Heart Of Marley (24 page)

M
Y
MAMA
ALWAYS
HAD
a way of putting things that made me feel like complete shit but, at the same time, love her even more. I felt like complete shit when she told me that the purpose of Thanksgiving was to spend the day with those that we love and are thankful to have in our lives, and it was mainly because I had been treating those people like crap lately, myself included. And that realization made me love my mama more than I thought possible.

After my dramatic scene of screaming at Doug, I stormed up the stairs and threw myself onto the bed. I never understood why Mama had bedrooms for Cam and me at her house, considering we were never really permitted to stay the night, but I was thankful for the privacy tonight so I could stew in solitude.

Reaching into the back pocket of my jeans and finding my compact, I took out the razor, about to lower my jeans. A sudden knock startled me and I quickly put the blade back in its hiding place.

“Marley, open up! Please.”

“No. Go away, Doug!” I shouted.

“I’m not going anywhere until I can talk to you.”

“You talk to me every day in school,” I replied sarcastically.

“I’m talking about the real Marley. The Marley that’s excited about shooting stars. The Marley that finds the significance in the insignificant. The Marley that has had unspeakable things happen to her, but has learned to move past it. The Marley that loves with her beautiful, albeit stubborn, heart. That’s the Marley that I…”

I rushed to the door and opened it, staring into his intense green eyes, the passion and fire behind his gaze palpable. The sympathy that had covered his expression the past several weeks was no longer there. In its place was a heat and electricity that I had never seen before.

“That you what?”

He leaned in, his lips poised on mine. “That I love,” he whispered.

My heart raced in my chest at his voice uttering those words. “I thought you didn’t love me a lot,” I murmured against his mouth.

He grinned and gently pushed me into my room, closing the door behind him. His lips moved against mine as he explored my mouth for the first time in nearly a month.

And, for the first time in nearly a month, I didn’t feel the pain anymore. I felt a much more healthy emotion…love. I felt it in the way he lightly, but firmly, led me toward the bed. I felt it in the way he held my back as he lowered me down. But, most importantly, I saw it in his eyes. He no longer looked at me as if I was ready to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces at any second. He gazed upon me with a look that was hard to label. It was so much more than love, devotion, or tenderness. He admired me with a look of complete reverence. At that moment, I knew I was staring into the eyes of a man who would never do anything to hurt me.

“Show me your love. I need it, Doug,” I begged him, unable to stop the pleas that escaped my mouth. The burning rage and anguish inside me was replaced with an overwhelming sensation of rapture. I wanted to give my heart, my entire existence, to him because I knew he would guard it with his life.

He pulled back, his eyes wide with concern. “Are you sure? We don’t have to. I don’t want you to think…” He trailed off. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.” He avoided my gaze and I could tell he was conflicted.

“I want to. I need the normal, Doug. You’re my normal.” I pressed my lips against his. “I’ve been thinking about this day for a long time. I’ve been thinking about doing this with
you
for a long time.”

“If it becomes too much, Marley, let me know and we’ll stop, okay?” He looked at me, his eyes searching mine.

I nodded.

“I need to hear you say it. Please. Just so I know.”

“Yes, I will. I promise.”

“I don’t want you to think that you have to do this for me, Marley. I’m happy to wait as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m not. I want to do this for me…and for us.”

He groaned and tightened his hold on my body before flipping over onto his back, pulling me on top of him. “You’re in control, Marley.”

I raised my eyebrows at him in a flirtatious manner. “I like the sound of that.” I began to circle my hips against him, shivers running through my body at the feel of him between my legs.

“Kiss me, Marley Jane,” he begged softly, his voice raspy.

I lowered my mouth to his. “I’ve missed this.”

“What?”

“Kissing you. I’m so sorry, Doug.”

“Don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry. Now, kiss me.”

“Yes, sir.” I giggled and my mouth moved against his, our tongues meeting.

A small moan escaped as his hands roamed my body, finally settling on my hips. I pulled out of the kiss, panting, and stood up, unbuttoning my jeans.

I was about to lower them to the ground when the red scars on both legs caught my attention.

And Doug’s.

“Shit!” I exclaimed, attempting to raise my jeans back up, hating that I hadn’t thought about him seeing the marks.

Doug grabbed my arm and stopped me. “Marley,” he said softly. “What is that?” His eyes roamed to my thighs. “Is that…?” He swallowed hard. “Did you…?”

I simply nodded.

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” I hissed.

“But I want to, Marley.” His voice was sweet, regardless of my tone. “Don’t push me away again. Please. Just help me understand.”

Nervous at how he would react, I gingerly lowered my jeans and stood in front of him so he could see the scars that I had carved into my body. Sitting down next to him, I grabbed his hands in mine. “Because this pain takes my mind off my past, at least for a little while.”

“How long…?” He swallowed hard.

“A few years. I only do it when the pain is unbearable.”

He fought back his emotions and his voice wavered. “Why was the pain unbearable this time?”

“Because I didn’t have you anymore,” I admitted. “I tried to feel your not love when I looked at the bracelet you gave me, but every time I looked at it, all I could see were your eyes that viewed me as a helpless little girl.”

