Heart of Gold (37 page)

“To some degree that might be the truth. But now, I guess, I want her to feel that she can go back once again to the life she chose for herself, without having to tag along after us. She should feel comfortable walking away from Jaime and me, with no fears or worries over our wellbeing. I’d like to see her traveling with Joseph and enjoying the time they have left together. They’re not getting any younger, Ambrose. And I want her to be able to come back and visit whenever she wishes.”

“So the two of you talked this out?”

“Aye.”

“And she agrees that it is time to move on without you?”

Elizabeth nodded. “It took some persuasion. But I convinced her.” She placed a kiss on his chest. “Erne is quite happy for us, you know. And she and Joseph will travel to Benmore Castle for our wedding.”

“Oh, they will?”

“Aye, in spite of all the stories we’ve been hearing about those Highland rogues.”

“So you’ve been hearing stories?” he responded, a wry grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Aye, we have. So we’ll all be seeing one another again in no time.”

He combed his fingers through her hair. The silky black tresses tumbled over the back of his hand.

“Why are you doing this, lass? Why so soon? You hardly know anyone in this pile of rock. Why send her off now?”

She gazed steadily into his eyes. “Because I need to toughen up. And I need to prove something to myself. That can’t be done with Erne here.”

“Tell me, love. What do you need to prove?”

Elizabeth glanced away for a moment before turning her eyes back to his face. “I need to know if I can adjust to this new life. Operate on my own. Without anyone pampering me or taking care of me. Since we arrived here, Erne has done everything for me. In a way, she is treating me the way Mary liked to be treated. It doesn’t matter what it is—small or large, minor or significant. She is always there for me, helping me. Running my bath, helping me dress, seeing to my meals.”

“Perhaps this is the first chance she’s had an opportunity to show you how much she loves you.”

“That’s what we talked about today.” Elizabeth felt tears welling up in her eyes. “You are right. That was exactly what she was trying to do, and more. She’s always thought I’ve been somehow deprived of even little luxuries, of simple comforts that I should have been enjoying for the last few years. So now she wants to make up for those times.”

Ambrose gently wiped away a tear from her cheek. “Well, she’s too late. It’s my job to give you things, my love. Only mine.”

“I don’t need to be spoiled, Ambrose.” Elizabeth smiled. “Ernesta loves me, and I love her. That came across today stronger than ever before. We were like a mother and daughter, sitting next to each other, holding hands, pouring out our insides, and retelling stories from the past. Sharing hopes for the future. After we were done, she was certain of my happiness. To her, that seemed to be all that mattered. So she agreed to go.”

He watched as her face clouded with a frown. “You are unhappy, though.”

“Not true.” She took hold of his fingers and brought them to her lips. “I have never been happier than now—with you. But something is gnawing away at me.”

“What is it?”

She rolled onto her back and stared up at the dark, rough-hewn timbers of the ceiling.

“I don’t know if I still can function in the role of a woman.”

The Highlander started to laugh.

She turned onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow. “I’m serious.”

“Nay, lass. You can’t be.” He smiled and reached out, his finger tracing her full lips. “Elizabeth, you are a woman. All woman.”

His fingers brushed over her cheek and caressed her ivory throat.

“I was a man. All man. For four years.”

“Nay. You weren’t.”

Running along the smooth lines of her shoulders, his fingers grazed the skin of her upper arms and lightly moved onto the soft orb of her breast.

“I was, too,” she whispered, her eyes clouding over at his touch.

“You are obstinate, Elizabeth Boleyn.”

Her voice was low and husky. “You’ve known about this quality for quite a while, Lord Macpherson.”

“Aye, I have.” His mouth descended on her lips and he kissed her hard. “I am not complaining. I love your flaws, my sweet. You can keep every one.”

She tried to steady her voice after the shock of his kiss.

“I have no flaws, only an abundance of talent.” She watched the smile that pulled at his perfect mouth. “But if you laugh at me one more time, I’ll...”

“Aye, lass. You’ll what?” he teased.

“I don’t know.” She sighed happily, snuggling back against his side. “But give me forty years or so. I’ll think of something.”

