Heart in the Field (31 page)

           
“Kiss me.”

           
He wrapped his arms around her and
met her mouth with his own. She was desperate for him. Her tongue was inside his
mouth before he had a chance to respond. He felt his own desperation rise to
meet hers and he began to strip off her clothes. They moved to the floor, and
before he went into her he saw her eyes and he couldn’t tell what she was
thinking.

•

           
Wearing Nick’s burgundy terry robe,
Serena put on coffee in his kitchen the next morning. She leaned against the
counter hearing the liquid drip, thinking that her romance with Nick was
getting very much like a kitchen sink drama. It was feeling sleazy. It was only
sex. No. She crossed her arms across her breasts. It wasn’t all sex. Not on her
side. She loved him. But she couldn’t tell him she loved him. All she could do
was
show
him by giving him her body.
A body that couldn’t stop wanting him.
She’d become what
she’d never wanted to become, a woman dependent on a man for her thrills.

           
She walked into the living room
where some weak sun was streaming through the window. She picked up her
father’s book and turned it in her hands. Should she read it? Would it do her
good? She opened the cover and saw the inscription.
Who is Cara? Some other woman who’d once stood in Nick’s
apartment wondering where to go next with a man who would never love you, who
would one day leave you? A man you craved and couldn’t get enough of?
Strange that one of his lovers had given him her father’s
book as a birthday gift.

           
She closed the book but she didn’t
drop it. She kept it with her.
Read it, get
rid of him for good,
her brain told her.
Do it. And even when Nick does leave you, at least you
won’t have that burden anymore.

           
Nick came into the living room. All
he wore was a pair of black briefs, and she liked him half-naked. She held up
the book. “I will read it.”

           
He stroked the air with his finger.
“One down.”

           
“How many to go
though?”

           
He held the doorpost with his hand.
“What happened to you? You were so bright last night?”

           
She wrinkled her nose.
“Too bright.
I came down off that high into a pit.”

           
“Well, you’ll have to get your act
together. We have a lot of work ahead of us.”

           
“I know that.”

           
“It’ll be mostly you doing it as
well.” He grinned. “Come on, Serena. Life isn’t that bad. You’ve got the
program you dreamed of at your fingertips, you have a co-host who gives you
great loving, and you’re going to exorcize your father’s memory once and for
all.”

           
She lifted the book. “I’ll throw
this at you.”

           
“No. Keep it.”

           
“Who’s Cara?”

           
“She lives in Mexico and
she’s married.”

           
“Cara Winsome?”

           
He nodded.
“Yeah.”

           
“She’s old enough to be your
mother.”

           
“It was mainly a friendship.”

           
“Mainly a friendship?
Is that what you’ll call our relationship one day? Oh, I mainly had a
friendship with Serena Brown. Or is it that I’m my father’s daughter and that
turns you on?”

           
He clapped his hand to his forehead.
“Get dressed, and we’ll have some coffee and get out of here before you can
invent more reasons for chucking me over.”

           
“I’d love to chuck you over.” But
she smiled a little this time. “I tried once, didn’t I?”

           
“I’m not listening.” He returned to
the bedroom.

           
Serena figured she might as well go
and get dressed as well. She had a heavy day ahead of her, preparing her
questions for Angela. Now she began to worry if her friend would cooperate
enough to make the show a success.

           
Nick insisted on accompanying her to
meet Angela, but Serena argued him out of using a Steel News van or a Steel
limousine. It had been difficult enough getting Angela to respond to her
request for an interview, she didn’t want to scare her away now. She even
dressed down, in jeans and her leather jacket. She wanted to meet Angela on her
own level.

           
Max was waiting with his sister.
Since his appearances on TV, he’d got a place to live, sharing a house with
some other homeless men who were trying to get jobs and make a go of living in
the mainstream of life again. He looked quite presentable, in a big tweed
overcoat, minus the straw hat.

           
As they approached the couple,
Serena kept her smile focused on Angela. She wore a long flowery skirt, black
leather combat boots and kept her hands planted in the pockets of a tweed
jacket as she returned Serena’s greeting.

           
Serena noticed that Nick stood back
and let her have the space beside Angela. “Why don’t we just go for coffee,”
Serena suggested.

           
“Fine.”
Angela glanced at her twin brother. “Can Max come? I always buy him lunch when
I’m in the city.”

           
“Of course.
Max has got lots of experience in TV now. Haven’t you, Max?”

           
Max nodded.
“Yeah.
I was quite good.”

           
“Very good.
I’m pleased you got something out of it.” Nick spoke for the first time and he
took up the rear with Max, behind Serena and Angela, as they walked along the
street.

           
Serena knew a small restaurant with
high-back booths where they wouldn’t be disturbed. It was a haunt from her news
van days. They all went inside the warm, coffee-fragrant café and managed to
squeeze into a booth. Nick suggested they might as well have lunch, but Angela
decided coffee was enough for her. While Max and Nick chose their meals, Serena
sipped her coffee from a big white mug and looked at Angela.

