wandered, and eventually it wandered in Miss Levine's direction. She was a maid at the time. She bore me around the same time you came to Windamere as a baby. Lady Wade was happy to have us both there then. She thought she couldn't have children at all, you see. She was desperate for a little one to love, so pretended that I was her daughter."

"But not me?"

"No. Your hair was a problem. There's no red hair on either side of the family. Besides, some of the servants knew you'd been brought to the house by a friend of my father's."

"So why did Lady Wade stop wanting us? Why relegate us to the attic?"

"Eudora. Three years passed, and Lady Wade fell pregnant. With a child of her own to spoil, she no longer wanted us. My presence reminded her of her husband's infidelity and you were…well, you were difficult to control then. Apparently your fire had become a problem. She didn't want a…a…"

"Deformed child?"

She cleared her throat. "She didn't want a child with your curious nature to be associated with the family. Since you and I were inseparable, they made the decision to confine us to the attic together."

"Two birds, one stone." I slumped back in the chair. It wasn't an elegant way to sit, and it was somewhat awkward with the bustle in my dress, but I didn't care. I was too engrossed in her tale. Miss Levine was Vi's mother. Remarkable. And somewhat horrible too. I think I preferred my motherless state.

"Lord Wade bedded
her
?" I said. "But she's a withered, heartless dragon. Oh." I bit my lip. "Sorry. I probably shouldn't disparage your mother to you."

She pulled a face. "It's quite all right. I'm not overly fond of her. When I asked how she felt giving me up to Lady Wade when I was a baby, she told me she was glad. She said she didn't like motherhood."

"I don't think she enjoyed being a governess much more. So how long have you known? Did you always know?"

"Miss Levine—I still can't think of her as 'Mother'—told me one day when we were out walking last spring. You were a little ahead of us. She told me I was her daughter and that it had been her idea to keep us in the attic. She said that if she hadn't spoken up and offered to be our governess, we would have been sent to a school for girls, never to return to Windamere."

"Would that have been such a bad thing? We would have been given more freedom. We certainly would have met more people."

She gave a resigned shrug. "It's too late to speculate."

"Why didn't you tell me, Vi? Why keep it a secret all those months?"

"Miss Levine ordered me to. She said I'd never get out of the attic if I told you." Her face fell. Her eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Hannah, I wanted to tell you. I doubted the necessity for silence every day."

"But your desire to leave the attic was stronger than your friendship to me."

She pulled out a handkerchief from her reticule and dabbed her eyes. "Miss Levine said I'd never leave while you were there. That day she told me she was my mother, she also told me about her plan to have you abducted. She knew that a gentleman had brought you to the house, but she didn't know his name or anything else about him. It took her all this time to learn more and contact him to arrange the abduction. She said you'd never agree to leave me behind. That's why it had to be kept a secret, even from Lord Wade. He would never have let you just leave. He cared about you, you know. In his own way."

I'm sure he didn't like to lose me any more than he liked losing a cufflink. I was his possession, a part of the Windamere Hall estate. As was Vi. I didn't say it, but I could see in her listless hands and the way she wouldn't meet my gaze that she knew it.

"If you'd disobeyed Miss Levine, you could have come here with me," I said. "There would have been no need for the elaborate arrangement. But you wanted to be left behind."

"I'm not like you, Hannah. I'm not brave or adventurous. Windamere is my home," she whispered. "The thought of leaving it scared me to death."

"But the thought of leaving the attic did not? That in itself was an adventure. How could you be sure Lord and Lady Wade would accept you into their home as their daughter?"

"Miss Levine assured me they would, and I believed her. She said they'd never accept you, but I had a chance for a normal life with them." Her lower lip wobbled. "I'm so sorry, Hannah. I had to get out of that attic. I felt like I was living half a life."

"I felt that way too."

"Yes, but…
I'm
the daughter of an earl. Please don't take offense. It's simply the truth of the matter."

I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Our birthrights had never been an issue before. On the other hand, she'd only discovered who she was for certain last spring. Before that, I knew she'd had doubts. Still, I'd not seen any sign that she thought herself above me in all that time. Not until now.

"Can you understand why I did it?" she asked. "At least a little?"

"Are you asking for my forgiveness?"

"I…I suppose I am." She looked so earnest, so innocent, like the Vi I knew and had loved like a sister. She'd always needed reassuring from me, whether it was to go outside, or to stand up to Miss Levine, or even just meet the butler in the eye as we walked past him. She needed it again, and I saw no reason not to give it to her. I didn't have the energy to pile more guilt on her. Besides, her betrayal had led me to Frakingham and Jack, Sylvia, Tommy and Samuel. How could I blame her when her actions gave me such blessings?

"I forgive you, Vi."

A tear slid down her cheek. "Truly?"

I stood and put out my hand to her. She took it and I drew her into a hug. "Truly. Now." I pulled away and went to look out the window at the carriage. Jack stood by it, his back to me, speaking to Lord Wade through the window. "Tell me, Vi, what story are the Wades putting out about your sudden appearance in Society?"

"They're telling everybody I was a sickly child and have only recently been allowed out of my sick bed by the doctors."

"What was your illness?"

"Oh, everything! Fortunately nobody has asked for particulars." She laughed as she came up behind me. "I must say, your abductor is quite handsome. Father told me he's the nephew of the man who owns this house."

"Jack Langley." I wasn't going to tell her the truth about Jack or all the other things that I'd learned since coming to Freak House. Once I would have told her everything, but the connection between us simply wasn't there anymore. I had other people to fill that void.