Elizabeth considered for a moment how much she loved the way it was between them. They teased, they argued, they laughed for hours on end. Together, they rode out into the neighboring valleys, enjoying the late summer weather—more often than not, taking Jaime with them. Ambrose showed her the countryside, told her about the people of the Scottish Lowlands. About their history. About their heroes.

But as he talked, his stories always returned to the Highlands. When he spoke of home—of the wild, craggy peaks, of the rushing mountain streams and the storms so fierce and sudden, of the people so free and so alive—Elizabeth could see the faraway look come into his eyes. And she loved it.

In the daylight hours, before the other inhabitants of the castle, they acted so properly. Intelligent, reserved—two refined people who would soon marry.

But at night, their lives took on a different dimension. Enamored, reckless—two lovers who desperately, physically needed one another.

“Do you think I am making a mistake? In sending Erne away?” she whispered. “Do you think once she goes, your people will catch on to my façade and dislike me?”

“Hardly!” Ambrose hugged her hard against his chest. “Do you really think anyone could dislike you, Elizabeth? Don’t you see how they all love you? How could anyone not?”

Elizabeth rubbed her cheek against the warm skin of his chest. “Aye. It’s true that your men treat me well. But when I think about the future...I want to say the right things, Ambrose. Do the right things. Be proper. I don’t want to be a disappointment to you in front of your family, in front of your friends.”

“You’ll never be anything less than my greatest treasure, my love. Trust me.”

“There is so much I don’t know, so much I need to learn.” She looked up and gazed in his eyes. “I want to fit. So desperately, I want to belong. I’ve never truly had a home. Not one that mattered, before this. But it matters now, Ambrose.”

“You belong, Elizabeth. You belong to me, and I to you. And you’ve always had a home. You made that out of yourself...for your sister, for Jaime. Stone walls do not make a home. The warmth, the love you carry in your heart, that’s what it makes it.” He kissed the bridge of her nose; his lips brushed across her damp cheek. “I, on the other hand, have always had houses. Too many of them. Scattered across the continent. My friends laugh at me because of them. But I never felt tied to any of them. I could not make any of them a home.” He kissed her lips. “Because I hadn’t found my home. But now I have. I’ve found you, Elizabeth.”

She missed him desperately, and for two weeks her mind and her blood had been racing. Almost frantic, at times she felt as if she only had moments left to get her life, and everything around her, in order.

Ambrose had gone two weeks ago. The Bardis had gone with him.

From the moment they’d left, Elizabeth had felt the rush of emotions surge through her. Things had to get done. Inside. Outside.

Robert, the tall, young warrior who commanded the battalion while Ambrose traveled, stood behind her, nodding his approval while she ordered servants here, soldiers there. He and Jaime followed her everywhere she went. She sent for masons, for carpenters. Roxburgh Castle would be a changed place by the time Ambrose returned. Elizabeth hadn’t worked out all the details, but the creativity in her soul took flight. Her imagination soared.

And she moved as if there were no tomorrow. Frequently, thoughts of her sister Mary pushed into her consciousness, and she would think, wondering if her actions now were the result of some lingering guilt she carried concerning Mary’s death. The true murderer who sent the assassins, the real reason behind the attack, these things were still unknown. But the truth at the bottom of it all still haunted her—the dagger had been meant for Elizabeth’s heart, not her sister’s.

Garnesche remained in her memory as much as her father. Even simple things like the training of the men in the courtyard or the movements of torch-carrying soldiers along the paths in the evening would bring back memories of the crime she’d seen committed on a dark night in the north of France. And she wondered what tomorrow would bring. She wondered if there would be a tomorrow.

Mary was never given the chance to experience what the future would bring. But as violent as her sister’s death was—Elizabeth knew—Mary Boleyn had died at peace with the world. She had been given a chance, perhaps a second chance, to bring a sense of harmony, of goodness back into her life. And she had taken hold of that chance with both hands.

As Elizabeth stood in the center of the chaos of renovation going on around her, she wondered if perhaps that same goodness was what she, too, sought after. For Jaime, for herself, and for Ambrose. Perhaps she, too, was looking for that sense of peace, of serenity.

“M’lady!” The warrior’s voice was commanding and sharp. “You simply cannot go up there.”