His chin quivered. “Please tell me this isn’t my fault.”

“It’s not. I don’t want you to think that. I just… I tried to stop and I couldn’t. Your not love dulls the pain. It’s the only thing that does. Even cutting doesn’t make it stop hurting…not like your not love does.”

He leaned in and kissed me with such passion that I could physically feel his affection for me in that simple act. “You can be so exasperating and so incredible at the same time. But let’s get one thing straight, Marley Jane. I’m completely head-over-heels
in love
with you. Okay?”

I grinned. “I love you, too, Douglas Evan.” I fell over onto the bed with him and pulled him on top of me.

He roamed my body with his mouth and, for the first time in the presence of a guy, I felt completely at ease and venerated by his motions. Lowering himself between my legs, he glanced up at me as if asking permission. I nodded and he slid my panties down. Delicately kissing each of my inner thighs, he said, “I promise that I’ll help erase the scars, Marley…both physical and emotional.”

My chin quivered in response to his words and I let out a quiet sob. He quickly raised himself up and wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sure crying before sex is such a turn-on.” I wiped my cheeks.

“I’m okay with it. And we’re not having sex, Marley.”

I pulled back, a pout on my face. “Why not? I thought…”

“This is so much more than sex for me.”

I smirked in a playful manner. “Douglas, do you want to make love to me?”

His eyes searing into mine, he simply nodded and pressed his lips back to my mouth.

Thousands of unique and unexpected sensations coursed through my veins as Doug slid out of his clothes. I never thought I’d ever be able to feel comfortable with the act of sex, but the thought of what we were about to do didn’t just excite me. It thrilled me.

He fished a condom out of his wallet and rolled it on before sitting back down on the bed. Grabbing my hips, he pulled me on top of him, surprise etched across my face.

“I told you. You’re in control.”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I confessed.

“Neither do I.”

“You’ve never…?”

“Nope. We’ll figure it out together.”

Nodding, I placed my legs on either side of his waist, my eyes remaining glued to Doug’s, and our two bodies became one.

“Are you okay?” he asked as I momentarily stilled my motions, trying to acclimate myself.

“I’m better than okay,” I exhaled, leaning down and nibbling on his earlobe.

“I love you, Marley Jane Bowen.”

“And I love you, Douglas Evan Mullins.”

As we found our rhythm, our eyes locked the entire time, I no longer thought of my past. Intimacy no longer petrified me. It excited me. I just hoped it always would.

I
T
’
S
AMAZING
HOW
MUCH
love can change a person. As I walked through the halls earlier today on the first Monday back after Thanksgiving break, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt free. I felt at peace. Above all, I felt loved. Even when Doug wasn’t walking me to class, I felt his devotion to me.

Approaching my Governments class, I grinned, my face blushing when I saw Doug leaning against the lockers just outside the room. Sauntering up to him, my lips lingered against his neck and I whispered, “Good morning, Douglas.”

“Good morning, Marley Jane. You look quite ravishing today.”

I planted a kiss on his lips before getting lost in his emerald eyes.

“There’s this glow about you, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

I giggled in response. “Maybe because I spent the weekend having sex with my hot boyfriend.”

“Miss Bowen!”

We both turned our heads in surprise to see Mr. Monroe standing just a few feet away. Apparently, he had witnessed our entire exchange.

Licking his lips, his eyes surveyed my body in the unusual way that he seemed to look at every female. “Do you need a reminder of this school’s policy regarding public displays of affection?”

“No, sir,” I responded meekly. Bowing my head and turning away from Doug, I walked past Mr. Monroe and into the classroom. I could feel the burn of two sets of eyes on me, one gazing in adoration and the other a confusing feeling.

Once I was settled, my notebook and text book on my desk, I raised my head to see Mr. Monroe standing next to me. He leaned in, his mouth just a breath from my neck. “See me after my lecture.”

“I have class.”

“It is not optional, Miss Bowen,” he growled. “Your lackadaisical attitude has been wearing on my patience all semester. Do
not
test me.”

“Yes, sir.” I swallowed hard. I never wanted a class to drag on as much as I wanted that one to. I was nervous about what awaited me when I went to see Mr. Monroe once the bell rang. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had it out for me, and the only reason I could come up with was because my brother was dating his daughter. But why?

The bell rang after a class that seemed to last only eight minutes instead of forty-eight.

“Miss Bowen,” Mr. Monroe said as the rest of the students filed out. “Come with me.”

“I’ll just pack up my things and head that way. You don’t have to wait for me.”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and his shirt stretched from his flexing biceps. “I don’t think so, Miss Bowen. It seems every time I look, you’re allowing some guy to put his paws all over you. Not on my watch. Now, come with me.”

“Doug’s my boyfriend. He’s the only one I let put his paws on me, sir,” I explained as I slung my bag over my shoulder.

“Still, I’ve promised your aunt and uncle that I would look after you.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, shocked at his confession. “Is that why you’ve been a complete ass to me all year?”

He spun around to face me, his eyes overflowing with a bizarre combination of fury and amusement.