Heart Of Marley (39 page)

S
ITTING
ON
THE
MAKESHIFT
stage in our school’s gymnasium a week later, watching my fellow graduating class enter and take their seats, a strange feeling washed over me. I still couldn’t believe it had been two weeks since the Jessamine Pageant. Everything was different, but at least I had answers. I felt relief that Marley didn’t snap for some unknown reason. As a survivor of abuse, she didn’t think she had any way out when she was brought back to that time of her life and subjected to the same trauma again. I missed my sister more than I could recall missing anything, but I felt vindicated knowing that the person responsible would face judgment for his actions.

“Today is a little bittersweet,” Mrs. Pritchard, our faculty advisor, said. “What should be a celebration of the beginning of the next step in your life has been marred by tragedy. Miss Marley Jane Bowen showed all of us that one voice can get people to think, and isn’t that what a class president should do? She should be here today, delivering her speech. Instead, we all had to say good-bye to this vivacious, beautiful, intelligent woman last week. In her place, her brother will deliver the speech she had written.” She turned and nodded in my direction.

I stood up and made my way to the podium, my eyes scanning the faces of everyone I had spent the last seven years with, imagining that Marley’s smiling face was among them. “Thank you to the faculty, board of trustees, parents, and my fellow seniors. Marley spent her last night alive writing this speech. I recall sitting on the roof with her, like we did a lot, as she jotted down what she wanted to say. When she wrote this, she already knew what she would be doing at the Jessamine Pageant. She was setting herself free. Free from her past and free from the silence. So here goes.”

I glanced down at the notecards in front of me and adjusted my face, summoning the inner strength to speak my sister’s final words. “Silence has been my life for as long as I can remember, but in silence, there is heartache. There is pain. There is suffering. I’ve worn a mask. We all have. I’m not the only one. No one knows how it started, but not one person sitting in this gym can say with absolute certainty that they are who they truly are.

“This town and society have dictated how we should act, what we should wear, what we should do, and I’m not going to do that anymore. Today, we leave this school for the last time and start on our new paths. We should celebrate in the fact that we all made it through high school.” I paused, trying to get my emotions under control as I looked at the tears falling down the faces of many people in attendance. My eyes settled on my mama sitting with my aunt and uncle, and they all gave me an encouraging nod.

Returning my attention to the notecards in front of me, I continued, “We should learn to embrace and celebrate each other as individuals and not try to be cut from the same mold. My past has shaped me into the woman I am today, and I’m no longer going to feel ashamed of that person.

“On the first day of school of my senior year, my favorite teacher asked me who Marley Jane Bowen really is. I couldn’t answer. I had no idea who I was. But throughout this year, as I began to slowly chip away at the mask I had been forced to wear, I’ve realized who I am. I’m someone with a voice. Someone who’s suffered, but who survived, even when the odds were stacked against me. And that’s who I plan to be every day for the rest of my life.”

Sobs echoed in the gym and it took everything inside me not to break down and cry. These were Marley’s last words and they needed to be spoken. “My wish for all of you is that you find yourself. Whether it be today, tomorrow, next month, next year, or ten years from now, I hope you celebrate in your journey to self-discovery as I have celebrated in mine.”

I looked up from the podium. “I beg all of you to listen to my sister’s words. Stop for a minute. Look in the mirror. Are you proud of the person staring back? All actions have consequences, no matter how insignificant you may deem them. You all know that my sister took her own life. You’ve heard that she just snapped out of nowhere and shot herself after killing the man that abused her nearly every night for three years when she was just eight years old. But that’s not the whole story. Her autopsy report has indicated that, several hours before her death, she was assaulted rather brutally.”

My eyes grew intense as I scanned the audience. The truth set Marley free and it was about to set Brianna free, as well, regardless that she had to miss graduation because she was still in the hospital.

“A week ago, Brianna Monroe allegedly also tried to kill herself, but not before shooting her very own abuser. Or so you’ve been told. Both Brianna and Marley had similar bruising patterns. After an exam of Brianna’s body, the authorities have determined that they were both assaulted by the same person. This week, I’ve heard the stories going around about what happened. Well, I’m here to set the record straight.”

I paused briefly, preparing myself for what I was about to do. “Brianna Monroe didn’t swallow those pills intentionally. A man held a gun to her father’s head, threatening to pull the trigger unless she did what he asked. And he demanded that she take those pills, scared that she was finally going to tell the truth about her own years of abuse. This was a man we all trusted…that we all admired. Marley spoke of wearing masks, but Bryant Grayson wore the biggest one of all.”

Gasps echoed throughout the gymnasium. “Brianna made a statement earlier regarding what happened, and the police, as I mentioned, were able to corroborate her testimony with physical evidence. He’s now in police custody where he can’t hurt anyone again. Silence, fear, and hypocrisy have caused more harm than good over the years. It nearly killed Brianna. It’s probably damaged so many of you out there, too, but you’re still scared to say anything. And it’s taken my sister from me, from all of us, too soon. Please. No matter where your life takes you, remember the lesson that Marley Jane Bowen has taught us. Find your voice and don’t be afraid to use it.” I looked up at the ceiling of the gym as if talking to the heavens. “To the moon and back, Mar…”

I closed my eyes and heard several voices say, “From the stars to the ocean.” My vision blurry from my tears, I was surprised to see my senior class standing up from their chairs and looking at the ceiling with me and saying their final farewell to Marley Jane.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A
WEEK
AFTER
GRADUATION
, as I was packing up the last of my things, a gentle knock sounded on my door.