           
“I’m planning an interview with you
that will let your story unfold, Angela.”

           
Angela stirred her coffee with the
spoon, even though she drank it black.” That’s fine. But I don’t want to be
shown for the interview. I don’t want Lawson’s name mentioned. His second name
is Wayne. We
can call him Wayne.”

           
“Whatever you
want.”
Serena didn’t like interviews with disguises. She glanced at Nick
and saw his skeptical expression.

           
“What about my voice?”

           
“We can fix it. We’ll tape the
interview ahead, so it can be edited. I’m presuming this is dangerous for you?”
She gave Nick a look that said,
Don’t
say a
word.

           
“Dangerous? Yes. But it’s a story
needing to be told.”

           
As they continued to make plans for
the interview Serena grew excited. Maybe this is how her father had felt, how
Nick probably felt, when they were in a country withholding secrets that the
world ought to know about. At last she understood.

           
Armed with this understanding,
Serena read her father’s book that evening. She sat curled into an armchair
with a quilt wrapped around her and read. She read in her evening bath. She
took the book to bed and propped herself up with pillows. She finished it at
one in the morning, and when she closed the covers, she didn’t know want to
think. She felt awash in Stuart Redding Brown’s philosophy.

           
One thing she did know, though. He’d
loved her. He hadn’t shown it in the way she’d longed for him to show it, by
being there for her all of her life, but he had loved her. He’d died loving her
and her mother. He would have died loving Seth as well, if he’d known about
him.

           
But he was one mixed-up kid, she
decided, still awake by early morning. He’d lived on instinct, booze and drugs.
Nick was probably right about Stuart Redding Brown needing a base after her one
set of grandparents had died. Unfortunately, his base had been people he had
managed to hurt.

           
She would always resent his absence,
but she was more reconciled with his lifestyle now. Nick had helped her to that
more peaceful place. She reached for Pascal, who was stirring for the morning,
and stroked his soft warm fur. Everything for her came back to Nick these days,
and how she loved him more all the time.

•

           
Nick was startled when Serena tossed
her father’s book down on his desk the following morning. “I read it.”

           
He looked at her. Her hair was sleek
and already
coiffured
by the studio hairdresser, her
makeup and her white suit perfect. “All in one go?”

           
“Yep.
All
in one go. Once I got going I just inhaled it. It feels good. You’re right.
Real good.”

           
He noticed her voice quaver with
emotion. “You’re not being cynical about that?”

           
She shook her head. “No. It’s the
truth. I discovered some things I didn’t know. Some things I needed to know.
Some things I wish I still didn’t know. But that’s okay. I’m grown up now. I
can take it.”

           
He smiled. “Serena. It upset you?”

           
“No.
Truthfully.
I’m fine. I’m over him.”

           
“I’m over him as well.”

           
She frowned. “What do you mean?”

           
“Well.” He sat back in his chair. “I
always immersed myself in his story, paralleling it to mine in some ways. But I
don’t think that’s true anymore. In fact, I think I might have moved on from
him.”

           
“Exactly, Nick. I’m just going to
remember him for what he contributed to journalism, and I’m willing to do a
documentary on him if you want.”

           
“Maybe.
But
we’ve got quite a bit on our plate right now.”

           
“Fine.
However,
it’s okay with me if you want.”

           
Nick could tell she was being
truthful. If he’d done nothing for her, he’d helped her disassociate herself
from the pain of her childhood. And she’d done the same for him as well. It
would never be over but it was more bearable. “I’ll put it on my agenda. In the
meantime we have to go interview your mother once more.”

           
“Just before we do,” she said.
“Would you like to come to my place for the weekend? I feel I need some time at
home. I have to do some gardening before the winter.”

           
“You want me to help with your
gardening?”

           
“Isn’t that how you got me up to
your apartment in the first place?”

           
“Partly.
Sure. I’d love to spend the weekend with you.”

           
“Good.” She smiled and turned to
leave. “See you downstairs.”

           
The second episode on
Reeva
aired that evening and she made her public
announcement that she was leaving politics. The next day the local papers were
full of her. Nick watched Serena go around shaking her head and asking why her
mother would want this type of publicity.

           
 
“It was entirely your mother’s idea,” he said.
“Admit it. Your whole family enjoys publicity. Otherwise none of you would be
in the public eye.”

           
“And you’re the same.”

           
He put up his hand. “Count me in.”

           
The rest of Friday Nick spent with
the real estate agent at his parents’ apartment and he could tell that his
mother and father were pleased to let him handle affairs. He even suspected
they felt some relief that he was here to do this for them. They were willing
to admit that the time had come for them to move. His mother couldn’t even
negotiate the steps without almost being lifted. Nick arranged for a nurse to
go in each day to help her, and his father didn’t contradict any of Nick’s
decisions. He seemed dazed by events. Stephen had experienced a bad shock when
his wife had injured herself. Without his wife to run around after him, he had
no one.