“I can, Robert. And I will,” Elizabeth asserted as she pushed her way around the agitated Highlander. She turned to Robert as she climbed the first step. “Did the baron not specifically order you to see to it that my wishes were followed? Didn’t you hear him say that?”

“I did, m’lady.”

“Very well!” Elizabeth turned and started up the steps two at a time toward the top tower room.

“But wait,” the man called out after a moment’s delay.

She stopped and took a deep breath. She had to save her full fury for when he reached her. This was the last tower to be looked into. With dozens of workers busily working in the other sections, it was only natural for her to want to extend the effort to this final area of the castle. It was clear to her now, though, how cleverly Robert had contrived to keep her away from this corner of the castle.

The young warrior had been one of the first loyal friends she’d found at Roxburgh. Having trained years back as the squire for Ambrose’s elder brother, Robert had been with Macpherson family since boyhood. From what Ambrose had told her of the young man, Elizabeth knew Robert to be a prime example of the devotion and the courage that every Highlander aspired to.

“M’lady. I do need to talk to you about...”

Elizabeth turned slowly and faced him. Though he stood two steps lower, they were at eye level. “Robert. You haven’t stopped talking since the baron left.”

“Aye, m’lady. But this is important.” The young man racked his brain for some ideas. “This concerns the time when the baron was on the Isle of Skye with his brother, Lord Alec.”

“In Skye?”

“Aye, m’lady. When Lord Ambrose was staying at Dunvegan Castle. It’s a place that the MacLeod clan keep, a wonderful fortress, with—”

She rolled her eyes and then broke in unceremoniously. “It is amazing to me, Robert, that every time I have tried to come to this tower, you have managed to entertain and distract me with more stories about Ambrose’s past. It’s worked before, young man. But it won’t work now. I am up to your tricks.” She turned on her heel and quickly started running up the steps.

The young man cursed under his breath. Macpherson women! What was it about them? They were all the same. Headstrong and opinionated. The elder Lady Elizabeth, Lady Fiona, and now this one. Perfectly matched, they were.

Elizabeth quickened her pace as she heard the warrior once again chasing after her. She reached the landing, but he caught up to her at the last moment, moving in front of her and blocking the door.

“What is it now?” she asked impatiently. “Let me guess. You just remembered I failed to stop for the noon meal, and if I don’t eat, then Lord Ambrose will have your hide for that transgression, as well.”

The young man brightened at once. “How did you know, m’lady? You’ve read my mind.”

“Get out of my way, Robert. Or else.”

“It’s for your own good, Lady Elizabeth. Please listen to me. You don’t want to be exposed to what is in there.”

She matched the man’s troubled expression with a sardonic look of her own. “Are there dead bodies laying about? Is it a torture chamber?”

“Much worse,” Robert replied, shaking his head slowly. “You had just better stay away.”

She glared at him menacingly. “You know, of course, that by trying—with these ridiculous ploys—to keep me out of there, you’ve only succeeded in thoroughly piquing my curiosity. Robert, it is no longer possible for me to leave that door closed.”

He nodded. “I know I’ve made it difficult for you, m’lady. But you see, I’m not seasoned in the ways of ladies of such quality as you.”

“Don’t flatter me. It won’t work.”

The young warrior dropped his head to his chest. He wasn’t certain to what degree he should go to stop her from seeing what lay beyond the door. True, the baron had instructed him to keep her away until he arrived. But he had a pretty good idea that physical restraint was the only thing left now that might keep her out of the tower room. And Robert was not about to risk laying a hand on Lord Ambrose’s lady.

“And don’t try to make me feel sorry for you. That won’t work, either.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Now step aside.”

He took one last look at her. She meant business. There would be no distracting her. He stepped to the side, allowing her approach the door.

Elizabeth let her gaze wander from the forlorn expression of the warrior to the metal key lock on the door. It was one of only two in the castle. She took a step closer. Her hand reached out and grabbed the door handle. Then she took a deep breath. Robert had done a good job. She paused, her outstretched arms still, her heart pounding. She listened for a noise. For any sign of life. What was it that was hidden inside the chamber? she wondered. Then she pulled hard.