“Come on in,” I called out.

“Hey,” an unexpected voice said.

“Brianna.” I stopped what I was doing and met her at my door, leaning down to kiss her. She had been discharged from the hospital the day after graduation, returning home to an irate mother that was upset she had filed charges against Mr. Grayson. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. A lot better, actually.” She nervously danced from foot to foot, glancing around at the boxes stacked in my room. “So, are you ready to leave?”

“I guess so. I hate to leave this place, but Marley’s part of me. No matter where I am, she’ll be there. I feel closest to her in this house, but I’ll always have her with me.”

She smiled in understanding as she fought back her tears.

“What’s your plan now?” I asked, trying to cut through the tense atmosphere.

A look of hesitation crossed her face and she grabbed my hand, leading me toward my bed. “That’s what I wanted to come talk to you about.” She sat down and I followed. “I’ve decided to go live with my aunt down in Georgia. I’m thinking about taking a year off to just be for a minute. Clear my mind before starting college.”

“Where in Georgia? I’ll come visit whenever I can. Once I’m all situated at Mama’s, I’ll look at flights.”

Brianna took a deep breath and turned to me, her chin quivering. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need to start over.
You
need to start over, too. You have such a bright future. You need to live your life. Every time you look at me, you’ll be reminded of your past.”

“But I love you, Brianna.”

A quiet sob left her mouth. “I love you, too. With all my heart. But we’ve both suffered too much. Whenever I see you, I’ll always be reminded of everything I went through. And you’ll be reminded of Marley whenever you see me. We’ll never move on. There will be no future. You will always have my heart, but you’re so pure and light, I’ll only shadow your existence with darkness. I just don’t see myself ever coping with my past if we don’t go our separate ways.”

I sat there and stared ahead, processing her words. “So this is what it feels like,” I said solemnly.

“What?” Brianna asked, wiping her tears.

“Having your heart broken. It really sucks.”

“I know,” she quivered. “My heart’s breaking, too. But we both need a clean break. You realize that, don’t you?”

I gazed deep into her puffy eyes. “I hate to admit it, but you’re right. It doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.” I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers.

“I’m really going to miss this,” she murmured.

“Me, too.”

She grabbed my face and deepened the kiss, all the anger, heartache, despair, and love we had experienced over the past year rushing forward as we kissed each other with more passion than either one of us had done anything in all of our years. She pulled away and leaned her forehead on mine, her entire body trembling through her sobs. “Have a good life, Cameron Michael Bowen. You deserve all the happiness that finds you.”

Unable to say anything in response, I watched as Brianna walked out of my life, a strange feeling of emptiness washing over me. Needing to clear my mind, I climbed out of the window onto the roof and lay back, the Carolina sun hot on my skin. I closed my eyes and tried to feel Marley on that roof.

“You’re snoring, Cam. And drooling. You’ll never get laid if you keep doing that.”

I flung my eyes open at the sound of that voice to see that darkness had fallen. Looking next to me, I saw Marley lying on the roof. Maybe her death was just a dream.

“How are you here?” I asked. “You…”

“I know. You hear that sound? That’s you still snoring even though you’re talking to me. You’re dreaming, Cameron Michael.”

“Then I don’t ever want to wake up,” I choked out through my tears.

“I know. But you have to, Cam. You have to move on.” She smiled the most beautiful smile in the world. “So, tell me. I’m dying to know.”

My eyes grew wide.

“Whoops. Bad choice of words. Anyway, how did everyone like my graduation speech?”

“They really enjoyed it. I made a few changes, though.”

“Yeah,” she interjected. “I know. It’s okay. I won’t sue you for taking liberties with my artistic vision.”

I chuckled and rolled onto my side, never wanting the dream to end. “I’m taking your advice.”

“Oh yeah? What advice is that?”

“I’m going to help people. I’m heading to U.S.C. this fall instead of Georgetown.”

“But you were so excited to get in there! Cam, you can’t abandon that opportunity!”

“I’m not, Mar. I found a new opportunity…a new calling. Plus, I want to be near Mama. We kind of missed growing up with her so I hate to head to D.C. and have to leave her again. Plus, U.S.C. has a good psychology program.”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “So you’re in agreement that the world doesn’t need another lawyer then?”

“I’ll never admit that you were right, but you may have been on to something.”

She began to pinch my side and I howled from the pain, thinking that maybe it wasn’t a dream. Surely that would have woken me up. Then I felt the vibrations of my snores and knew this wasn’t real.

“Okay! You were right!”

She released her grasp on me. “Mark this day down. After over eighteen years, Cameron Michael Bowen has finally admitted I was right. Just wait. In about two years, it will be in all the history books.” She giggled.

It was silent for a moment as we both lay on our backs, like we always did, and stared at the sky.

“Hey, Cam?” she asked.

“Yeah?” I turned my head to look at her.

“Do you miss me?”

My entire body convulsed from my heavy sobs in response to her question. “Every second of every day. I still hear your voice in my head. I still have conversations with you where I hear what your answer would be. Like today when I was getting dressed, I could picture you lying on my bed, staring at me and asking if I was really going to wear what I had on. Don’t worry. I changed. You were right. Navy blue and brown don’t go well together. You always were the fashionable one.”

“I do the same thing.” I heard her take a deep breath, but didn’t see her chest rise and fall. “I’m sorry about Brianna,” she said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“That she wants a clean break. I’m sorry, but I get it.”